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itsallgrand

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Everything posted by itsallgrand

  1. itsallgrand
    arrrgghhh i know. dating can be confusing and real pain in buttocks sometimes... Even just asking someone on a date has its BS. venting gooood
  2. itsallgrand
    I like male friends as well. I also really like having a few good girlfriends - because yes, I agree, it does seem to take more 'effort' and maintenance with women friends. Men you can forget to call or not show up and they usually just shrug, crack a joke, and it's done. Women can be different (not all of course. Some men are high maintanance friends and some women are laid-back etc.) I've found the easiest way to make new girl friends is to 1: Be around a prospective friend consistently, either through an activity or work or school. 2: Ask about HER and find some common ground. Even something as simple as "love your jeans. where did you get them? oh man, i can never find..." etc...Next thing you know you're out shopping. 3: Hmm...that's about it! lol. Really, it's not so different than connecting with a guy.
  3. itsallgrand
    Are you attracted to your bf? Sometimes it is sexual compatibility as well - no necessarily that he is horrible in bed, but that the two of you don't 'mesh' well (?) I do believe people can learn to become better lovers. You'll have to show him and tell him and guide him along the way....
  4. itsallgrand
    The next time she calls crying and drunk, politely tell her you will listen to her if she wants to call at a later time when she is sober. Then hang up. That is, if you would be open to hearing her out at all. Try not to let it bother you.
  5. itsallgrand
    First she can look at these variables, then play the race card (but why bother? does it change anything?)
  6. itsallgrand
    I don't trust statistics. Like, how in the world would they gather that data? And from whom? Details, brother please! How would a woman be incapable of orgasm? Am I nuts...physically (all emotional and pysch issues aside) how can that be? Please indulge my ignorance because it is genuine. Also keep in mind...even if those stats were 'reliable' (they never truly are): there are craploads of women who are living in mentally/sexually/emotionally 'troubled' bodies..... I guess I'm saying: there's always hope of orgasm. At least, it would be a pity if it were otherwise.
  7. itsallgrand
    No. No. No. No. lol. I have obsessive tendecies, and if I allowed myself to do that, I'd probably end up in trouble. Or I'd simply go mad in the skull....whoops, too late!
  8. itsallgrand
    I'm glad you came here, and can get some of this out, because it sounds like you needed the vent and to figure some stuff out. First thing: There is only one person who can make the choice whether or not you stay in this relationship: You. I know for myself, I absolutely hate hearing "Do what makes you happy". But you know what? It's a good sign that he knows you are doubting whether you want to be in this relationship or not. It's a good indicator. He really can not make the choice for you. He hasn't left you yet - so he wants to be with you. That is HIS choice. Are you worried about hurting his 'feelings' if you leave? Here's my perspective: yes, it does hurt when someone we love leaves. But it hurts even worse to be torn and pulled away from, riddled with doubts, and not knowing where one stands. Why do you want to stay with him? Is it feasible - is this relationship meeting your needs and can you continue to give to it wholeheartedly? Why would you consider leaving (which it seems you are)? Do you have solid reasons - to YOU? These are things to think about and even write out, whatever works for you. You're not a bad person or a beeatch. You may have done some things you don't agree with and find to not be up to the standard of how you would treat someone you love....but you can stop that now and figure out a real plan. tc
  9. itsallgrand
    You keep repeating "I'm not looking for a relationship". Do you want permission to break-up with him? Validation? What? You've already given up, obviously, and made up your mind. Do it to his face. He doesn't owe you anything. He gives what he can, and you are in it knowingly and by choice. I really do think you are already gone.
  10. itsallgrand
    sssshhhh...that's not nice! lol. But I am interested to hear what 'high morals and values' are exactly, according to sleepygirl . It could be a root or cause of fear/pickiness/etc.
  11. itsallgrand
    Waaay overthought. There is too much analyzing of everything. Like this compulsion to understand everything logically and mentally. Life has its own way. My sentiments: Bahhhh!!
  12. itsallgrand
    My advice: Loosen up and take some risks. It's the only way to learn. And find time in your schedule for men and dating - if that is what you want in your life. What 'high morals and values' are you talking about?
  13. itsallgrand
    If you are disatisfied, I will take him off your hands. Nah, I know what you mean but you seem to have a nice guy. The traditional gestures grow old very quickly and the 'high' doesn't last long. Yet having someone to wrap you up and massage you when you need it is worth a lot in the long run. That is the really good stuff.
  14. itsallgrand
    Well, one first date I went on automatically pops to mind. It was romantic, but very natural. We just went out to a little restaurant to eat, and then went for a coffee afterwards. What made it romantic was the feeling I got off him. We just both really dug each other. He remembered that I liked veggie-curry: and picked a spot where there was some killer curry. That was sweet. There were hot women all around: yet his eyes stayed on me, and he made it clear with his body that he was paying attention to me. You don't want to overdo it on a first date, but little signs of affection are good. Like, maybe leaning in towards her. Just to make it clear that it is not two friends hanging out: but you are interested. Go with the flow. But first you need to ask her out! p.s. Yes, prom is over-rated and I took a male friend. No pressure, tonnes of fun.
  15. itsallgrand
    A first date at a cafe can be romantic and sweet, it doesn't need to be over the top and no need to spend a lot of money. Myself, I remember little gestures. You say she is smart - don't underplay your own intelligence or compensate. I'm sure she likes you for who you are and won't be taking IQ scores The most important thing on a first date is to give attention and be completely present. Don't let your eyes wander. Be natural. Remember you are there to get to know her, and everything will be fine.
  16. itsallgrand
    lol. ..well, you have a lot of time to get it down yet! I'm sorry, I'm not so helpful. About the contraceptives; I think a lot of us worry about that. But, you are doing what needs to be done, so there really is no point in stressing about it (easier said that done). And....here's my plug for spermicidal gel! Don't ask me, it makes me feel totally safe (combined with the usual condom). Let's see if anyone else has any ideas....
  17. itsallgrand
    I hope you don't mind me asking: have you tried mutual masturbation? Like, beginning by masturbating while he is there with you (this will definetly turn him on too -well, that's my experience). Possibly adding some touching and staying 'connected' as much as possible. Then, you can gradually work up to adding more and more of him doing the stimulating. I tried this with a girl I was sleeping with, and it worked. It was like breaking some sort of mental barrier - afterwards, it became easier and easier for her to orgasm without her own 'self'. Sorry if you have already tried this. It's the first thing that came to mind.
  18. itsallgrand
    justagirl, Hi. Your story wracks my soul. I am a sexual abuse survivor myself, and I know how absolutely terrifying it is to bring this to light - especially after having no one do anything after you told. No one believed me either - at first. But I kept telling and telling and eventually I was heard. I had to take it through the legal system for my own piece of mind. It felt good once it was over. You are not a drama queen at all. I don't want to see you suffer anymore. You're in your 40's: you still have a good life ahead of you. It is never too late to put this to rest. Please don't give up. There are many others who go their entire lives and never tell a soul. You have shown some great guts! So I know you can take the next step. It is not right of him to touch you at all. I know how confusing it must be for you. But it has to stop. Absolutely must. He needs to be put away. To protect you, to protect others. He is not safe roaming the streets. At the very least, you need to be far away from him. Safe. We're here for you. Is there any way you could get help for therapy and legal guidance; maybe through a shelter or through a non-profit organization? Those things would help you. You may be right: there may be a statute of limitations and , as horrifying as it is to me, sometimes it can be very difficult to get rape charges accross. But it may help you to know that he has received his just concequence.And you are what is important. This is something you need a lot of support with. We all do. It is extremely traumatic. Extremely. Your old therapist sounds like a great help - i'm so glad you had a good experience. There are other good ones out there too. I'm so sorry you are suffering so. Have your nightmares came back?
  19. itsallgrand
    Those are exactly my thoughts. Doing things because you think so-and-so will like you better is Dangerous Territory. It's not your body that needs to lose weight, but your mind - of this thought! Be beautiful for you.
  20. itsallgrand
    I actually had a conversation with my brother not that long ago about an almost identical thing! lol. Makes me laugh. You don't know him, so I'll just say you are in good company Yeah, moist towelettes would work. Much easier. But, if that still isn't enough, and you find yourself still worried or developing further 'habits' to make sure that butt is clean...time to maybe re-evaluate. What is it about so many of us having a trouble talking about bathroom habits, eh? Makes me ponder....
  21. itsallgrand
    I agree with the others. I realize that a lot of people do not speak openly about this type of thing, so it must be difficult. But you had the guts to post here; and no one is judging you for it. Your girl deserves to know. And I'm sure she wants to make you happy, as well.
  22. itsallgrand
    Those are common questions, and I can only speak for myself. I have always known I like both, and it has never been something I struggled with. Hopefully someone else will pipe up and give their experience as well. Think of it like this: as a lesbian, do you find yourself craving/missing small boobs if your partner has big boobs? It's sort of the same deal. Hey, I like both: but if I am commited to someone, I enjoy them for what they have and do not feel the need to stray. As far as availability: I really don't think we have any more options than anyone else. lol. Think about it: some women are straight - so that's a no-go. Some men are gay: so they are no-gos. And then there is pure compatibility and attraction: I am not attracted to nor like every man/woman I see. Ohh, and don't even get me started on lesbians! lol. That a whole other thing. I think being bisexual presents its own set of challenges and rewards. It's inbetween worlds, in a way. To be clear. Bisexual does NOT equal promiscuity. There is the whole range of people like any one else: some out for lots of casual sex, some kinky, some not, some conservative, some looking for long term and one partner. You get the idea.
  23. itsallgrand
    Wow. Some very interesting and deep stuff here. SB; I'm sorry about the loss of your friend. When I was in high school, I was in love with a girl. It was a conservative environment, and I did feel attraction for boys as well. It's just that I happened to have my first 'falling' for a girl. The girl was straight and a friend. I did not profess my feelings for her: rather I suffered and tried to distract myself. It's kind of funny. I confided in a few of my friends my 'mixed' orientation. It was something I knew since I was young. For whatever reason (dad, most likely, and open minds at home) I never suppressed myself or felt I had to be either straight/gay. I just was what I was. Here's the funny thing: one of my favorite closest friends was a girl. When I told her that I liked girls and I felt like I was falling for one, she assumed I was talking about her. I wasn't! When she realized it wasn't her that was my crush, she had hurt feelings. The girl was straight! Straight up sista! But she actually said "Well, since we're best friends I would think you'd want your first time to be with me". Of course she was beautiful and lovely - but I felt like we were sisters. We did everything together - one would brush their teeth while the other bathed. So I guess I can understand where she might have gotten the idea. It's so rarely simple .....in a way, life seems so much simpler if we were all just straight: girls here, boys there, no ambiguity or anything. But it's fun that we're all shades too.
  24. itsallgrand
    What a beautiful story. I was enthralled. Beautiful, beautiful. Enjoy your hard earned place in this world. YOU DID IT. I do have a soft spot for stories like this, and the fact that it is true and from your heart, touched me deeply. Thank you for sharing it.
  25. itsallgrand
    Just wanted to highlight this for you. So you can look back on this: your decision to plunge forward even though you know the possible pitfalls. And man, I really do wish that setting our minds to making things work...actually made things work all the time....but you are obviously smart enough to know that Life has its own way. Cause and effect. Way to go for kicking that addiction. That is marvellous!
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