confusedmale

Ok, so now I delete her and block her from making contact w/ me and she sends me a txt message on my phone saying again "Im Happy you Sound Happy?"...PLEEEEEEEEASE SOMEONE HELP ME!!! WHAT IS SHE DOING?! I did not reply but id really like to talk to her and lay all the cards out on the table but I know she wont meet with me.

My bday just passed two days ago. Now, I hadnt heard from my ex in about 10 months prior to our break. I have also been stubborn not talking to her online b/c I want to talk in person if anything and also wanted her to make the first move b.c she was the one who made the break. She wished me a happy bday, i said thank you. then she just kept messaging me questions (ie how's the fam?, that kinda thing) anyway we chatted for about an hour and at the end I said we should go out for coffee sometime. She gave a quick "Really?" But, then I said, "it's alright to say no" b/c she hadnt responded for like 2 mins only putting ?'s every few seconds then responded w/ "Im Happy that you are happy" and then just logged off. Im sorry but what is she doing? I would have preferred no bday acknowledgement, then have that conversation. And she seemed to know alot about me that happened over the summer that not everyone know's and we dont have any real close friends. And the worst part is, im still in love with this girl. How pathetic am I

Thanks for the advice everyone. You (helloladies) mentioned that if I am trying to get back together with her to be honest and place all the cards on the table. The truth is, I hate games but she seems to love them which was another problem back when we broke up. So, thats something I want to avoid with this bday card. I expressed to her how I felt in a letter a month after she asked for space but didnt want me out of her life. Well, I havent been in her life for close to a year now b/c she wanted space, so i gave it to her as much as it hurt. I would love to talk to her about us but only if she wants to because she initiated the break. I feel I have done all I can do from that end. So, I will keep it sweet and simple. Thanks again everyone.

hey everyone, its my ex's bday coming up in 2 weeks and I need some advice. we have been broken up since Dec 05 and the last time we spoke was at a friends wedding where she was texting me looking for me and when I went to speak with her she was very distant. so, since then we havent spoken. now we broke up on good terms (if there is such a thing) as much as it hurt, but yet she has shown no interest in my life nor have I in hers just because I am stubborn and everyone tells me she has to be the one to make an effort (who made that rule anyway?) I still care about her and know, through friends, that she is doing well. I want to send her a card for her bday im just wondering what to write. Do I add a small letter? Keep it 'Short and sweet'? I dated her for 4 yrs and know she is shy. Friends of hers would always call her or right her just talking about themselves and never take interest in her and that upset her a lot. In NOT so many words, I want her to know I am still her friend and have no heart feelings and would love to hear from her. What would you guys suggest?

So here is my situation, I have been seeing this girl for about a month and a half. It started off very well and we saw each other about 3-4 times a week in the first 3 weeks. Then she went on vacation and since then we have seen each other 5 or 6 times in 3 weeks. Now one of my biggest concerns is her honesty. I was concerned because she was having problems with an ex and I asked her if she wanted to continue to see me or part ways so to speak. She assured me that it wasnt a problem and that she was having fun with me and wanted to continue to see me. Now, since then we have been having problems meeting up with each other and the other night I got upset because she had tentative plans with friends of hers but made plans with me first. However I got the short end of that stick. So I let her know I was upset and she fired right back at me with "My ex boyfriend used to always make plans with me and cancel at the last moment, so I always make back-up plans from now on so im not sitting at home on a Friday night. If you want to make plans you have to tell me where, when and what time and ill be there." As much as I hated that retort, we made an agreement that we would promise one another to make official "set in stone" plans at least once a week. So, here is my dilemma. On Sunday evening, she calls me to make plans for the week and we make plans for Wednesday evening. Then we talk on Monday evening and before getting off she says "Oh, just wanted to let you know, im supposed to be going to the beach wednesday afternoon and then I was supposed to go shopping with my mom downtown, so if you have other plans go with them and maybe we can meet up later. I just don't understand, do you think this girl is a lost cause? She kept saying that she wanted to get to know me better but we have only been out on two real dates in the span of a month and a half, all the other times have been just chilling at each others houses. You don't get to know anyone by doing that. I mean she is very affectionate when we see each other but I just feel like she is avoiding a "date" and prefers to just see me after hours when there is nothing much else to do but watch tv or a movie in the house. Any advice on how to talk to her about this? or should I let it slide and wait to see if the trend continues?

Here's the scoop. The last 4 yrs I had been seeing the same girl, and this past Christmas we broke up. I tried everything I could think of to talk to her about anything and everything b/c there was no real closure b/c she said she wanted time to think things through and thats how our last conversation was. I wrote 2 letters and 1 email but never got a response. Yesterday, a mutual friend of who we double dated with, got married and we were both invited to the wedding. Now, I work at a golf club and my summer's are hectic with tournaments and events. This past weekend was no different and I had to come back to work after the ceremony. While I was at work I received a text from my ex asking if I was coming to the reception. I personally think that was just coming from the bride but she knew I had to run to work in between the ceremony and reception. When I arrived at the dinner I spoke with my ex and we had an "ok" talk. I asked most of the questions and she responded but she just didn't seem comfortable. It was like our first date to be completely honest, she was shy, I was making the effort but the conversation never really went anywhere. I left last night w/o saying goodbye to her and on my way home I received another text from my ex saying "went home". Now I didn't know if she was asking me or telling me she was leaving. Do you guys have any ideas? I sent her a txt back but no response. So here is my question for all of you, should I follow up with her in a few days or leave it alone? I mean see if she maybe wants to get a coffee or something. As for method of contacting, do I go with a text message where she is free to respond with little to no pressure? or call and speak with her? All I am confused about is, after the effort I put forth to stay in contact with her and received nothing in return, all of a sudden she sees me at a wedding and sends me 2 text messages in one night. It probably means nothing and she was just being genuinely concerned maybe as to the fact would I be uncomfortable, who knows?

I would have to agree, this was her house party so I did not know many people there which may have made me seem distant and shy. I am not one to keep things secretive however, I have seen through experience at my workplace that problems arise when coworkers know your partner. The reason being is that you here stories that may or may not be true. I personnally want to get to know her better through her and only her, not through other people and I think that's what she wants as well. I am sure after a few more weeks we will be comfortable enough w/ each other and we will tell them.

Hey everyone, I started seeing this girl about 3 weeks ago. We both used to work together but she recently quit. In the first week we both had a long talk and she said she had a steady bf for 3 yrs and took a year off of the dating scene but didn't want to get into anything serious. I had no problem with that and I explained to her we can go out from time to time and have some fun and see where things lead. So, to put things in perspective, we have seen each other about 17 times in the past 3 weeks. Now, another issue was that we didn't want people at work to know b/c we felt it could ruin our relationship at the beginning just w/ he said, she said mumbo jumbo. Now for my current dillemma, (or just an overreaction, this is where you're opinions/advice are strongly recommended). Her brother works with me and he knows what's going on but he's cool with it and hasnt mentioned it to anyone either. He had a party last night and she called me earlier that evening to make sure I was coming. I showed up and the two of us talked but not like we do when we are alone and I want to display affection but I respect the fact that it is new and don't want to ruin anything so I hold back. Anyway, I left the party early because I worked early this morning but I sent her a text to give me a call once everybody left, and she called me 2 mins after my text. We made some plans for later in the week but then she brought up how awkward it was to approach me and I told her I felt the same but that it is probably going to seem that way if we want to keep our relationship on the down low. Now my problem is, she might freak out that because of one awkward evening, this relationship might not work out. So I guess what I am looking for here is some advice as in, do I talk to her about this concern or do I wait and see her later in the week to see if things have changed between us? Or am I just being overly paranoid and awkward party evenings at the beginning of a relationship is normal?

Ok, so, I am not one who likes to date people from work. I have worked with this one girl for 4 yrs and she quit a couple of weeks ago. Now, I have always found her attractive and we get along great. The other night we talked for hours on the phone and last night we went out for dessert and a movie. The evening was great and there was suttle flirting done by me but I wasn't sure if she was too. As an example, she rested her leg against mine and touched my shoulder a couple of times while we were talking/walking to the car. And during the evening she kept saying "You'll get to meet..." and "You'll learn this about me over time." Those are good signs right? Even based on our conversation on the phone the other night, she said she was so confused by my behaviour, ie was I flirting or just being nice, and now that's how I feel after last night. I mean we kind of outright agreed we would date and wouldn't see other people and take things from there. I don't want to rush but I also don't want to take things too slowly in which case she may get the feeling I am not interested when I am. How should i approach things when both of us are shy?

Thanks everyone for the reply. The one thing I am confused about ElektraHere you wrote "Perhaps her stand-offnish is due to the fact you opened yourself up way too soon." She took my hand in the car when she asked me that and I felt as though that was what she wanted to hear. Its not like I told her I loved her and wanted to be with her night and day. I know not to open myself up b/c girls have done it to me and I do become stand offish to the point where I have to tell them im not interested. But I did explain it like you did, lets have some fun and see how things evolve. After that conversation it was then that she asked me if I wanted to go out with her Saturday night and go to her friends party afterwards and then canceled on me early Sat evening saying she was going to have dinner w/ her friend and help set up the party. I mean the only other way I can think of to really find out if she is interested is to wait for her to call me, but having told her I would call her this week, that plan will not work. And my problem is, I am a person who doesn't like to be smothered and hounded either so I know what she is talking about but its the cancelling late that bothers me.

hey everyone, I need some guidance in regards to dating. I haven't really been apart of this scene for the past 5 yrs but now im back into it. Recently I met this girl and our first date couldn't have gone any better in my opinion. I am not one to feel comfortable making the first move, but the other night I actually made the move to kiss the girl on the first date. After that she asked if I would go to a party w/ her on Sat night and I said I was hoping she would come with me to the fireworks and then we could go to her friends party. Everything seemed to be ok, but then she called me Sat evening telling me she was going out to dinner w/ her friend first and then they were going to party. So we did not get together but hopefully we will get together sometime this week. She has been keeping her word and calling me when she says she will, it just seems to me that she is stand offish on the phone. Is this normal? Now, my concern is, is that she's not interested or having second thoughts. During our date she asked me what I was looking for (ie relationship) I was honest and told her that I liked her and wanted to continue to see her and let things progress and if it turns into a longterm relationship great. She also told me how she was seeing this guy and he wouldnt give her space so she had to end it, so I left the ball in her court, however I don't like that b/c then im the one who's always anticipating the call and can't make plans. After we spoke briefly yesterday afternoon, I asked if she wanted to do anything later this week and she said sure and I told her I would call her. How many days should I wait? or is there no official timetable and I can call her whenever? I don't want her to feel that I am going to be clingy and needy when all I would like to do is have a fun time like we did the other night. Please help

Hey everyone, I have been NC w/ my ex for 4 months now. I recently read an article on MSN, "Should you try again, or just cut your losses?" Now that is what I am trying to figure out b/c my ex had given me mixed signals during our break which was really frustrating. I mean, I know some people want the "space" thing to really figure things out, while others use it to see if the other will prove his/her love for that said person. I am still very much in love with my ex and NC was killing me at first but it does not hurt as much. I have been dating and the problem I am seeing is, is that everyone is different, there are no 2 same girls out there. However, similarities are inevitable b/c we each have our individual taste for the opposite sex. My problem with dating is, I keep seeing similarities in other women and it has started to make me miss my ex again. But, is it worth it trying to make contact? I left it up to her to contact me back in January, but she is a very shy girl and my friends agree, they cant see her making the next move. They know I still care about her and said to go ahead with an email, but to not get upset if I don't get a reply. What I have trouble understanding is, when do you know to "cut your losses"? I truly feel it should be up to her to contact me, but sometimes the breakee can make that move right? She was my first love and always thought she'd be the last and who knows she may be. I know couples who have gone threw this NC and it has helped(some a few weeks, others months and even years), but personally, I don't know how it possibly can happen again if we don't at least stay in touch. What would be your advice members? And if I do end up sending an email, any suggestions on what to say or more importantly, what not to say?

No, she rarely drinks. Both her father and sister are on medication to cope with depression. She always told me the meds she was on were helping and then 1 day she told me she hadnt taken them in 3 days and started feeling really sick. This was 3 days prior to the break-up. And the most upsetting part is, most people are telling me I am better off and that I don't want to be with someone who is in her shoes. This advice, ironically, came from my sister who is also coping with depression. Wouldn't she want her bf to love her no matter what? So you see, I dont understand this illness but it is so common in our present day. But the minister at my church told me, "Often, when people cope w/ depression, they push the ones who love them away. And whether or not we are meant to be, thats in faiths hands." Now, im not a religious man, so that last sentence was rubbish to me. Would you tend to agree w/ his first statement? The last conversation my ex and I had after a month of NC, over MSN no less, had her asking me, "What's going on in your head?" and then me asking "I just want the truth, answers to some questions." and she replying with "The truth will hurt us both". That answer made me soooo mad. Then I asked, do you want me out of your life forever? She said no. So I left the ball in her court to contact me when she felt ready. Unfortunately, patience is not one of my better qualities.

Can anyone help me understand what my ex may be going through? I mean, the depression? How and why does this happen? And how can I go about being there for her w/o her thinking "he just wants to get back together"? If the consensus between everyone is that give her her space, and if she wants me back, she'll tell me, then thats fine. My only problem is, I know her. She is shy and stubborn, I can see her being afraid to want to try again based on the fact of what other people think of her based on the fact that she broke my heart.

Ok, its been 5 months now, since the person who I cared for more than anything in the world and broke my heart and said we needed a break after 4 yrs. I may have made mistakes with regard to trying to win her back as only the media had brain washed me to. (friggin Jerry Maguire) Anyway, I have dated a few girls and had an ex of 5 yrs ago tell me she still loves me and wants to give it another shot.(this is after she broke my heart many years ago) So, my situation now is, I am seeing a girl who is really cool, but I am not gaga, my ex wants to be my lover again and all I want is my ex from the holidays back. ARGHHHHHH!!! I am extremely afraid that I will never get over her, and I want her back in my life but I don't know how to approach her. We have not talked for 5 months, I made effort through 2 letters and an email, but nothing. She is going through a clinical depression but all I can think of is that I somehow * * * *ed this up and keep blaming myself. She never gave me closure, and would never meet to talk, all I wanted was the truth and all she did say was "The truth will hurt both of us." Should I write her an email? Its been 4 months w/ no contact whatsoever. I am just worried that if I can't get over her, how can I ever love again?