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About Me

Mod Notes

  1. This was posted on friendzoned and I thought it was good and decided to share it here.
  2. Nuff said, anyhow more than a year ago now there was this new girl in my college we got on very well and I was one of the people she talked to. She looked amazing but obviously behing shy didnt act upon it. Afew weeks out of the blue we stopped talking. Im pretty certain she wanted me to ask her out (even if she didnt its confidence boost shhhh!) then she got a boyfriend he doesnt look to dissimilar to me which really gets me angry. same height, hair and complexion really. Im thinking this as if she wasnt interested with me adleast to start she wouldnt have sat by me and talked for weeks and surely I would have been "friendzoned" but instead seem to be excluding. Maybe however her new "friends" who are stuck up *****'s that I Have grown up with may have told her that im not the material wanted or am conisdered weird by them. or I could have said something dorky however I believe I had a reasonable chance I built myself up and I knocked myself down. good to get it off the chest cheers!!
  3. i like this girl for awhile now, but ive gotten to the friendzone and i just need to vent. yeah since im there now it seems ive been talkin too much deep stuff with her like life and that, it sort of freaken me out how im letting her know deep stuff about me....and since theres no chance of me and her hookin up i want the feelings i have for her to go which i think means no more contact with her for awhile, which i can do.......but i just hate the fact that u end in the friendzone for being nice and being there for them....yeah my first topic post so just wanted to vent that out.. i think she also gave me a hint shes not interested thats probably y im feeling rejected and weird..plus i found it weird how i could talk to her about deep stuff and i'm feeling weird cause somethings i say to her are things i shouldnt. wellz thats about it cheers
  4. Why do some of you in the present and myself in the past chase lost causes? I almost get impatient when I see people make the same mistakes as I did. Examples: 1. Some people "split" because of an argument then get back together days later after they've calmed down. If this bevahiour is repeated often, it's a sign to get out BUT my main point is that people keep hanging onto the idea that they can "win" an ex back. Such strategy has a very low success rate and usually if they get back together, the forces that drove them apart will win 2. Chasing someone who is already in a relationship. The current partner may be all sorts of mod edits and you could be much better but they are still with their partner and basically they love them but they like the attention from you. No more 3. Someone "isn't ready" for a relationship. They like your attention and may feel some attraction but you're friendzoned, at least for the time being but maybe permanently. Pursue other options in the meantime Many people talk about "The One". My own take on this is that "The Few" is more accurate. There aren't many possible lifetime partners but there's more than just one, so life's too short for pursuing lost causes.
  5. guys make when they're flirting with a girl? Their mistakes keep them "friendzoned" instead of being the boyfriend of the women they're interested in. One thing to note: Friendzoned guys aren't completely clueless.. they compliment or playfully tease the girls they're interested in, just like the men who are potential boyfriends.
  6. We have had 2 previous, unplanned meetings. One in passing where we didn't talk and a more significant meeting yesterday. You can see my description of that one here. Today is the day she normally comes up my street for her work and I had been planning on breaking NC today, even before yesterday's meeting. I made sure to be working on my car in the garage. Happy music on the CD player and whistling whilst I worked. Rather than playing games, I actually started to enjoy myself. The sun is shining and the sky is blue here today - as usual She drives down my street, dead on time. I take a deep breath as I fix a tail light with my back to her, watching her reflection. I am not afraid but I will not chase her anymore. She comes to me for a while or not at all. The original plan was to see where we stood. Give her an opportunity to be around me without pressure from either side. She needs to feel safe. Same as yesterday, she is really happy to see me, but then I am thinking "Oh no, I forgot about the friendzone! That may be where I am putting myself". Nevetheless, I give her the biggest smile I can manage. She comes up to me, leans down and I get an arm around my shoulders. I kiss her on the cheek and say "Hi, gorgeous", she leans down again and I get big kiss on the mouth for that one. A lingering hand on my shoulder and this is in front of the neighbours she didn't like knowing about us first time around, so that was surprising. She completes her sales from her van and puts herself within two feet of me again. Remember. Happy music, I am singing along and the sun is still shining; she just hung out, watching me work and not saying a lot. Every time I look up she is beaming at me - what a smile that girl has, sheesh. Eventually, she moves onto the next street, I make no attempt to get up or talk about calling her. I just let her be and we were both very relaxed. Here are some of my tenets that apply to what just happened: 1. "Moving away increases your value" - the less available the item, the more attractive that item appears. Works both ways. 9. "Reward" - if every interaction rewards you in some small way, you go back for more. 10. "Compliments" - we will always respond favourably to being personally complimented. 18. "Be busy" - others will value your time more. 42. "Women never forget" - seriously, they never do. So make memories of you good ones. 51. "Pay attention to their actions, not their words." - Stop analyzing every conversation for that glimmer of hope, instead look at their behavior towards you. We'll see if she is looking to reel me back in to play games or try and put me in the friendzone. I am strong enough to recognise it and handle it, I will establish my boundaries and stick to them. Her reason for pulling away from me? She told me yesterday without be asked and I translated it properly later on: "I have been thinking about you a lot and wondering why you were so serious. I seemed to make you sad. I didn't want to make you sad, it made me angry. I wanted to go slower." So she is telling me that I was needy and pushy. It made me miserable and her angry - she is damn right and it will never happen again. I am not looking for little signs, or messages in the shape of the clouds. I am causing these things to happen the way I want them because I want them that way. I now know what happened and her motivations. She needs to approach, not be chased. She wants to go slow, she needed space and I gave it to her. She will approach me and stay for longer and longer periods of time and then one day? Well, I am not looking that far ahead anymore - that's called an aspiration. I am not advocating any of this to anyone else, but yes, I want her back, more love, more trust and more fun. So, I take each day at a time with NO FEAR and BEING HAPPY.
  7. Hello! I've had several posts here already but I have a more interesting question... Recently, me and my ex (just broke up 6 weeks ago) agreed to be friends. Of course, it was her desicion to be friends. I didnt want to be anything less than a couple right now, but she has other issues going on with her life. Two of the main reasons why she wanted a break up was her extreme difficulty in trusting me and that she wants to see other people. I cheated on her and had done some flirting that she found out about in the beginning of our relationship and throughout the relationship, had doubt brewing in the back of her mind. Mind you, we had really good times, but there always seemed to be a bad side of her that had distrust towards me and I can't blame her. She also has been seeing other people, one of which I know of. Although, she has vehemently denied anything has happened other than "kiss on the cheek" and i've seen it once happen myself at a show. Naturally, it kills me to know that what I have to offer isnt what she wants right now. for her, getting men's attention at bars and clubs and parties are what makes her feel good, whereas someone getting up at 7am halfdrunk to buy her bandages for a wound she received the previous night isnt as important or doesnt make her feel as good (i think). Anyway, due to her issues and her problems at work,school, relationships,friends and family, she has been overwhelmed by it all. we have been talking evryday on the phone shooting the breeze (and arguments as well) and I think it makes her feel a lot better knowing someone here understands her as much as I do. I know that she loves being independent right now, no pressure of a BF to dictate her everymove. But I'm sitting here waiting (not literally, ive got work to do) for her next phone call. Also, due to her problems, since I care for her a lot, opted to stick around for her until she is ready for certain things like trust me (gained by friendship, or is that just wishful thinking?). however, like today, she's going to see the guy she "kissed" on the cheek along with his band in a practice session. she told me about it and I acted like it was fine. But we've been playing phone tag all day and when we finally got through, she told me she'll call me later on tonight. I asked her what time and she responded "we're friends, I don't like telling you what time I'm going back". she was right. But I still felt like I was put into a corner by her statements. my question is, I do want to be friends with her for now, and she knows that I want more out of it later on, to which she replied once "we'll never be together again" and once "let's just see what happens". I care a lot about her and her wellbeing, but I can't stand not knowing what and how I should act and behave in our given circumstance. I don't want to be cubby holed into the friendzone completely, only teeter totter in it for a while until she's ready to be in a relationship again. She also insists that she would never have a relationship again and that she will never trust ANYONE including me, completely since she got burnt (by me and by other men) so bad. so how do you be a friend, but avoid the friendzone completely? thanks!
  8. well im meeting up with a girl whom i havnt met personally on tuesday for coffee. we have been talking through email for little while after i contacted her at a friends suggestion. she seems very nice and she is beautiful in the pictures i have seen of her. if the first meeting goes well, how should i ask her out on a more formal date? How do i avoid be friendzoned? (this has happened twice recently)
  9. What do I do!!! Here's the situation. Mary is my co-worker. We used to sit right next to eachother but she moved depts and is now on a different floor, so I hardly see her at all. I've known her for about 3 months now. We have a lot of common interests, jogging, food, and now recently surfing. Two weeks ago I actually went to her apt and picked up her board that she let me borrow. Last Wednesday I took her out to lunch to thank her, first time we've hung out, just the two of us. Great conversation, laughing, getting to know eachother type of stuff. We talked about doing things together, like surfing, when she gets her new board, and going out to eat more often. Thats when she brought up this restaurant close to her apt that she wanted to try out. So on Monday, I ask her to go try out this restaurant with me. She agrees. I pick her up tonight, we have some dinner and wine, and have a great time. Getting to know you stuff, family, work, etc...Then I drop her off at home, use her restroom real quick and give her a hi five kind of goodbye. Didn't seem quite right for a hug, definitely not a kiss. Well, I could have hugged her, that woulda been cool, but didn't. Here's the kicker, during dinner, she brings up dating and asks me the youngest girl I've ever dated and I say 21. Mary is 25 and I'm 29. We laugh about it and I ask her the youngest for her, she nonchalantly mentions a guy she is "hanging out" with that is 23. I play it cool and just ask how is it dating a younger guy, and she mentions the maturity isnt there. I then change topics. I DO NOT want to be her guy "friendzone" girlfriend... Is it too late for me to get romantic with her? We sorta make plans to go out again to another restaurant in downtown. I mean its there, if I ask her, she'll go, but how should I proceed? I NEED HELP!!! On the one hand, she is my co-worker and I do occasionally run into her. We do have mutual friends. So I don't want it to be awkward for her. On the other I want to date her and let her know I'm interested and find out where she's at, before she gets too serious w/this young dude (no offense to young dudes). So, what do you girls make of this? Am I JUST her friend? Do I have a shot in the future? How do I change this around? Guys same question too. Thanks for your help.
  10. I hate it when this happens. Most of the time I'll be perfectly fine, but then I'll get hit with this sudden intense wave of loneliness. Usually I'm fine with the fact that I don't have a boyfriend or whatever. But right now, I just... I want someone to want me back. I want someone to miss me, and want to be with me. What makes it worse is that I could have changed this. I had this amazing quasi-date with this guy in the last week of school, 3 months ago. But I'm pretty sure he ended up thinking he'd been friendzoned, because I suck at flirting, and I'm scared to let guys know that I like them (because I'm that scared of rejection). I'm sitting here right now, missing him -- and I'm pretty sure that he's not thinking about me. He probably doesn't even remember the good times we had. I'm not usually like this. But right now... I seriously feel like I'm going to cry. Because that's how lonely I feel. I seriously feel like right now, there is no one in the world who is missing me. And that this is never going to change.
  11. im not sure if this has been posted before, but does anybody have tips or advice on how not to end up in that dreaded friendzone? thanks
  12. I've been reading all these posts about how guys with feelings for their female friends end up getting stuck in the "friendzone" because they didn't disclose their intentions early on. My question: are men equally likely to do the same if the situations were reversed? Or should I believe what my one of my guy friends told me - men are not concerned about ruining the friendship if they're attracted to you. I think to some extent women are more comfortable with having plutonic friendships with their male friends, can the same be said for men?
  13. Is it ok to talk about, let's jsut say some sexual things with someone that is a potential girlfriend? Would it decrease my chances of getting with this person or put me in some kind of 'friendzone' or something? Was just curious because we're playing 20 questions and it came up.
  14. Hi, So I'm realizing that it's not going to work out with my LD crush (thanks to everyone here BTW, who gave me some really great advice) and I'm now trying to move on to being just friends. So my question is really for other women - what has your experience been when you've been friendzoned by a guy crush? And has it every worked out to where you move out of the friendzone? I don't have much experience with this because I have never really liked any guy as much as this - I just never really sweat guys, so it's shocking how much I'm sweating this one! Also, I read that super long post on whether men and women can be friends, so I feel like I got an interesting perspective on why men stay friends with women they find attractive. I just wonder specifically about other women's experiences about why and what happens when they stay friends with men they find attractive. Thanks! Sprocket
  15. hey peeps. is there a way to get out of the friendzone situation? is it a case of just telling the person how you feel?
  16. Hi, just a general question; what would you do if the person you were into liked you back at some point but because it didn't work out you were friendzoned? Keeping in mind that you still want to be with him or her.
  17. Hi! I MySpaced and MSN'd a local girl last night, we got on quite well and I enjoyed talking to her, swapped photo's etc... We have both heard of, but not spoken to each other in real life, so my question is thus: Should I ask her "to meet up with me" or straight out, "for a date"? Is it too soon, should I meet her in person before asking for a date? Its been a while since I did this type of thing, and I don't want to risk being friendzoned! TIA for the advice! Doc
  18. I have been best friends with a girl for almost 6 months. at first i didnt have any feelings for her but as i got to know her more i fell for her. I eventually asked her if she wanted to go out and she said "she doesnt date". from knowing her she cant get over her x boyfriend cause she was in a six year relationship. however, she told my other friends she would possibly go out with me.. i asked her out in jan so its been a while. we have slowly drifted apart partly cause she has found other friends and i have partly drifted away. she consideres me her best friend which i dont want. I want to tell her how i feel but... one of her other friends who i also know actually told her that he is in madly in love with her and she told me this and was disgusted at him and told me he is desperate. now i dont want to do this myself so i just try to see her less and less to let go of the feelings i have. i dont think i should persue this because i dont think she really likes me that way but its difficult not to think about her. whats the best way to deal with this?!
  19. I really am into this girl. I have heard she is interested in me and she acts as though she is interested. I want to ask her out but there are problems. I have the feeling she is not over her last relationship. Also I don't know if she likes me enough to start dating. Should I just let her take things between us at her own pace and not worry about it so much? Maybe this way I wont appear so disperate. I have read alot about friendzoned but I don't know how to approach this situation.
  20. This is the continuation of the saga outlined in Anyhoo, I won't go into anywhere near as much detail. Suffice to say that its almost three months later and I've been a hesitant, shy, guy. I haven't really made a move and things are a little bit awkward at times. Oh well. Just wanted to know what you people think of what's happened between me and this girl recently: 1. I message her after having not really talked to her for a couple of weeks to see if she wants to hang on weekend. Says she's busy but suggests movie on Wed nite. I msg back saying "sure, will call tues". 2. Tues is busy day for me, I call her late Tues nite. She doesn't answer. I try again Wed morn, no answer. She then msgs soon after, apologises for missing calls and suggests we go for drinks that nite. Implication is that there's friends. 3. I rock up that nite and yes she's in a group of 6-7 girls. Night goes well, but I don't talk to her much, mainly talk to her friends and stuff. This is even though I sit squashed up next to her - little bit o'touching and joking, but not much. She mentions to her other friends about a party she's having, but no invite for me. Also, we all leave as a group so I dont get a personal goodbye. 4. After I get home, my mate tells me to msg her saying "Had a good time, your friends are cool, we should do it again". She replies shortly saying essentially no problem thanks for coming. So, I'm left with the impression that I'm mayor of friendzone? I mean, at times I felt like "the guy" but then again her friends were probably just being friendly. Your thoughts? I suspect if I read this as an objective observer the answer's obvious. Friendzoned. Thanks!
  21. How do I avoid the FriendZone. I work with this real attractive girl. She just got a promotion and moved to a higher floor so I don't see her anymore. I've only known her for a month. However we sat next to eachother and would talk everyday visiting eachother in our respective cubicles. We have a common interest in jogging. I am training for a marathon and she seems impressed by that and just last Thursday asked me to look up half marathons or special runs we could do together. We agreed on one on July 4th, verbally, but nothing concrete. She said, I'll run that one with you. Before she got her promotion and moved upstairs, she went out of town to visit her family for Easter. I asked her for her phone number and she gave it to me. So far I called her this recent Sunday and left a message. She didn't call me back, but I saw her yesterday in the morning, briefly and she mentioned a lame excuse, she was at the beach all day and her phone died. I want to ask her out and avoid the FriendZone. Should I ask her to jog with me, she's already agreed to that, verbally, and then try to ask her out, when we're alone jogging? Or should I just ask her out to dinner and be more straight forward and forgo the running thing? I'm afraid that if I just straight out ask her out, she'll reject me and the whole thing would be blown and I couldn't even be her friend anymore. I don't know. HELP PLEASE!!! I want to talk to her tomorrow at work. She asked everyone in the unit, including me, to visit her in her new cubicle upstairs, but I'm sure no one has yet. She just started her new job on Monday. I want to go see her. Should I A) ask her to go running with me when I go see her tomorrow... or B) say hey, I'm gonna go to this real good Asian restaurant on Saturday, you should come with me and check it out. (She likes asian food) or C) not go visit her at all at work, and call her Wednesday night and ask her out and treat it as if she didn't work in the same building at all (I want to start a relationship connection with her, outside of work)? Thank you in advance...
  22. How do you ask someone out??? Exactly how do you word it? I have the guts but I don't know how to word it. And here are the questions people aren't answering. I found her on facebook (its an online college community like myspace). Should I just add her as a friend on there, and then send her a message (saying what?) Or should I just take that chance of just waiting to see her again to ask her (again how do I word it so I'm not freaking friendzoned?) Backstory: Ok I met this girl while sponsoring the documentary Invisible Children. I was stopping by the booth one day, and mentioned to her I was heading to the deli and if she wanted me to get her anything to eat. She came with me and we ate. I begin to like her, and now I'm going crazy right now because I want to tell her something but I don't know what to tell her. Later that night, at the documentary showing, I saw her again and just said hi. Also, my excuse would probably be I was too busy helping with the stuff.
  23. Ok this is just kind of a random dillema, that a female perspective might be able to help me make sense of. Long story short, I had been friends for some time with this girl, asked her on a date then she avoided me for a week and finally gave me the "don't want to jeopardize our friendship" thing. Well.. I've just been noticing.. that she has been "dolling up" alot more then usual.. mostly on nights shes just planning to hang out with me and a mutual friend (female). I don't know.. it just seems weird.. wouldn't you just opt for au natural and fuzzy pajama pants.. if your going to be hanging out with friends in one of your rooms? Just something stupid that has been bugging me.. curious to hear thoughts on it.
  24. I'm currently in a very slow-burn relationship with a guy I really like. It hasn't gotten physical. We've only hung out alone a few times, but we know each other pretty well from previously working together). I am starting to wonder if he doesn't view me in a physical way, since he hasn't made a move. I know he's quite shy and suffers from a lack of confidence, but I don't want to make excuses if he's not into me because I'm overweight. I also am curious how much my losing weight will change that, if at all. I've lost about 15lbs in the past two months, and hopefully it will continue to come off as I keep working out and eating right (mostly ). I'm definitely overweight but (cue vanity) I have a pretty face and I take care of what I look like - I'm not some (cue stereotype) fat unbathed slob. I know overweight girls can easily get friendzoned since guys tend to be visual people. I'm never going to be a size 0, but I can certainly improve on my physical being. I'm wondering if anyone knows people who lost good amounts of weight, and how that affected their relationships - friendships, dating, whatever - or even just overweight people's experiences. Any thoughts?
  25. I have been friendzoned.... I am extremely attracted to this woman. She is a model and absolutely stunningly beautiful (I really love her personality too, don't get me wrong). When we walk down the street together I can see guys with that look of how lucky I am, but they don't realize it is just a 'friends' relationship. I am head over heels for this girl, and even when I fantasize she is the ONLY woman I ever think of for many many months now. I think about her all day every day, she is a good friend in the meantime, but my heart is dying just waiting with the hope that her heart will eventually open for me. I fear that in 5 years I will still be in the same boat, my heart aching daily needing more, but not getting it, but not wanting anything else instead....... Life is so cruel sometimes.
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