yogacat

Just wanted to say thanks! My dad has limited mobility and uses a quad cane. He can't go out on his own, he's homebound. His right arm and hand are paralyzed, so he needs help with daily tasks like putting things on with zippers and tying his shoes, meals, showers, etc. He's had a few close calls with falling. I have home health set up for him and they come a few times a week. I have two days off where I can take a break from basic caregiving tasks. My dad needs a lot of help and I'm happy to do it, but when I have free time, I feel sad and unmotivated to do other things, like exercise. I used to be really into fitness, but lately I just can't seem to get back into it. I try to go for walks when I can, but it's not the same as a full workout. I'm part-time student with 7 credits. I just checked my email and there's 20 new messages from my one class🤢. I'm in charge of an upcoming class presentation, so having some quiet days to focus on my own stuff feels like a rare luxury. Managing my dad's medical and general care just on the admin side is insane. Luckily, I work from home and have some help from my brother and mom. My typical day involves waking up before my dad so I can have some time for myself. Then I make breakfast for him, help him with his exercises, and take care of school/work/caregiving tasks for a few hours. I make his lunch, and then continue with other responsibilities. Then I make dinner, and help him again with his exercises. Sounds exciting, right? lol Ah, you have to put some humor in these situations. I just feel like I lost my mojo a bit and wish I could be more productive and energized.

So I'm looking for tips. I feel so unorganized lately. I currently work, am in school part time, and caregiving for a parent recovering from a serious health condition. And I'm finally starting to feel like I have a grasp on everything and am managing my time effectively. But I am having a hard time fitting in self-care. I do little things here and there, like taking breaks to listen to some of my favorite songs, doing some quick exercises or stretches. Posting🙃. But I never seem to find the time for a full self-care routine. I know it's important for my well-being, but it feels like a luxury that I can't afford in my current schedule. Any tips for fitting in self-care when you have a busy schedule? Maybe I am just not managing my time effectively, but any advice would be greatly appreciated. People juggle lots more than I so what is the secret sauce?

See, she definitely has her own body insecurities that she's shared with you. And yet, it sounds like you find her beautiful and amazing, regardless. That's what love is about - seeing someone's true beauty and loving them for it, regardless of any perceived imperfections. And that's exactly how she feels about you, too. You may not fit society's definition of physical perfection, but to her, you are perfect just the way you are. This is a two-way street, my friend. She may have imagined what you look like naked, but I guarantee, she has also imagined what she will look like naked with you. And not once did she ever think, "Oh, I hope he has a huge penis."

Oops sorry I did not see them! I'm really sorry that it didn't turn out the way you hoped. X

She probably enjoyed having someone around to take her mind off of what she has going on. That's just too much at this stage in the game. She is probably very aware that you are well meaning and sincere, and a great guy, but not someone she can pour energy into right now. This divorce she is only going to be able to think about her legal and financial future related to it. Her kids also will need time and energy. I can so understand you being disappointed and feeling gutted, especially when you felt the resonance between you. But all you can do is accept her assessment of the situation. It isn't that you guys were a poor match, that you did this wrong or that -- it all has to be shelfed because she is in no place to handle it all. She's not even divorced and for all you know, not even fully separated. It is a huge undertaking. Forget about her, why consign yourself to being some little sidelight of attention during a major stage in her life? I'm sorry you feel gutted. 🤕

It's not stupid, at all. Everyone has insecurities. EVERYONE. And when you care about someone so much, it's natural to want to impress them and be the best version of yourself. Just try not to let the little voice of doubt, get too loud. I understand your fear of disappointing her, but trust me, she is probably dealing with her own insecurities as well.

Yes, believe me, when women are crazy for their guy things like this are not a big deal. It's only a big deal maybe if that's ALL they've got going for them, but no girl is ever going to reject a guy if she fell in love with the heart and mind--hardly.

Just sounds like a touch of an existential crisis, my friend. You need to feel good about yourself... Start doing things that you LOVE. What do you enjoy doing? Start goin in doin it... It will give you confidence.

She's posting mostly with her and her kids, of course she is in a social media she wants to post her life and display what she loves. Unless she had been really affected on your break up as in unable to eat and sleep and just simply stares in an empty space I think it's pretty normal. Depression is different for each person and even if she were severely depressed a lot of people can mask it in public especially in social media. I am not saying she wasn't affected I am saying it's normal for people to continue their life despite the breakup, maybe I mean hopefully this gives an insight. Much love.

Well you have two options. Hope he gets a high paying job and basically strive to bridge the financial gap, or find someone pursuing a similarly high position. What happens if he doesn't and you guys have a family down the line? Those are heart-wrenching differences in situations, especially when children are thrown into the mix. What if you were to be the primary bread winner and if something happened to you... (not to be rash) but then what? It seems that your earning potential has created quite the situation for you relationship wise. But, finances impacts a large portion of marriages. The last thing you want is to place yourself in a position where you're on his case and you don't trust him to succeed. Do you trust him to be the breadwinner down the road? An issue I could see arising is resentment. As in, you making 4x his amount for years on end. It's small gaps like this that can do quite a number on a marriage. But I urge you heavily to think about potential issues down the road... not the present because if he doesn't progress how you want then it's just really hard. I'm not saying to leave the relationship but if you have to raise the issue of finances... that's a hard world to exist in. It seems like you have a candid problem on your hands. Your parents aren't going to be in this relationship, its all going to be up to you. Tough cookie. Good luck.

Your supposed best friend sounds like an absolute tool. I’m sorry, but he does. You should feel perfectly free to pursue an interest in feet. But you need a new friend. He could have pulled you aside in private and just explained to you that it makes him uncomfortable, he could have done a million things, but instead he publicly humiliated you. Yet... Your request about your feet hurting but secretly wanting a massage... might be the thing that “switched” him. I know you thought you were being clever, but it wasn’t a respectful way to treat him. Maybe he thought to himself, “she’s trying to use my sexual interests to get a favor out of me?” Even if that’s the most charitable read on it, it still wouldn’t excuse what he did. Again, I think you’re perfectly fine to like feet, and to like any part of someone’s body really. You absolutely could find a better way of expressing these things than to tell people, “My feet hurt.” Forget about your reputation, 2 months from now, nobody will remember that. And just, do what you want, in the appropriate spaces.

Thanks for the context! Perhaps he would be less hesitant about any potential tension or awkwardness at work? You definitely don't want to be in a situation where you're unsure about someone's romantic interest. I wouldn't want to unintentionally find myself in a gray area between coworkers and something more if I'm interested in the guy. If you can put aside your interest in him, you could always go for drinks with his team and just focus on getting to know everyone. Not specifically in a romantic way but just as acquaintances. The other option is to just invite him for a one-on-one drinks. But, that's totally up to you and what you feel comfortable with.

Agree. For me, I suggested we meet because he seemed like an introversive person but was calling and texting me frequently. He initially wanted to be introduced to me and asked my friend if it was alright if he reached out. Never know with these things. With co-workers it is always a little risky because you have to work together and also see each other every day. I think he probably just wants to keep things casual and friendly, and that's totally okay. If you're not interested in interacting with him on just a platonic level, it's totally fine to let things fizzle out. You're a fantastic catch and the world is your oyster!