Brian_Damage

I've become fed up recently with some of my close friends, it always seem to be me putting in the effort making things happen with regards to meeing up or going out. Even something as simple as chatting on Yahoo Messenger tends to mean I have to instigate the conversation. Do other people have this problem with their friends? It almost seems as if they've all settled into this routine whereby they don't put any effort in because they know I'll do it and if I leave it to try to prove a point, they still don't get the hint. I sometimes wonder if I'm being pushy with them, but I'm just trying to keep the social dynamic going. I wonder if I just stopped, would I ever hear from them or see them again?!?! It's so frustrating. Right now I've been left dead by them about doing lunch (They're at work, whilst I have the week off). I suggested yesterday we all meet up and a couple of them said that was good, so I thought I'd wait for them to tell me when they're all free. Nothing, nada.. I IM one of them to find out what's up and get NOTHING back, but he's going in and out of 'away' so I know he's about. Would it be that hard to spend 10 secs to reply? PLEASE tell me I'm not alone in this situation!

It seems to be in this case, time is a good healer.. I'm spending some time away from her and the more I tell myself the supidity of what happened, the more I come to terms with the kind of woman she is. She is also being a very bad 'friend' as well, so it's making it easy to distinguish where I stood in this. Hopefully this will work out.

I can see where you're coming from Squarepeg, and completely agree with everything you've said. The stupid thing is that there isn't anything lacking in my marriage, we're great together, the sex is good, she's funny, warm and caring. I love her completely and always will. Unfortunately all I seem to see around is a very common approach that apparently I can't have any other emotions or feeling unless they're directed at my wife. Obviously this is never the case because I'm a human being and if my mind tells me something then it tells me something, I can't get away from me . Inherently I'm a very possesive person and I think this is being applied here because, as you say, I thought I was special and I have just found out I'm not. But I don't want to necessarily *avoid* the situation, I just don't want to feel the anger anymore. I just want to accept this as the way it is, but need to know what I can do to make myself feel less possesive and jealous.

I must admit I have never changed my opinion of someone so rapidly in a forum.. that made me laugh I don't think she's doing it on purpose.. you know when you just get that kind of feeling? I know trusting that I know her has gone right out the window now, but it just doesn't seem that way. As for the retalliation, unfortunately I don't know if that's going to work *precisely* beause of the kind of woman she is, it's not going to bother her if I do it. It's tempting, as I love revenge as much as the next guy, but I don't know if I want to get tied up in a game of 'mines bigger than yours'.. That said, she has got a little green when she knew I was flirting a little with other women. Hmm.

Aha, way ahead of you.. I have stopped, I stopped a couple of days ago, and she's happy with it (I simply said that I needed to move on and concentrate on things). So as it stands, we're not flirting at all, but remaining good friends however I get the pangs when I hear her typing and giggling to herself knowing it's doing what we used to, with this other guy. Something she is clearly PERFECTLY entitled to do, especially now as I have cut it out.. the problem is that it just really riles me! Selfish? Yep, Daft? Yep.. do I want to be like this, Noooo. I am *so* aware of the situation I have made for myself and understand the kind of girl she is to so easily transfer her affections (The amount of things I've told myself to build myself up is untrue, they just never 'stick'), but I just so want to have the same attitude she does, i.e. it doesn't bother me.

Yeah, sorry for the terse reply.. It's hard to explain how I do not have *any* marital issues in this situation, I am not looking for an affair nor wish to have a loving relationship with anyone other than my wife. This is simply a question of how I deal with the jealousy of 'someone else feeding my cat'. (For want of a better phrase!!)

Of course I am selfcentred, is this not the crux of many aspects of jealousy? My question is NOT whether I am going to cheat or have problems with my wife, which I do not. I should have expected this type of response.. the issue is not my feelings for my wife, or indeed hers for her husband. We are a very happy couple and I personally enjoy the excitement of flirting, which my wife is aware of. My marriage is very strong and we have ultimate trust with eachother and if another man wanted to flirt like this with my wife, I would not have a problem with it. I didn't feel it was relevant to explain *why* I am flirting, only the situation I am in. I know I am in the wrong, and wish to resolve the situation, my question is the best way to let go of this and let us both move onto other things. I must say I was disappointed by your reply, from the title of this forum I thought I would find help, however to you it clearly seems I AM alone in this.

Unusual situation which is why I think I need some advice. There is a girl at work I flirt with, we're both married and both agree that it's just fun and isn't going anywhere. It's very raunchy and we've both said that we don't flirt like this with anyone else (except our other halves) and anything else we do with other people is just messing about. However, I cannot handle it at all when she flirts with other men and I have just found out she flirts just as badly with this particular other guy as she does with me, even using the same lines she's used with me!! (The grapevine is a wonderful thing) We usually flirt over Email and Yahoo Messenger, and I know she has this other guy in her list. I've also caught sight of the fact she's messaging him (which she's said it's just chatting about work, there's nothing in it) so I know she talks to him. When I sit there and know she's telling him all the same things as me it's like a kick in the stomach every time. The problem I have is not that I want her to stop, I don't have that right as we're both fully entitled to do whatever we want. What I want to do is try and stop myself feeling this way and accept that she is entitled to flirt like this with other men. I'm feeling a bit betrayed that she lied to me about what they say, but that's obviously my fault for finding out as she was likely doing it not to hurt my feelings. All I want to do now is accept she does it, stay friends and move on but when I hear her typing away knowing she's talking dirty to this guy on messenger it just makes me so angry. I know I'm the one who is out of order here, but at the end of the day I just want the feelings to stop. Would welcome any advice!