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Found 11 results

  1. TL;DR: New girlfriend says she has high sex drive but extremely hesitant to do anything sexual, says I'm not doing anything wrong. What can I do to make her more comfortable/interested? Quick info that will probably be useful: I'm 32 and pretty huge 6'4" 320 lbs. She is 23 and pretty small 5'1" 95 lbs. I have had a lot of sexual experience. She had sex with 1 guy before and it wasn't very often. I have a vasectomy, she knows about it. Both of us do not want kids, ever. I have been dating my girlfriend for about 3 months. We met online and have a legitimately amazing connection. When we originally discussed sex, she stated she had a high sex drive. I said mine was about about normal and we both agreed sex was important to us, but she said she wanted to 'wait'. Her living situation was less then ideal and I own a house so she quickly moved in with me. She has some sensory issues and prefers sleeping in separate rooms, especially due to my snoring. I would rather she slept in my bed, but I am ok with her having her own room and bed. She made it clear at the beginning of the relationship that she wanted to "wait" to have sex, but never specified what she was waiting for exactly, other then 'until she was comfortable'. We did end up having sex within a week or so of her moving in. The sex was great, but she said she felt like she was going to pass out from over exertion and we had to stop before either of us had an orgasm (she said she can't orgasm unless masturbating). The sex lasted almost an hour and a half, that's on the average to low end of normal for me, but I understand that that can be a lot for some women. She refused ALL sexual contact after that for just over 2 months. I bought her very nice vibrator she could use on her own, to help her get in the mood, or do as she pleases but she refuses to use it (she said she has never owned or used a sex toy before). I ask for hand jobs or oral sex, etc. or if I could preform oral sex on her (which I really enjoy) instead of actual sex to try to keep the relationship strong, as well as keep interest but her answer is always "maybe later", and it never happens. I had a sit-down with her at about the 2 months mark and told her I could not continue the relationship if there wasn't going to be anything sexual going on. I explained that I was in a 'loveless relationship' before for multiple years and I refuse to go through that again. She said she understood, that I was being reasonable and that she would try to work on it. She assured me I wasn't doing anything wrong, and she just wasn't ever in the mood, and she got overwhelmed thinking about it sometimes. A week later we had sex and it was even better then the first time, I kept it to a reasonable length this time and I reached orgasm, and she was quite pleased about that. But since then, it's back to the way it was before. She has mentioned previously that her ex would never want to have sex and she pretty much had to beg him. Oddly, she considers oral sex equivalent to actual penis-in-vagina sex. I am very open sexually. She has a certain, slightly embarrassing (to her) fetish that she told me about (with great hesitation). She said she has never done anything with the fetish before. I told her I would do anything she wanted, but she has been too embarrassed/shy to try anything. If we are watching a movie in my bed and I try to initiate sex, or sexual play, she quickly gets up and leaves the room. She says she doesn't even want to make out or anything "because it could lead to other things." I feel like shes not telling me something, she swears up and down that shes just not in the mood and gets overwhelmed. Things are not adding up. How can I help her out, and save the relationship?
  2. So me (34) and my girlfriend (26) are 11 months into our relationship and things were amazing up until January when the 3rd lockdown began. To add some context to the situation I was happy with how everything was panning out and we both were extremely happy, but I had my guard up from day one, and was very careful not to let myself get carried away with her because I really didn't want to mess it up. I live with my parents (currently waiting for the keys to a house I have bought)and she lives with hers. We've talked about her moving in with me when I get the new house up and running and all was fine, we'd talked about how she would still save up for her own house to buy, to either do up and rent or sell, but essentially I wanted her to have that independence and feeling of achievement I'm having with buying your own house... obviously if things went well, we would merge our assets at some point and go from there... anyways, her parents are very strict and have been quite hard on her over lockdown, especially when it came to us seeing one another, they basically said, no, we have to stick to the rules. She's been threatened with being kicked out for minor things in the past so we carried on the relationship but only by seeing each other once or twice a week for a walk. Before lockdown she was the perfect girlfriend, caring, attentive, always putting me first, kind and most of all my family absolutely adore her! But I put up walls and said if her parents won't let her come round to mine (which I know was wrong at the time, but my parents knew how important it was to us that we carried on seeing each other privately and they were fine with it) then we should honour that to stop them giving her a hard time and making things even worse for her. We both have a history of anxiety, she reacts to it alot worse than I do but we have always helped each other, been completely honest and really just had an amazing connection together. Fast forward 5 months and we are now in a situation where we've become distant, like we've drifted apart. We still see each other for walks but she's really hesitant to spend any quiet time together where it is just me and her. I.e. not outside in public. We've discussed breaking up (which is a really hard thing to do in life, and I'm proud we can communicate that way) and told each other how we feel, and the conclusion is we still love each other and we want to work on things to see if we can get that deeper connection back, or the spark, back in our lives... My only worry is, how can we do that? With everything that is happening in the world, we are very restricted on what we can do together. We've got a date planned this weekend, and we're spending the day together on Sunday, but it's going to be no different to what it's been like for the past 5 months and I'm worried it's not going to remind her of what she wants to feel for me (I've had a sudden realisation of how important she is to me and how much I do love her, ive come clean about the walls I put up and told her I want a future together) I'm just looking for advice, from women especially, on coming back together after you've drifted apart... I apologise if this doesn't have much context but it's basically the backbone of my situation and its got to a point where I'd do anything to give us the best chance of maybe actually experiencing a relationship together where we aren't bound by lockdown rules or living with our parents. Also, I know once I get this house, things will be alot easier because we will have our own space and be able to experience day to day life together......And im aware this also could be the answer to the question I'm asking 😅 Any experiences to give me a little light in this very confusing maze we seem to be in now would be amazing. Thank you
  3. Hello, I have a crush on a coworker at the school I work at, which developed a few months ago. We both work together at the after school club and are a similar age (24). There's been some instances where I don't know if he likes me too or is just being friendly. He's French and moved here in October, and I've been helping him practice his English at work. Some kids at work said we're in love so planned our wedding and we got "married". I've often seen him looking at me and looks away when I catch him. He always makes jokes and laughs with me (again, probably just friendly but my crush brain wants to think otherwise haha). He told me that he always thinks about me when he sees / hears about a football player because we're from the same place. This is long but I'm just giving instances where I've wondered if he feels similarly.. He recently brought clothes shopping with him to work, and another colleague asked him why he had all of them and he said it was because he needed to impress me, then told me not to worry and that he was trying & getting there (said in French so might not translate the same). I know it was a joke but there was an annoying part of me that wondered if he meant it a little. He also repeats my name a lot to himself, e.g. after he's said hello to me he'll repeat it, or after someone else says my name he starts to repeat it to himself. An old friend of mine works at the school during the week and said she thinks he likes me. Not sure if that means anything but there we go 🙂 Sorry this is so long! But I'd appreciate any replies as I'm annoyed at myself for overthinking little things about our interactions haha.
  4. Hello everyone So met a guy from tinder 7 weeks ago and now he has ghosted me, we got on very well, a lot in common, the spark was there, he seemed nice and normal but around the 4 week mark, (I was taking it slow, as with covid, all we had being doing was walking and talking..) he told me he had gotten a sti from someone he was seeing some weeks previous and obviously we could not be intimate, so it was a shock, but ok he isn't the first and not the last, I told him ok, let's see how we get on, it's not a deal-breaker.I was more surprised as he told me he had not really being seeing people as his mom has health issues and he was calling to her house to see her, I decided to not judge too early on. I also wondered if the stuff we did had in common, really was stuff he liked or was just saying it to create a connection, it was a lot of unusual stuff in common anyways, we kept seeing each other, we spent a lot of time together, with out the physical stuff. He kept thanking me for being understanding, he had a really bad sti but nothing serious thank fully. He would talk about making plans for the future, as in dates..but he also talked about us being a couple in the future, he told his mom about me and family...we just spent 2 days together at the weekend, it was a nice weekend, felt like a friend ship as nothing physical could happen but I still really enjoy his company and im ok with taking it slow. I have not heard from him since Sunday night, I guess I'm being ghosted.. I've been on two dates in one year and half, the last guy put in 3 months of dating/effort before I slept with him..due to covid restrictions. And got ghosted by him, is this just dating now??. Why do people put in so much effort for just sex?? How do we ever know who is genuine? I've a few single friends and this is happening to them too. Why do people put on such an act??
  5. Hello guys, this is my first post ever but I just don’t know what to do. Maybe someone here can help me. I’m in my early 20s and my life has been a little messy the past years so this will be long (sorry!) My ex broke up with me almost two years ago. The relationship was very toxic and after the breakup I hit rock bottom. Until this day I’m still struggling with my mental health because the event triggered a lot of other issues too. My ex didn’t tell me why he left but he is still reaching out to me and sending me flowers. Which to me is insane and stupid. but my real problem begins here: In the current circumstances I don’t really meet new people irl. Also I don’t really want a new relationship after my last. So I distanced myself from dating. Right now I’m trying to take everything slow but I want to figure out what to do next. However a year ago I started talking to someone on Instagram I’ve met a long time ago in school on an exchange program to spain. First we texted in English since my English is better than my Spanish. But I want to better it so after a while we switched. (I’m German and live in Germany so it’s very complicated.) I really liked him but I haven’t seen him in person in 6 years and I’ve never dated someone online. Therefore, I tried not interpret too much into it (also I was happy without the pressure of a relationship). We started sending pictures to each other but we never spoke on the phone or FaceTimed (which was ok for me because Spanish is not my native language). Half a year later he ghosted me and posted pictures of a girl so I assumed he was dating someone. We weren’t excluded or anything so I didn’t care. Last Christmas he texted me again and said he was sorry for not responding but he gave the relationship with his ex another try (which failed). I told him that it’s ok because we were not together but he should have told me. I normally never give guys more than one chance but here I don’t even really know what it is. We started texting again. This time I was careful and I told myself this is his last chance. After awhile we both were really busy and we kinda ran out of things to talk. I also was a little bit annoyed because he likes to be very sexual and talks about it a lot. It was convenient for me because at that time I started talking to an old friend who likes me more than just friends. He is a nice guy. I guess he would be a very good boyfriend who visits me in Germany or treats me well. I’m still talking to this “new” guy daily and I think he would want us to be serious (sadly it’s also a long distance and he is spanish). Weirdly I started missing him a lot and I feel like I’ve fallen for him (which I tried to avoid!!!) I know that he is probably not good for me and there are a lot of red flags. Since my breakup I never had this kind of feeling for anybody. I’m very attracted to him and I can’t stop talking to him. The other “new” guy is so sweet and perfect so he would be a better fit but sometimes I feel like we are not on the same wavelength. Or I might try to manipulate the situation. Sometimes I compare the two and my heart wants something different than my head. This is only a short version which is still very complicated. I kind of already know that he’s probably only lonely or uses me for something. But otherwise he puts a lot of effort in and we understand each other. It’s not the same with someone else. I love talking to him and he says the sweetest stuff. What do you guys think? Should I talk to him about it or forget him? Should I focus on the other Guy? Is he just so sweet to me to have someone to talk to or satisfy his needs? But why does he always come back? thank you!! Mari
  6. I am a bisexual girl who has a boyfriend of 3 months now. I also have a female best friend who, it turns out, I've developed feelings for. I don't know what to do because I love them both ever so dearly but don't want to ruin anything or make things complicated. They both mean so much to me that it'll hurt me if I loose them. I can't talk to my family because my family don't like my best friend so their opinions are one sided. And I can't tell my friends because... I have trust issues with people. Me and my boyfriend are long distance and my and my best friend go to the same school but she is a senior, and graduating this year while I am a junior. If you didn't catch on but we all are in high school. My boyfriend is 4 days older than me. Can someone please give me advise? Please?
  7. Hi guys, So yes, it's me again, I have asked about this man on here twice before because I've always had periods of being so unsure of the relationship. Neither of these were because of him, but because I've never had a real relationship so I don't know what it's supposed to be like and I'm so anxious about it going wrong when we get more serious. First question, if I'm having this many doubts about the relationship, does it mean it's not right for me? Or can I just blame my anxiety for all the overthinking I do? Second "question" is more of a problem than a question. I first of all want to point out that we get on soooo well, like best mates at times. He's really funny when he's being serious but he sometimes just goes so weird, I can't even explain it. As we're getting more and more comfortable together, his sense of humor is coming out more. He finds it funny to do and say really really weird things. I try to ignore it so much that I can't even think of an example. Aside from last night, when he sent me a picture of his bare butt. I feel that he acts like I'm more of one of the lads rather than his girlfriend? He said that in his previous relationship, they were together for 3 years, she used to try and "change" him and didn't like him showing his real personality and humour. He didn't like it at all. He says she tried to make him stop being himself and turned him into a different person. I'm now thinking that he was the same with her and she asked him to stop, to which he reacted badly. He said before he wants someone that appreciates the weird side of him. Is this really a personality trait? I feel like it's a decision to send me a picture of his ass? I literally have no idea. He'll also do things like lick my face when we're cuddling and it's just so cringy to me. He'll also get his face really close to mine and shout things he thinks are funny. I adore this guy, there's an amazing side to him. So considerate and thoughtful and kind. But then he gets in one of these weird moods and I find myself finding him unattractive and questioning our whole relationship. I feel like if he said to me he doesn't like when I do something, I'd stop. But I'm worried he'll get mad at me for asking him to treat me more of a girlfriend and less of one of his lads. I'm scared he'll think that I'm trying to change him as a person like he says his ex was. Of course, I could be in the wrong and could sound like an awful girlfriend right now, please tell me! Please help!
  8. I'll put the TLDR at the top just to spare anyone who doesn't want to scroll through my ranting and raving (don't worry, I would too). In short: I'm in love with my best friend and he has a girlfriend. They seem really happy. But I've had multiple dreams about us together, fantasised about futures, written letters of confession that I've been too nervous to ever send, the whole number. Multiple days where I swear to myself that today is the day, that I'm going to tell him, and I never do. He lives in Australia and I live in the US, so if we do eventually have a spark it'll be online anyway. I keep finding more hints that he feels the same. Worst of all, I'm falling. Hard. Do I tell him or try to wait until it passes? In long: We've only really known each other since October, but we hit it off really fast. We would (and still do) chat online day and night, and in the first couple weeks he told me about this girl he liked because he didn't really know who else to talk to. I didn't think much of it, I told him I was happy for him and moved on. Now, when he came into my life I was at a really low point. I was nearing the end of a very toxic relationship that I'd finally get out of in early November, but when we met I was still blinded, I still thought I was in love with my soon-to-be ex. And then, in Mid-Nov, while me and him got closer all the time, I had a dream. I don't really believe dreams have prophetic meanings but I do think they can express your desires, and this one was VERY vivid. Like- to the point where I woke up, said good morning to him, and had to scroll up in our message history to see if what happened in the dream had actual happened or if it was just that, a dream. In the dream, he'd confessed he had feelings for me and I was surprised, but reciprocated. That's mostly how I felt then - just so surprised. I went through a period of denial, of course "I can't like him, why would I like him? He has a girlfriend. I just got out of a terrible relationship, and I'm desperate for something new. This'll blow over." Then it became rationalising, "He lives on the other side of the globe. Maybe you like him, but you'll never be able to have a future with him even if anything happens." To desperation. Making playlists, fantasising about what we could do, to crying over the whole situation, and to googling for advice and not being happy with any of it. It was too one-sided. There were the people saying just to go for it, and then there were the people saying to just not say anything and that you were a selfish a-hole if you said a word. I know it's early, and I know I sound naive. But I seriously think he might be the one. I've never clicked with somebody quite like I have him before, all of my relationships seemed deflated. I never showed the most energy from the start, it was rushing into it first, feelings later. And I've gotten hints that he feels the same way, too. Here's the thing, though. My brain needs to be told outright, a yes or a no, or it'll get so excited over the maybe that it just won't stop. On the other hand though, if I tell him and I do get a no, I'm afraid our friendship will just be awkward and I don't want things to change in that respect whatsoever. He's my best friend, after all. What do I do?
  9. I feel crazy posting this to the internet but I need some advice so, what the hell. Sorry it's so long lol My boyfriend has lived with his family for years, including his 3 yr. old niece; who is just about his favourite person in the world. I moved in with them about 5 months ago, until that point he had such a strong relationship with his niece that they slept in the same bed. Now, I love children, I claim everyone's kid as my own regardless of whether I know them or not. However, from the point I moved in, my boyfriend's sister-in-law made it abundantly clear that she didn't like me and, in turn, didn't want her daughter to like me. This has changed somewhat over the past few months to the point where his niece is now obsessed with both of us, and follows me around just like she'd been doing to him for years. I know that ocassionally he gets jealous thinking that she loves me more than him, but I get jealous that he loves her more than me... or would love her more than our future children. I will admit, I'm a very needy and affectionate person; my bf knows this and he makes me feel loved almost 100% of the time, but sometimes when his niece is around he shows an utter disregard for me. Just an example: yesterday night we had a shower and then got in bed, his niece comes and climbs into our bed, my boyfriend starts to fall asleep.. I'm weird with sleeping and he knows that, I have to have the lights off and usually the tv on, cuddled up with him. She's in between us so I gently said "Babe, if you're tired then let's go to bed." He half-heartedly asked her if she was ready for bed, she didn't answer and he continued snoozing. I nudged him again and told him that I was ready for bed too, so he moved his niece from in between us and laid back down, thinking she was annoying me. It's basically just the fact that she's a toddler and gets to do whatever she wants, she's spoiled to death ; seriously, she cries if you tell her "no." She constantly wants mine or my boyfriend's phone, using it until it dies, or she wants to watch cartoons on our t.v. or draw in my notebooks. Basically she wants to be the center of attention in everything, and I have no freedom to do anything because I feel rude asking my boyfriend to get her out of the room so I can change clothes or go to bed. Also I forgot to mention earlier an don't know where to put it now, but he always holds her, plays with her hair and calls her cute names. He explicitly said to me "I'll love ours just as much," which bothers me because I feel like his niece and his daughter shouldn't be in comparisson. I wonder if our daughter will end up feeling the same way that I do or if he'll act the same with our daughter but still not me. Perhaps it's just that he knows that I know he loves me, regardless of the attention he gives me while a child wouldn't understand that. Not sure if y'all can offer me any advice or if this was just a large rant, but... Thanks, either way.
  10. My boyfriend broke up with me yesterday because he’s going through some personal problems with his family to do with his 3 close family members dying within the space of a few months. he said he wanted to be friends but this is my first heartbreak and the love that was and still is there is unexplainable. I’m not sure of what to do. we have been through a lot of drama worse than this one and still came out strong. I can see he’s hurting over something but he doesn’t want to talk about it but I still want to be there for him because I still love and care for him. do I text him and let him know that I’ll give him the space he needs but I will check up on him (because I’m worried about his mental health and when we broke up it didn’t feel like we were both on the same page) or leave it?
  11. Me and boyfriend have been together for nearly a year and it’s a long distance relationship. Obviously it’s been really tough but somehow we managed to go through our challenges strongly. recently we had a little arguement because he thought something was happening between me and this one guy but that wasn’t the case. then he texted me out of the blue that he wanted to just be friends. We went back and forth and finally we went on call to talk things through. On the call he told me he was going through some really deep personal issues (I’m assuming grieving because he’s been grieving recently) and that he isn’t in the mindset to be in a relationship. Throughout the call he felt that I wanted to go on the call to keep the relationship but I think he realised that wasn’t the case. The last time we spoke he told me he still loves me and he was going to miss me a lot but that he didn’t want me to wait for him? I’m assuming that means when he feels more prepared he would want the relationship again? So what do I do from now on? Check on him every now and then?
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