Hiki

It's not the end of the world. But it is the end of my dreams.

One of the suggestions I've tried- used medicine they've handed me... and it doesn't really do much... It makes me feel all right for a day or two, then I just fall back into a mutilative, deep depression the next day. EDIT: I'm still hoping I can talk to someone through AIM or MSN.

I've tried a lot of what you've suggested in those few months I've been through. It hasn't worked out. I've tried focusing on myself and I've maintained a strict no-contact rule. However, I still feel extremely miserable... and it's becoming worse by the day. The only reason I had posted here is because a friend of mine pestered me for weeks to do so. I think this would be easier if I could talk to someone through AIM or something, and probably explain my problem more in-depth. >.

There's been a lot of bull * * * * in my life before I met him, but I don't want to talk about that. I've tried visiting a counselor, and it didn't work. I'm still doing the same things I've done before. I don't think "spending time" to get to know myself will work, because I know who I am... in my eyes: hopeless and worthless.

I've asked a friend to register and post this here for me: It's been almost four months... a very long and depressing four months without him. We're done, our relationship is finished, and to show for it: our conversations escalate into arguments and fights at the earliest point of 'hello'. I've never been happier when I'm with him... the room is 110% more colorful to me. When he isn't there, I don't see a thing at all. I don't want to become involved into what had happened to us, but these past four months... I just couldn't take my mind off him. I would daydream constantly about him. Every night I would have a dream about him -- from a future dream that had been put on our (or my) worthless list to him picking me up and putting me to bed and doing our wildest fantasies. When I think of reality, I think of nightmare... I think of hell. That's what my reality is: a nightmare from hell. I used to involve myself into self-mutilation a lot after we had been finished. A lot of his friends had commended him for removing me from his life. They had said to him, "Good job, you don't want to be living with a depressed, psychotic person like her. Just move on and find someone who isn't such a worrying * * * * *." I don't want him back... because I can't have him back anymore. I cry myself to sleep every night, and every night since then. What do I do to forget him? I don't know how to move on... I don't want to go to psychiatry like a friend of mine suggested. I am hoping there is some way out of this. I know the textbook response: "You will find someone better," it's stupid, but it's true. But I can't find myself to believe in that response when I can't even stop thinking about him 24/7. I'm addicted, and I don't know how to quit. There isn't a patch. Thanks.