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Katheelynn

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  1. Katheelynn
    I so identify with you that we could be twins...I just went to my therapist and fell apart in his office feeling exactly the same way...my circumstances are different, but I too am taxed from taking care of everyone else in my family and no one really giving a second thought about what I might need. I feel I am here for their convience. I know they love me, but they are so used to me handling everything that I think they think I am a superperson with no need of support. Who hugs me when I down? Do they even consider the effect their constant demands have on me? I sometimes wonder. I often think about just getting in my truck and driving away. It would be sooo cool to just get up and have coffee and not worry about what the day will bring. Just do whatever I want to do. You are not alone in your needs. I want you to know that I acknowledge what a draining spot you are in now. You defin needs someone to vent to and lean on. Nothing is wrong with the feelings you are having. If Heaven has a special crown for those that have given beyound the norm, you would be wearing a jelwled golden crown.
  2. Katheelynn
    wow.....that meant alot to me....ty for letting me know someone else understands the feeling I experience...its weird
  3. Katheelynn
    ty for your stopping by and posting your thoughts...there was a time I felt like you look...LOL...I guess I am making progress. It only hurts when I am awake now...I am trying to live with me now...lots and lots of guilt...something I am very very good at...this too will pass....
  4. Katheelynn
    ty for your stopping by and posting your thoughts...there was a time I felt like you look...LOL...I guess I am making progress. It only hurts when I am awake now...I am trying to live with me now...lots and lots of guilt...something I am very very good at...this too will pass....
  5. Katheelynn
    Im very proud of you and what your wrote...you gave it a chance...you showed you accepted responsibility for you past behavior and were willing to adjust waht may have been part of the problem. Sometimes it just doesnt work out. What a big step you have taken!! Im sure that when love comes your way again, you will apply those same changes you tried on your ex. Good at ya!!!
  6. Katheelynn
    I have to admit that when I first read your posting I wanted to say "oh sure, listen to you now that your in love again. Youve got all the advice, I guess you have forgotten all the P A I N." But, I know you havent forgotten. Most of what you said I agree with and overall I feel like your right on the money. I paid th e most attention to the part you said about being guilty of doing something that may have contributed to the breakup. That hit home cos I think I did. I have never been able to love me. Poor self image and all that. MY ex had me believing I was wonderful and beautiful. He treated me like a Queen. I actually thought I was. I admit I acted spoiled at times. We never fought cept bout my son. Ultimately, I guess that is what caused the divorce. It happened in a split second. He pushed the divorce thru. He even made a statement about as soon as he moved out, his heartburn stopped. The second day the divorce was final, he called the kids and asked if they wanted to be in his wedding. That was it. 16 years of me thinking I was ok was gone in a flash. The anger was so overwhelming; second only to the self image screaming at me "I told you that your not worth it". I have accepted the anger and it has almost gone. I honestly dont think I could accept love again. I guess IM broken. I do want to laugh again and enjoy having a mate. Im 52 and young for my age. Not many are interested in my age with kids still living at home. I have lost my beauty..in and out!!
  7. Katheelynn
    even tho I dont want to agree with you about life being cruel, I do have to say I feel as if I am being punished, only I cant be sure what I did wrong...I remember as a child that I never wanted to be a career person, other than a MOM...I have 2 birth children and 4 adopted children...what a trip this has been...Im 52 and Im raising a 16 year old and a 13 year old alone now...ok ok ok, I do think I know why I am being punished...I have been self-centered and spoiled...I wanted my own way...I thought it all revolved around me...and boy o boy, I have been shown the light...I now know my place in the running of things and I think its important to say that I accept it...I am seeing a man that does not pamper me at all...doesnt tell me I look nice...doesnt think of things that would please me...doesnt tell me how he feels about me...its NOT that he is cruel, he just doesnt show much...what a difference but I accept it...he is on disability and has a very very bad back...now I am the one that looks after him...I think Im suppose to be learning something and I accept it....between you and me, I miss having someone kinda do some little things cos of romance...Im so dramatic
  8. Katheelynn
    Hmmmm....I wonder how he would react if you were t he one seeking sex from others? Perhaps, he is seeking an Open Marriage, where each are free to seek other partners for sex. I understand you have to be very very secure in your love for each other to enjoy sex for sex's sake. Have you had this discussion with him? If he is ok with you doning the same behavior as he is, then you need to really sit down and have a good think with yourself. Can you tolerate that kind of marriage? I feel your confusion, but I do feel you need to get his intentions out in the open and both of you accept the openess in your relationship.
  9. Katheelynn
    Another week has begun. The last week was not too bad, but Ive settled into a kind of secure rut..I got to work, come home and stay in my room and go to bes asap...again, I wake up and go to work...Im still not able to get back into any hobbies...nothing has any interest for me..I can say that the anger has somewhat subsided, but there still are no feelings...I admit there are moments of great sadness when I allow myself to think back..and the guilt is HUGE...but yet there is a small light trying to glow for independence...I just dont do well alone...I like having a partner, but now I dont think Im really capable of loving...I know I need to just concentrate on me getting well with me, but life is lonely with just me...Ive never done real good with ME and yet IM a loner...basically, I am a paradox walking around..my mind knows all the correct answers and my heart just wont accept it...I think I was born broken or missing a vial part in the relationship department...
  10. Katheelynn
    Im amazed at how beautiful your memories of him are. What a tribute to the love for your brother. Thank you for sharing that with me.
  11. Katheelynn
    I have to say that my reactions to a breakup are a mixture of my experiences and my upbringing, mixed with a self image of myself and self worth...in my case, I have had a negative self image my whole life...my ex hubby did everything he could to build up my self image...he actually got me almost convinced I was very attractive and brilliant...when we divorced I stepped back a full 16 years worth...now I had old age to mix into that low self image, plus 2 teen age kids I am raising alone...so, to make a long answer short, I do feel we have many contributing factors that play a role in our handling a breakup.
  12. Katheelynn
    I have to agree with saren...I experienced the same thing...my long term marriage ended with a fast divorce..2 days after it was final, he called and asked the children if they wanted to be in his wedding...I had NO idea...none...zip...it was so hard to stand b4 my children and tell them it was great for them to be in his wedding cos we wanted only the very best for their Dad. I died inside and its been over a year and Im just beginning to entertain the idea of living again. Let it go and the reasons are not important. What is important is YOU. Treat yourself with love and compassion...baby yourself...protect yourself. I wish you merry blessings.
  13. Katheelynn
    I have had just about the very same thing...over and over again I would dream about the divorce. There was a very slight difference in some of the details, but the end result was always the same..basically, the dreams had the same people involved and the same feelings were present when I woke up...pain and frustration...I always thought it was me trying to resolve the issues...I wish I could resole the issues when I was awake and let me rest when I sleep...have you considered finding a therapist to share these dreams with? Time does heal, but in your case, Id say 3 years is long enought.
  14. Katheelynn
    If he likes porn, have u considered watching it with him and role playing? He may have a desire for the a kinda different sexual play. The chatting with women on the net is disturbing to me. I am going to keep you in my thoughts.
  15. Katheelynn
    I have to gently disagree with your statement that she must still care for him if she is still so bitter. In some circumstances that my be the case; however, in this case she has maintained the plan of moving ahead. Its plain she does not want this relationship to continue. Her bitter "I hate you" could be out of frustration for the lack of closure on his part. Let it go and allow her to move in the direction she wants to. If she does have the feeling for him down deep, then she needs to make the next move. In other words, the ball is in her court.
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