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itsallgrand

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Everything posted by itsallgrand

  1. itsallgrand
    Hmm. I like all kinds, but I guess I prefer a somewhat grubby type of man. Natural. I'm a low-maintenace gal and like low-maintenace men. Something about a little bit of stubble and all that manly stuff I like very much. Hair is not a problem. It's actually a little odd when a man is body bald. Not a big deal, but I say let the hair do its thing.
  2. itsallgrand
    The 'nice guy' routine is not an actually nice guy. He is a manipulator. The 'James Dean' aloof guy is not actually a confident guy. He is an insecure guy with a social personae. This is so frustrating. The worse thing is: a lot of these 'nice guys' and 'james dean' guys are actually decent people,all in all. I've liked some.....but the manipulation is a problem. It is not becoming in a partner. That is what sucks. You can like someone only to stop because of a behavior they have that is not healthy. And it is frustrating to meet, get to know, like, a person who does not meet your needs. But such is life. Women and men all trying to figure out what the hell is going on!!
  3. itsallgrand
    Just to 'balance' things up: 'Nice girls' exist too. It's not different. All things go both ways.
  4. itsallgrand
    Tyler, would you explain your post for me please? I get the feeling I am receiving emotion that is not really for me. Because you don't know how I as a person deal with things.
  5. itsallgrand
    The bf was clear: he doesn't want any part of it. A question: are you questioning your sexuality, or is this a curiosity for you? It can remain fantasy, or you can leave your bf. Which is more important to you right now in your heart. Follow that.
  6. itsallgrand
    You need to find another job, get relocated, or something. How can you heal and be NC if you have to work with this person? You can't. It would be a big step. I disagree with pouring your energy into your hubby and your marriage. Yeah, I have never been married - but I've been in relationships that were deep and bonding. Take yourself away from the situation and work on yourself. Pour your energy in yourself. Because to me, that is the real problem! Best wishes.
  7. itsallgrand
    When a guy starts on the "I guess nice guys (like me) always finish last..." routine, I immedietly think "Here is a mark if I ever saw one". I don't really see it as disrespectful so much as self indulgent. Someone didn't like them for some reason, and instead of facing it, they create a justification to not change. Anyone stuck in such a rut is destined to get used or hurt. It's sometimes sad, sometimes frustrating. By the way, your mom and yours theory gave me a good smile. Thanks
  8. itsallgrand
    Nope. I like bodybuilder types. Cause I admire the devotion and work that goes into that. It's an art - and his body is a masterpiece. As to the original question - Who cares?! I suspect you reach a certain age and these things become almost unimportant. Any man that is willing to hold my head while I'm puking in the hospital has the perfect body type. lol.
  9. itsallgrand
    Tell them the truth. lol. It's not hard. I swears. Watch: You are worried about being a 'mean person'? That's funny. Did you read what you wrote? You wrote: He is weak and you were not interested in him bc of his character (dealing with his ex). So you help arrange for this 'girl with low self confidence' who showed interest to meet him. You really must not like her! That's okay. Except why let them believe you want to be their friends and then speak about them this way? Be upfront. If you don't care for someone's company, politely refuse offers to spend time together. Do not respond to continual calls and sit there listening when you don't want to. If someone shows up somewhere they were not invited to see you, politely tell them you are busy and do not appreciate it. And it really isn't your call to 'make' this guy stop dating. You shouldn't even be thinking about that. It's none of your business. Take care.
  10. itsallgrand
    haha. Don't know about him - you'd have to ask. Preferably when neither of you is drunk. I know I talk jibberish when I'm drunk. My theory is: don't pay much mind to a drunk person. They are drunk! haha
  11. itsallgrand
    Normal. You have a relationship - a friendship! Sounds great. He knows you well, you know him well, and you both have agreed upon it. I say...Enjoy!
  12. itsallgrand
    Ohh...pssstt!! Like I said. Healthy arguing=good. Conflict between two separate people in a relationship is unavoidable and needs to be dealt with. Seems you two may have 'avoided' that up until now. There's still hope, of course! But he called a 'break off' and he needs to give you some time to digest that hurt. It is immature to avoid conflict because 'you don't want to hurt the persons feelings'. Feelings get hurt. It's part of life and relationships. It's how you approach it and resolve things that matter. And you guys are having a communication breakdown. Reflect. This could be a great chance for the two of you to work through this and carry on stronger than ever. Or it could be an ending. It is still unknown. I know I'm a bit blunt: please do not take it personally. It doesn't hurt to hear an outside perspective you may not be used to. Take care.
  13. itsallgrand
    It is tough looking for a job. Looking for a job is a job! A rough one. Perhaps its time to re-evaluate your approach. You know what? 200 applications in a year and a half really isn't very much. Many, many people are in your position. You will get through with persistence and some creativity. There is a book called "What colour is your parachute?". I highly recommend reading it and working it. It saved me a tonne of exasperation. I know what it is like to be in your position. You should be able to find it at a library if you can't afford to buy it, but it's worth buying IMO. There are so many approaches and tips to finding a job. The biggest thing is to stay positive and persistent, persistent, persistent. Good luck. Hope everything works out.
  14. itsallgrand
    I like a little bit of arrogance and directness. Not conceited and self-centered. Secure is the word I would use. Desperation or wanting me too bad is a sure-fire way for me to walk away - because though I want to feel wanted/needed, I do not want to be with someone who needs me to 'complete' him. That said: the man has to be kind, nice, considerate, and all those things as well. Shy guys can be cute and secure, without being brazen, and that is lovely too. So I like both approaches. If I like the guy, I like him and that is it. The rest is second in importance.
  15. itsallgrand
    How about.....get angry?! Do you actually find it 'considerate' of him to be calling you and everyone you are close to 'to check if you're okay' after HE broke up with YOU?! Maybe you do. For arguments sake, I'll tell you my perspective: It is NOT considerate to be around, call, or otherwise 'hang' around someone whose heart you have broken. In fact, it is selfish. It isn't easy staying away from someone you care about - whether you be the dumper or dumpee. But time away to lick your wounds is CRUCIAL. You need to be able to process what he has said without worrying about him right now. After you break up with someone, you do not get the luxury of knowing how they are, where they are, etc. No way. You give that up when you say "It's over". Another point of view: in 2 years the two of you never fought?! That seems odd to me. All people argue. Passions rise, adrenaline rushes, and negative feelings and doubts are dealt with. The difference between healthy/unhealthy is in how it is resolved and consistency of respect. Never fighting is NOT a badge of a winning relationship. All that said, perhaps it was just time for the relationship to end. Many lovely furfilling relationships are not life-long or nearly as long as we'd like. I don't know. I'm sorry for the pain you are in. I truly do feel that you need to establish some space from him for at least a while......to figure out where you are and to get over this hurt. Best wishes.
  16. itsallgrand
    Hiki, I am worried about you. I hope you found someone to talk to, because you shouldn't try and do this all alone. You're hurting bad right now, and I am so sorry about that. Please go see a doctor. This is much more than the breakup blues. You can get past this. There is hope. You do need to reach out and keep trying, trying, trying though. I know how difficult it can be. You are important though and you need some help getting over this hurdle. Hope all is well. Take care Hiki.
  17. itsallgrand
    hazlcha, Thanks for the reply. That definetly is food for thought. I asked him those questions. He couldn't give solid answers. So I am still not 100% sure. The thing is, even in the best possible scenario: the communication broke down and he chose a passive-aggressive way to give me a message. That drives me crazy. I would not want a repeat performance. The replies are giving me things to think about, tho. Thank you.
  18. itsallgrand
    Oh, to answer your earlier q: I asked him point blank if he had been seeing anyone else while he was away. He hesistated. I asked again (impressing myself that I sounded calm) and told me "actually, I did meet someone." I asked if he had slept with her. If he was interested in pursuing a relationship with her. "Haven't slept with her, but really like her." pfffttah!! It's true. It is good to know now. It's a big blow to the ego though! Not that that is a huge deal. It hurts my heart because I obviously thought we had a future. I will get over it. I follow no religion, but I find Satanism to have many valuable aspects to it. It is much different than I originally suspected. Thanks for the help. Very much appreciated.
  19. itsallgrand
    Hey, Ultimately only you can know and choose what you want to do. But here's a few things to think about: Possibly telling her exactly what you posted here: "I am tired. I want to be with you. However, I it is exhausting me trying to guess how you are feeling and if we are okay." You could ask her where she is at and if she plans to be moving. A more concrete answer. Then, you will have more info to make decisions with. You could choose a course of action with confidence. It seems you do care for her a lot. I really do think you two just need to communicate more. Some people are better at it than others. You'll have to decide if her faults(which may never change) are tolerable and workable in the long run. Good wishes.
  20. itsallgrand
    What?! It's interesting to see these replies. How can a 'break' be considered a trial breakup? No. I was very clear that I wanted to remain exclusive and that the seperation was for sanity's sake. He agreed and knew the 'rules' for being with me. I also do not agree that a loving couple can not take breaks. It's time to oneself, and perfectly healthy in my opinion. So long as the relationship stays in the focus and firstmost. Thank you for the replies.
  21. itsallgrand
    Hellfrost, Oh yes, I believe you are right. It upsets me though because, well, frankly, I would hope that a partner of mine would be able to deal with his feelings more maturely than this. He had an opportunity to tell me how it made him feel. He could have handled it differently. I'm not perfect for sure. It is the malicious, underhanded way he let me know he no longer loves me that sucks. It is my first time dealing with this. You are a satanist? Very interesting religion/philosophy.
  22. itsallgrand
    Hi Demond. Well, what is it that you would like to see happen in the near future? What do YOU want? Is she leaving and not coming back? Is there any realistic possibility for the relationship to carry on and grow? I'm 26. In my opinion, the two of you need to talk talk talk. You need to be real direct and get it out there. What you want and need from her. What you can give. And she needs to tell you these things too. If she won't - then she may never. It's sad but true. She may not know how to at this point in her life. It's all up to you. Remember: it's your life and if she is disrespecting you, it is your responsibility to defend yourself. Good luck.
  23. itsallgrand
    A long relationship ended with cheating. On his part. Not mine. It had been rocky for a while before, no doubt about it. He was leaving for work for a month, like he often does. I asked for a break during his time working. A time to clear our heads and so that I could focus on myself and my problems (which were affecting the relationship negatively and I knew it). I made it clear I loved him and wanted to make things work. I only needed that time to organize, and he wasn't going to be home anyways. He agreed. And he met someone else. Or possibly already knew her, I can't know for sure. And he displayed this for me to see via his messenger id. Her name and his feelings were right there for me to see whenever I would log on. He knew I would see it. Here I was worrying and working and thinking of ways to make our relationship better, and to make him happy. And he is doing god knows what with someone else. I consider it cheating. I am so angry when I think about it. So cowardly. So cruel. So thoughtless of me and so very disrespectful. I don't understand. Not at all. I understand we had difficulties and it was affecting him too. I do not understand turning to someone else before finishing and dealing with our relationship. He knew it was a deal breaker for me. He knew I could not be with him after something like that. He knew it would cut me to the heart. I have been depressed and ill for a long time. That was my problem. Somehow this break up is firing me up to do well in my life again and get better. Part of it is I want to be happy on my own terms for once. And part of it is I want to show the world and myself that he can not get me down. I may cry sometimes, and it hurts like my heart is being eaten alive, but I can't let him 'win'. Why are people so careless and heartless and stupid - to cheat?! I'm sorry. I have no sympathy. Just be a man/woman and end the relationship you do not want to be in anymore! Say it to their face! Show self respect! In a way I am happy to be rid of him now. his character. It just hurts bad right now. And I hate that.
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