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jul-els

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jul-els last won the day on August 14 2022

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  1. As I said, I have no interest in pursuing it. It’s weird at best and borderline creepy at worst. I’m done with online dating altogether. It’s been an unpleasant experience.
  2. A friend of mine who I told about this called it emotional incest. Doesn’t sound too far off to me. Online dating sucks, lol. I was doing it for about three years and all I found were people who were broken, lonely, didn’t know what they wanted, or some combination thereof. I had stopped logging in unless I got a notification. I’m not even going to do that anymore. One of my subscriptions lapsed last month and the other one will do the same next month. I’m done.
  3. It’s kind of a rhetorical question, because I already know what my answer is, and it’s a yes. But I’m curious to see what other people’s opinions (not reactions) might be about it. I recently met this woman online and we went out twice. She seems to have what appears to me to possibly be an unhealthy attachment to her 18 year old son who lives with her. On a recent phone conversation, she told me that her and her son both have locks on their bedroom doors and they each have a key to each other’s room, in addition to their own. She told me that the other night, her son came into her room and wanted to sleep in her bed with her, and she allowed it. She said the next day she asked him why he did that and if anything was wrong and she said his reply was, “no, I just wanted to be near you and to hug you.” I found this to be a bit chilling. Especially when I add it to the fact that I work on weekends, and I’m willing to go out to meet her, but she can’t meet me during the week because she has to be home to cook and clean for her son. Super weird. I’m not going any further with this one. Just wondering what anyone else thinks. I’ve never heard anything like this before.
  4. Digitally is the way people have seem to communicate by and large these days and it is isolating and insulating, imo. The art of communication and socializing in general is degrading because of it. Maybe people will wake up to it and start changing their habits. Or maybe not. Time will tell.
  5. Sounds like you’re highly incompatible. Don’t waste your time. Thank her and move on.
  6. Who knows? No point in analyzing it. An app is just an app. You have to take it at face value and not read anything into it. Otherwise, you can make yourself crazy. She was interested, now she’s not. If she’s interested again, she’ll reach out again. If and when that happens, you can decide if you’re still interested at that time. Don’t torture yourself. Just move on.
  7. …because you’re comparing her to your ex…
  8. You say your interest level is high and you want to impress, so be a gentleman and pick up the tab. It’s not complicated. Don’t overthink it.
  9. It sounds like a less than ideal match. Your personalities and vision are very different. But you have brought value to her, so I’d focus on that more than the things that you see differently. If you’re really unhappy working there, you can always move on to something that aligns more with what you want to accomplish.
  10. Maintain your boundaries. Whatever he needs, thinks or feels is beside the point. This relationship isn’t healthy for you. Your wellbeing is your first and foremost priority. Let him sort out his problems on his own. You can’t fix him. It’s something he has to do for himself and you should move on. I know it’s painful, but it’s the best thing you can do for yourself.
  11. Thanks. I get the upshot of it. Don’t say you want to be friends with someone you met on a dating site because it’s too ambivalent and can be interpreted in a number of ways and that may not be what I want. Very helpful and I appreciate it. It’s when people start to infer and extrapolate what my motives must be that I’m not going to entertain. It’s not helpful, and I came here specifically for help. I’ve been online dating for two years now, getting tired of it, and this is the third time out of the dozens of people I’ve met that this has happened. I think it’s a weird thing, and I wonder what’s spurring it on. I am, I get it. Perhaps it’s naive of me, but my motives are genuine and stated plainly and to infer that I must be collecting women and semi discarding them to keep around for sex is a wild assumption and a bit insulting. It’s unfortunate that some replies wish to go in that direction, but that’s when the thread starts to break down into projections that have no basis in the subject matter, so I excuse myself because I’ve got the information I came for. And then that turns into further projection about what my motives must be for signing out. Oh boy. But the thread has been helpful for me, I appreciate it, and this time I am signing out, lol. Thank you. 🙂
  12. If you read my op carefully, you’d understand where I’m coming from. Instead, you decide to project and ask me about my sex life, which has nothing to do with the subject. So 4 to 5 dates is the magic number? Says who? You? Or is it three dates? Please. Give me a break with that. Her and I are two human beings getting to know one another, for whatever that’s worth. We’re not numbers on a graph or pages on a chart. If you want to use someone’s honesty, in this particular case mine, to find fault, well, that’s on you. I don’t know what to tell you about that, other than maybe to have a little more consideration and perhaps a bit more empathy.
  13. Thanks for the feedback, all. Much appreciated. We’re starting to drift into the realm of projection, assumption and judgement, so it looks like the thread has run it’s course. I’m signing out. Very helpful. Thanks.
  14. Me neither. I was being genuine. I just think her idea of friendship is a little more involved than mine. But, whatever. I’ll see what happens. If she’s gonna act like we’re dating, I’m gonna distance myself.
  15. I’m definitely not interested in her that way. If that’s what she’s thinking, we’re not on the same page. I don’t see why I can’t stay connected to someone who I respect on a platonic level, but as I said in my op, maybe I’m being naive.
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