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About Me

  1. I have been in a relationship with my girlfriend for 1 year now. She is kind, caring, supportive, driven and beautiful. Despite all this I've got this nagging voice in the back of my head telling me that something is missing. For example... I am a bit of a foodie. I love to cook and love going out to restaurants to eat. She on the other hand is an extremely picky eater. Trying to decide on what to eat for dinner or what restaurant to go to when we are on vacation is extremely difficult and can often make me feel a bit frustrated. She is 5 years older than me, has 2 daughters whilst I have 0 children. Whilst I do not think much of the age gap as we are both in our 30's there are certain things that I have experienced growing up which she has not as she was being a devoted mother. For example certain albums, films, festivals or concerts. These are all things that I am passionate about but she has not had the time to experience them because she was bringing up her kids. This with the issue with the food sometimes make me feel like there is a lack of connection in certain areas of our life. That being said there are other things which we do have in common but maybe not the things which get me really excited to talk about. I do think that her being older and having children has been a good influence on me, I am enjoying being a bit more responsible and spending time with her family and in the grand scheme of things things such as music, food and film are quite minor. The relationship is good but not perfect. At my age am I expecting too much? I know in all relationships there has to be compromise and she is a wonderful girlfriend who is loving, supportive and hard working. My previous relationship was extremely toxic but we did have a lot more in common and but that alone wasn't enough to make the relationship work. This relationship is the complete opposite of my previous one which in some ways is fantastic but sometimes I feel like I'm missing out or potentially selling myself short? As i get older and have my own children I am aware that I probably wouldn't have the same amount of time or money to invest in things like cooking and concerts etc? I know that we make a really good team and would probably make a solid family unit as time progresses, I am completely in love and devoted to her and am not sure if I'm just overthinking things?
  2. Me and my fiancé have been together for almost 4yrs. We have a child together and both of us have a child/children from a previous marriage. I have full custody of my oldest, she doesn’t see her dad. My fiancé has joint custody of his two kids, which I find to be very disruptive to every day life. At this point, his custody situation is really causing a lot of problems. His children refuse to come to our house - say they are uncomfortable here. They stay at his parents during his visitation. Typical grandparents. No responsibilities, waited in hand and foot, no consequences, no rules really. Might I add, I have never been mean, never disciplined, never even raised my voice towards them. To give you an idea, the 11yr old girl and 13yr old boy baby talk. Yes!! Baby talk!! They whine and manipulate, cry and pout to get their way, no matter the situation. My oldest daughter, has pretty much been given no choice but to embrace the blended family life and I feel she has adjusted well. She went from being an only child to having a sibling and step siblings. his on the other hand are catered to and coddled. We even take separate family vacations at this point which I think is absolutely ridiculous. I think if his kids aren’t “comfortable”going on a family vacation, then they shouldn't be getting one of their own. I think them saying they are not comfortable is yet another manipulation tactic, but I could be wrong. Anyways. My biggest issue, I feel that his joint custody arrangement is really interfering with every day living. I work night shift, he works days. We barely have time for each other, hardly see each other during the week. Every other weekend consists of him being at his parents, on top of 2-3 days out of the week. I have tried to tell him that I don’t think it’s fair they are causing such a divide, I also don’t think it’s fair he is constantly gone and I am stuck taking care of the house by myself. It is very difficult to keep up with yard work, house work, a toddler and a 14yr old. I feel I have a part time relationship because of all of this. I feel like if he is going to see them at his parents, he should limit his evening time to 1hr max, so he can spend time with our daughter - how fair is it she only gets part time visitation too, but also to help me with yard work, house work and everything in between. He thinks I am trying to keep him away from his kids - but that’s what his ex wife says. Might I add, she doesn’t have them often. Usually every other weekend, they are pretty much dumped at his parents or hers during the week. I am getting to the point, I’m ready to make him move in with his parents. Life would be so much easier if I would suck it up and ignore it. Just continue to handle everything on my own, but it’s exhausting! I feel so overwhelmed.
  3. I’ve recently started dating the same guy I dated when we were 13. We are 20 now and I have a child. His ex and him are expecting a baby in February. When we started to talk again we felt a really strong connection between us like nothing changed over the 7 years apart from each other. Every time I try to figure out what’s in the best interest for his baby he completely blows it off and gets upset when I worry about it. He tells me it isn’t my problem to deal with because his baby’s mom already doesn’t let him be apart of it what so ever for her own spiteful reasons. He hasn’t told her about us because he doesn’t want her to get mad and completely cut him off from seeing his baby. I truly care about him and his unborn baby and I want us to be able to deal with it if we are going to live together. Should I step off and let him figure it out between the mom and him? Is there a way he will let me be apart of his decision so it’s better for him and his son? What do I do?
  4. First a bit of back story. Got married at 18 in 1999 to my high school sweetheart( so I thought). He was controlling in school but once we got married it stopped, for a year anyway. Then got worse. I was isolated from my family, had to get his permission to spend over $100 of my money from my job ( we had separate bank accounts) I was only allowed to have friends that he was friends with first. It was never physical just emotional and mental abuse. I kept thinking it would get better. Fast forward to 2009 and I got pregnant. Thinking things would change I was happy. Mental abuse continued. Fast forward to 2012 I finally get the nerve to leave but what to do about my daughter? I didnt have a guarantee I would have a roof over my head since I had been isolated from my family so I chose to leave my daughter with my husband. I wanted her to have a roof over her head, clothes on her back and food in her belly. Many people have told me I was wrong in that decision but I felt it was the best for her. Especially when I became homeless just a few months later. Fast forward to 2014 and I was living with my grandmother and according to divorce court I was getting my daughter 2 over night visits every week. About a month before she started school she starts telling me she doesn't want to stay the night anymore because "daddy and grandma cry when I'm not home" so I gave in when she started crying and stopped having her over night. Then the ex starts only allowing me to have her every other Sat. I can't afford a lawyer at this time so I argue with him, without her present, and fight trying to get her more often. She comes to me crying telling me she doesn't want to come with me more often. Again I give in to make her happy even though its killing me inside. Then the ex husband starts dating his now current wife. My daughter loves her. I notice my daughter pulling away from me more. I'm no longer being told of school plays and events. I keep asking and am told my daughter doesn't want me there. This past year I got my daughter on mother's day and Christmas Eve. I went to every lacrosse game I could which wasnt every single one being that I worked every other weekend. When she started hockey I was told an hour prior to the game that she was having a game that was at least a 2 hour drive from me. When I couldn't make those my daughter started saying guess something else was more important then me. Instead of them telling her the truth that they didnt inform me till it was to late for me to make the game they just shrug it off. My daughter started asking me to give up my rights to her so her new step mom can adopt her. It breaks my heart every time she asks and I tell her no its never going to happen. She gets mad at me and doesn't want to spend time with me now because she thinks everything else is more important then her. Every time I'm around her I tell her how much I love her and how it breaks my heart to see her upset with me so now she just refuses to see me. This year she asked me not to get her anything for Christmas or her birthday which is the week before Christmas. All she wants is for me to give up my rights so her step mom can adopt her. I refuse to force her to spend time with me. I know it will make her hate me more since she literally is a mini me. All this on my mind is hurting me and my new marriage as well as her. So my question is this... Do I keep hurting her and myself by not giving in or do I give in and let her step mom adopt her but destroy myself in the end? I can't see any healthy way out of this.
  5. Ok, a few weeks ago a guy started working with me, he is cute and i was attracted at first but that was all. And then he's begun to give me and other people lifts home from work.. i should explain he's 26 and i'm only 16... So he dropped this other person off and took me home... we were at the bottom of my drive for an hour in his car talking JUST TALKING! So i go back into my house and my dad and step mum are in the kitchen and try to talk to me and ask me if there is anything going on.. and i tell them the truth, that there is nothing going on between me and him. But you can tell they don't believe me but they let me go anyway. So i then get a lecture from my little brother and my step sister and then finally my step mum! But the thing is if my mum can believe me why can't they? Is there anyway i can get them all to believe the truth? Catie xxx
  6. Hi out there - I hope some of you don't mind taking a moment or two to help with a little advice in my current situation. My boyfriend left me a couple of months ago just after I returned from a month away partly to give us a break as things had been tough for a while between us. So when I returned he informed me he'd started seeing a girl he worked with, my guess is it was going on before I went away but he hasn't been able to be that honest with me. She is married but has since left her husband to be with my ex. We spent some little time talking, I was hugely shocked and very upset and more or less begged him on two occasions not to leave our home and give us another chance - we'd spent 8 years together and after some ups and downs I thought we were about to move into a new exciting chapter of our relationship, so I am devastated still. Alas through the past few weeks which included my step father passing away I guess I've been doing alot of grieving. I'm quite bored of it now and just want to become happy again and I still don't know if I want that to involve him or not. I miss him so much but at this stage I feel quite defeated. Anyway tomorrow evening he is coming to our home where I still live to collect his remaining stuff and I'm not sure how to be, I know if I was advising a friend in this situation - I'd say be fantastic - look great, be strong, don't get angry or cry, just be a little aloof. I guess if I could prescribe an outcome I would like at the least for him to walk away feeling quite sad with maybe a little doubt and at most for him to be the one who didn't want to leave instead of me begging him not to. At the end of the day I want to deal with this as best as possible for me so that I don't feel bitter in the future. Am I expecting too much - can anyone advise on how I might come to some sort of respectable outcome? Thank you in advance
  7. hello, i gess i have a bit of a problem...well after a year of living with my abusive aunt i moved here to live with my dad and my step mom.Its a lot better than my aunts but i still dont feel right here.My aunt always use to yell at me for every little thing i did or didnt do . even if i didnt do anything wrong i would get screamed at for it. i was always told that i was crap and i wasnt worth their time and that noone else wanted me and that i should be greatful for them taking me in.i mean jeez ,the homeless shelter was better than that.For a long time i told my dad every thing she said about me.i told him that i wanted to get out of there.for a long time he didnt believe me. i gess he thought i was overexadurating about it because i got good greads and always went to school.it wasnt til' recently that i moved here.but it was a big shock to me.anyways i'm here now and i gess its cool.buti feel weired.like if i do something wrong my dad just tells me that i did it wrong and i need to do it again.and its not just that its the way he acts twords me.last night i broke down crieing and i dont even know why.i know this is probably confusing and stupid ....but i would really apresheate it if some one could explane how i feel.
  8. Hello, I am not really sure how to bring this up considering i am brodcasting to anyone that can read this website, however; my GF has gone through child abuse experiences at a young age and has had many instances of problems with her real mother abusing her in the past. I dont think it is nessacarry to get into detail, however she seems to always say shes okay with it, however; im not sure if this is a symptom of (maybe its my fault). She occasionly breaks out and talks about it but she seems very upset. She also tells me she bottles it up inside her, and i always try to encourage her to talk about it (am i doing the right thing???). She has been telling me she has been under tremendous stress lately with her Family (Father, Step-mother, 2 brothers, cats, dogs...) And recently her step-mother is having a child, which she was told that she was going to be the "Second Mother" too. After what i have seen, i do realize that she will indeed be a second mother to this new child. But as a concerned boyfriend i have listened to her problems, but having no real way to relate or help her, other than listening, is there any other way that i can do to help? Aparently she has gone through councelling earlier in her life, but with no real success of dissapating the dilemmas of her childhood with her real mother. Thank you for your input in advance, Concerned BF
  9. Hello Everyone! I've been reading some of the post and a lot of people seem to have the question about what happens and what they should do with a child involved. A lot of times people don't understand what can happen in the future. Let me explain. I'm divorced and my daughter was 2 years old at the time of my divorce. (She's now 6 years old.) At the time I didn't want to stay with her father because I was very unhappy. I didn't think that one day my daughter's father would remarry and then another woman would enter the picture. A woman who will forever be a part of my daughter's life. Even if I even had the slightest thought... I never thought of how hard it would be to have another woman as a "mother figure" in her life. Think about how you would or will feel about having another woman or man in your childs life. You know have another person to share this child with... not only that - but you may not be completely over your exhusband or exwife... and they may move on faster than you had ever thought. Make sure you'll be able to handle these feelings and emotions. It's not an easy road to travel. Birthparents and Stepparents aren't the best of friends.... usually it's just the opposite - they are the worst of emenies.
  10. ok well ive never really talked on a message bored to people i dont know but latly ive had no one elses. to start ill need to tell you why i cant go on living the way i do.... first of all im 14 and was just diagnosed with acid refex disease, high blood pressure, sever stress disorders, and to top it all of i have an ulser in my stomach, oh and you cant forget now that i tried to commit suicide im not aloud to leave the house and i need to go to theripy 5 times a week. i have no real friends because all they do is stab me in the back and call all the kids who dont wear clothes from the gap "freaks" well those are some of the little things... ive never had a boyfriend because i dont believe in love... all of my life i have always thought that there was no such thing as love.... mainly because those were the last words i ever heard my mom say before she left us and moved far away. my dad doesnt think i aplly myself in school because i have 2 B's and 2 A's i think those are great grades but they re still not good enough for him. the only person i trust is my brother and he just move about half way accross the country and i dont ever speak to him n e more. my dad just recently told me that i need to watch what i eat because the doctore said that they arent sure if i have a more serios problem than the one i already have. they think i might have chronic anxiety. right now i take 5 pills of many anti depressents and vitamins and zantac and prozac...i take more pills that i need i think about to weeks ago my step mom became my step mom.... that was a little before i slit my rists and i hate her more than any thing...she is the devil and to be honest with you she is the reason im always stressed and mad and i hate her she always is acting all perfect and sweet in front of my dad and now that my brother isnt here to pretect me she takes all of her anger out on me and she hearts me sometimes and so i hurt her bake and i get in trouble and am grounded for another few weeks. i guess i love my lab top more than anything in the world right now its the only thing that i will always have with me and i can rely on for some help and its my only source to the outside world... they are sending me to a bording school/mental house were i can work out my "issues" and go to theripy all day also i hate my theripist... i caught him falling asleep so the whole time he was asleep i played solitare on his computer instead. i thought i got more fun out of that than talking to his big butt. well i guess i will check if n e one looked at this when im in the "school for misguided teens" i dont know what im gonna do and if im not hear soon dont be alarmed it just because im gone to a better place like a stupid school in arkansa about a million miles away
  11. Hi.I have had held these feelings inside for way to long and i need to share them.I figured that this would be the best place.Please sont jusge me because this is my life and i cant change it. I had a wonderful childhood.I had a terrific my mom and an ok dad.My dad wasnt there much,but i didnt really care since i was so young.But,alas,my dad left my mother and i when i was 3.I to this day dont know where my father left to.Ya he sends child support but i still havent found him.But,thats just some background history.The days when i was happy.All my really problems started when i was 11. When i was 11 i was happy.Hapeist i had ever been.And the happiest i would ever be.My mom and i lived in a small town called Lake Isabella.Now by now my mothe had remarried to a man named Sean.Little did i know that my step father Sean was the devil himself.But i will get into that.I had a normal child life.I had tons of friends and one really special friend.His name was Rick and he was the best friend ever.I told him everything and he told me everything.Since i was 11 i wasnt exactly a little girl but i wasnt grown up.So when Rick died i didnt know how to react.Rick was killed in a drunk driven car crash.I was crushed when Rick died.I sat in my room for hours a day months afterRick died.I didnt want to talk,eat,breath,live. I needed a release for all my pain,so i cut myself.Just a small slash on my left forearm.That was the first time i ever cut myself.I didnt o it for awhile after that. I am now 13 years old and lead a miserable teenage life.You see,my step father and i didnt get along.We both hated each other very very much.But my Sean took it to theextreme.Sometimes,i would make my bed and it wouldnt be perfect.An edge would b messy,a corny not tucked in.When this happened,i would get a severe yelling and usually it was accompanied by a slap in the face or a couple hits.I began to cut myself.Not just one but many.By the end of the school year that year my left forearm was full of pink slash scars.I had no one to talk to and i had no one to tell this to.Ya my mom was thier but she wouldnt have believed me.Then one night Sean went to far. It was late at night and my mom wasnt home.She was away visiting my grandparents.I was coming home from a party at a friends house.Now i was in a good mood and not expecting what i got when i walked in the door.I walked in and was not greeted ith a hello or a how are you.I was greeted with a yell and a sharp smack in the face.My step father then dragged me into my room,shoving my face into my bed.He told me that my bed wasnt made right and that i needed to be punished.What happened to me next did,has,and will scar me for the rest of my life.As hard as i tried to fight my dad off i couldnt.That night a thirteen year old child was raped,me. I have never told anyone this except for a couple close friends.After this my step dad just beat me worse and worse.Now he began to use not only his hands but objects.I didnt think my life could get any orse.My cutting was getting worse.I was cutting almost every night now.I wanted to die so bad.I was now 14.My step father continuosly beat me.I would have to go to school everyday with new bruises and sor ness fom the beatings.At night i prayed for god not to stop the pain but to let me die so i could feel no pain.Then my life plummeted to rock bottom about 2 months ago. I had finally found a new friend.After losing my last best friend,it was hard but i found one.This time .she was a girl and she cut just like me.But i never knew how bad her life was or how bad death ran her thoughts.Until one day when we hada big fight.After we fought i went home for awhile but couldnt live w/myself.So i went over to my friends house to apoogize.I walked in and her mom told me jessy was in her room.I walked into her oom and found my friend lying in her bathroom tub,wrists slit,blood everywhere,dead.I was crushed once again.But this was different.I couldnt take this ne more. I went home that day and sat in my room and just cried my eyes out.Then i walked into my kitchen and slit my wrists.I was admitted into a mental hospital not long after.I saw therapists,psychiatrist.They all said i was troubled>Thay all said i was crying for help.Though i dont think i am crying for help i need it.I am in now in therapy and it doesnt do ne thing at all. So i think what i am really asking here is,why do i go on.After all the grief in my life,why not end it.I just want to know why all my friends died and i still stay here all alone? ~Meagan~
  12. My husband and I have come to the decision that we will be adopting our great nephew in about 3 years time. My mom and step dad said that is about how long they can hang in to raise him. He will get closer to us more and more as the time gets closer. When he comes to us he might be about 4 years old .
  13. Ive been talking to this girl for about 2 months now and are both into eachother. But the last few days she has been not herself and seams really blunt with me. I think its from me smoking more reguarly. I met her two days ago; everything was fine and today it has all crashed down. I asked her whats wrong and she just explained she was going through some stuff w her step dad, and that 'i dont think im what you need rn' implying something, but cant get my head around what. I dont know where her head thruthly is atm but I want things to go back to usual. All im asking is for somebody else's opinion on this and some advice to get back together :)
  14. My wife cheat3xabd left me almodt two years ago. We jave two kids a three year old abd an 8 year old . The 8 year old is my step daughter and ive been in herlife since she was 6 months old. Her dad is also in the picture but it always has been a every other weekend thing Me and the ex do not get along and constantly fight When she left she gave me the kids half the time. Think mainly because she wanted freedom. Now shes downplaying my role both now and before with my step daughter who i regard as my child. When we split i was worried her dad and mom might try to take her but both not only wanted the situation to stay the same, they signed off on a shared joint custody agrement a year ago stating as much. Latley my ex seems to not be happy with the agreement (dont think she really thought it threw) and also has been fighting a lot more as i try to not talk to her and move on finally A few small incidents with the agreement and some other little stuff but everytime now she has to remind me im just tge step dad and her fathers opinion is as much or more as mine. Where when we were together he was a "weekend dad" "cheap" and i was a far better father. And essentially i raised her. We dont put them in the middle but she is overstepping her boundries and of vourse pulls "im the mom" and i have to remind her that she signed our agreement freely. And it states she just cant do whst she wants. Thats whst its for. And sadly i have to hslf threaten to get tge courts involved even to have someone eho isnt me tell her what the deal is she agreed to. Its as though her opinions of us have switched becsuse we fight and now they get along. Like the last 8 years never happened or she seems to forget whos role was what. Was told by more than one person to abandon my kid and theyre basically usinh me as a sitter but my ex changed her name to mine and again,dad had no issue I gey along great with him. He was in basucally my sitistion 8 years ago and i never tried to devalue his place in her life but i was definatley there more snd my ex knows and once respected that. Now it seems like just for spite she wants to remind me shes not mine even though im still raising her . She loves me and thinks of me as her dad too. She also seems to think if it came down to it the long history and the agreement both her psrents signed giving me 50% custody doesnt mean much and basically im at her whim. I know my rights. Both those factors would go a long way if it came down to it. She never tries this with our youngest because shes mine but no judge would split up two sisters for no good reason and say what she will no one can question my parenting and i think a cheater who shattered her family might not find she has all the cards So what is her deal? Lashing out? Not happy with our arrangement but knows its a mess? Even if shes deflecting and hates me now shes starting to use the kid as leverage. Trying not to engage but this is very personal. Snd i feel bad because i know tge kids will get tge raw deal if this gets worse. Just dont know how to fix it
  15. So yesterday I was so nervous that I would see that my baby has two heads or no heart beat or something terrible like that. I could see it so well. Its so cute, it made me and my sweetie cry. Only one head, only one baby, and a really fast little heartbeat. It turns out I am only measured at 9 weeks (I thought I was 11)! So my due date is officially May 30th, 2007. Its crazy actually. The significance of that date is insane. When I was 8 I lost my older step-brother. His birthday was May 30th. A year later my step dad and my mom gave birth to my little sister Sandy on May 30th. That step dad turned out to be a weiner, so my they divorced. A few years later my mom met my present step-father. He is the best father I have ever had, and believe me, I've seen my share. He is the ONLY man who has ever been a father to Sandy. He is officially adopting her after her biological father passed away. Anyways, his birthday is the May 30th also. I still havent officially told my familiy, I am sure they will be shocked that we are having another baby, sort of in memory, of my step brother. Weird huh? I am so happy guys. You were right, my ultrasound was the happiest day of my life. It makes hunching over the toilet all day a little easier when I think about the little dude's (or dudette's) beating heart. I love my baby. Sarah, 9wks, 1 day
  16. ok, I know being a step-parent automatically puts me in a category of being evil. I feel like I have given everything to my 11 yr old step daughter. Her mother is a low life who could care less what grades she has or if she gets pregnant at 12 yrs old.. and here I am , I step in the picture and now in my househould we have rules, discipline, direction and love.Love absolutely means that I will ask how your day went.. so shy do i get a " mind your own business" attitude when I ask questions. Love absolutely means I am going to ask you to pick up your stuff off the floor and make your bed. so why do I get a "roll my eyes at you" attitude then? Her father is my husband and he is very active in her life, but there are some things that dont bother him as a man that bother me.. as a woman. I am tired of picking up after her and tired of being an ATM machine for her. She is so nice and sweet when we buy her things and do what she wants but when it's time for tough love and guidance. She gives off this absolutely unacceptable attitude that makes me feel like giving up on her. Although I cant, It just hurts me. HELP!
  17. What do you think of this letter my ex wrote to her step mom about the guy she cheated on me with after a 1.5 year relationship. Keep in mind that she met him in A BAR IN MADRID! Now the response back from her step mom. Tell me what you think of this, and if I am in the wrong to think of her as a little materialistic (and her step mom too!). Thanks!
  18. More will come about my situation. I recently discovered that my fiance was molested by his own mother. Along with being abused by his step father she didn't exactly provide a wholesome, morally correct family life for him. She is 62 years old (he is 23) has lots of health problems and is dependent upon me for cleaning her house (she actually pays really well and our financial situation is HORRIBLE). When he was 12, she was busted for selling heroin. His real father died when he was 3 and we're not even sure what happened there, all we know is that his own dad was supposedly abused by his grandmother. B (my fiance's mom) was divorced at the time and encountering ongoing custody battles with his real dad and just happened to meet his step dad who was retired from the military as a delta CW5. (Who was a real ahole to him when he was younger, trying to wash his mouth out with bleach for saying "duh" at 5 years old). I often wonder if she made some of these stories about his real dad up, to cover for her own abuse. Apparently, she has a brain tumor and dosn't remember most of the abuse that definitly occurred between him and his step father and although I know she loves her son, she often makes him the scapegoat and feel like crap about himself). However, his stepdad is trying to make up for all that and my man seems to be getting along with him great. Also, he has yet to confront her about it. She'll deny everything anyways, being it only happened one time and he pushed everything out of his mind completely. Did I mention he is an only child? So, needless to say, with both of us being ADHD suffering from mental instability and {mod edit} up childhoods we argue constantly and it even gets real bad, even violent, with both of us lashing out at each other...(which I completely regret because I was the one who started the physicality) at times. I am beginning to think he is Borderline Personality Disorder or PTSD or BiPolar as a result of all this madness in his life. So, in my experience so far and two days without sleep I still have yet to encounter any helpful resources. He is commited to getting help, but we are financially unable to pay for extensive care and can't get away from his family yet. My family has NO IDEA either (and I'll never tell them). I love him alot and despite ALL of this he is still the smartest and greatest guy I've ever been with. Birds of a feather, I guess... In closing, does anyone know of any resources to help men who suffer from abuse? What about charity organizations that could offer counsiling? What about specialty counsilors who deal with abused men in particular in North Carolina? Has anyone ever encountered a situation of maternal abuse? What can I do to help? Please be understanding and don't judge. I have yet to meet anyone who has experierenced similiar circumstances, and not try to kill themselves as a result! I want my man to be able to focus on our future and try to look back as little as possible...
  19. Where to start with this problem...First off I’ll give you a little bit of background...I’m 17 years old, and my girlfriend is 16. Some may call me young and naive, but I do love her, and I do intend on spending my life with her, after all its not that uncommon hearing about marrying high school "sweat hearts", but that’s besides the point...I’ve been with her about 7 months now... (I know what your thinking, im in for the long run)... the first 2 or three months went fairly good, she got along with my parents great, but her parents seemed a little distant, understandably so, it does take time to get to know someone. Well after about 4 or 5 months went by, my relationship with her parents was just like it was when we started going out, they wouldn’t take the time to get to know me, and any conversation ever started, was triggered by me and I would get a few words out of them if I was lucky. I was under the impression that they simply did not like me, I was just confused as to why not. First impressions are obviously everything, and I was polite and kind with lots of "please" and "thank you"s...they have known me from the church I go to because they also go there, and ive gone there my whole life, so right there should let them know im a decent kid in the 1st place, i mean i make honor roll in school, I intend on going to college, and last time i checked, there were no outstanding arrest warrents on my record...anyways, i was simply myself when i would go to her house, i wasnt fake, but just acted like the generally nice kid i am...they acted like the general they are........................ im going to give a little background story of when things really started to go down hill....: we were going out for about 4 months when this happened....for their summer vacation, they took a family trip to colorado for 2 weeks in a big 5th wheel pull behind camper... her parents promised her that we would have atleast an hour to talk per night (we were always polite and waited until the cell phone minutes were free and when everyone was getting ready for bed so we werent interrupting the vacation)....the one night while talking on the phone for about an hour and 5 minutes, her step dad comes screaming and telling her to get the of the phone and all that lovely stuff and they got into a big fight...i was raised in a family that taught me to always have respect for my elders, no matter how big of asses they are, so i called back to apologize to her step dad about the situation, which i thought was the right thing to do...the conversation when roughly like this....ME sorry about what just happened...HIM: i don’t want your damn apology, i don’t want anything from you, i don’t even want to talk to you, your ruining our family vacation....ME: well, im sorry for the incident, please try to enjoy the rest of your vacation, then he hung up on me. so i basically got kicked in the for being polite...so things didn’t start off too good, and he has never apologized for the incident since.................. back to the story... after a while i figured that they simply didn’t care for me for some reason or another, and i didn’t feel welcome at all when i would go to their house because they would act like i wasnt there, even when i tried to talk to them... so i simply stopped spending time with my girlfriend at her house, and she would just come to mine. everything was great for about 2 weeks, no problems, we were happy, and then, out of the blue, her family starts complaining because i don’t go over to their house, and they cant get a chance to know me...so , i bit my lip, and decided i would start going back to their house and slip the time spend 50/50... i was still very kind and polite...the exact same thing happened when i started to go back to visit, i was like the invisible person, they would walk by and not even look at me... so i decided that the way things were going wasnt good because my g/f would always get into fights with her parents about this, and i really did want to have a good relationship with them, so i decided that i would talk with them and try to work things out so i gathered her parents together and started to talk with them...within the first 5 words her step dad interrupted me and stated that he was going to say what he had to say first...and the outcome of the whole conversation was that "things are like they are because of me, but they were willing to give me another chance"... or so her step dad stated...and of course, there was no change in the relationship on their part... so at the point we are at now, her mother will constantly make up other plans at the last minute so we cannot see each other on the day planned a week in advance...such as a camping trip for our six month anniversary, or a trip into town that she has to go along with her. My girlfriend has asked her parents if they have any problem with me, and they claim they don’t, and her mother will even admit that she’s just playing mind games with out relationship and that she needs to stop, but then she’s back to her manipulative ways..... right now things are to the point where it is hard for us to enjoy ourselves when we are together because we are always worried about what is going to be said when she goes home, and what her mother is going to fight with her about the next time she sees her..... I stand up for what i believe in, and i will not lose my girlfriend to her parent’s malice. I’m simply tired of trying to make things better and then getting shot down time after time. Like I said, I stand up for what I believe in, but if I do in this matter, then things will only get worse, so I just keep quiet and its really starting to take the toll on me because it seems like everyday I’m stressed out with the situation. I will not let her parents rip us apart, but I can’t deal with the way things are now. I need things to get better because it’s starting to cause problems with our own relationship…if anyone has any advice for me in this situation, I would greatly appreciate it…. thank you…
  20. I am a stepmom of about a year now. I have found help on message boards because being a stepparent is not an easy thing to do. Anyway I came accross this today and I would imagine it can be or step moms or dads but it is great. I printed it out and hung it on my fridge. You might like it too!!! Stepmother's Bill of Rights You're angry, confused, depressed. You think you're alone - but you're one of millions of women married to men with children. As the stepmother, you've taken responsibility for making it all work out - but it isn't. As a woman and a wife, you're feeling resentful, powerless and deeply disappointed. Compromise and compassion are no longer the solution. Starting now, you need to set some rules; your own Bill of Rights. I will be part of the decision-making process in my marriage and family at all times. People outside the immediate family - including ex-wives, in-laws and adult children - cannot make plans that affect my life without my consent. I will not be responsible for the welfare of children for whom I can set no limits. I must be consulted about which children will live with us, when they can visit and how long they will stay. I will not be solely responsible for housework; chores will be distributed fairly. I will be consulted regarding all family financial matters. Others may not violate my private space at home, nor take or use my possessions without my permission. I will never be treated as an "outsider" in my own home. My husband and stepchildren must treat me with respect. Our marriage is our first priority, and we will address all issues together
  21. Ok, this is my very first post, so please bear with me!! I started looking at this site about a week ago and realized there are some things that I could do better after the breakup. Now I am in need of some encouragement. Here are the particulars: I was in a nine-month long relationship with a woman that I felt (feel) is the person made for me. She made me forget that I was ever married before. We connected on so many different levels it was almost scary to look back at it. During the realtionship, it was 95% utter happiness: sharing a bottle of wine on the beach at sunset once a week, cooking dinner together nearly every night of the week, etc. After a few months, everyone gets into a routine and this was no different. At the same time, she began to go through a lot of family problems. She often considered her step-mom to be the major force in raising her and her sister (birth parents divorced when she was 7). In November, her step-mom started going through a mid-life crisis of sorts and walked out on her dad. She became a woman that my gf did not know nor understand. The separation and divorce became so ugly my gf's father came to live with her for a while. In the meantime, I am the ever-supportive bf, offering my shoulder to cry on, my ear to listen, and my support and love since the same sort of divorce happened to me almost five years ago. Meanwhile, I am new to outside sales and was having a down period in business that lasted about 3 months (finally, coming out of it now!!!). Although, I never complained about my job and tried to hide the fact that things were slow, this obviously added to the pressures that she was feeling in her own life, in addition to having to listen to her fathers' cries every day that she came home from work. So, on the day before New Years Eve, she asks me to go to the beach to share a bottle of wine. You know that gut feeling that you get sometimes when you know something major is about to happen? Well, I had that for 4 hours leading up to our "date". I even stopped to see one of my clients (who just happens to be her best friend) and when the subject of her came up, I said, nonchalantly, that she was going to break up with me that afternoon! After a divorce and several other breakups (some of which I did), I came to the realization that if it ever happened again, I would just play it off and say,"OK, that's fine" and act like it didn't bother me. That Friday afternoon, I was like that when she gave me a note saying that if things were different in our lives that we would be much better off. I told her that while I was disappointed and would be hurt a little, that I understood that she was caught up in a whirlwind of life and probably needed the time to sort things out. Aslo, I must point out that I have a 5 yr daughter (who is my little princess!!) and in her note she said that she did not want to hurt her any either. I respect that. I truly do. Cut to New Years Eve evening. She calls. She wanted to tell me a funny story about how her dad met somebody on the beach that afternoon and was going to have a drink with later. Finally, I broke down and got emotional. THIS WAS SOMETHING THAT I TRIED MY BEST TO FIGHT. I never wanted her to feel that I was not in a position of control. She finally admitted that the reason she called was that she had not talked to me that day. At that point, I realized that there was a chance and that I would let her have her time to get her life straight. A week later, it's a beautiful Sunday afternoon, I ask her to play tennis. She says no. I immediately go over to her house and sit down for another long conversation. We both cried, held each other, and admitted feelings, but she kept going back to the fact that because of what her step-mom has done to her and her father, she was afraid that she might be that way years down the road and did not want my daughter to feel the same pain and disappointment that she has felt. I respected that but tried to make sure that she understood that she was her own person with her own choices and decisions. Again, no use. A couple of more tears and I left. I have seen her once since then. We both happened to be at the same bar one night. Everything was amicable, though no long runs from accross the room to a huge embrace. I have forwarded a few emails her way that I was used to doing anyway with all of my friends. That has since stopped after reading the advice of NC from this website. My question is this: From anyone's experience out there, is there hope for us? I know that no one knows for sure, I just happen to be in a down moment and wanted to find out who has been through the same thing. I could be with her forever, but only God Himself knows if that's meant to be. Sorry, for the long post, but it's nice to get things off your chest sometimes.
  22. Hey, the inevidable occurred.. I was caught by my step dad sleeping at my girlfriends house (secretely) Unfortunately my step dad is a cop, so he knocked on the door hard, and came in asking for me..at that point i ran out the window to my car, but my dad already saw my car which was hiddin around the block... My step dad is grounding me, my gf's aunt was the one who answered the door and she now knows that i snuck in the house.. She will probably tell her mom, which im afraid will result in me not being able to see my girlfriend... I prey to god this does not occur, i love my gf very much and i want us to be able to spend time together. My gf's mom will most likely freak if she finds out because we cant even lay on the couch together when shes around..so the thought of sneaking in her bedroom is just ..bad.. Im feeling really empty.. I dont know what to do, i cant get in contact with my gf she doesnt have her cellphone with her its in her moms car..I have no clue of whats going to happen now... Its up to god.. Any tips? i know there isnt much to give a tip on..but any type of reasurance of to whats going to happen would be good.....
  23. ok... for ages things have been fine with me and my step dad... but then i keep catching him in my bedroom looking under my bed covers. the thing is it keeps getting more and more frequent.... and then all of a sudden it stopped... until the last night on holiday... i woke up at 3am to find him trying to get under my bed cover and he was doing god knows what.... the problem is.... i cnt look at him anymore... i dnt want to be in the same room... but if i was to tell anyone it wud rip things apart.... so i guess what im asking is... is he doing something or am i just paranoid? xxx
  24. Last Sunday, 6 days ago, my Dad really unexpectedly passed away. He was 67, he had never been properly sick a day in his life. He woke up on Sunday morning feeling sweaty and breathless. He was supposed to go golfing with his best friend who’s a retired GP, when he arrived in his house his friend checked with blood pressure and heart rate which were completely normal. He was concerned he might have angina, he gave him a letter and told him to go to A&E to get checked out. My dad was so unconcerned about this that he drove himself to A&E. Once he got there he started deteriorating very quickly, he became extremely breathless, they popped him on oxygen, put him up on the bed and connected him to monitors and then went into cardiac arrest. They shocked him 3 times and performed CPR on him for 35 mins but sadly it wasn’t to be. The nurse assured us he had been in no pain and was not scared and that she was with him the whole time reassuring him. They’re not sure what exactly happened, the consultant cardiologist doesn’t seem to think it was a heart attack. They carried out a post mortem on Tuesday but it apparently takes 3 - 6 months for the results to come back. Since his death it’s been a bit of a whirlwind. Both my brothers were in different countries and had to fly home. My eldest brother had his first baby 12 weeks ago, Dad was due to fly over to Boston with my step mum at the end of August to see him. Everyone is devastated that he didn’t get to meet him as my dad adores babies and was so excited to see him. I have 4 step siblings who saw my dad as their dad and who are beyond devastated. My step mum is gone into a complete state of shock, I genuinely am not sure how she’s going to cope.. he was her total world, she doesn’t really have any friends or anything. Although I can’t stop thinking about everything and there’s a constant air of sadness, I also don’t really feel as devastated as I expected myself to... like Iv cried a bit but it’s small bursts of crying and they don’t last longer than a minute. I feel so guilty, even when we were bury him and everyone else around me was in floods of tears I couldn’t cry.. it just wouldn’t come out! And I’m usually someone who cries at the drop of a hat!! I guess I just want to know if anyone else has gone through a family member passing so suddenly and if they experienced a similar reaction?
  25. hi iv been in a relationship cor about 5 years. we have a really loving relationship and he is a fantastic step dad to my kids from a previous marrage. we have had our ups and downs but last year was really hard with work issues, a death in the family etc etc. I found out in january that he had been talking to other women online. the conversations were sexual in nature and hed did send images of himself naked to one girl. we talked it over and agreed to give things another go. At the time i asked him if there was anything else i needed to know. i found out yesterday he has ran up a few debts. in fairness its not a massive amount and can be sorted with some juggling of things but he has taken out loans etc without telling me. what would you advise. should i trust him again??????
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