CrazyWife

But this whole thing is weird. I stand up for myself but still feel like crap and when I ignore it and do nothing, I still feel like crap.

It's a hospital so not sure if it is about making money. This manager knows about the conflict I have had with this loud mouthed cow before. I should maybe just confidently say I had this conflict and look at different ways to handle such conflicts in future?

Brilliant idea 😄

Maybe something I will consider. I just sometimes feel that it may not have benefits running to a manager straight away. I have monthly counselling type meetings with a higher up manager in a couple of days so may bring it to her attention as I trust her judgement.

Thank you and that is a response I will keep in mind.

Thank you so much and I will certainly keep a log of their behaviours from now on. I just got so fed up of her and her loud mouth.

My husband is telling me to be proud of myself but I am sitting here ruminating over it. I think a lot of trauma has caused me to feel guilty when reinforcing my boundaries. I have like work counselling sessions with a higher up manager coming up this week and thinking of discussing it then.

But to rely on management to deal with it? Shouldn't I be dealing with them myself? It just seems like I am a child running to my manager about things.

I have written about issues I have had before about standing up for myself and have made some progress. I had a work colleague try to bully me and I actually took him aside to speak to him about work issues where I wouldn't have done so like last year. Well we have this loud mouthed coworker who is just rude and acts like she is a manager. She made a snide comment and I asked her if she was talking to me. She said yes and I said "well sorry boss etc..." and she replied and I again said well sorry boss but no". All the while the colleague I had issues with before was laughing quietly (they are pals and yes act like children). I just walked out the office and went home as it was time for me to leave. I am fed up with the way she talks to me and undermines me. I admit being sarcastic didn't help but I kinda just snapped. I don't feel bad if I pissed her off but worried how I looked to everyone in the office. I'm not used to standing up for myself and was actually tearful on the way home. I feel upset by the situation and not sure where to go from here. I keep thinking that I have difficulty standing up for myself as I had an abusive mother and was bullied as a child as well as been in an abusive relationship. Personally I think I should be proud that I did stand up to her as why should I be undermined at work and have someone act like my manager. My manager has noticed that my assertiveness and confidence has grown a lot. I said no to these colleagues and they didn't like it. I just hate confrontation and always feel I am in the wrong. How to fix this mindset?

I was exactly like that during university and was an A student with only one B to my name. I was crushed when I got that B it may as well have been a F to me! Seen so many just get a passing grade and not care. I done uni work every night and felt bad if I took a day off.

Looking at exploring this with a therapist I have went to in the past as I have touched on this before but never fully explored it

We have just moved home (I forgot to mention this part!) and away from two nightmare neighbours and work was my refuge. I do find being a parent difficult and can at times feel a failure at it.

Yeah as I feel I can also over indulge in food if I am stressed or go back to cigarette smoking too. I need better outlets and just need to balance everything out better

Thanks for your responses. I do feel I may have traits of an addictive personality. I do wonder if I pull focus on something so intensely where I feel in control. I can struggle with the stresses of parenthood at times and lack confidence as a parent on occasion. I may need to find a better outlet for all this rather than becoming obsessed with work and seeking outside validation of my self worth. I should feel lucky I have family and friends who love me.

Thank you for your response. I have done some digging and yes I have always taken my job seriously but it's like I stopped drinking which as an addict was a main focus and then it went to work. Was out at a birthday party today trying to focus solely on my child but kept thinking of work but at the same time knowing that I had to address this problem. Wanting to focus on being healthier/ getting back to the gym and perhaps moving to a less intense area of work which may be more beneficial changes to make, especially for my self esteem.