Jump to content


  • Posts

  • Joined

shelby6811's Achievements


Contributor (5/14)

  • First Post
  • Collaborator
  • Conversation Starter
  • Week One Done
  • One Month Later

Recent Badges



  1. "That way you can keep things at a certain level and know that you don't have to evaluate whether your opinions, attitudes and perspectives are working for you because the person you meet will feel the same." Aaaaand, you nailed it. He seemed to be someone whose opinions, attitudes and perspectives were very similar to my own. We had such a nice conversation the night before. Let's call it what it is: I got scared, I'm insecure, and I drove him back to keep myself from liking him more than I should and setting myself up for potential hurt. I would have been his friend, and it would have been ok for me to have only that, but unfortunately it's not going to happen now. Oh well. Still going to drink my Pepsi, though. Soda shaming doesn't work on me! :)
  2. A tad insecure might be putting it mildly. Did I reiterate it? I used the "She thinks you're a doll" line, because that's how my friend put it, so I used her words. The only other time I said anything about his looks was the "Men like you" conversation. Which obviously struck a nerve with him. Also, and I stand by it, false modesty isn't a very appealing trait. I'm genuinely sorry I said anything and I really didn't mean to hurt his feelings. I may have been subconsciously trying to drive him back to protect myself.
  3. "Until it doesn't because you had verbal diarrhea about it to someone you barely knew who happens to have a cute face." Ok, this is hysterical and made me lol. Thanks! The real beauty thing...I was always cute. Little, blonde, bouncy, cute. It's fine. Or it was, until I wasn't so little anymore. And yeah, maybe not going in there and having even the few drinks I have might make a difference. I was already thinking about it, so maybe this is the push I needed. Unfortunately I have a love affair with Pepsi and it's not one I'm willing to let go of. I refuse to drink diet soda, and the Pepsi is one of my small pleasures. So. Anyway. So I was cute. Not pretty, not beautiful, cute. Then my baby sister came along and do you know what it's like to have a doppelganger Denise Richards as a sibling? Wow. It was never a jealousy thing, not for a minute. I adore her and am happy she has that going for her. But it did show me every day how differently people are treated. It showed me in a million ways how being so beautiful can open doors for you, provide opportunities average looking people don't have. It's a shallow thing, I know that, it's fleeting and superficial. But it's real, and there's no point in pretending otherwise.
  4. Ouch. Some things I should clarify, I think. Although I do hang out in that place on Fridays and Saturdays, I don't drink much at all. Two at most. I hang out there for the social part of it, that's all. And I guess if I stopped going and having my two drinks, it might help to lose some of the weight. And yes, I hate that I am heavier than I would like, and it seems like no matter what I do, I can't shake it. It's incredibly frustrating. It's affected me more than I would have thought. I was always the little girl, the size two, and I am disgusted with the shape I'm in now. I mentioned my sister's beauty as a way to explain that I am fully aware of what real beauty is, and the responses to it. I know it's been hard for her, too. She has talked about people having difficulty getting past her looks. I have never trusted a man who is that attractive. I've always, as you said, objectified them. I don't know why, it's not something I think about doing, I simply do it. I guess it's a protective mechanism. If I pigeonhole every incredibly good looking man I meet into a player, conceited type, it will put distance between me and them and make it so they can't get close and make me feel awkward or embarrassed. Interestingly, as an aside, my bartender friend and I were discussing our mutual friends and the party last night and she mentioned that T is not a hook up type guy. She said she had heard that I was being a wingman for my friend, and that T probably wouldn't act on it. Don't I feel like an idiot! As much as I would like to text him, I can't, as I don't have his number. I asked our mutual friend to give T mine, which he either didn't do, or T has opted not to reach out.
  5. Well, anytime you're in town, message me and we'll have a drink at one of the places you mentioned.
  6. bluecastle: How great is it that you mentioned some of my favorite places! Are you in New Orleans? And thanks for the advice. It makes a lot of sense.
  7. Well, that's all that's available when it comes to me, so I guess it's his loss. I wish I hadn't sent the text. I feel like they are laughing at me, and that my friend is now judging me and will think I'm one of the pathetic girls who tries to get T's attention. Ugh.
  8. Ok, first of all, I guess what I was trying to convey to him was I am not a hook up type girl. Which I said. And, let's face it, men like him DO seem to always have gorgeous, polished girls around. I am not that, and I'm not going to pretend that what I am is going to attract a guy like that. I mean, we live in the real world. But why can't we be friends?
  9. So a little backstory: I've been single for 11 years. And I mean, SINGLE. No dating, no hookups, nothing. I wanted it that way. I do better when I'm single, I'm happier and more content. I was married for ten years and it didn't work out, due to some mistakes I made. I'm not carrying a torch, but it probably made me a little damaged. So I stopped dating and have been ok. Sometimes I miss being hugged, or told I look nice, but really, it's ok. I'm in my forties, and I guess I'm still pretty, although I'm about 15 lbs heavier than I should be. I was never a knockout, but I was cute. I have a really beautiful sister, think model beautiful, and having a sibling who looks like that makes you aware of your own level of attractiveness. I have a point. Bear with me. My friend group consists of people I've met hanging out in a my favorite bar here in New Orleans. We only see each other there and for me it's only on weekends. It's mostly guys, which I prefer. It's easier. This last Friday night one of the guys brought in a friend who used to live here and has moved away. This guy looked familiar, but beyond that, he is gorgeous. Wow. I was with some friends in from out of town, too, and one of them is a very pretty, very funny girl. She saw this guy, too, and saw me greet my friend that was with him, and she was like "Can you introduce me?". Of course I can! So I went over to him, got myself introduced, then said "Ok, we're in eighth grade apparently, and my friend over there would really like to meet you, she thinks you're a doll." His response was "Her? Not you?". It sort of caught me off guard, I mean, this guy is way out of my league. Is he flirting with me? Is it a joke? I did my best to facilitate a meetup for them, but she got nervous, and was a little drunk, so she went home. I ended up having a nice conversation with the gorgeous guy for the rest of the evening. We'll call him T. I wasn't trying to flirt, wasn't trying to get anywhere with him because, like I said, he is so far out of my league. So I guess I was able to relax and have a nice talk. Skip to the next night. My friend who brought T into the bar is having his annual holiday party, which is why T came into town in the first place. He was staying with that friend. I go, and he seems REALLY happy to see me. Like, unusually. He said "You came!" when I walked in and kissed me on the cheek. He then sort of stayed in my vicinity all night. Not talking to me all that much, as I was caught in conversation with other friends, but he was always around, and every time I looked up, he would make eye contact. I went outside at one point to look at the fog and he followed me outside. Here's where it goes wrong. He started saying that he's been watching me and that he thinks I'm a facilitator. He said "You are very concerned that everyone around you is happy and has what they want, but I think it might be at the expense of your own happiness." He then used me trying to hook him up with my friend the night before as an example. He asked, "Why her? Why not you?" and I said "I don't think I'm your type. I'm not the woman for a guy like you, men like you usually have gorgeous, polished girlfriends. Also, I'm not trying to hook up with anyone." He said "Men like me?" and I said "Come on, don't play that game. You know how good looking you are." He got mad! He said "Stop it with that " and walked inside. I was dumbfounded. I didn't mean to be insulting, but I also don't like fake, and pretending you're not gorgeous, when clearly you are, is fake. The night went on, and he was still doing the eye contact thing, but seemed to be less in attendance around me. Before I left, I went over to him and said, up close to his ear "I said something to offend you?". He said "Are you asking? No, you didn't offend me". I said ok, and walked away to say goodbye to everyone. While I was doing that, he had gone and sat on the couch and fallen asleep. So I didn't get to say goodbye, and he was flying out the next day. I was really disappointed because aside from the good looks, he's really interesting and I liked talking to him a lot. This is someone I would like to have as a friend. He apparently spends a lot of time here and will be back in a couple of months. It was bothering me the next day, really bothering me, that I might have hurt his feelings, so I texted our mutual friend who had the party that I had a weird conversation with T, and that I didn't get to say goodbye to him, and I didn't want to leave it like that, so could he please give T my number and ask him to text me? He said of course. I haven't heard from him, but last night I stopped in the bar to talk to the bartender, who knows all these people and was at the party, too, and before I could say anything, she said "Oh, you missed M and T by a minute, they were here but left to take T to the airport." So, he was supposed to have left Sunday, decided to stay an extra day, went to the bar where we all hang out, and no one texted me. I was so hurt. This sucks. Any advice or thoughts, guys?
  10. I don't know. I mean, I felt fine, then I didn't. But what could a glass of white wine be spiked with? Wouldn't I have tasted it? I did have my phone, and I did call a friend and stay on the phone with him until I got home.
  11. So I don't go out much, and I have a two drink maximum rule for myself. Three at the most, and that's only if it's a long day of festivals or parades. I went to the Halloween parade this weekend, and after we went into the Quarter to see some music. I had one drink at the club, felt completely sober. I left and was walking home when some people started calling to me from a balcony, it looked like a party, and they were like "Come up! Have a cocktail!" For those of you who haven't been to New Orleans, this a pretty common occurrence in the Quarter, especially around holidays. It looked like fun, so I went up and as I was going in, some of the people were leaving. The host poured me a glass of wine and I realized that since people left I was now the only woman present. But the guys were watching a basketball game on tv and the only person really talking to me was the host. No offense to Italians, but this guy was like a caricature. Kept saying "Feggadabout it" and dropping the f bomb constantly, HEAVY Italian accent, almost seemed like it was fake. He said he was from Chicago, recently moved to New Orleans, bought this beautiful condo in the Quarter. He did have some nice art, although he tended heavily toward the nudes. It was a nice night, and it was pleasant to sit on his balcony and watch the crowds. Then he started talking about sex. A lot. Explicitly. About this time one of the guys inside handed a joint out the window. I said no, thanks, I don't do drugs, never have in my life. He kind of snickered and mumbled something like "If you're drinking that wine, now you have." I didn't process it immediately, but I noticed shortly after that I started to feel really strange. Sort of thick, and warm, and disconnected. As I was sitting there processing the sensation, the host suddenly grabbed my chin and kissed me. SHOVED his nasty tongue down my throat. It was so gross. I yanked away and said "I have to go." He started saying how rude to leave a half glass of wine when it's been poured for you. I really didn't care and got out of there as soon as I could. Fast enough that one of the guys watching tv saw me and said "You ok?". I think maybe the host had slipped something dissolveable into my drink, but it obviously wasn't a roofie, or I'd have passed out. As it was, I felt a little strange for about 24 hours. The whole thing was icky, and yes, I realize I should know better, but it really is something people do here, go to random parties. I learned a lesson, but I feel like at the age of 46, I shouldn't have had to. Thanks for listening.
  12. I'm ok with getting less attention from men. I wear a ring on that finger that could look like a wedding ring and I know that keeps them away, which is fine. It's not so much a male thing, more of an everyone thing. I do feel like I'm in the way. Like I shouldn't be standing there, on the edge of whatever group, or at someone's desk. Like they can't wait for me to go away so they can really talk.
  13. I guess I sound like I'm whining. Sorry guys.
  14. Omg, of course I shower daily! And I dress business casual, pants and skirts. I used to be more able to speak up for myself but I've been slapped down A LOT in the last 10 years, so I know I probably seem shy.
  15. Maybe. I'm not as cute as I used to be. Or maybe it's my personality. I've developed a lot of social anxiety and awkwardness in the last 10 years. Maybe people see something in my demeanor that registers "She doesn't matter".
  • Create New...