itsallgrand

Well, this turned into a fun thread! You scored as Buddhism. Buddhism 75% agnosticism 75% Paganism 75% Hinduism 58% Satanism 54% Islam 50% Judaism 46% atheism 38% Christianity 33% I had a tie breaker question between three religions. I like that.

daveUK, In the end you must follow your own heart and mind on this. If this is what you want, and you think it can work, go for it and Forget What Others Say (behind your back and to your face). Of course some people are going to think you are a pervert. People love to talk, gossip, judge. You could choose to date a woman your own age and still get pervert comments. There is always something to pick at. Do you think of yourself as a pervert?

Thanks, Alabama. Sometimes it feels good to vent. I'm still learning to put myself up high on the list. take care

Find it difficult to accept kindness? Since my break, yes, I have been so raw. It's as though my shell has been broken. It's scary. It's odd. It is usually easy for me to extend a hand. I don't mind if people cry in front of me, if they get angry or malicious, if they are sad. I like giving what I can. I feel like I can take it. Bounce, bounce, easy to repel these things and do what needs to be done. I've even made a living out of it. Being the one who speaks for others. I never consciously decided it. If I did, I can't remember when it became autopilot. I have no trouble speaking my mind. My heart is a whole other matter. It is no so easy to speak from the heart. Mind and heart integrated: uneasy balance at this time. The pieces are shifting. I watch myself lately. I am like some weird loner. I can socialize fine. Some people even find me charming. So why do I avoid companions. My actions speak of a person who wants to be left alone. I will show up for you, but don't you show up for me. I don't quite get it. I do want others to show up for me. I know I need to do something about this. Fragile. Since I last saw the ex, I have felt like a raw bud that has been exposed. I'm not too comfortable with this bud, nor do I know what to think of it. It feels much easier to sit alone and understand this. In the presense of people, it doesn't take long for autopilot to switch on. I watch. It doesn't take a lot before I shut down. I'm wondering what to do with myself. I can't just hole up not interact with people. I feel like I could write a thousand pages and still go on. Just being slow, noticing, not speaking. It feels like such an effort to speak out loud right now. It's not how I normally am. I have been talking much slower. More deliberate. People will look at me funny, as though impatient that i have not reacted. I'm not sure how I feel without going super slow. Can't say I enjoy it too much, but neither do I dislike it. My question is: How do I take care of myself and not neglect those around me? what needs to be done? I find myself not wanting to answer the phone. I reply late. I can't bring my self into time with the world. It seems so fast. Speed dial. ahh if only i could retreat to a monastery or something right now! lol. If you've read this far, thank you. Any comments, tips, or tales of experience welcome! mainly needed to say that without saying it

I'm learning *Holding a guard is pointless. Love deeply and without reservation *Love is not about sacrificing oneself like a lamb to the slaughter. It is sharing all that we have. *All we have to share is our selves. To give anything else is delusion - it is not ours. *I am a spiritual person who didn't know it. *No love is a waste. *Forgetting and forgiveness is an art worth practise *Heart is more important to me than ideals.

How about staying with a friend for a while? So you can decide what to do. IMO, NC is important. Have you ever lived alone before? If you choose to live alone right away, it might become very tempting to get back in contact with the ex. You would need to have a 'safety plan' in place: full schedule, keeping busy so you don't get too lonely or pine over the ex. Suddenly, he'll be coming 'round to your place to pick you up. Then that turns into hanging out. Next thing you know he's staying the night. On the other hand, living alone can be an extremely liberating experience. You can do whatever you please. With roomates, you'd have some buffer and it would be a situation you are familiar with.

My opinion: Run! It doesn't bode well of him to be with you in front of his son. His son shouldn't even know you exist (nothing against you, it's about putting his kid first). Kissing you in front of his son. Whoa. I don't know the entire deal, but this smacks of a man who is not putting his child first. I find that unattractive and unfortunate.

I would pick to love. That way, even though the pain sucks massively, at least I learn something and can be happy in the opening. It's way worse for me to feel like i can't love another.

lol SxyLady ...that's the magic I was talking about I thought of another thing about dancing: The fact that is you and him out on the dance floor..with people looking on or watching or merely the fact of it being public. Public display of affection and sexuality. Public display of the man being proud to be seen with you. And when a man dances well, it can be really exciting to watch the other women staring at him. lol. This could be just me. There's also the rush of seeing a man so involved with his physicality, expressing himself so freely...the is beautiful.

haha that's funny. I'm going through my crisis right now, but luckily no one has to bear the brunt any longer. Flying high..over and out.

I love it when a guy will dance with me bc it is sexy! Have you ever seen any of the cheesy chick flicks 'dirty dancing' that sort of thing? Dance can be a form of foreplay that can not be achieved in any other way. It can be so intense. I think the saying about how good a lover someone will be based on how good a dancer they are is grounded in this idea. But the thing is; it's not even the technical skill that is the huge turn-on. It's the level of intimacy and closeness you can reach while dancing with someone. grrrr....! BTW: I adore dancing. No big surprise, right? There have been instances where I've 'battled' against men on the dance floor....and that was crazy sexy in a very unique way. Almost like a competition of who is hotter! lol. All dancing is good - and dance lessons are simply crawling with females that would fall all over any guy with enthusiasm to learn and dance. You get to touch each other within socially acceptable terms; in intimate ways.

He may very well be attracted to your soft spoken nature. I often see old married couples where one is a gabber and the other one is a listener. Seems to work for a lot of folks!

That's great that you ended on a good note. Leaves things open for the future, if that becomes a possibility. You seem to be doing really well. It's a painful spot to be in. It's like...the control is out of our hands...and we just have to live our lives and see what happens. I had the same attitude as you. You never quite know what your feelings will be until it happens. In the meantime, enjoy yourself. i sincerely hope things work out for you in a way that brings you happiness

haha. Well, in 4 months she will be 18, so that would be legal right? As for the lying, it was fairly minor. Still, she wanted you to believe she was of age for a relationship ....which she is not. That would make me a bit leery. That's an immature move right there. I don't have much raahraah for situations like this. It's your choice. Obviously though, there will be complications. I think to when I was 17-18. I was mature *girls mature faster*. Still, the notions in the head of a girl that age are very different from what you may believe. She's still a girl. good luck

No, I haven't done that. I've had it happen to me tho. The ex came back after NC saying he made a mistake. You're doing right by going NC. She is obviously confused as to what she wants. I personally hate when people do this - I mean, with good reason. It's not fair to expect 'us' to be there for them while they figure things out. If it was space asked for, like if they stated 'i need time to date other people and find out what i want', it would be kinder...at least, i feel. anyways, sorry to rant. Yes, the ex could come back. Then the question would be "do you want her after what she done?" best wishes

Sounds like you're confused and not sure what you want? The girl may not want your friendship now, and if that is how she feels, you need to just let that be. I'm betting she was starting to care for you and was hurt by your rejection of her. If she 'hates' you, you need to find a way to be cool with that. So, don't worry about that. Consider her basically out of your life - at the very least until you figure out what you want and if you are going to be with ex/ or available. tc

That's understandable. Some people haven't developed that sense to keep things to themselves, and it hurts when the trust is betrayed. I'm sorry to say this, but if this is how she is, you're best off protecting yourself and keeping important things to yourself. hope you're feeling better

Of course. You're hurting even though you initiated the break-up bc you've cared about her a whole lot. Things just weren't working. She doesn't want to be friends bc she's hurting too. It's haaaard to talk to someone who has dumped you. Haaaard. It doesn't mean she doesn't care. She is probably missing you like crazy, wishing she could spend time with you, but she is doing what she needs to in order to protect her own heart. You need to give her the space she needs. And it will be good for you too. Breakups are painful under all circumstances. You're so normal.

did ya go to the doc, yet? how you doing?

Definetly need a strong definition of friend! agreed. *Using the term 'friend' for someone you are trying to bag - NOT a friend! lol yet hear it all the time. Even hear people using 'friend' for people they are banging!! well,...don't know what to say about that. I'd consider that a lover.

yeah, you need to know the person and 'dip' in to find out. Especially if you're not only interested in obvious lesbians, but also bis or not-so-obvious ones. As for the TA; time to find you another hot crush. This one is a no-go!

akh, with punks like this you can try the suggestions....but beware... it will be an ongoing battle! Reversing roles sometimes works and fun play: If you're more clean cut and CLEAN.....get all nasty one day when you're about to go at it. Let her smell and see what's it like. Catch her right out of the shower, and lay it on thick (even lift your arm so she gets a whiff of your pit)...lol... p.s. Pick a really ridiculous political topic and drill it over and over in public...she'll fume...then you can crack a joke ..make your point only do my suggestions if yall are tight and these issues are minor. gotta take her as is.

Yeah, I think this guy just wanted to get a rise out of you!

monsier, I really disagree with you. Friendship is not 'second prize'. In fact, in order for a woman to be friends with a man over a long period of time, and for it to work, the man has to be worth his salt. It's harder to find friends in this world than love-interests. A friend is a friend to the end It's natural that sometimes one 'friend' (male or female) may develop a sexual or romantic interest for the other. It's how it is dealt with. I mean, sometimes you don't choose who you will fall for. But if the person is your friend, and your interests are politely declined, it is dignified and appreciated to step back ....and not to guilt the other person for not wanting more. just my thoughts

I hear you, teddybear. Sorry, I wasn't directing my post at you: just happened to be writing at the same time you were! It does suck when that happens. Not very 'classy' on the part of the person doing the pushing and guilting. Unfortunately, it happens sometimes. ick.