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itsallgrand

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Everything posted by itsallgrand

  1. itsallgrand
    I agree with the others. His mom and himself have developed an unhealthy codependency on each other - really, quite understandable given what they have been through as a family, but still it needs addressing. More than likely, it is nothing sexually inappropriate. It's impossible to know: but the odds are quite small. I would feel uncomfortable too. And I don't think you are over-reacting at all. You are beginning to realize how immature this guy is. It sounds like you'd like to be a family: have him home spending time with you, not feeling alone while with someone, etc. ALL perfectly fine things to ask for yourself. This sort of complicated issues on his part do not vanish overnight. Given that he was willing to see it as a problem, and work very hard on it, and make all the changes necessary: it would still take a long time. You're at a crossroads. Do you feel you could be happy with this man? It would be a tough road. You have the option of moving on. Please take care. I truly do feel for you. You're in a difficult spot.
  2. itsallgrand
    If the two of you are good for each other - go for it! It's a good sign (I think) that you two are discussing the 'big issues': family, work, where you want to be, etc. That'll help a lot. I suppose everyone has their own ideas of who is okay to date and who is inappropriate. But with your ages: it's really a matter of taste and compatibility. best wishes
  3. itsallgrand
    Do you ever feel afraid of her? Is your relationship good overall - just this resentment ? It really depends on how you feel. One year is a long time. Why is it you have not been able to truly forgive her ? How old are the two of you?
  4. itsallgrand
    Well, a career can interfer with relationships if you are a workaholic. Or if you constantly put your career goals before people. Or if you refuse to support yourself at all. It's nice to be able to spend time with people who we care about. My thinking is: I work to eat and live my life the way I choose. Soul-rotting jobs are like soul-rotting relationships: it's not worth what you pay for. Sometimes ya gotta do things to survive, but that's desperate measures. Of course though I agree that they all affect each other. It's simply personal priorities, eh.
  5. itsallgrand
    Question: He's in the marines, right? So, if you were to go move to Cali, how often would he actually be home? Would he be stationed in new places often? Would you be expected to move with him or stay home and live that lifestyle? It is a very big decision, and not easy. Is there anything at all out in Cali for you besides him? What goals do you have for yourself: university wise, career wise, friend wise, etc....and how would these be affected/delayed if you do move out there? If things were to go wrong..?
  6. itsallgrand
    That makes sense. Yeah, it can be very annoying when someone clams up or has trouble discussing their feelings. I know the temptation to push push push allll too well. I've found that though we get 'more' out of them, they may being saying things just to shut us up and get us off their backs! Sometimes they just 'give up' and tell us what they think we want to hear, until we relent. Maybe he won't open up with the 'layed back n' listening' approach. But it's something different to try. best wishes
  7. itsallgrand
    Yes, listen to him and believe what he tells you. I have a feeling he has some feelings bottled up. I know it may seem hard, bc I do know where your thinking is coming from, but once you have said something once - and he has let you know he's heard you - it's enough. Give him the space to make his own decisions. He already knows you do not want him to smoke in front of you. He already knows you care and want the relationship to work. Perhaps if you can stop yourself from making comments, he will spill some truths. He may not be willing to stop smoking around you in the long term. If that's so; accept it. Same goes for anything else he may tell you. Accepting him for what he is ....it's so important. He may not be the one for you anymore. Talk it through and see where things Really stand. good luck
  8. itsallgrand
    They are all excellent points. I really like this post. Number 7 is my favorite. Reminds of that saying, now this isn't exactly how it goes but I'm sure someone will know what I am talking about "Give an inch and they'll take a mile." The ones who don't - those are the keepers.
  9. itsallgrand
    So what do you think about the advice so far? An input?
  10. itsallgrand
    Yup, you just need to practise saying "NO". Try it in front of a mirror for a while. Sounds corny, but it helps. Go through the scenario, rehearse it, and then do it. Keep this is mind: When someone takes advantage of your generosity, and they know how to do it, they are actively manipulating you. They are being a jerk by attempting to manipulate. You have no obligation to be 'nice'. If a man came up to you and attempted to steal your wallet, would you feel bad for stopping him from taking it? Hell no! You'd probably shout 'No' and do everything in your power to stop him. This is the same thing. They are stealing your time and energy you need for you and your baby. You'll see. It's very empowering to be able to say 'No'. The demands will lessen with time, and they will be asking you how they can help!
  11. itsallgrand
    You may believe that the two of you have reached comprimises, but he obviously feels differently. He feels like the two of you are going through the same issues. I think your best chance in this situation is to simply sit back and truly listen to him. Attempt to hold your tongue. Just hear him. Take what he says as his truth. Attempt not to interrupt or point out how he is 'wrong'. It sounds like he already knows how you feel. You can't change people. If he has issues of running away when things get tough: he needs to deal with those on his own. It is better to accept them on face value and deal with it on those terms. It is very tempting to want to 'save' another person. It usually ends up driving the other person away bc they feel like the other person is a mother/father constantly on their back. Just try loosing up your grip for a little while. I wish you happiness.
  12. itsallgrand
    You could try: Asking him point blank why he is contacting you after all this time. The next time he txts or calls or whatever: just ask. If he has a stupid answer like 'umm, i dunno, just wanted to chat': Bad sign. He has some intent in contacting you: make him own it. I do not understand why you are even considering taking him back; but that is your choice. good luck
  13. itsallgrand
    Friends give necklaces, too. My female friends have given me beautiful pieces of jewelry as gifts. Unless it was obvious that you spent a lot of money on it, or went to some very special place to get it just for her: the message is still vague. She will probably get that you like her as a person. The gift was lovely; and she knows you were thinking of her and went out of your way to get her something. have fun.
  14. itsallgrand
    I'm curious to hear more about this. Unempathetic towards guys feelings in which matter; exactly? Which feelings? Can you be more specific? The q is not just for corvidae; but anyone who feels that way and has something to say. I think there's an opportunity for some decent dialogue here. God knows I'm not perfect and still have a lot to learn - like most of us. Yet the rants are a waste of space. There should be special "I hate women" "I hate men" threads for people to vent on or something.
  15. itsallgrand
    Only the creepy ones are like that. Some have professional integrity. Besides, there are straight female trainers who do the same job.
  16. itsallgrand
    Cut contact. You owe him nothing. One month of exchange with a liar: chalk it up as a learning experience. After one month you were ready to go to another country to see this guy? Too early. Too early to be saying 'I love you" and mean it. Too early to commit to anyone or anything you have not being able to test in reality. Sorry if that comes accross harsh. I know it can be easy to get 'wrapped up' in situations like this. But you owe him nothing. If you decide to move forward with him - I would be prepared for more of the same - and WORSE.
  17. itsallgrand
    You seem to have the madonna/ * * * * * categories in your head. Poor fellow.
  18. itsallgrand

    opinion

    itsallgrand replied to khujo56's topic in Dating Advice

    I agree with DN. Some people's families are just like that.
  19. itsallgrand
    Yeah sorry...I had a bit of trouble there. By the time I realized my mistake, it was up and seen...it should be edited now. I hope.
  20. itsallgrand
    lol. I'm sure some of them do. It's unprofessional. What a way to ruin a career! Did you hire this guy as a way to spend time with him and get a date? If so, why not just ask him out and tell him the truth. Then get another trainer. You're paying for his skills in helping you meet fitness/athletic goals. Not for a date. Respect that it is his job - and if he is good he is not going to respond too much to your advances. I would imagine a little bit of flirting isn't that bad; but you're setting yourself up for trouble wanting your trainer as more than a nice piece of eye-candy.
  21. itsallgrand
    I don't get it. Why do you care? If he's the only one you've been with, and it's good, why compare? You can't compare because he's the only one you've been with. After you've been with others, and mentally compare, you will realize how silly it is. The aim to be pleasured with the man you love. If that is happening; you've achieved the goal. Sure, a bigger penis is gonna feel different than an average sized or below average sized one. Is it better? Depends on what you like and how you think. I could personally care less. Sex is a heck of a lot more than penis-vaginal penetration. It all feels good! my 2 cents
  22. itsallgrand
    Yes, let the spring-juice course through your veins. I'm actually trying to get accross a serious message, 'ere. You come accross as a very nice, decent man. Intelligent, educated, and with a level head. You're good looking. I'm here giving ya a nudge to do something a little crazy. Let the primal urges do their thing, take some risks you wouldn't normally, push your boundaries. It's worth a try , right? At the very least you could look back and go 'Whoa. That was a really amazing experience. I'm glad I tried that!" Don't worry about doing anything right for a chunk of time. Little thought, lots of action. Take care.
  23. itsallgrand
    Yes, I agree with the others. I feel for you. That is such a heartbreaking situation to be in. Lots of love and strength your way.
  24. itsallgrand
    hehee. That's a pretty big cue that's she's trying to get some attention. Women use clothes to communicate, I've noticed. We use all sorts of ways to communicate. We are annoying creatures sometimes. But, yeah, that's pretty common. Sometimes too I've noticed girls dolling up to 'get back' at men. Like "look at how gorgeous i am and you can't have it'
  25. itsallgrand
    Wow. This is better than any movie I could rent! Except...it constantly teases and never satisfies. Let us know what happened! You can begin charging admission and make some money out of the deal. I hope you asked her out. I have to admit: I'm developing a wee crush on Patience reading this thread. Direct communication is the way to go: especially now for you! Going out for coffee is sooo easy. Do you think it's possible that you are more attracted to the fantasy aspect of this relationship? I mean, the fact that it has gone on this long and never developed past flirting kind of tips me off in that direction. You certainly can't call it love yet. There have been no 'reality checks' to deal with. In a way, that would simplify things for you a whole lot. If it is the drama and fantasy that is attracting you, you can deal with that easily and target your need elsewhere. Anyways, wishing you the best of luck. Whatever you choose to do.
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