itsallgrand
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Everything posted by itsallgrand
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monsier, I really disagree with you. Friendship is not 'second prize'. In fact, in order for a woman to be friends with a man over a long period of time, and for it to work, the man has to be worth his salt. It's harder to find friends in this world than love-interests. A friend is a friend to the end It's natural that sometimes one 'friend' (male or female) may develop a sexual or romantic interest for the other. It's how it is dealt with. I mean, sometimes you don't choose who you will fall for. But if the person is your friend, and your interests are politely declined, it is dignified and appreciated to step back ....and not to guilt the other person for not wanting more. just my thoughts
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I hear you, teddybear. Sorry, I wasn't directing my post at you: just happened to be writing at the same time you were! It does suck when that happens. Not very 'classy' on the part of the person doing the pushing and guilting. Unfortunately, it happens sometimes. ick.
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Well, there are all sorts of situations of male friends that have worked for me. Of course some don't work. *gay men *older men who see me in a 'grand-daughterly' way, or in a 'daughterly' way *men who simply are not attracted to me, for one reason or another, or who might have some attraction yet never let it get in the way or show it *men who i have been attracted to physically in a way, and who have been attracted to me; but bc we know each other so well the level shifts to 'sisterly' 'brotherly' love...can talk about sex the same way we'd talk about making supper. Maybe all male friends who are in range do get some sexual arousal at some point, I think I've probably crushed on most of the guys i've got lasting friendships with, but it passes and isn't an issue. It's a respect of each other as humans first. Men will never be friends the way a woman can be with another woman; but who would want it to be otherwise really. same goes for men with their male friends.
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Ohh, well I'm glad to hear you called. But you two are still together now?? You didn't make the break?
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It's tricky. Are you good friends with this guy? If you go for it, the friendship will change. You already know you might get emotionally involved. This is gonna sound bad, but it is so much easier to have 'fun' and casual sex with someone we don't already care about. Otherwise, it's only natural to want to look out for the person, consider their interests, all that jazz. Casual sex..is, well, casual sex. This is how I see it: you want the benefits of a solid relationship, but none of the risks or complications. Very few people can pull this off.
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I think it comes down to ignorance. If we (people) knew that leading on wasn't truly going to bring ourselves or others happiness, we wouldn't do it. Seems once a person 'gets' this; they stop.
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Well, what you could do is take the email, look it through for the truly important points you want to make, prep yourself, then call her and tell her you need to talk. Go through what you need to say calmly. If she refuses to listen; there is nothing you can do about that. Tell her your goodbyes and that is that. Give Her the Benefit of the Doubt and the courtesy/respect to share your feelings personally. The email is a very bad idea. Please don't do it.
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How about a telephone call? Yes, it will be difficult. However, it would be much kinder to do it as personally as possible. Three years is a long time to end with a long email.
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What did she do last time? Is she violent/ abusive? If not, I urge you to tell her in person.
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I echo Dako's sentiments. I don't know much about you at all, but you ooze a talent that is rare. I only wish you were not suffering so.
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Yup, I would. Especially if she didn't defend me w/ the bf making fun. An apology would be a good thing. I too wouldn't share anymore secrets with her. What's told in confidence is meant to be kept btw the two people involved.
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She feels guilty bc she realized she didn't handle things very nicely. Question: what are your intentions in talking to her again?
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The others made good points so I won't repeat them. What came to my mind is: Maybe this is a simple case of laziness. YOU supported him through school, when jobs went bust. YOU willingly pick up the slack. So what motivation does he really have to change? He has it sweet! He may very well be a great guy; but he isn't pulling his weight. Self esteem issues are not an excuse: I may feel like garbage sometimes, but I still have to drag myself to work and I still have to treat those around me with respect. You need to stop doing everything.
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couple of things: *she may not be truly interested and just likes the attention/ear *she sucks at communicating and expects you to do all the work - in which case you can either - back off and see if she gets 'upset' or calls you. Use it as an opportunity to tell her you are interested in getting to know her more, but would love if she would make more of an effort to reach out -push it, keep calling first all the time, and watch her sit back and keep doing this, til you feel nuts -confront her right away, tell her you like her but need for her to make an effort too -find someone else good luck
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Yes. It's a lot easier to do this when neither is attracted to the other.
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It depends on you. On the one hand, it might help to see her and note she is a normal human being. Nothing left to imagine. Put your thoughts about it to rest. On the other, it might make you feel worse. It may cause you to think about it even more. Personally, I would stay away. I don't think the thought is crazy, it's pretty natural after all he has been saying to you. BUT - his attempt to make you feel insecure is working. His words to you were mean. No matter about this girl - this is about you feeling cruddy after he has treated you badly. You're questioning if you're okay. Don't give him that. There is nothing wrong with you. He is the one being a jerk.
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Opening car doors and other good manners: sign of interest?
itsallgrand replied to Naomi's topic in Dating Advice
I wouldn't read too much into it. If you truly liked him even before he did this for you, why not just show some interest his way. See what he does, then. -
I think it's pretty cruddy that anyone who otherwise was interested wouldn't go on a date with you simply bc of your height. Very much their loss! I do understand preferences, but don't get why a gal would lose out on a good man over something so unimportant. Love is strange. I've had preferences for certain physical characteristics, but sometimes Bam! I've fallen for someone with traits I would never have guessed I'd find sexy. Yet I do. Try not to freak out about it. There are so many women who this is not an issue for. And for the ones who find it an issue - well, it probably wouldn't have worked out anyhoo.
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Monogamy isn't for everyone, and that is their choice. No big deal. But, correct me if I'm wrong, swinging is not infidelity. It's not cheating if it is agreed upon by both partners.
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All good stuff. Makes me happy. I actually just have a personal passion against drinking & driving. It's nasty.
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Of course you can change your behavior and personality! Absolutely, of course, never ever too late to change. I tend to disagree with 'professor'. Possibily that is a separate discussion. Main point: As you get older, it seems to take more effort to change. At your age, its a treat. How long have you been giving this a go? It takes time, reflection, lots of checks and balances, revelations, time, practice, time, practice, patience, time. Also; other people WILL resist the change you make. People hate change - especially in other people. They may love it in the end, but in general, people resist their friends/family/others changes. It's human. If your friend....who was a carefree guy...suddenly acted serious a lot...you'd probably blink a few times and go 'what's up with you?'. Just quietly continue watching yourself and practising. good luck.
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ladies what do you mean when you say that you'd like
itsallgrand replied to workaholic's topic in Sex and Romance
Yup. She may not be too good at expressing what she wants yet. So ya gotta talk. Personally, when I say "i like when you take control" it means, I like that you are already taking control and don't stop! lol. It's not really taking control if I'm asking for it. Sounds a bit complicated, but it's not really: once you get a feel for what your partner likes in the sack. -
Nope, it's not. There's more to play with. lol. It's simply a little fold a skin. The only possible problem w/ giving oral to an uncut guy is if he doesn't clean himself properly. But hey, cut guys may not be 'clean' all the time either eh. As far as sex goes I haven't noticed a difference?
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I love all penii. Honestly, makes no difference to me. It's allgrand.
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That's beautiful. That's a poem that truly sings in the ears. I hope you recite this one day: This poem needs to be spoken!