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  1. What exactly does he mean by that? Is he a missioner? I don't get this feeling of "wanting to be there for all people" statement. Is that his way of not blocking/deleting her contact info?
  2. Do you have any friends that you could talk to and confide in? I talk to my friends about everything, and it really does help. Look up SLAA and there are others who are just like you (and me). Like I said, go to a meeting or two and you'd be surprised how common this is. You're not alone!
  3. It sounds like you're very codependent. You feel like you always need to be with someone and fear of being alone. Before you can love someone else, you need to love yourself first. Take some time and be alone. Enjoy your own company. There's something to be said about solitude. I've always been a loner, even while I was married for 26 years. Thankfully my husband understood and accepted that about me, so he let me go off on my own and spend time with my friends if needed. I was never one of those women who always needed or had a boyfriend, I just went with the flow and when I met someone, I was truly into them. Enjoy your time alone and with yourself. You'd be surprised how rewarding that can be. Maybe you should look up Sex and Love Addiction Anonymous and see about attending a meeting or two. It's been really helpful for me.
  4. OMG please walk away from this creep! I wouldn't believe a word he says. Especially because you have a daughter, keep him away from her and get out of this FAST!
  5. It happens to me all the time actually. I met this man on Facebook dating, and we had a great first date, but I wasn't attracted to him at all. He asked me out again, so I accepted. We ended up just becoming friends because we enjoy each other's company, but he's more attracted to me than I am to him. I have no desire to kiss him because there's no chemistry for me. Thankfully he's dating someone now, so us being friends works. I'm just like you, OP. I have to have chemistry there and a physical attraction to want to kiss them or even have sex. I can't just have sex with someone that I'm not attracted to, or kiss for that matter. And for me, it's the whole package, not just their looks, but their personality are very important to me. I say don't pursue it with this woman and just move on.
  6. I'll be honest, if he sent a *** pic, that would be a HUGE turn off for me. Regardless of whether I slept with him or not, that's not something I want on my phone, or want to see. I keep it in the bedroom.
  7. Definitely the wife, and she obviously felt jealous when he was standing there for several minutes just staring at you. That's creepy and so disrespectful of him to do that in front of her. I would be mad, too, if I was his wife. His actions were inappropriate.
  8. I have an ex-friend who is just like you, OP. He is my ex-friend because I couldn't stand his defeatist and depressing attitude. It was getting out of hand. Everything revolved around him and his situation of being single at 49 and never having kids. It also doesn't help that he's been unemployed for as long as I've known him and still lives with his dad, and never went to college. He puts himself out there by putting up a profile on OLD sites, to no avail. He can't even afford to take anybody out, yet pay for a subscription. It got to the point where he hated when I would talk about my late husband and my daughter because it reminded him that he has never been married and doesn't have kids. I don't want a friend like that in my life. Ironically, we met through our online video game (yes, I'm also a gamer and have been for over 14 years), and he revolves his world around this video game. It's sad, really. Every suggestion I would give him, he would make excuses not to follow my advice to meet women. He only felt sorry for himself. It's all he talked about. I couldn't take it anymore. Then it got really bad when he started developing a crush on me—even though I'm 10 years older than him—and it really got in the way of our friendship. He would get mad and jealous when I started dating and seeing other men. I was done at that point, and realized he wasn't a true friend. I suggested therapy but he turned it down because his sister had committed suicide several years ago and was seeing a therapist at the time, so he felt that if it didn't work for her, it wouldn't work for him. So sad. Please don't end up like this, OP. You seem like you have a lot more going for you than he does. At least you have a good job. Good luck!
  9. I've been online dating for 6 months now, and I have to say, the one thing I really hate from OLD is how these men all seem to ask the same questions. It feels like a job interview. And I guess in a way, it is an "interview" for that next special person in my life, but it seems too staged and rehearsed. They all ask what I'm looking for and what do I want to get out of this (i.e. OLD). I just like it to evolve naturally like in the old days of dating. Not so many questions about what my intentions are. Maybe because I'm not necessarily looking for anything serious, so it seems to stick out to me, but I just wish these questions were more genuine.
  10. Before you do anything, put a fraud alert on your social security number. This way, any time you or anybody else tries to open a credit card, get a loan, etc. in your name, a fraud alert will pop up and you would have to approve any of these credit checks on your social.
  11. Sounds fishy to me. But, I am one of those women who has had many male friends, and continues to have male friends. I visit my friend in Atlantic City at least once a year and I stay at his apartment and sleep in his bed and nothing has ever happened, in the 35 years that I have known him. However, we're like best friends and that's a different story to what you're saying about your BF and this 'friend' that has just come into his life. I would be suspicious and if he's disregarding your feelings about how you feel towards their friendship, I would maybe take a break from the relationship. Also, checking his phone/texts is beyond creepy and out of line. I wouldn't do it. That just proves you don't trust him.
  12. Look out for those types of men, especially on Facebook. If they seem too good looking and too good to be true, then they probably are. And inevitably, they ALL seem to be from another country. First thing I do before I start chatting with anyone or agree to match with them, I take their pics and place it into Google reverse images, and most of the time, those pics come up from somewhere else on the web. Most likely a false person that they stole their pics from. Beware of catfishing on these sites. I've caught many.
  13. Wow this is just bizarre! I'm 59 and have had a few men ask me for my Instagram. I don't necessarily give it out because I don't use it for personal reasons, but for my art. I could care less, but if it ever involved a man not being interested because of how many followers I have? Well, that's just insanely stupid.
  14. My late husband and I were married for 26 years (together for 27 years), and about 12 years ago, we were going through a really rough patch in our marriage. To the point that we didn't have sex for a whole year. I met this much younger man (in his early 20's at the time, and I was 48) from my video game who lives in Canada, and occasionally we would have phone sex. It was completely inappropriate and it was considered an emotional affair. My husband never knew about this of course, but it lasted for about 4 months. Then about 3 years later, I still had feelings for him. I wanted to take a trip to go visit him in Canada. My husband knew how I felt, so he allowed me to go. He encouraged it because he wanted me to meet this man in person, hoping reality would set in. He trusted me. Once I met him, I was so nervous. I stayed at his house and slept in his bed (he slept on the couch), he was a perfect gentleman and never tried anything—not even a kiss. Nothing ever happened between us and it only made our friendship stronger. Thirteen years later, we still keep in touch and are very close. No feelings whatsoever. Now keep in mind, I never traveled with this man, but we did lots of flirting via text and of course we had lots of phone sex. I never told my husband about any of this, but I was going to therapy at the time and I wanted to get over these feelings that I had for him. I wanted to save my marriage. And I did. Our marriage only got stronger after that and I never had any desire to divorce him. Our daughter was 11/12 at the time. So I am going to be the devil's advocate in this scenario and I think you should talk to her about it and trust her. Let her know what you're feeling—what you told us here—and suggest therapy and/or marriage counseling. But keep in mind, your wife has to be willing to save your marriage in order for this to work. It definitely can't hurt. Good luck to you, OP!
  15. Actually, I too am going to walk away from this thread. Obviously, anything I say will just conjure up some more heated arguments about this situation that I'm in with this man. So I am choosing to bow out. I do appreciate everybody's advice and comments, I really do, but I think I need to try this out and see how it goes between us. I'm not so quick to walk away right now. The fact that everyone thinks I'm settling is very upsetting to me, because I don't feel like I am. It's what I want, and it's going to be what I do for the time being—unless something changes, who knows? We also went out on a breakfast date in addition to the coffee date, just so you know. Not that it really matters as that was almost 4 months ago. No, I have not spent time with his friends or family because up until this point, it was only a FWB situation. Why would he introduce me to his son/family/friends as a FWB? That would be inappropriate. I didn't introduce him to my daughter or my friends, because why would I? Let's see if he does now that we're choosing to be exclusive. If he doesn't, so be it. It's still just a casual relationship—we both agreed on this. And because we live an hour away, it's not so convenient. I told him on the phone the other night that I have NO desire to go to his house. I don't want to see it. I already know where he lives, and that's fine with me. I do, however, want to meet his son and I hope I can, but I have no desire to meet his wife. At all. The only reason why I was fixated on his past relationship with that woman was because I am curious—I still am—and I wanted to be in a relationship with him at the time. Now we are. But again, because of our distance, I know I won't see him as often as I'd like, and that's OK. I plan on staying very busy this summer with tennis and running. I've already signed up for a tennis tournament in July, so I really want to get into shape for that because I'll be playing singles. So thank you again for everyone's kind comments—yes, even the harsh ones. I put it all out there and I wanted to hear everybody's opinion/side to this. I don't regret that. But I think for my sanity, I will walk away now. I will definitely re-read this thread as recommended, and try to look at it as an outsider. Thanks guys! I'm out...
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