yogacat

Do things (activities) that you LOVE. So, I used to love bowling in my twenties. All my gal friends and I joined a bowling league, and I randomly met someone I was with for 7 years. What else... music - do you listen to any underground music type? Local scene meet ups. I also like going to museums, galleries to look at random weird stuff, those can be good places to meet people. Exploring new neighborhoods, trying new restaurants or coffee shops, going to farmer's markets and street fairs, and attending concerts or shows. I've also met some interesting people at yoga and meditation classes. Take advantage of any interests or hobbies you have and seek out like-minded groups or events related to them. Do it because you enjoy it, not just to meet people, but the connections will happen naturally if you're doing something you love and are passionate about. I was always quite social for many years with friends and activities so it was never a waste if I wasn't meeting men! I met men through friends, activities, at lounges and parties, etc. but the most meaningful way I found to connect with a potential was when I at least knew I loved the activity and it wasn't just for a new potential love object.

Some people, like myself, prefer to have some initial conversation back-and-forth before going on a date with someone. That's after he's asked me out on a date. I was "talking" lol to someone for a few weeks before we went out and we dated for several months. I "talked" to a long term for a few weeks before our first date. Other times, a few back and forth conversations for a week before meeting. If there is no mention of a date while talking, it's more of a casual acquaintance. To me, dating is the act of actually going on dates. You still have to "talk" to the person regardless. It's simply just talking, with the intention of getting to know someone further. But it really depends on the individuals and their intentions. Some might argue that just going on a date ASAP is the best way to get to know someone. They see anything else as a waste of time and/or a way for people to keep their options open. But for others, it serves as a way to build a connection and establish if there is potential for a date.

Yes but sometimes the guy does want to and asks said lady on a date but she isn’t sure yet if she's that into the guy yet. That’s the point where women claim “talking” because she’s not sure yet and needs to feel it out before she can confidently say yes to a potential first date. You can be unsure of a lass and feel it out for a bit before committing to a proper date too.

Yeah, I think the "oh we would have so much fun on our next date, laughing and then kissing under the stars" type of romantic banter is nice. But when it starts getting too sexually suggestive or self-centered, that's when I think it crosses the line.

😉🤣😅

The *** shield is funny. I have been told that I give off the *** shield. I don’t mean to. I don’t find it funny. When in reality, I’m just guarded. I used to put this façade that someone had to break through to know the real me. Not because the real me is bad, but because I wanted to prove to the world that I am more than what can be simply seen. I know I’m not alone in this as evidenced by many “All About Me” posts on social media – complete with photos of their children, pets, husband, mom, etc. – showcasing what people want others to see of them.

Word.

Maybe not enough guys around you. Focus on finding places where plenty of guys are most likely to go to, or on doing activities where chances are higher to find good men. You can try approaching yourself, at least to say hi; most guys don't really react negatively to it, some may often be flattered.

I belong to a caregivers support group for my father. It's interesting, they are ALL WOMAN caring for their husbands/partners/family members. Maybe men caring for their wives/partners/family members don't feel comfortable reaching out for support. I'm not sure.

"I think some things I never say Like "Who uses typewriters anyway?" But you're in self-abotage mode Throwing spikes down on the road But I've seen this episode And still love the show"

It's an interesting thought and someone just made me think of the taking care of someone much older than you at this stage in your life. Like, I am doing it for my father because he is my heart but I am single and I am not sure I can imagine doing this for someone who I am simply not blood related to. If we were going out for a few years, absolutely, but it is a tall order to just start dating someone and within 3-5 years or so of being with them, you're taking care of them in their final years. That's a valid concern. I suppose if you meet that someone special when they are already in the later stages of life and you truly fall in love with them, then it may not feel as daunting. But it IS very taxing and it's something to consider when thinking about a potential future partner. It may not be for everyone, and that's okay. It is definitely a selfless and challenging role to take on, but I believe if the love and connection are strong enough, it can also be incredibly rewarding and fulfilling. It just depends on the individual and their personal feelings and capabilities.

I wasn't offended in the least. I was generally curious if it was in response to the comments I made about men and if she was harboring a bit of a dig towards them.

"I felt more when we played pretend Then with all the Kens Cause he took me out of my box Stole my tortured heart Left all these broken parts Told me I’m better off But I’m not."

You're very preoccupied with his wife. How is their relationship now not relevant to your question? Under normal conditions, you're probably right, the absence of compliments would not have much significance. But not when the window of opportunity is so narrow. He mostly talks about himself, not very concerned, at least innately with your feelings, yes? To his credit he has a full schedule, but -- he's got another woman in his life. Whether romantic or not, he's still in touch with her, and in some sort of relationship with her, too. It shouldn't be relevant, except that the situation's driving you crazy. You're working extra hard and taking risks to be with him, and he's got another woman in his life. It's not ludicrous to say he's in two relationships at the same time.

Normally I wouldn't inquire but I noticed @graphicdesigner that you laughed at this post with a laugh emoji. I'm curious what's comical about it for you?

Rainbow, you're so right. I don't think there is a right or wrong - it would depend on the people and their individual communication styles and preferences. I think your point of view also offers insight as the 'know thyself' part of the equation. What we appreciate or deem to be contrived is key in working out if people are compatible for us. Identifying that also helps with self-awareness and a lot of decisions we make in life. I also appreciate seeing how other people interpret the same question, and that simplifies the concept.

You're wrong. I know of a couple where the wife wanted to open up the relationship and he divorced her. Of course, you think naturally for men that he would be in 7th heaven to having their relationship open, but it isn't always the case. People enter polyamorous or open relationships for different reasons, and not all men are wired to want multiple sexual partners. In this case, it seems like the guy genuinely wanted a monogamous relationship and it didn't work out with your friend.

I don't take it as a job interview per se, I take it as a genuine question meant to get to know me and understand what I am looking for. Some men have had their time wasted when they were looking for something serious and ended up with someone who just wanted a casual fling. It's understandable that they would ask these questions to avoid any potential disappointment in the future. I do agree though, it's important for them to mix it up and not make it feel like an interrogation.

Yes, it definitely is tricky when you're not entirely sure what you want. The last couple of men that I talked to/went on initial dates with --- they brought up the type of personal questions about 10-15 minutes into the conversation about what I am looking for and questions about my vision for the future; what inspires me; what makes me happy and I could tell that they're looking more for something a bit more on the serious side. I feel like I'm on the other side of the spectrum compared to them. I in turn say I am not 100% sure. Not only that, I feel like my answer would change for each of the guys, you know? I just let them know what I was looking for in a partner in general (focus on continuous self-growth, career driven, strong emotional connection, etc.). Either way, I appreciated that they brought it up soon.

What is your preference for communicating with potential dates/partners? If you are comfortable giving out your phone number, then there is no need for you to create an Instagram account just for dating purposes. Maybe you can start with giving out your Snapchat (whichever text app you use) or using a dating app that doesn't share your phone number until you are comfortable with the person.

Thanks. I really resonate with this. As to your last question I am not actively seeking a relationship. I suppose that's where the challenge lays for me because I want to date, I just don't know if I ever want to be in a long term relationship again. Which leaves me a bit susceptible to men that may only want casual sex which I definitely don't want either.

Therapy is great but it's still up to you to put the stuff learned into practice. You can't sit back and say, oh, 60 minutes, and now I expect to be changed and transformed, inside and out. For instance, I have a fear of flying. I 110% hate it. But I do it, I hate it, but I follow through. My options are: avoid anything that requires a plane (hmm, boring, no trips, good job, yeah that's going to work out real well), deal with it (bite the bullet and fly) or figure out ways to make myself more comfortable (clothing to make me feel safer, tips to reduce anxiety, practice long deep breaths with eyes closed and headphones on to trick my brain that I'm back in a vehicle and not somehow floating 30,000 feet in the air). None of those things are "fun" per se. Your therapist will give you the tools, support and understanding, but YOU are the one that has to follow through with those changes. Can I ask a question ---> is this man still romantically involved with his wife? What's the story there? Is he cheating on his wife with you?