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Everything posted by itsallgrand

  1. Thanks for responding. That's a lot and it says a lot about how much you love your kids that are reaching out to outside supports so you can best support your kids. ❤️ Others have given great advise here about detangling yourself from this man and working on preventing this from happening again. This is a difficult time for your family, but it can also be a beautiful time where everyone sheds the baggage thry are carrying and come out as their beautiful strong true selves. You can do this.
  2. What do you have going on with your kids? Please realize your involvement with this man puts your children in danger, and that's number one priority right?! Keeping your kids safe. It also puts at risk your access to your kids.
  3. Well, you'd have to give up the standard of material living you are used to, yes. "Not enough to make it on my own" is an odd thing to say though. It makes it sound like it's optional to not find a way to do things yourself and solve this yourself. You are still relying on him to keep you afloat. But it's not his job to do that. It's 100% yours. No one owes you a roof over your head and food in your belly. Until you really get this, you and him will be trapped in this power battle of resentment. He resents you as much as you resent him. It's not healthy to stay with someone you don't like and who doesn't respect you just because you like his money. I'm sorry if I come across harsh. I just don't think you are a passive victim here. You are both using and disrespecting the other. You can't change him, and maybe he's a pig... I mean, how he talks to you, it's gross.. But you can change you. If you claim your autonomy as a person, you can just tell him bye and fix your own dinner!! So it's up to you.
  4. You've stayed this long for a reason... Money?? Have you been relying on him to financially take care of you up until now? It's easy to point the finger at him but ultimately you are an adult and responsible for you. Like they say, free ain't cheap... You pay to have someone to take care of you in ways that aren't exactly always sweet.
  5. I honestly don't get stressing or feeling guilty thinking about "only" having one child. You aren't depriving anyone of anything. Having a bunch of children on the other hand, knowing these kids born now are going to be fighting for the most basic of human needs coming up... I think it can be pretty selfish. Add to this that your child needs extra as is... Why wouldn't you focus on raising one with all that you got.
  6. To be frank, I find the site more spammy overall now. There's this anon feature, but also, the vids and articles being added are often questionable IMO. I watched one where a man was just going off on women calling them low value for being single moms. I honestly don't know what the deal is with these crappy vids and articles being added, trying to increase traffic?, but it sucks. Well I said it.
  7. Hope it all goes smoothly, whatever is on your plate. Also hope to see you again sometime greendots. ❤️
  8. Why would you call your dad or get a random to help you then?
  9. I might have the unpopular opinion on this, as I think it's bad form to ask or accept someone's assistance for something and then not really give them a chance to get it done without interference. If you don't trust him to do it, just let him know at the beginning you will be taking care of it yourself. Second thing is if you are driving, why not have your dad teach you to change a tire or buy yourself some roadside assistance rather than depend on others to get you out of something that's easy to prepare for.
  10. It just seems like you didn't trust your bf to get the tire changed?
  11. Here's the thing.. when someone is ok with you coming in to take the reigns of their life, don't be surprised when they aren't independent. And if you want someone who is independent minded, you can't go in acting like a knight in shining armour. Acting as you did, jumping at everything she asks or needs, will attract to you women like this who are easily swayed by anyone she sees as having power to meet her needs.
  12. I'm so sorry you are having such a rough day. Moving is so stressful even when things go smoothly, and you've had a bunch of bumps making it even more so. Try to be easy on yourself. This too will pass.
  13. It may sound simplistic but I have found it very helpful to limit my time with those who feel the need to compare, be pushy, or generally bring me down... even if it's family or others who have been in my life a long time. Surround yourself with those who get it and get you. It can mean a world of difference when I've spend the day with someone who sees the great things about others versus one who is looking to criticize others through one particular way they think people have to be. We are all different and things aren't linear either. Everyone has up's and downs, strengths and weaknesses, and their own things that are interesting about them. Comparing isn't even accurate, it's not any barometer of worth or even success. We are all just trying our best to find what works for us. I think you are amazing.
  14. My first thought is maybe he has changed his mind about having children. He knows you don't want to have children before a marriage, and he is avoiding marriage with you. Unless he has actively brought up with you wanting to try for a baby or looking into adoption in real actionable terms? But you have said no unless there is a marriage?
  15. I think you figured it out on your own ❤️❤️. That's usually the case when my anxiety gets really bad too... some part of me is not getting what it needs, or is sad, or needs attention in some way. Your answer made me want to give you a hug. It sucks losing something you enjoyed so much. I love all things "spa". It's my jam, and lounging in a pool. Lol
  16. Oh yeah, that's going to be such a treat! I love how refreshed I feel afterwards.
  17. Ugh I'm sorry. I know when I get to that certain point, there's nothing to do but try and ride it out until I feel better. Can you take a time out to just do some nice simple stuff for you?
  18. I'm still processing it too. It's a slightly weird feeling, but not bad in any way.
  19. People I went to school with are posting about becoming grandparents now. That's 3 since Covid started! And here I am chilling with stray cats and the SOs niece lol. Thought I was feeding one stray cat, turns out there's a baby and a male larger one too. They are a cute little family living in my yard! Maybe this is how it's supposed to be. I sleep well these days, I'm happy, I have what I need and more, I have the time to do those things I felt I couldn't in my younger days. I got over my fear of real travel, I got my chance finally to pursue the education I want, I've gotten over so many fears. Time just flies!! It's wild that in an alternate universe, I could be a grandma now. It's wild seeing others my age being grandparents. Anyone else have this moment of "wow, I'm at this point now?!? When??" haha
  20. Christ, that would make me so uncomfortable if a friend of mine did that. It's just asking for trouble, especially since a lot of street sellers are trying to wrangle up money for a fix. I'm not saying this particular person was or wasn't, but in general, this is why I avoid them. I would walk away from the whole thing. It doesn't help that where I'm from getting stabbed for looking the wrong way at someone is common enough to have its own nickname.
  21. Just give her a shipping quote on sending her stuff. That's what she asked for and I wouldn't put myself at the mercy of her schedule for showing up to pick up her things. Consider the small furniture the exchange for your time packing it up - you could sell it or whatever you want. Don't beat yourself up. This was shady from the beginning, she comes off as a bit of an opportunist.
  22. Yes!! I was just thinking that about those who show up for you in those times who you never expected. And that too, it stays with you. I'll never forget those who did that. I had a friend who I hadn't seen in close to ten years show up. I didn't expect her to, considering we weren't really part of each other's lives for so long. But it meant a lot to see her! Same with an aunt on my father's side, who I barely see due to distance. She showed up when I was mourning and took over my kitchen with cooking healthy meals for my freezer. It was a comfort and meant so much.
  23. Ohh your poor husband! It's so good he had you there to help him work through those feelings. ❤️
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