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squarepeg

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  1. squarepeg
    And finally move in/move closer together, become a 'RL' couple? I have been with this guy I met online for 2 years. Its a crazy amount of time I think, but I love him and my passion for him has never died. I dont know if he feels the same though, because he seems to not want to spend as much time with me just talking, and tries to spend more time doing other things. Tonight he didnt log into IM and I was saddened, because last night we had an argument over him wanting to spend 'quality time' with me. Basically he was watching a TV show even though he said he was hanging out with me on IM, and when I asked him to call me, he said after his show was over. This guy spends 5 nights a week or so playing online video games, and his attention is usualy spread very thin. Now I dont know what to do about it, so I told him that it would be nice if we had a night every now and then where he didnt' log into his games and just spent quality time with me. Thats what I thought last night was. So when he tells me to wait for his TV show to be over, I felt that same old feeling rushing back..that I'm not important, that I'm always online so he doesnt put me before anything. Wouldnt a guy thats into me want to call me, especially after telling me he was going to hang out and chat with me tonight instead of doing other things? And I guess the second question is, after 2 years, I want to move things forward, but he lives a 6 hour flight away from me, and still lives with his parents, although he just started working at a full time job and is out of college, I'm not sure if anything will move forward the way things are going. Thanks for reading my long post
  2. squarepeg
    Well I will try and help here and give some insight, because I WAS the woman that your girlfrined is right now, only I didnt have sex with my boyfriend for 8 months. I will tell you plain and clear it was because of three reasons. The first is that i discovered a certain kind of pornography on his computer that grossed me out. The second, is because he was putting way to much pressure on me, and it turned me off. The third is because I had a need he coudlnt fullfill, he had let himself go and was not sexy. I think in retropsect, if he had lost some weight, gotten me to lose some weight, never had downloaded that porn and made me chase him, I would have probably have lost that urge to resist.
  3. squarepeg
    I think the real question here is why do you feel possesive over someone who isnt yours? If flirting was just innocent fun, why get pangs of jealousy and feel pain over it? I'm betting you felt special because she was giving you that particular type of attention and now you realise that she does it with everyone. (I'm sure it doesnt stop with this one guy, it didnt stop with you, so why should it). Problem is that most readers will have is getting passed the fact that your a married man, and married men generally shouldn't be getting jealous over flirty co-workers, however stable there marriage may be. So I leave you with this, why would you feel special because someone was raunchy with you? Is there something lacking in your marriage that makes you want to have this sort of attention lavished on you, and yet feel so awful when its not special. If you want it to be special, find otu why you cant get that thrill from your wife.
  4. squarepeg
    Exercise exercise exercise! Try doing some exercise every other day for about 30 min to start. Do it consistantly and at the end of the week tell us how you feel. As another poster mentioned iron may help, but I think also going in and seeing your doctor would as well. Sometimes tiredness is an indication of another issue.
  5. squarepeg
    Oh sweetie, I'm so sorry you have to go through this. I have been right where you are. I know exactly how you feel and it sucks that you have to go through it now. I think you did the right thing by confronting him, and you know that friends dont 'snuggle'..so I think you know what was going on. I think you should tell her, because he may be leading her on too, and she may have no idea about whats going on with you. That way, she will know and if hes playing with her too, he wont have the benefit of winning her over once all is said and done. When I was in your situation I forgave my boyfriend. He told me he was lonely and just did it out of curiosity and lonelyness. It was a symptom of needs not being met in the relationship. I forgave him and managed to forget it myself, but it put a gulf between us that eventually lead to the relationship eroding away to strangers living together. So its possible to forget, and even forgive, but its how he responds and what he choses to do. Right now hes in denial and is probably even lying to himself as to the degree of how much he messed things up with you. I would tell her asap, and take an inventory if he worth forgiving, once he admits he did something wrong. Good luck *hugs*
  6. squarepeg
    I dont think having no male friends is the answer..but I do think that setting some relationship boundries are important here. She broke some serious rules by cheating on you, and by showing only a defensive behavior, it puts you more at edge and it becomes a downward spiral Obviously you think someone messaging your GF and calling them cutie is offensive..as you should. Most people would not feel comfortable with a person calling there partner a pet name in such a manner. But you do mention that you yourself say love yah to girl friends. Perhaps there should be an evaulation of what you concider appropriate behavior for both parties. I think of my father, and if he called any other woman 'cutie' in front of my mother..well let me say he wouldnt hear the end of it. Personally I believe those are respectful boundaries, that people show and allow to exsists in a relationship, in order to make the other person feel happy. What I think you need to do here is sit down and figure out what boundaries would make you feel comfortable..these rules would apply to you as well. Do you call a girl friend several times a day and not think anything of it? Do you call your girl friends sweetie or cutie or say love yah? Is this something you would be willing to give up, and have her give up, in order to make things easier on both of you? Another thing I think you should do is hang out with your girlfriend around Joe. See how they respond to each other, and show her affection openly while in his presense. If there are any issues there, with body lanuage or how she behaves, then you have some heavy talking to do. I dont think that gnawing gut feeling can be concidered an exact science as to figure out if a partner is cheating. I have had people cheat on me and I had no clue. I think in your case, your history with her is casting a shadow on anything she does now, and until you sort that history out, it will forever haunt your future. Good luck and keep us posted.
  7. squarepeg

    her period

    squarepeg replied to uccstar's topic in Pregnancy

    I dont know if throwing up is so normal for a period. It could be a combination of the heat and her period, but I would go to a doctor just in case. Hope she feels better.
  8. squarepeg
    Sounds like you and your ex shouldn't be friends, IF you still want to be with your gf. No Contact would be the best rule. Contrary to what you believe about yourself, you DO have willpower to not fool around on your gf, its that you dont want to exercize that willpower. Just think about it a bit, can you imagine your gf telling you she fooled around with some guys just because she has 'hormones'? Wouldnt fly, would it? This doesn't mean you have to tell your GF, but obviously you need to have a good look at yourself and find out why your willing to jepordize your relationship with her because of 'hormones'. Good luck.
  9. squarepeg
    Sounds like neither of you want to fullfill each others needs, and so are looking outside of the relationship for those things to be fullfilled. Sex isn't the only way to determine if your satisfied. Many women look outside there marriage for comfort, support and love they aren't finding inside there relationship. Since you cannot control your wife's behavior, the first thing you should do is look inside of yourself, and try and control your own. First thing I would do is ask myself the question, what are you both looking for outside that is lacking inside. I would also bring in a third party and see counciling for your issues, because you both may have commincations issues that another person could help you bridge. Finally you may concider a seperation, and move back to Greece, and see how both of you feel in a few months apart from each other. Sometimes time allows people to see passed there own internal walls, and bridges gaps. She may be more willing to confide in you what is lacking if you and her miss each other for a while. Whatever you decide, good luck and I wish you well.
  10. squarepeg
    Dont tell him. This is a case where your unloading your guilt to make yourself feel better, not him. If you need to unload it, write it down and tell yourself that in a few years the pain will have subsided enough for you to let him know.
  11. squarepeg
    Hi all, I just wanted to post to get this out of my system, and maybe get some good advice from people around here. This all started when I was 16 and had my very first long term boyfriend. He was very abusive (I didn't realize it then), but he forbade me to have friends and didnt want me talking to people. Slowly over time I closed my world up for him and only hung out with him and the very few people he chose to hang out with. I did this willingly, without yelling or fighting, fearing that he would leave me if I didnt do what he wanted. He was jealous of my friends, he wanted my sole attention. He was also very jealous of any guy, and always talked about how I would cheat on him eventually. IN the end, he cheated on me, and dumped me. At the time I was devistated and it took over a year for me to get over it. I didnt understand what I had done wrong. I had a low self opinion afterwards, and didnt find myself worthy of any good relationships, so entered into a series of one night stands and risky expierences. Finally, years went by and I got into another long term relationship. I found myself closing myself off from the friends that I had made, not calling them back, not opening myself up to new people, and focusing solely on the guy I was dating. He tried to accept it, and partially I think he liked it, on some level, because I still allowed him to go out and have fun on his own, just as long as I wasn't involved. I became very depressed and lonely. I couldn't find myself past that wall I had invented. Something in me had been wired to refuse other people and only to find happyness in one man. The relationship ended, and I dated another guy, and the same thing occurred, and again..and again.. So I am fully aware now, at this point in my life, that this is a problem. Something I seem to do always, with every guy I date seriously. I am now currently in another long term relationship (LD one too) and find myself wanted to get out of this small world I made for myself, but I have social anxiouty and I'm afraid to talk to people, or be friendly. I know my boyfriend now is fully aware that i have this issue but he doesn't know how to address it. I would love to hear some advice. I am socially phobic (and I never used to be) and need some support.
  12. squarepeg
    I've had guy friends that would never break out of the 'friend' mold (even after they tried and ended up making the friendship flop because of it). But I disagree with alot of the posters taht say most guys want out of that 'mold' themselves, I've had guy friends that have had no interest in me that way and me in them. It was purely platonic. Many of the men I work with I feel a friendship with, but would never ever concider them potential boyfriends. I think it goes the same way for men. I honestly dont think they want to do anything more then be my friend as well.
  13. squarepeg
    Thanks for all your replys, I'll think about what all of you have suggested. I have been with this guy for almost a year and a half. Its been rocky in parts and I honestly have no idea at this point where we will end up. He told me this girl he feels for like he feels for his sister, she was someone he knew as a child and saw her bored so asked her to dance, and everyone else was dancing. I have since brought it up as nicely as I can, and he responded that he felt so strongly about me being jealous because he really wished i had been there, so was bothered that I would be so upset that he danced with 'some one he had no interest in whatsoever'. I feel in my heart that he is being honest (what man tells there gf/significant other that he has danced with someone if he feels guilty about it..its not like I drille dhim for the info or anything it was volunteered very openly..) but what bothers me is that he equated me being jealous with me not trusting him at all. I just dont get men sometimes (no offense to the men out there). Why would a guy not understand a girl can get jealous over stuff like this, and yet trust him at the same time? Its very baffling.
  14. squarepeg
    My advice, Stay far away from this lady. Its just bad news, no matter how you lust after her. First off, she is married. Second, she is a flirt. (so she enjoys male attention even though she is married). And finally, third, she is your FRIENDS wife. So, dont hang out with her or your friend for a good long while. Go to a bar or whatever you do, and look around at all the beautiful, Single women that are out there.
  15. squarepeg
    Kitten, Sounds like your being pretty honest with yourself. It is just that: your jealous he is 21 and has ventured into bars without you. You feel the loss of expierencing that without him and he is not being understanding about it. Best bet in this situation is to back off and give him his space..let him explore this without you. If there is a true bond there, you will see him call you back and miss you. I had a similar situation in my youth when I graduated from highschool. My bf at the time was a year younger and didnt like the fact that I went out and had those expierences without him. He got very insecure and ended up cheating on me. I'm not sure he wanted to be with someone that could move ahead of him like that. You need to let your bf have that expierence without you. Good luck.
  16. squarepeg
    I also feel very secluded. This lonelyness has stretched on for years..mostly my own doing to myself because i dont feel right around other people..maybe because they have treated me poorly and maybe because I just dont have the headspace for there drama. I suppose this sort of thing needs therapy. If you cant find it in yourself after a few months to get out of the house, find a therapist. I'm sorry you have to go through that, just know your not alone.
  17. squarepeg
    She sounds like a totally awful person that has zero respect for you. Ditch her and run.
  18. squarepeg
    Sounds like she either has no idea this guy has any interest in her, or she is playing with your head. Best bet is too ask HER about it and draw conclusions from that. Maybe that guy was bringing over other friends, or maybe something else is up you dont know yet. Good luck and take care of yourself and get better. Btw wth are you doing going to work with mono?
  19. squarepeg
    I'm so sorry about your pain
  20. squarepeg
    I have to say I relate to that quote so much. I'm also a loner but I hate being alone. The paradox is intolerable sometimes. You are not alone in this.
  21. squarepeg
    Wow sounds like this person needs alot of attention to keep her happy. Now I'm not posting to pass judgements on her, but maybe to point out the obvious too you. She will always need alot of attention to be happy unless she finds another method to get her kicks . (and they sound like kicks..keeping a profile on a dating service..etc). Some people get there jollies from that, and by dating her you have to buy the whole parcel, jollies and all. So what to do about that? Well from your post you sound soooo understanding, shes a very lucky lady. Alot of people would have found that kind of trash on the IM and left them. What I guess you need to do is set some boundaries, or they will haunt your lives together. Can you live with someone that needs that kind of attention? You will not be able to fill that role in her life. Can you sit down and talk with her to see if she can find another way to get that attention? Good luck!
  22. squarepeg
    They key to this is foreplay. Sit down and have a long talk to your bf about having oral sex before penitration (preformed on you). It will relax you and make the act of sex alot more enjoyable for the both of you. Good luck and have fun with it!
  23. squarepeg
    Hi and help! I need some advice about a situation that I'm feeling a bit uneasy about. Me and my boyfriend have a long distant relationship that we have been in for almost a year and a half. I love him with all my heart, but sometimes it gets very hard being so distant from him. Recently he went to a wedding where he lives, and I couldnt join him because of work. The next day he tells me he got drunk out of his mind and slow danced with some young pretty girl a couple times that night...that he has known all of his life. I got very jealous and he flipped out on me and told me off for it. What I would like to know is am I out of line for being jealous that he danced with someone at the wedding. He told me before he went he never dances, and yet asked her to dance more then once. Is it ok to feel jealousy?? I want to know what the right way to respond to this is, and am I just being silly like he says. Thanks for your advice!
  24. squarepeg
    I read your story. I have been in a situation myself where i have cheated, and it took a very long time for me to work up the nerve to do what is right. I believe you also know what is right, in your heart, but you also know it is a terrible and difficult path. When you feel the strength to face that choice, you will make it, or forever live in guilt. I could say well leave your wife and go with the woman that accepts your faults and left her man for you, but there is something that is keeping you in your current situation that only you know, or can find out about yourself. Maybe you feel comfortable in having your cake and eating it too. Maybe you feel a desire to hurt your wife, deep down inside, and hope she finds out. Maybe you love them both, and can somehow make both women happy. But, dishonesty will lead to a terrible end, if your secret is found out. The best bet would be to find that courage inside of you and do what you know in your heart is best. Good luck.
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