Username02

Thanks everyone for the input. I wanted closure for myself and sent a message. I blocked him after I sent because he IS such an inconsiderate dirtbag. Is blocking playing games, or protecting your peace?

This is what I WOULD say to the good parts of him “ I said I would stay in touch and wanted to let you know why I haven’t. When we saw each other, I got scared when you were going to leave me in a crowded bar and let to walk to my car alone- that’s the main reason I offered to give you a ride to your car. I would have been fine on my own- but felt abandoned by you at the same time. Still no hard feelings- it just became clear that we really are only friends.”

Thanks everyone. I agree it’s better to simply move on. It might feel good and it could help him in the future to know- no woman will fall in love with someone who stares at other women, or abandons them in a crowded bar at night. He has good traits too. Brought flowers, and a small gift (a cool notebook) when I had him over for dinner on date 3. Sent flowers for Valentines Day, and had a nice at home date (my place) Sends links and pics of things he knows I would like - sneakers, furniture etc. So he can be can be thoughtful……

Thank you for asking. We met at the bar- we both drove a parked in different places and I had my car. I mistakenly told him I would keep in better touch with him. I hate it when my words and actions don't align, so I want to explain to him the reasons why I haven't reached out. He presents as someone who wants to improve himself. Plus, we were set up by mutual friends so I'm not sure if cutting off all communication works here. I have no interest in pursuing anything with him AT ALL.

Improving your communication skills, and being vulnerable by asking about exclusivity are risks worth taking. Sometimes people who are ready for a commitment want to know that you are choosing them- since you see him regularly and he asks you out it seems safe to ask him about being exclusive. Don’t sweat it if you don’t get the answer you want. You are a high value person and deserve to be treated as one. In the future show up as high value and make it clear at some point before sex that you don’t have sex without being exclusive. Men who seek a committed and real relationship will LOVE you for this and the men who are ass clowns will be weeded out which will save you tons of heartache.

I (f50) dated someone (m50) for about 3 months. We went out on 6/7 dates- kissing but no sex. He told me he isn’t in a place for a commitment, but still wanted to see me. I took that as way of he wasn’t that interested in me. So I let him know that I thought we had taken things as far as we could together and let’s be friends. He requested to talk about things face to face. We met at a bar- he told me he still wanted to see me. He proceeded to check out a female bartender during this conversation. Eventually we decide to go up the street get something to eat. On the way he took a call and he told me he had to go to help his friend with something in about 45 min. When we arrived at the restaurant it was super crowded and we just got a drink and sat at the bar where he checked out another bartender. He finished his drink- I didn’t finish mine. He needed to get going and was going to leave me in the bar alone. This is in the middle of a high crime major city by the way. Didn’t offer to walk me to my car- nothing! I l’m over him. He has contacted me, but hasn’t asked me out. Do I tell him that I lost interest because of his inconsiderate behavior or just let it go?

Thank you everyone. I really appreciate all of the insights! I feel much better and see things more clearly. The most frustrating thing is that this man has been staring at me and checking me out for a loooong time, and seemed very receptive. Either way- I feel I may have dodged a bullet and the path is clear for a more meaningful connection with someone else. A tiny part of me is wondering if he moves VERY slowly and is anxious himself- but I’m not holding out hope. Moving on!

Because he is doing this on HIS terms. Common decency, and respect aren’t considered by men who seek casual sex. Like someone else pointed out- he is just using you for a “ sexual release” when it is convenient FOR HIM. I hate to say this- but think about it- he is rejecting you even when you offer no strings sex. That’s how low of a priority you are. He won’t change. Again, men will never honor the feelings or needs (even of the feelings and needs are trivial) of a woman who he wants for casual sex only.

You are looking at it from a woman’s feminine point of view. You are not a friend to this guy- you are just a quick easy lay. This is the thinking of men who seek casual sex- they don’t want a friend- just sex. Simple question: are you really serving your best interests by investing time in a man who makes you feel “icky” with “icky” offers?

This is simple: men will never honor the feelings, or desires of women who don’t require them to commit. If you are a woman who wants a FWB situation, then approach it like a man-no expectations and no strings, no feelings- just sex. He will treat you like an object in his harem. In the long run these situations are damaging to self esteem, and self worth.

I know you are a guy and sex is important BUT you need to up your standards and make sure you are exclusive and committed BEFORE intimacy. This will prevent heartache for both parties in the future. In the long run, many men fall out of love with women who are “easy” and are intimate before commitment anyway.

I suggest making more observations when you are in public - look to see how many unconventionally beautiful people are with someone. You’ll be surprised. You’re creating your own reality by convincing yourself you are not attractive. When you walk around projecting these beliefs about yourself others will perceive you the same way. Maybe get some professional help to reframe your negative thinking.

One of my favorite love and commuication experts, Dr. Patricia Allen says “there’s a lid for every pot!” Your Self-limiting belief systems will defeat you in the dating world and in life. There are all types of couples out there from the conventionally beautiful to the unconventionally beautiful. Focus on your strenghts and what you bring to the table for a relationship. Focus on the good in your life and train your brain to stay positive. Work on self love affirmations. If you are serious about finding a life partner you won’t attract anyone if you continue to beat yourself up.

Nope. He basically said we should get together some time- and I was so shocked that he said it - I became nervous and just said I would really like that. This was on a Friday and I think he was trying to set something up for that weekend - I had a family event out of town that weekend. I think at one point he must have actually been into getting to know me because most interactions were positive with a lot of eye contact and smiles. But overall I agree with everyone. If he wanted to go out with me he would have Set something up. I am going to stay strong and stay at my gym. I’m a confident, good person and look at this as one of those character building experiences.