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itsallgrand

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Everything posted by itsallgrand

  1. itsallgrand
    You can't change someone. End of story. I do believe people can and do change, but it by their own effort. No one else has anything to do with it. Love him as he is or leave. Sorry to be so blunt, but life is too short. It's a hard lesson to learn - to take people as they are - but it saves so much agony and wasted time. good luck.
  2. itsallgrand
    Hey Sean. Sounds like you in a transitional period. This stuff will pass. Concentrate on your new life and what makes you happy. You're not a loser. That's just talk in your head letting you know 'time for some changes'. You aren't the same person you were before. It takes some time coming to terms with new aspects of ourselves, and finding a new comfortable place to be. You'll get there. Venting is good.
  3. itsallgrand
    Men like to compete with each other. I'm a woman. In that situation, I would back off and see what happens. If Curtis really likes you, he will work it through with his friend and find a way to date you. You'll get a chance to see if his interest is sincere or competition. You'll have to let matt know you are not interested no matter what. You could spend time with C. independently at the right time. Getting in the middle of two friends is a recipe for trouble. Letting each relationship stand alone is better.
  4. itsallgrand
    There is some quality in me that doesn't allow cheating to ever be an option. I wouldn't cheat. Trust or not. But my sense of loyalty and devotion to a person increases with the level of trust. Knowing that someone else is counting on me to hold to certain standards keeps me sharp and a better woman (I think). It serves as a spur to the values and qualities I cherish. I feel better able to stand tall and strong in any situation with someone who has earned my trust. They would know where I was at.
  5. itsallgrand
    EmptySoul, Thanks for sharing this. You told the story beautifully. I hope to get to see a new picture of you soon - one where you are smiling. A friend of mine used to joke "Ohh so the eyeliner is thick today. That means it's a sad or angry day." For me, it was true. Self expression is such a wonderful thing. Good post.
  6. itsallgrand
    I am curious to hear if anyone else out there has a list of things they are looking for in a partner. If so: is it in your head, or physically written down? What does your list consist of? I am a very verbal person. I like seeing words laid out before me or spoken in my ear. So I have been keeping a list since I first began dating. It has changed a lot, been revised, snickered at by me, neglected, gone back to. I am still mourning the end of my last relationship which ended a few weeks ago. I found my list again and have been reevaluating. Love to hear what you have to say on this.
  7. itsallgrand
    The first quote rings very true for me. I hear it as "Our expectations of love do not reflect what actually exists" Or "Our desires for love and our abilities to provide it are often differing; but both stand independently in reality" Could be for good or ill. What's with all the morbid or sad associations with it? Interesting. The second quote doesn't relate to the first at all in my world. It means I care for you but don't want you in my life as a partner anymore.
  8. itsallgrand
    You may be coming accross as a Snob. Not saying you are, but hearing you describe the stores you buy clothes from made me flich and want to look away..... People judge based on all sorts of conceptions in their heads. It's split second. It may not be pleasant or accurate always, but it is a truth. You may consider relaxing your image a bit and trying some new things out of your usual comfort zone. This will widen the girls who will see you as attractive and approachable. Also you'll grow as a person and see yourself in new ways. And, yes, some women are intimidated by very handsome men. Or men who seem to live within a certain sector of soceity. Or men who are confident. That's just life. Not everyone is gonna like ya or feel comfortable getting to know ya. Take care.
  9. itsallgrand
    Having a friend with benefits seems to be the chic thing to do, but I don't see it as taking emotional strength. In many cases, it's just a bloody mess. Judge for yourself the character of the man. Drinking a lot in the early stages of dating is a red flag. There are many men in the world I fantastize about and would love to bed with based on lust. It is rare that I follow through on it, unless there are larger potentials to discover. Can you see yourself giving this guy an honest chance and see beyond his beauty. Beauty and Lust can blind the best of us sometimes. Good luck.
  10. itsallgrand
    I relate to this so well. The best bit of advice I can give you, that is tried tested and true for me, is practising Letting Go. I am so stubborn. I know exactly what you mean by saying "I feel I NEED TO BE IN CONTROL OF MY EMOTIONS". We don't want to be angry, upset. So we reject these feelings inside and they fester. Distraction is helpful for cooling down and getting perspective. Acknowledging, accepting, and letting go of the anger is the only way to go IMO. Takes practise, but it works. I am still learning.
  11. itsallgrand
    Hmm. That's a tough one. I think the men might be able to help; having to deal with it themselves. I don't have a penis so I'm not sure how I would handle that situation!
  12. itsallgrand
    Hear hear!! Variety is the key for me. Let's try this, let's try that, I feel lazy so we'll go slow n' spoon, I feel kinky so let's trying bendinggg....ouch! ...oh well, it was worth a try!
  13. itsallgrand
    Your a good mum for realizing there is going to be an adjustment needed so that things are easier on her. I don't think you have anything to feel bad about - you're just doing typical mum worrying! You have 6 months to ease her into new habits. That sounds adequate. You have all kinds of options, and I am sure you will find ways to deal with this so it's not a terribly painful transition. Of course, you'll miss your baby. Another mum thing. Keep in mind that you are doing these things for her best interest. It is hard watching a child get upset - but they tend to do that when they don't get their way. You are not hurting her, you're helping to make life easier for her when you are at work. And you are teaching her valuable skills early on. I hope you feel better soon. Congrats on your new job!
  14. itsallgrand
    Sounds pretty great. Are the two of you presently comfy with touching each other...like hugs, casual touching, that sort of thing? You might try something that allows you to back out gently if you get a friendship response, like " If I asked you out on a date, what would you think about that?" (flirty smile). He'll probably laugh or something, and either say something flirty back or pull back. You don't have to say exactly that, but you can begin flirting more and letting him know that you have an interest in him. I doubt your friendship will be rocked too hard with a gentle approach. Ya just gotta take risks, baby
  15. itsallgrand
    Good post, blender. In my experience, it's hard to see an ex especially when they are leaving town for a period of time. Whatever would happen during that contact would be left hanging in the air and lingering with you. It can easily throw a person off base. Blender's advice was good. I ditto it.
  16. itsallgrand
    I agree that if at 18 you are bored, it's dead.
  17. itsallgrand
    Hey, I hope I'm not replying too late. Is he out and open? As hard as it is, I think your best bet is being honest with him. Some people understand this and are willing to work with someone who is not ready to be completely out. Its very common, especially amongst men. Plus, think of it this way: Being 'out' really means being honest and integrated about who you are and how you portray yourself to the world. Being honest with potential partners about your hesistancy would be a big step towards that! Hope you are well.
  18. itsallgrand
    I love watching a man eat. Gluttony is not an attractive quality. It's a turn off. Healthy appreciation for food is a sign of health. Here's a tip: Before going out on dates, eat a little something-something. It sucks to be starving and not able to concentrate on the person you trying to get to know or enjoy.
  19. itsallgrand
    You will not be the cause of her breakup. That is her decision, and her responsibility alone. So, on to the next worry...being a rebound. That is a possibility. She may also see you as a way out of her current relationship; an excuse. Maybe not. Maybe their relationship is simply over. However her end pans out, it is up to you to decide if she is worth the risk of waiting for. Weigh pros and cons. One thing to consider for 'next time' or whatever: Why put yourself in a position like this to begin with? There are plenty of single women. Perhaps part of her appeal stems from comfort of knowing you had to be friends first. A lot of speculations on my part! Good luck with everything.
  20. itsallgrand
    You're joining the Navy. You sound intelligent and in control of your decisions. That said, I will be the brutal biotch here: What's wrong with him? is my first thought. You are 17. You seem mature for your age. Some people do mature earlier. But a mature 17 is still a baby to a mature 28. Ya gotta wonder: why doesn't he want a woman? When you 25, 30, etc.... You may just look back and think "What was wrong with him?". Men I would have dated at 20, I would not date now. IMO, the older you get the less it matters in age gaps. For example: a 40 yr old w/ a 50 yr old would be no big deal. But in the younger years, the age difference is more acute. You are a girl and he is a man. I think you will be alright, so long as you stick to your original plan. Best wishes.
  21. itsallgrand
    No prob. I'll help however I can. Actually, you got me kinda interested in boxing.... It looks killer hard! Fun, too.
  22. itsallgrand
    mjc, Sounds like something clicked for you. woo hoo! Now instead of the time machine, concentrate on what's immedietly around you. The Present. You know now - so you'll know when you are being a chicken! And you can simply take a deep breath and go ahead even if you are scared. Also, how is it that y'all have missed out on upfront direct girls. I bet you haven't. I bet you turned them away. Anyways, good for you for trying to work through it Mjc.
  23. itsallgrand
    Personally, I would just go to the hospital. It's probably nothing serious, but anything that shows up persists and has you this worried is worth checking out. Then again...I don't pay for hospital bills.
  24. itsallgrand
    Okay, wow, this is really interesting. Keep in mind I don't know a whole lot about boxing! Google strength training boxers. A whole tonne of stuff comes up. This one is from a site I consider reliable; and its a good primer/info. link removed Man, you need a coach, maybe?! lol. Sounds like you are doing all you can with what you've got, but wow...what a lot to learn and do to become a boxer! Do you frequent any boxing clubs or gyms? That may be a good way to get solid help. I've found the best way to 'speed ahead' in any sport is to go directly to the pros and those who have been where you are. Saves so much time mucking around oneself. Sorry that's so little help, but this is a bit out of my league... Even if you were to ask whether what you are lifting is enough, I wouldn't be able to tell you. You need someone who knows you and your goals. Take care.
  25. itsallgrand
    Hmm. You sound confused. I'm sorry things are so rough right now. Well, you know you two are still in contact right? NC means: nada. No emails. No picking up bikes. etc. I think it's pretty normal that after seeing or hearing from someone we have had such deep feelings for, we want to see 'em again. It's like a mental trigger that puts that person back in our frontal vision. I have no clue what you need to do. Sorry. But I understand that it's tough for you right now.
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