yogacat

For some couples, only getting together 1-2 times a week may not be sufficient, but for me it would be fine. I value my alone time and having the occasional sleepover or trip together is enough for me. Perhaps if you reduced the amount of texting so he doesn’t expect as much communication from you, he might feel motivated to reach out to you more often. You could also say something like, “Hey, I really miss when you would text me goodnight or good morning.” That’s the point of relationships to be able to talk to your partner...

Sounds like he was trying to do something nice for you especially considering you took care of his mom! What if in person, not via cash app, someone that you grew up with noticed you were having a bad day and bought you a coffee as a little morale booster pick me up? Especially with the extra stress placed on your profession, you shouldn't feel guilty about this. But, I wouldn't be exchanging cash app info for it, I would have just said, thanks for the offer. In person? If someone bought me coffee because I was having a bad shift, I would be grateful and say thank you. I think with it being the cash app and sending money, it feels like a more personal/intimate thing and that's why it rubbed your bf the wrong way. But, if he knows the guy and knows he's just being nice, he should trust and believe in you. In the future, maybe just politely decline any offers for money through cash app and thank people for their kindness in person.

Gah, so your immediate family is physically and emotionally abusive. You're definitely not a bad girl, you're in a bad situation. No one should have to go through what you're going through, especially at the hands of their own family. I agree that you need outside help - seek out any resources available to help you get out of this situation. Reach out to local organizations or hotlines for help, contact authorities if necessary. When you say he helps with finances, does that mean he's paying for your rent/car/etc.? If so, that tie needs to removed and you need to find a way to make yourself self-sufficient. Do you live with him? Are you under the age of 18? There may be resources available through your school or a youth center to help you get out of this situation as well. In the meantime, try to avoid him as much as possible and keep yourself safe. And remember, you are not a bad girl - you are a victim of abuse.

I appreciate the dilemma you’re in here. You’ve met someone who you really like and feel a strong connection to, but the fact that he lied about his age has shaken your trust and caused some doubts about your relationship. I can understand why you feel heartbroken and unsure about what to do next. Lying about his age was not a good decision on his part. He was not forthcoming when you asked him directly, and you found out later through a letter. So of course that is going to create feelings of betrayal and mistrust, and rightfully so. Yes, he outright lied about his age on a couple of occasions so red flag, but you also mentioned that he’s “lovely to you, gentlemanly, kind, generous, etc." Had he on his own accord told you the truth later, like, coming to you and saying "Hey, I need to come clean and tell you the ACTUAL truth now about my age," would you have felt the same betrayal? IF so then a length suggestion is: end things now and move on and I’d agree. However, if you feel in your heart that you would have forgiven him and moved on from this had he been honest from the beginning, then I’d say, explore your thoughts and see where they land. Now, here is the thing, we are none of us perfect, you and I included. We all make mistakes and poor choices sometimes. But we also have to then face the consequences of our actions, which in this case is your trust in him. You gave him the benefit of trust when the conversation was going on the first time. Leaning into your truth now is crucial here: "I am hurt that you lied to me but let's say IF I am willing to give you the benefit of my trust. How are you going to repair it?" The words won’t come easy. How is he going to rebuild the trust? That is on him and that is his question to ponder over. He’s got to recognize that he has not played his cards right and the connection that you two share could be lost. I do think that forgiveness is important. I'm just not sure his reason of "I was trying to attract a certain age bracket..." - when you asked him - is sufficient. If he had at some point come to you and given you his real age, 100% maybe I let it go. He didn't. And that is where I get stuck. Which, I surmise, is also why you don't feel good or assured right now.

That's nuts. I haven't know anyone (including myself) in my personal circle who has been a victim of a scam, so I feel somewhat sheltered from this fraud ring. Nigeria's economy is obviously in some dire straits if people are turning to this as an occupation. It's like the 'wolf of wall street' in Nigeria! But, considering how much money is being sent around, it must be working.

Oh for sure it can happen. I wasn't really attracted to my ex that I was with for four years initially either. It was only after a year or so of not being in each other's company, to one night, where we bumped into each other randomly, and he was full speed ahead, that I really "saw" him and he became incredibly attractive to me. From there on it was full speed ahead for us. I have a female friend that she and him were like best buddies for YEARS. He always had a thing for her, never acted on it, and now they're married with babies. I just can't recall though being so repulsed and unattracted to someone initially and changing my mind within 24 hours. But, there's always the first time for everything right.

Well - It's certainly not the best way to put your best foot forward to start a relationship because there could be trust issues. Some people might feel self-conscious about their age, but 15 years is a significant gap to cover up. It's totally fine to feel young and hang out with and date younger people. But lying about it on his dating profile, then when you outright asked him, only to find out yourself after your intimate getaway RATHER then him being forthcoming at some point suggests that he's not completely comfortable in his own skin. I'm sure it has to do with embarrassment, fear of losing out due to a large age gap, or past experience where his age was a barrier to dating someone as young as yourself. Is he so afraid of getting older that he's lying about approaching his mid-50s? Is he hoping to find a younger partner to make himself feel younger as well? It's something to be cautious about. GL

I've seen it in my life a few times......... It's a play out of a playbook to trigger a man's hero instinct in order for women to think that they need you even if you are garbage, you're right most women are not attracted to weak men but any man that has been in any healthy successful relationship will tell you that the relationship is about both parties giving to one another rather than playing fragile vs independent.

I am not talking about being chivalrous. That's a given. Rather, they use their positions of weakness to exploit empathy and affection. It's manipulative and not genuine. Their actions are not rooted in genuine care or concern for others, but rather a desire to gain something for themselves. I think this display of false weakness can be damaging to genuine relationships and our perception of what true vulnerability and empathy look like. She was a fake damsel in distress that people would pity. Just saying. 😉

No problem. It's a trend word where she is a (pardon my french....) a sh*t magnet and made to appear to be helpless and victim as well as infantile. The context of this damsel could be referring to a woman who is constantly seeking help or rescue from others, either in real life or online. She may present herself as in need of constant protection and affection, often playing up a stereotypical "damsel in distress" image. This may also refer to someone who deliberately creates drama and becomes reliant on others to come to her aid. Sorry, just being observant and set in my ways. A scrubba-doo?? Essentially, someone who "scrubs" or cleans others out emotionally, draining them with their constant need for help or validation.

Not what I'm talking about. I get that all the time. And yes, it's lovely.

Back to my girl...😱

Guys that help the damsel in distress.... What do you make of these men? Are they drawn to unhealthy or toxic relationships where the dynamic is constantly centered around the damsel in distress and the rescuer, leading to codependency and enabling behavior? Or are they just simps, lol.

Okay. I had to google it because I was super curious. Why people never smiled in old photographs - Vox The cultural belief that photographs were a way to achieve immortality and the Victorian and Edwardian disdain for smiling are some of the reasons why people in old photographs rarely smiled. I look at old pictures of my grandparents and they look...well....pissed, lol. Despite the fact that technology had advanced enough to capture smiles by the early 20th century, cultural norms and the tradition of portraiture in painting led to the serious expressions in photographs. But there are a few exceptions, like a photo from 1904 of a man smiling while eating rice, which goes to show that even in the past, one must always find reasons to smile. After all, a smile is timeless.

Holy hell that made me chuckle 😆

Curious....Did you ever ask why he was unkempt as you referred him to be on your first date?

Women that play damsels in distress. It's an act of weak and dependence that promotes negative gender stereotypes. Strong and capable women should be portrayed in media, not perpetually helpless ones.

TKO...Reminds me of TKA...Music of my era, so corny but so much fun!

So you do know that throwing 110% of yourself into your work is just 10% away from killing yourself for a job that in reality doesn't care about you?

It's a Crueeeeeeel Summer.

This is great RAR. I was on a bowling league for 4 years, so much fun.... Just make sure to wear socks 😉

Love the photos. I always found the older photos quite interesting, I recall looking at my grandparents photos, none of them look happy? I wonder why? Maybe it was because once upon a time it was seen as ruining the photo if you smiled etc.. Not sure what the real reason was lol.

Funny. My ex was a built, martial artist who could kick butt! One time we were play wrestling and I accidentally got his neck in an arm lock and I did it harder than intended. He panicked and pulled out some cool moves to get me off... And then kissed me. 🙂 But anyways, Advice? Get over it and embrace it! Your girlfriend is a badass who knows how to defend herself. That's something to be proud of. It doesn't make you any less of a man or any less attractive. In fact, it shows that you have great taste in women.