yogacat

That's great to hear. Keep in mind too that his uncle was murdered, so he also may not have been privy to disclosure clauses if he had to be off work. Just give a little bit of leeway because it's not like he took off for a vacation or anything. He experienced a significant traumatic event with the loss of his uncle, I was SUPER CLOSE with my aunt, and it's possible he may have had a breakdown as a result. While his behavior may not have been ideal during that time, it's important to remember that grief and trauma can cause people to act in unpredictable ways. We were just talking about this in another, good, thread and how some people react and distract to adversity. Since he has apologized and is trying to make amends and communicate with you now, it's worth considering giving him another chance. Of course, it's up to you to decide if you can forgive and move on from his previous behavior and if you think the relationship has the potential to work long distance. Just be honest and open with him about your concerns and set boundaries for how you both will communicate and handle future challenges. Good luck!

Thanks for derailing my thread. Seems common.

What the hell are you talking about, I said angel wings hair, there is nothing wrong with that, what is your problem?? No, that is literally what it looks like, good grief. 😒😒😒😒 And yes, Jude Law is to feminine looking for me. Jude Law is objectively attractive. Saying that he resembles a "pretty boy" or a "Calvin Klein model" is not an insult. Not sure why you are getting so defensive and making assumptions about my preferences and intentions. My comment was not meant to belittle anyone. I simply stated my own opinion and harmless observations. You seem to be reading way too much into it and attacking me for no reason. Let's keep the conversation respectful and avoid making baseless assumptions about each other's thoughts and intentions.

I don't know what to tell you. Then again, I haven't had the unfortunate experience of a boyfriend being addicted to porn OR drugs so I wish I had more relevant advice to give you I know that you are in a difficult and painful situation, and I can only imagine how hurt you must feel. It's important to remember that this is not your fault and that you cannot control or fix his addiction. The best thing you can do (if you choose to stay) is to communicate openly and honestly with him and let him know how his actions make you feel. That doesn't guarantee a change in his behavior, but it may help you both to better understand the situation.

Talk you your boyfriend. I sense that you trust him but I also sense some hesitation and doubt. Let him know this. If you have been together for a year and a half then I’m surprised he hadn’t/counting considered your feelings a bit more. I think you should keep an open mind, bear in mind the priority is a fantastic trip for his son at no cost to him. However, if you feel his best friend can match what you’re expecting out of him, move on and keep it moving. It may help to understand the background of their friendship, but try to do this without projecting and lowering the expectations for what you, want going forward. If you really want to go with him, offer to chip in. If he refuses then just let him and his son enjoy their trip. Perhaps for the future, talk to your boyfriend about incorporating you into plans with his best friend. It’s important for partners to get to know each other’s friends.

I don't think so. 😂 Oh. So, he's been busy, huh? Maybe that's why he smokes so much!! 😆😁😆 Awe, he's got like little angel wings hair:

Ready 4 it?

Your friend is a user of sorts and little by absolute little has been taking advantage. Awful, truly awful. And you’re right...expectation instead of friendship. You did the right thing, for now...now just keep quiet and do not say a word. Believe me your friend is probably almost bursting inside and is fully expecting that you will shout her a cappuccino next time you see her, chat as usual, be friends as usual. This silence will definitely make her realize that the crock is now shattered. Keep it up.

I'm guessing he didn't extend you and invitation because the trip is for his son and his friend is funding it. How long have you been together? Chances are he wouldn't feel comfortable with his friend paying for his grown partners trip and given you've paid for most things recently, it would have been especially awkward. How long have you been together? If I were him I would not have taken my friend's offer to pay for a trip for me and a son, I think that would be imposing on her generosity. Then again. My male cousin and I are very close friends and he recently gave me $100 to open a Bitcoin account, but I have also treated him to things and his daughter as well. I think this is merely a financial issue with his friend and not to undermine your feelings. What have you been helping him pay for . . .that he had no problem accepting from you?

You're 19 so you're young. But please listen to the advice that's been given. He is 100% pressuring you for pictures and throwing in the ruse of "he loves you" and "wants to marry you" to try to get what he really wants - those sexy and dirty pictures.

I'm thinking that after he stopped responding for a few days, and you then reaching out asking "if he wants a break", he could have simply said "no, just been going through a rough time right now, but I'll be okay." Then again, asking him if he "wants a break" after a few initial days of slow replies and during a very traumatic time is putting someone on the spot to talk about things they may not want to... so even though that might be a fair thing to say, he might've not wanted to have that conversation. No word for a month, yes, I can understand neglecting a single person while grieving for another, yes that's a tough thing it's a right call to not take part in any emotional labor during that time. But also, an occasional "thinking of you, I'll respond when I have time" could have been given. Moving onto towards today... I don't recall if you mentioned he got professional help. But him being on medication and feeling better now is good. Though you were not seeing each other for a while, it's fair for you two to feel different emotions, because neither is bad and all right.

Seraphim EMT'd the money to her best friend. Best friend booked the spa trip. AFTER the funds were sent, Sera can't go. It is fairly easy to refund the money or at least tell Seraphim that she is going to take someone else and will refund part of the $200. Of course, maybe she hasn't gotten around to it yet but Seraphim reached out twice (I think?) over the course of 2 days and has not received a response. I don't think her friend necessarily meant to stiff her on purpose, I think she is miffed that Seraphim cancelled at the last minute and is probably annoyed. I agree with you that in any long term, genuine friendship, these things can happen and, like all families and friends, really close relationships, big and little things happen and we figure it out because we love each other. No biggie. BUT I just think her friend could have handled it a little better. It's not a great feeling to be in limbo and ignored. Unless the friend is out of town for work or something, I would be really miffed as well.

I think she's miffed because you canceled last minute and she's responding passive aggressively.

What's crappy to me is that she hasn't communicated with you about what happened and just proceeded to go to the spa with someone else on your dime? It's understandable that emergencies come up, but it sounds like she made no attempt to reschedule or offer to reimburse you for the ticket. Yes, give her time to explain herself, but I would hope that 10 years of friendship would warrant a more prompt and honest response. It is very possible that she could not get out of the spa reservation, but at the very least she could have communicated that with you and returned your money.

"But I love him" is what's going to ruin your mental health I can tell you that much. I get it. He has his issues, I have my issues. But at some point, there's a universal line in the sand, like the ones we signed on to in the Declaration of Independence or the Bill of Rights, Colossians 3:13 or... "You shall love your neighbor as yourself." At some point, we run out of good will to give or try to bond over issue specially when it's directly counterproductive to maintaining functional and healthy relationships. Don't reflect his bad Stranger Things habit. Don't be an Enabler! You will be a bad mother-like figure and even worse, a bad friend to yourself if you do this. A lot of people in this thread have given you some decent advice. We are giving it to you because we don't want to see you get wrecked and hurt over this issue. Please think about what your options are? It seems like you do not have much control over HIS behavior... IE it is his behavior that is bothering you. He's not really acknowledging a problem or creating space for a constructive dialog. So what are your options? Fortunately I have not dated anyone with a porn addiction but I have had a family member with a very serious drug addiction. They were almost on the verge of DEATH and I threw their a$$ into rehab and left them there. They are now clean and sober. THEY DID THE WORK! Of course, I helped in some capacity, but ALWAYS FROM A DISTANCE. What I want you to understand is that you are absolutely powerless to control your boyfriend's actions. If he chooses to watch porn during sex, or to use it as a means of arousal, the decision is entirely his own. You cannot force him to stop. You cannot shame him into stopping. And, you cannot love him out of this addiction. He needs to want to change for himself, and until he does, you will have no control over his actions. And that is a frustrating and difficult thing to accept, right?