ClareB

I'm sorry to hear this, I know what your going through, I hope things will get better.

Thanks everyone, there's really good advice that I'm going to take on board. I just want to clarify that I'm not saying that my cousin is a horrible person for not wanting to be my friend, it's the way she treats me when we are alone that I have a problem with. Having said that, it is upsetting that she doesn't want me as a friend but she doesn't have to and that's okay. It's just hard as another cousin lives very close to us and I see both of them walking together very regularly outside my house, this other cousin is single too and doesn't have a child. It's hard not to feel left out but I accept that they probably don't like me enough to include me and they shouldn't have to, I completely get that. I just thought she viewed me as a friend as in front of other family members, she hugs me and is so friendly to me, saying we should do all these activities together but is then completely different when it's just the two of us. I grew up with her, we spent our childhood in each others homes and I always kept in touch with her when she was abroad but the connection has completely changed. I'm just going to accept it, move on and keep my distance. Thanks.

Thanks so much, that's really great advice, I will definitely take it on board. I really appreciate you taking the time to write this, I will be re-reading it, it really resonates.

Thanks, yes, I completely agree with you. She doesn't have to like me, we shouldn't have to click automatically just because we are related. I have a lot of cousins whom I'm not friends with but I will still be civil with them and not try to put them down. I didn't go into it in detail but there were several times I met my cousin where she has been very snappy, irritable with me for no reason. She got very irritated once where she gave out to me, she apologized about it after but I didn't want to meet up with her alone after that little outburst. I'm just hurt because of this low level hostility from her and passive-aggressive comments, I shortened my post and stuck with the one meeting that happened last week but there are many more comments in the past. I don't think she's being malicious but unfortunately based on previous experiences with her, I think she's being purposely hurtful. I'm not going to make any effort to meet up with her in the future but I know I'll be bumping into her and I dread any more similar comments that she might make.

She is still single but she plans on dating again. She came out as gay a few years ago and I was very supportive, I told her it made no difference whether she was gay or straight, she could still have a family and supported her decision to use a sperm donor, I gave her a lot of reassurance that it would be okay.

I completely understand what you are saying but these comments have been going on for the past 4/5 years along with not looking at me, ignoring me when we're walking on the same street, I wave but there's nothing back from her. She's usually very balanced/measured and deliberate in what she says to people, she doesn't just blurt stuff out. From her actions, tone of voice, etc, I think she does want to throw digs at me. Regarding my dog, my mom used to walk him a lot and my cousin was very sympathetic to her, saying how sorry she was and how sad it was but was completely blasé to me about it.

Omg, that's horrible, so strange, it's so weird that people act like this, we will never figure them out. Congratulations though, sounds like you have a beautiful family 😊

Thanks to everyone for taking the time to post about this. I just want to stress that I haven't been telling family about her in order to *** about her, I only spoke to one of my sisters twice about her in order to get some understanding about what was going on. I wanted my sisters opinion but she wouldn't get into a discussion about this and seemed insulted by my bringing it up even though I wasn't trying to turn her against my cousin. I genuinely just wanted to figure out what was going on. I spoke to my mom about her and my mom was shocked. I'm not trying to turn my mom against her, I wouldn't feel good about that, I'm not a ***y person but I want my mom to know what's happened with no hidden motives. I haven't told my other sisters or my friends. I have one good mutual friend with my cousin snd I've never said any of this to her. I don't want to put people against my cousin, I just wish she could be a lot nicer. It's not just the last encounter that I'm upset about, it's the past 4/5 years, since she moved home. There's been countless smarmy comments that I've shrugged off, even ignoring me on an isolated narrow country lane, when both our cars slow down to a snails pace to pass each other and we are only inches from each other and I give her a big wave but she just ignores me. These things keep happening and I just give up. I just can't act as though nothing has changed but I will be civil and friendly from a distance to her, I don't want to cause tension or drama within the family.

Thanks so much to everyone's advice/opinions. I definitely will continue to distance myself from her. It's just hard as she's so nice to the rest of my family, she meets up with my sister regularly, they both have toddlers the same age and my sister won't hear anything said against her. My mom ignores the situation and is always praising her. I guess that's life, I just need to try not to get upset and focus on other things and ignore any future digs.

Hi, I wanted to see if other people experience this, sorry for the long post! My cousin moved home from abroad and had a baby through artificial insemination, I told her she was amazing for doing it and offered her help whenever she needed it. When she gave birth, I would text her to say, I could drop some treats in for her, etc, and to let me know if she needed anything, anytime. I gave the baby a generous present, was all compliments and positivity to my cousin but that was a year and a half ago. I told her, I'd leave it up to her to text me if she ever wanted to go for coffee/walk or needed help with the baby. My cousin is caring for her mom who has cancer so I know things can be tough. However, the few times I bumped into her on the street, she barely looked at me, was very distant and cold. She has kept regular contact with mutual friends so I'm hurt that she makes no effort towards me. Prior to this, i always texted her to meet up but she never would so after a few months I gave up trying. Whenever I have bumped into her on my own, she has had a few digs at me, the last day, she saw me and actually ran over to me and told me she had an announcement to make, she was pregnant again, I gave her a huge congratulations but then she started again with the put-downs, saying she wanted to get pregnant before it was too late (she's two years younger than me, I would love to have a child but unfortunately, I haven't met anyone, she knows that I would love to have a family and I find her really insensitive with these comments) She then asked how my job was, (I'm a waitress and I hate my job-she knows this) I told her it was stressful, she then went on to say, 'Aw, your job is your baby'. I couldn't believe that comment. She then went on to say, 'your dog is gone' my dog of 15 years got run over and I was devastated and still am. I never got a text from her when he died, which she knew about and I felt so let down that she couldn't even ask me how I was after it. I felt it was really strange how she brought my dog up, no concern or empathy, just 'your dog is gone, do you miss him' I told her, that yes, I missed him and found it very tough, she then goes on to cheerfully say, that it's great, that I have space now to relax and be by myself. The whole thing was strange, I just congratulated her again about being pregnant and we parted ways. I'm really upset. I always looked at her as a close cousin but I see a completely different person since she moved home, she is a ray of sunshine to everyone else but when I'm alone with her she starts throwing digs at me, I won't go back to previous smarmy comments as this post would be too long but I've decided to cut ties with her, no more support towards her. If I see her out, I'll be nice, friendly and civil but that's it, I'll keep my distance even though she live four houses down from me. Has anyone else gone through this with a family member?