yogacat

Yes I remember that thread! I posted this because it was something that happened recently, which of course, made me reflect back to my experiences in the past. It made me curious to see what others think and how they handle situations like this. To answer your question, the innuendos were more along the lines of making comments about us having "fun" together. I think if I recall, you were on a first date with someone and they said they had an erection or something and you found it exciting because you were mutually into each other? Well, that is what is hard for me. Even if I REALLY liked the guy and he made a comment like that on a first date, it would pop me like a balloon and make me want to run away. So, when this guy said, oh, our future dates we could have fun together, it made me think of that (having sexual fun together, etc.). I feel bad because he is sweet and it felt pretty mutual when we first started talking, but I just don't get THAT comfortable unless I really know the person.

No one knows this music unless you were born and raised on the East Coast....

Admit it....We loved this tune:🤣 Even with the padded shoulder pads lol

Right. And I am okay with that, him backing out if he wants to. It just means we're not looking for the same things and that's fine. Albeit, it's funny, because someone mentioned that I have a tendency to platonic date. I am perfectly fine with platonic dating as long as there's chemistry and mutual interest. I am fine letting things progress naturally. We'd still be kinda dating, without the physical expectations like making out three hours into the first date or having sleepovers when we barely know each other. Nice things like coffee dates and meals together, discovering shared interests and talking and such. And see where things progress from there. Interest in getting to know each other. I still remember what it's like to be excited just to talk to someone else.

Feel like a bit of the Ocean...

Yes, I figured as much. That's disappointing. Don't get me wrong, there was a period in my life where I was a little too comfortable being single and a bit of a lion (without the cat), and in that period I 100% would have done that and been fine with it. But none of my LTRS and the majority of dates I have been on included innuendo of any sort initially. Heck, one man I dated, was so bone dry with 0 innuendo I left it feeling like I was almost a lesbian. I see starting with flirting and innuendo is either because they want it sooner (I assume) or they want it to build up to, I don't know how to phrase it, the point where dating becomes about less about getting to know you but getting to know you physically, I guess. Yeah, I am quickly realizing that. That's why I am trying to find ways or strategies to cut it off. I don't want to offend or come off as too serious or something. If he was a genuine pig it would make it so much easier. LOL

Such a fun tune. Who was your fav Duran Duran member?

😂 It's weird. I can remember most, and 100s of song lyrics. But ask me to remember someone's name and I'm blanking.

"Come Undone" and "The Reflex." I think my fav tunes by DD. Loveeeeeee the Reflex:

No, you have a point. That's because George Michael & Prince Be were both writer's for it. It included on purpose a feature sample of George Michael’s “Father Figure.” Which in itself is a great song too! I just really like the lyrics of "Looking Through Patient Eyes," connecting the eyes as the window to the soul, and how a person's true feelings can often hide behind them. I LOVE songs with lyrics that are a bit on the ambiguous side. Like you could interpret them in different ways. And that's what connects the songs for me. While the music may be different, or similar, they both have a sense of depth and emotion that can be interpreted in different ways by different people. It's a powerful and relatable theme. But thanks for making me notice the similarities!

Thanks for sharing the link for RAR, Shysoul! @rainbowsandroses -- forewarning, it's a very difficult film to watch. It really delves into the dark side of our food system and the inhumane treatment of animals and workers. The film shook me to my core and led me to become a vegetarian for several years. While I would like to return to a plant-based diet, I have to be cautious because I became severely anemic and suffered from symptoms similar to Fibromyalgia. I was heavily supplemented with Vitamin D and Iron to manage the pain and discomfort in my body and return my energy levels back to normal. Not everyone will experience the same symptoms by being 100% vegetarian or vegan (and most don't), I think it was my fault for how I handled my own diet, however it taught me a valuable lesson in balance and how to listen to my own body's needs. I believe in the power of a plant-based diet to heal and nourish, but for myself, I have had to incorporate small amounts of animal protein back into my meals to maintain a healthy balance and prevent deficiencies. The film also covers genetically modified organisms (GMOs) in our food supply. Seeds are being genetically altered to resist pesticides and produce higher yields, so our food has become increasingly dependent on chemicals. Think about how that might start to alter your own genetic makeup from the inside out, if you continually consume these substances, that have not yet been fully tested for long term human consumption. I highly recommend watching Food Inc. It may be difficult to stomach at times, but it is an eye-opening and thought-provoking look at the food industry and the corporations that control them.

Thanks for the comments! I recall one particular moment when the comments made after our initial date seemed to carry a subtle air of suggestive undertones. It left me with a sense of unease, as if there was a insinuation that our next outing would be full of wild, "fun" experiences. Is that supposed to be innuendo? That's kind of how I interpreted it. I was looking for more of a genuine connection and getting to know each other. But overall, the interactions aren't necessarily overly flirtatious or suggestive. Granted, this person has been a perfect gentlemen leading up to that point and we've talked about more in-depth topics but in retrospect, those remarks just made me feel uneasy. Another time -- the man was quite pushy with securing a first date and I disliked how direct he was with conversation. It felt like he was pushing a bit hard to go out and that turned me off a bit. But on the date, he was really cool, and not pushy at all. Perhaps it was just nerves getting the best of him when we were texting beforehand. Just something I've been thinking about lately. Sometimes if someone is confident and playful, it can end up making the other feel uneasy. Or, that their intentions are more overt and they are indeed trying to be flirtatious or suggestive. I dunno, I get weird when men express interest in a way that feels too direct or flirtatious. Maybe I'm guarded but I definitely prefer subtlety and getting to know someone before entering into that type of dynamic.

I feel for you, I do, but you're twisting yourself into a pretzel to accommodate a man who's made it clear he wants you to bend over backwards for him. You deserve gifts and adventures. I cannot imagine being physically intimate with someone that I care about or have feelings for and not having them care about me. You're so desperate to make this situation work you're depriving yourself of what you deserve. Being worried about making *him* feel awkward is so mind-boggling. Maybe he deserves all the respect you can afford him for making it clear he won't ever compliment you because he's getting the cow for free. I'm so sorry for the pain and suffering you must feel still not knowing that he wants you enough to be with you intimately in addition to being alongside you through the concerts and adventures. Honestly, again, I feel it better that you go without him, burn the passport and flip the bird to the guy and set yourself free to share your adventures with someone who deserves to be there. But --- you have to WANT IT ENOUGH TO DO IT. Right now you are clinging like crazy to a dream that you still hope will come true. And as long as you are dreaming and clinging you won't be taking any real action steps that might actually lead to a different outcome. It is this MOTIVATION and WILLINGNESS to act that you need to tap into in order to dispel this dream and move on. Do you see where that will come from? CLARITY ABOUT WHAT YOU WANT AND WHY YOU WANT AND ARE DESERVING OF IT. And YES, there are not yet guarantees you will get it, but only by letting go can you free up the energy and creativity to find it!

Where do you draw the line on playful banter or flirting whether in person or over messages? The obvious ones are unsolicited photos, overly sexual comments, and repeated and persistent playful banter or flirtation. Say you're sort of intrigued. But then they say something that make you think, "okay, too much?" For instance, if you're in the early stages of talking to someone before a date and they're already making hints or innuendos I find it presumptuous. I'm not talking about "hey, I want to bend you over and spank you" type of comments, I mean little suggestive comments that hint toward sex or physical attraction.

If me, I would go without him.

Oy vey. I just can't grasp my mind around this friends with benefits stuff so please forgive me if I sound ignorant or insulting...I mean well but I can't understand losing exclusivity with someone you care about. No worries, I'm still a live one. 🙂 But just as an example... I love 80s movies, 80s music (oldies) and all that stuff. By staying on a fantasizing path, you're slowing down any potential possibility of getting out of this mind-set of yours... Carpe diem! The ah-ha moment is that you're seeking validation and affirmation from this person. You have not fully realized your own value and are relying on him to give you a sense of worth and importance. That's not fair to you and it's not fair to him either. But that doesn't mean you can't enjoy the present and continue what you're doing with this person. Just don't get upset when he crushes on other women and tells you about it because you willingly signed up to be sex companion. You don't really know him, yet you've assigned an image of him as the perfect man. You're living a self created false matrix. Want to know if this person is truly the perfect man? Get to know him - his likes, dislikes, his flaws, his quirks. Have meaningful conversations about your values, interests and life goals. Go on real dates - not just hookup sessions. See if you truly connect and have a deeper emotional bond. Alas, that isn't what he wants, so, recalibrate or get off the hot and heavy express.

Don't be so sure. I know LDR gets a bad wrap, and for the most part, they're not sustainable but many o men committed long term to someone they met long distance and closed the gap. Try not to let hope spring eternal, because while not impossible, it's often improbable to attempt to foster a romantic relationship within this framework.

Right. If this was a random guy a person just hooks up with upon first meeting, that's one thing --- but she has posted about him for a while now so just a bit of caution for our friend. He has shown no interest in dating her, just a bit of physical fun (which I get, ain't nothing wrong with that if both parties are on the same page). If that's where you're at Kim, that's okay. He stated he only wants casual. So I guess you're both on the same page in that sense. If a one night stand situation is all you want, then have at er. Nothing wrong with that.

Genetics play such a significant role in our health and it sounds like your body is doing a great job managing your genetic cholesterol issue. My aunt, started smoking ciggs at age 16, she's going to be 90 soon and still smokes, but my mother's side seems to live to a grand old age despite less savory habits. I think, in the case of Super Size Me, the author just wanted to eat at McDonalds for a month while grabbing the data along with it. I don't think he was promoting the notion that eating McD food every day for a month would be a healthy choice. I suspect he was at best somewhat anti-McDon's - likely more neutral - but maybe predisposed to see an evil side to it. Perhaps his history with sexual misconduct and substance abuse were the more likely danger signs in relation to his death. Correlation does not always equal causation. Just because someone engaged in a particular behavior before experiencing a health issue, does not necessarily mean that behavior caused the issue. Additionally, our understanding of nutrition and dietary choices has evolved since the release of Super Size Me in 2004. While we know that eating a diet high in fast food and processed foods is not ideal for overall health, it's just one piece of the puzzle. Other factors, such as genetics, lifestyle choices, and environment, all play a role in our health and well-being. It's tragic that Morgan Spurlock passed away at such a young age, and our thoughts go out to his family and loved ones. But it's important to approach his death with caution and not jump to conclusions about the cause.

It felt good because you've been crushing on this guy for MONTHS. Of course, him having sex with you felt amazing because you've been wanting it for so long. But, you said you know yourself so you should really stick with what you know. A FWB situation is not something you're capable of handling. Plus, doing it with a coworker also adds potential for drama and awkwardness at work.

Yes. He also admitted to being accused of rape during his college years and resolving a sexual harassment case with a female assistant (he had a history of sexual misconduct). The Associated Press stated that he felt compelled to share this information in order to contribute to finding a solution. The validity of his claim that eating exclusively McDonald's food for 30 days caused his liver dysfunction has also been called into question.

It's relevant because that is what your thread is initially based on, if I'm correct. Initially you admitted to being bothered that he talks about how he finds other women beautiful/hot/sexy. So again, he wouldn't have to do what you initially explained in order for you to feel the same way you do, correct? Same premise with the complimenting, since you actually admitted to thinking maybe you'd want him to compliment you by saying you're 'hot'. But apparently his compliments are evidently a grand thing, since you initially put utmost thought into it, about it no? Simple, let it go. All this jealousy has come up because he mentioned other women. Either way he's not hiding the fact that strictly this is a non-committal friends with benefits agreement. Whatever has been happening in the emotional part of the relationship, won't last. Screw any hope if we must say it because it's going to end up as one way and the other enjoying it for a while. He just had a loss like you did (his marriage ending) and instead of clinging to someone else emotionally, he obviously elected to engage with someone he could get down with, and while that's an amazing stress relief, it doesn't look like anything could stem from this I'm sorry to inform you. So while circumstance is what brought you together, it's only going to keep the relationship in this kind of context. But we have to draw a line. It won't matter if he complimented you or if he treated you with more than respect, his bedside manner or charisma, because that's never been the crux of your issue. The mere fact that he doesn't openly give you what you do need is the underlying conspicuous part that no matter how many compliments or how much of his time he is willing to give won't assure you. Compliments are deceptive and fleeting and truly, are basic emotional trinkets no matter how well it cools you with customary or spoken words.

It's pretty fascinating the food industry.... I highly recommend watching "Food Inc." about the huge food corporations and the food we eat. It's an eye opener. Albeit, I became a vegetarian following watching it for several years, until I became severely anemic. It takes I think a few cents for the food industry to make a cheeseburger and then they pump it with addictive additives, etc. That's why it tastes sooooooooo good 😆😬 I recently joined an environmental group for climate change and it's a real eye opener, I know my carbon footprint isn't the best but continually learning and fixing things, it's a process. But again, every industry has to start being environmentally aware and being proactive if we actually want a planet for our kids or future generations. I think his death is a testament to the impact our food choices have on our health. While I can't say for sure that his 30-day McDonald's diet was the direct cause of his cancer, it certainly couldn't have helped. There have been numerous studies linking a diet high in processed foods, sugar, and red meat to an increased risk of cancer and other chronic diseases. I am not sure his death has been officially confirmed, but correlation does not always equal causation. Eating junk food for 30 days may have weakened his immune system, making him more susceptible to illnesses, but I am not sure it is the sole cause of his death. Obese people are at a higher risk for a variety of illnesses, including cancer, so I don't doubt that his experiment could have resulted in negative health consequences. But I also know that countless people have eaten junk food for decades without developing serious illnesses.

Biologically, yes, I know men and women are different; it's harder for women to detach from sex because of the hormones released. Albeit, I too was able to separate emotions from sex easily in a past casual relationship. And, sounds like the same for you in prior situations... But were those before your husband passed away? Because we've pointed out incessantly if grief over your husband has affected you so maybe it's more than hormones for you. You also mentioned that this particular man doesn't compliment you, and that your husband did often compliment you. So if that's always been what you were accustomed to from your husband and maybe it made you feel more confident or attractive, then having someone who doesn't, maybe, affects your psyche differently because you were used to it and now it's gone. Nonetheless, no amount of analysis is going to help you any until you ride this thing out, give it space and time to fizzle out, and MOST importantly, it release's grasp from your heart in time. Now, explain something since we are here... Even if he did compliment you, wouldn't you still feel the same exact way towards him? The act of that is what causes us to feel like this; being indirectly rejected by him when the truth of it is he's never really accepted anything emotionally with you like you want him to. Logically, even though he does not compliment you, handles his business in bed; as long as he shuns you emotionally, it would still cause you to feel just like you are feeling now. And since we know he simply didn't want or even allow a connection to be fostered, he's given you everything you've honestly asked for in both respects.