yogacat

This is great insight, and what I was trying to point out earlier (you said it much better than I....). But that is a core issue with intuition, and not that simply everyone can develop it to the point of equal reality. But it's really about following patterns... Even Einstein said, “I believe in intuitions and inspirations...I sometimes FEEL that I am right. I do not KNOW that I am.” ― Albert Einstein I think instead of thinking about intuition as a "superpower" to justify ourselves, there are some other spiritual systems or thought systems that might help you weather the forces. But back to the original question. Intuition is not just about having good energy and being a nice person. It's also about feeling what is going on and being able to disseminate it from what is true, what is projection, and also what is assumptions. And where we don't process these things, we not only fail in in our self-vetting processes, but we compound the problems of what is already in motion to cause chaos and pressures within the human system and society. Wow, not easy. But here we are, just some curious sweethearts on computers trying to work this stuff out together. You're within your right not to spend your precious time on these people and listening to the substandard quality of life in these folks dramas. And they shouldn't be so stressed as they are not limited to telling just you about it... If you plausibly tell them where your boundries are, they could also go to someone else.

That's good, and maybe that's why they share with you, because you're a voice of reason for them. And I agree it's hard to understand why women stay in abusive or controlling relationships. There are a lot of factors at play, such as low self-esteem, fear, financial dependence, and sometimes, the abuser manipulates or emotionally blackmails them into staying. It's a complex issue and I don't think there's one simple answer. Not defending they're choices. I mean, look at Nicole Simpson, she tried to leave and was murdered. It's not always in the control of the woman herself.

That's a different type of strength and endurance. Same reason why many a men (not all...) can't be alone without completely melting down and chugging a beer. Now how this ties into this topic --- I think it's important for men to recognize the strength and fortitude women possess, including mentally. If a man can't focus on a conversation with you because he sees a hot lady walk by, that's weak.

Awe, well, maybe you're such a good listener that people feel they can tell you anything! It's interesting though, some people have hidden depths you would never suspect. I have a colleague who looks very 'standard' for want of a better description - quite mumsy, more into gardening than the city, etc. It turns out she's had a very adventurous life! Your boyfriend is right. People with boundary issues sniff out those with weak boundaries - or very strong ones. lol There are a lot of interesting people if you bother to pay attention, I think that's part of it. But at the same time, it can be overwhelming and even uncomfortable when people overshare personal or sensitive information. So, it's important to maintain boundaries and not feel obligated to listen to every detail if it's making you uncomfortable. It's okay to politely redirect the conversation or even end it if necessary. As for your observation about knowing a lot of women in unhealthy relationships, unfortunately, that is all too common. Sometimes people become so used to dysfunction that they don't even realize how unhealthy it is. And others may stay in these relationships due to fear, low self-worth, or other underlying issues.

Right. But if he equally trained, the girl would most likely have no chance. He has longer reach, and muscles compared to an equally trained girl. But yeah, back to topic, in this situation they just didn't click. That sucks. Back to the dregs of fish in the sea.....

Curious -- have you ever encountered a single person that doesn't tell you all about their personal problems? Resting *** face only works 50% of the time, the other 50% of the time it just looks like constipation.😂

It's not that you're omniscient. It is usually true that you may be more observant than most people, but you must understand that most people just don't wear all the same signs and markers. Most people are very complex and multifaceted. And, people are exactly that. People. They don't all readily fit into a narrow box or template of behavior. Quite the opposite. And, because people are so diverse and complex, it's almost impossible to know even yourself completely. Therefore, it's almost assuredly impossible to know with certainty all there is to know about any one person. Especially not off of just intuition or guess. Being HSP means you're neurodivergent. In a round about or relatively vague way. But limited. You are burdened with over observance and even more triggered for it. I just don't want you to get grandiose or egotistical from your intuition because it really can be misleading some times. In fact, intuition tends to work better when you're generally ignorant and uninformed and haven't really been given the wide variety of experiences a possible. In those cases, your intuition is more likely to simply guess right and at least feel right some of the time. The more you understand people and the more experience you have with different kinds of people, the more you realize that your intuition can be wrong just as often as it is right. And that's ok. It's just important to recognize that and not let it inflate your ego or make you feel like you're better than others. As for dealing with people who constantly come to you with their problems, the best way to handle it is to set boundaries and stick to them. You can politely tell them that you prefer not to discuss those kinds of topics or that you don't have the emotional capacity to handle it at the moment. It's also ok to distance yourself from people who constantly drain you with their negativity or problems.

They're back....🥁

I'm of the mindset that if a very attractive women walks by, he might peek, you just won't see it. Y'all know what makes you blind. We aren't all blind just because we are being faithful. I recall my one female friend saying, oh, my boyfriend doesn't notice an attractive woman and clearly there have been 5-6 times throughout the years where I've noticed him doing so, she can be naive if she wants, he just doesn't do it in front of her ever.

Yes, I understand. One long-term ex that I was with for four years, sometimes when we'd go out if I saw a woman that was exceptionally attractive, I'd say "honey, isn't she pretty?" But I trusted my ex implicitly and felt very secure with him so I think it's a bit different versus when two people are on a first, second, or third date with someone new. There isn't that foundation of trust and security yet. And while it's not wrong to find someone attractive and acknowledge it, in the early stages of dating it's always nicer when the person you are on the date with instills a sense of feeling special and desired.

@Sam1986 I agree with most of what you said. It's true that men tend to look at women, and it's something that many women are used to. Isn't it different though when the man is on a date and is glancing at other women? While it may not necessarily be malicious, it can feel disrespectful and dismissive of the woman he is on a date with. Yes, he apologized and acknowledged it. If this is something that would continue to bother her and make her feel disrespected, especially when he said "it's an ongoing habit" and not something he can control, then it might be best for her to consider whether this is a dealbreaker for her in the long term... It's not fair to dismiss someone's feelings just because it's "normal" behavior. Call her overly choosy, call her paranoid and insecure, those labels don't really mean much to a couple that just met. She has a choice between people who make her uncomfortable, and people who don't make her uncomfortable.

I nexted a man when we first started talking and he commented something flirty on another woman's SM. It popped up on my feed --- he was on my social media because he was friends of a friend. At the time, we were just casually talking and getting to know each other, so I decided to let him go and move on. But I'm silly like that. You made the right call OP.

Happy Mother's Day Miss Lolita!

OP, it's very sad (not in a pathetic, you're sad type of way) but sad that he's made these comments enough to where you're questioning your sexual performance and essentially how attractive you are. He might be saying all the right things now but honestly, sometimes you just can't take that stuff back. You'll feel like a piece of gum that's been chewed and spat back out. To where now you have to get a mediator and therapist as well as go on meds. Just to work past the damage these insecurities imposed on you. It's unclear from your post if you had 0 concerns or if you had self esteem issues around your lack of sexual experience and this being your first. You can continue to have your own deep-rooted personal insecurities but the fact that he made these comparisons to multiple exes at multiple times shows zero sensitivity to your feelings. He can try and make amends but when someone digs a knife in you 10x (that's 3 knives and your self esteem issues growing over years) it's important you realize that the knife holes are still there. They aren't going to heal overnight. It might take a lot of tender love and healing for things to heal. While he's willing to support you through that, thorn in your side as he might be, you must make every active effort to heal. This is doubly so because if 3 years of this relationship have passed and you're not healed, the fear is (right or wrong) that you will never not have those feelings. This guy has to almost babysit your self esteem and shutter the blinders. If you're fine with that 24/7 care for the rest of your relationship then so be it. If you don't want that 24/7 care, recognize that this might be an insanely tough battle and that maybe it's best you don't amplify your self-esteem issues further by continuing this relationship. Be fair to yourself, be self aware and be proactive.

His reply in this situation was, "its a reflex he is trying to get rid of…" which would indicate it's a regular thing.

Sometimes people say stupid stuff like they're talking to you as if you're both chums swapping stories without there being ill intention behind it. Still, it's tacky. Nicely ask him to shut it.

I think you're connecting the flower with him turning out to be leery eye wandering noodle head. So that, if someone brings you something on the first date, he must be a *******.

This guy aside, try to avoid that mindset if you can. Because, what if the next person you meet brings a flower or whichever and he turns out to be cool and you actually want to talk to him even if only briefly… but now you’re feeling guilty about the flower? Not the biggest deal either way, but you don’t need to tell yourself stories in advance. Now, I had someone send me a particular flower that I like and I thanked him but we're not dating so I myself 100 percent don't see it as relevant but as a gesture of appreciation. I can't honestly recall receiving anything on a first date (haha, I must not be a lasting impression...), it's still not a big deal either way. If he's paying for drinks and then YOU interrupt the gesture and it gets RUINED because OMG there's A ROSE gifted as a surprise — yellow, orange or violet doesn't matter — then I am gonna worry for you.🤪

She is giving you the light brush-off. In other words, she does not want to get into any situation where she is forced to say 'no'.

"But he lurvvvveesss her."😂 For realsies, two dates. One doesn't need these early complications. Why bother continuing when there are already these glaring issues? It only takes a small level of respect and tact to not be an assface and ogle other checkout scenery...especially in this scenario.

Sindy I was on a fourth date with someone once and we were at a lounge and there were beautiful people everywhere. He and I were so focused on each other (sitting next to each other, eyes locked, my hand in his) that it seemed like we were the only two people in the room...I think that's what we all want...for the person we're with to make us feel special without having to ask them to not look at other people...just be naturally so interested and enthralled with each other that they barely even notice other people! And not because were highly physically attracted but there is a scintilla of something there that in our spirit and inner being we are more than enough...I think anyway. Look at how Dracula is fixated on his lady...

Yeah, that part about him saying it was a reflex and he's trying to work on it definitely raises some concerns. It's one thing to have a wandering eye, as long as it's accompanied by self-awareness and an effort to control it and not let it affect your behavior or relationship dynamics. But if he's already acknowledging it as an issue and it has been a problem with previous partners, that would definitely give me pause.

Was it like a quick glance or was it leering? Kind of like (for comparison), did a burp slip out or was it a long self-induced belch in your face?