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itsallgrand

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Everything posted by itsallgrand

  1. itsallgrand
    Sometimes they can. Just be careful. Take it slow. I too worry about the age difference and the fact that you met under a teacher-student setting. You may feel you are pulling all the strings, but it never is so. He has his own life experience and intentions. Not to sound harsh, but he has probably met many girls similiar to you. Being an instructor really teaches you a lot about human dynamics, and you pick up on who is looking for what. Not trying to sound too alarmist, just being big-sisterly. Good luck.
  2. itsallgrand
    I can't properly diagnose your gf, but it sounds like she needs council. Big Time. She displays a lot of classic behaviors of someone who does not have healthy boundaries, and is not able to express her sexuality. Women who have suffered abuse often go to extremes: No sex or little sex or associating sexually with 'dirtiness', or they may act out the opposite way and become promiscious. Her 'kinky' seems to be her repessed sexuality coming through the cracks. It may also be a sign of much deeper issues. I can't be sure. Given what you have posted though; I think talking to professional would be very helpful to her. take care
  3. itsallgrand
    Nope, but that sounds like an interesting idea....
  4. itsallgrand
    I never really got the music-during-sex thing. And a TV: I would hate that! Too distracting. If the music's playing and things got heavy, that was fine, but I've always preferred hearing animal noises. Some music I've liked at those times: Saucy jazz any decent R&B rock (robert plant...ahh!ahhh!) hehee. Victor Wooten was a goood one. That's something you can really get into. Have fun!
  5. itsallgrand
    What exactly about it is bothering you? Can you pinpoint it? Is it because he is spending so much time with his mother when he could be with you? Is it because you feel their relationship may be inappropriate? (Did he sleep in her bed with her in it?, type of thing, or other weird behavior). Is it because you are afraid of being alone? Let's try and figure out what is bothering you, then we can figure out what you want to do. Is he a mama's boy? I mean - the two of you are 25 and living together, and yet chose to live right next to the parent(s). Most (not all) folks at this age like to put some distance and begin building their own life away from the family. I'm not saying cutting off the family: but a healthy distance.
  6. itsallgrand
    I want to say something to all the men who b*tch and moan about women not being assertive enough: Is it possible that you actually want to kick back and do none of the work? Before anyone gets defensive, hear me out please. I have played enough games to know that there are all kinds in this world. Some men like...nay, only respond to..an aggressive, cocky woman. These guys are like the girls they moan about. Truth is, they enjoy being passive. 'Cause then, well, they can have someone chasing them. I've played the princess, and I've played the in-your-face-demanding role. Truth is, neither way attracts the kind of partner I want. Passivity brings BigEgos, Aggression brings Weaklings. Just think about. Men and woman are human beings. Before turning the finger to the opposite sex.....consider how you are relating to the world. Are you being yourself or are you playing out some tired role that has been drilled in your head since you were a babe? Thanks. I mean no offence. I just wanted to share that.
  7. itsallgrand
    This is a great thread. #5. Accept your love for him. Yeah. I'm having a little bit of trouble with that one right now. I know I need to go there, but as it stands I feel like 'he doesn't deserve my love, so I'm gonna will all love feelings away'. Make sense to anyone? I could use some insight and a little nudge.
  8. itsallgrand
    nicole, I read your other post and this one as well. In my opinion, it would do you very good to turn your attention to other things right now. NC sounds like a good idea to me. Not because you guys don't like each other, but for YOU nicole. I know it is hard. He has left the gates of contact open, so there is no harm in stepping back and settling yourself square. A chance to begin to learn to live without him as such an important part of your life. A chance to explore you and create a new set of habits for yourself. You can always be friends later. It seems there is no reason why that can't happen. You'll have a much better chance of having a solid friendship if both of you are settled up. Don't feel bad about contacting him. It happens. Just recognize that he is moving on, and you deserve to do whatever you need to do to move on too. best wishes
  9. itsallgrand
    Raven, I'm sorry you're in that situation. How difficult. I'm not too sure what you can do other than keeping contact minimal and at a rate that you can handle. That's a lot of stress; and as you probably already know, when people don't want help there isn't much anyone can do. Have you contacted any local groups? I know there are support groups in my city for families dealing with schizophrenic family members, and for the individuals themself. It could be a great resource of people who know what you are going through. Good luck.
  10. itsallgrand
    Both are 'bye bye' moments. But carnal sex is easier to deal with than knowing the other person has fallen in love with someone else while you still love them to pieces. Yes, the emotional intimacy is worse.
  11. itsallgrand
    If it's just out of curiosity, then don't bother. If you run into her then there ya go, but other than that it could be somewhat annoying or weird. Unless you have a valid reason that isn't just curiosity/boredom.
  12. itsallgrand
    Interesting. I really think it is, only it has such cultural/social wirings that most people do not see it as such. I smoke, and am constantly aiming to quit. The better I feel - stronger - the easier it is to live without cigarettes. The intention may not always be to self harm, but that is exactly what we are doing when we smoke. It is a poor coping mechanism, a system of rituals and habits, and can be self medicating. Smoking is actually a very complicated matter when I think about it! lol.
  13. itsallgrand
    He's just not ready to, for whatever reasons. Go by his actions, not his words. Only you know how long you are willing to wait around for him to change. He may never do it.
  14. itsallgrand
    I'm gonna say something and please don't take it the wrong way. Please no flaming because it is just my personal opinion and anyone can take it or leave it. Never sleep with a man who will not go down on you.
  15. itsallgrand
    I don't get it either. Did you grow up in country? (I'm joking. Sort of. If you are from the country you'll understand.) I dunno. I'm upfront. I'm a woman. I'm your age. And I have troubles in this area too. I can find people I am interested in, but things never seem to work out the way I would like. You are a young man yet. It's spring. Maybe some of the spring-juice will increase your sucess this year. I'm rooting for ya anyhow, and that's worth something.
  16. itsallgrand
    Always, always, always treat allegations of abuse in a serious way. Act as if it were true, even though there is the slight possibility that it may not be. Tell her you are making arrangements for her to meet with a councillor/therapist. This calls her to the floor. If she was hurt, there are a million reasons her story wouldn't make sense. If you have shown disbelief or brushed it aside, and she really was abused, you could give her 'secondary trauma'. It's like the body and mind receiving a repeat of what happened before. It can really harm a person's ability to heal and come to terms. If she is lying, your actions of taking it seriously can not hurt. Just make sure to follow through and have her taken to the proper places. She needs to be helt accountable. She entrusted you with the information, but because it involves serious allegations against someone else, it needs to be dealt with. I'd love to hear how things work out.
  17. itsallgrand
    Hehe. Cool. There was some funny stuff in your post. I don't know if you necessarily see it as funny right now, but there are some good stories. And some of your descriptions cracked me up.
  18. itsallgrand
    You are entitled to your feelings. They do not seem unreasonable given the circumstances. The question is: What needs to happen so that you can stop the feeling of being disrespected in its tracks? That's a bad place to go with someone you care for. What specifically would you like her to do?
  19. itsallgrand
    Keep going if you still have stuff to get rid off.
  20. itsallgrand
    That's a good post Corvidae. I used to enjoy being chased, I did that with my first serious relationship. I can now look back and see "Oh my god I was such a princess. O! Fair prince! Rescue me from the dark tower!" I think the fairy tales and cultural conditioning got to me, and I surely was not the first or only one. Women are conditioned differently. It's a fact. The nice thing about being an adult is being able to consciously choose our behavior with a little bit of experience and wisdom in us. We can pull away from the misconceptions we were taught and learn for ourselves what works and what doesn't.
  21. itsallgrand
    She needs to stop talking to him and feeding his behavior. As her friend, you can encourage her in the right direction, but it is her life and her choice. Let her know that she has no control over his decisions. He is responsible for his own life whether he wants to be or not. Yes, it is tough. It is very heartbreaking to have to turn away someone who is obviously hurting so badly. But when that person begins hurting yourself, you must act. In essense, he is manipulating her into staying in contact with him/listening by threatening to kill himself. She doesn't have any obligation to allow herself to be manipulated or threatened by anyone! She is not showing love by continuing to stay in contact. She is being manipulated and it isn't helping anyone. You can attempt to make her see that, but I repeat that it is her call. Take care. Hope your friend finds her way out of the rabbit hole.
  22. itsallgrand
    Wow. Feel better after that nice vent, jonny?
  23. itsallgrand
    neo, I think nearly all women and girls go through phases like this. I certainly did. As I've gotten older, I've gotten more and more comfortable with my body the way it is. We only get one, might as well love it. I 'matured' early on and was jealous of the girls with reasonable sized breasts in high school. When I played sports, they bounced, and the older guys would hoot and holler at me and call me names like 'hooters'. It wasn't fun. Also, big boobs are a big pain in the back. They get saggy faster (think of those with big boobs when they are 50, hun!). Meanwhile, you'll still be kickin' it and not worrying about that. You can wear a shirt without a bra if you want; and not look and feel badly. Don't forget that as far as guys are concerned - all breasts are great! Truly, you have absolutely nothing to worry about. Oh, one more thing - when you have really big boobs guys tend to look at your chest and rarely at your face. It is demeaning and very annoying. Hope that helps.
  24. itsallgrand
    Well some girls are like that. I'm just saying not all are. Smart women catch on pretty early that men like to hear things direct. Girls are still learning!
  25. itsallgrand
    Haven't ya ever met an assertive woman? sheesh, I keep seeing posts like this. Maybe you aren't paying attention where ya need to be. If being pretty ain't enough for ya', only flirt with the women that give equally. Or would you prefer if one grabbed ya by the pants and tells ya point blank what to do? 'Cause there's aggressive girls too.
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