Today I went to the park (which is a very secluded park, by the way), and I happened to see my ex there. At first we just talked and she gave me a hug, because we haven't seen eachother in a while. We walked around, and after a while she started kissing me and touching me. Next thing I knew she was on top of me, beginning to have sex with me. Then I realised what I was doing and I got up, went to my car, and drove home. I don't think of my ex in that way at all, I have no emotional feelings for her, so it meant nothing. The only thing it meant was a lot of guilt for my stupid mistake.
I am 17 years old, and I have been with my 18 year old girlfriend for about 6 months, and this is not the first time this has happened. I love her with all my heart, and I've never loved anyone more than this before. The only down side of this relationship is that she lives about six and a half hours away (but she goes to college only three hours away), so my hormones get a little out of control without her being present.
Other times I've hung out with my ex (whom I am still friends with), it has always led up to fooling around and near sex. This is the third time it's happened, and I haven't told my girlfriend any of it, because I'm afraid of what she will do, and because I don't want to hurt her. She is an extremely understanding person and I think we might be able to make it through this, but I just don't want to hurt her.
I've been crying since it happened earlier today, and I don't know what to do. I am honestly sincerely guilty. Should I not tell her, and just never do it again? (I'm definitely going to stop hanging around my ex). Should I keep it to myself, or should I tell her and possibly destroy our relationship?
I will never do this again. It hurts too much. I can't bear the guilt. Please help me.
