stormygrrrl

Well it has been awhile since I last posted and I still don't feel any better. I have tried exersize and that helps my stress, but I'm still very sad. Today and last night i found myself crying because someone didn't return my phone call, now isn't that a stupid thing to cry over? I decided that this guy doesn't want to be my friend after all. All I wanted was someone to watch a movie with me....I can't tell if I'm getting worse or if I'm just working through my feelings. and then when i got home from school today the phone rang and I started balling...because I knew it was going to be a telemarketer. and of course, it was. I just ended a 20 year long friendship, because my friend has borderline personality disorder, and I decided I can't let her be mean to me anymore. I miss her a lot, but I can't tell her how her behavior effects me because she'll freak out on me. It seems like I have nothing but crazy unhealthy people in my life and the healthy nice people want nothing to do with me....oh hum...

Well to clarify a few things I do leave the house, I do have friends, it's just that I don't enjoy myself when I'm out or with my friends. I have been on a few dates this year, but I just feel like, I'm going to feel lonely until I can find someone who can understand me. I agree therapy would be good for me. I used to be in therapy, but having only student health insurance it would be impossible for me to pay for this. I feel like my closest friends, they will only listen to me talk about my problems when they are in the mood to do so. And I can undestand that nobody wants to be around somebody who brings them down. I guess my biggest dilemma is, where do I put all the pain? I think most of my depression comes from the obvious void in my life for love and affection, but I am almost too afraid to ask or expect someone to fill that void because, I realize how spooky and overwhelming that could be for somebody.

I have seen him since then he smiles but doesn't say anything. I basically left it at that. We obviously have nothing to talk about.

I am 26 and am in the midst of a quarter life crisis, I swear. I will try to make this all as short as possible. my mother was sick from the time I was 6 until I was 18. At 18 I watched her die on the day she was coming home from the hospital after struggling with an illness for years. After this happened my life crumbled, everything I knew of "normal" was completely over. My relatives and friends behaved in ways that I thought were terrible, a cousin fought with me over my mother's jewlery and antique furniture, friends didn't show up when I needed them, people lectured me about "getting my act together" my father started seeing a woman two weeks later who my mom didn't like. Because of this I now am very cynical. I realize that I put some people off by this, but I don't know how to stop, or if I even want to. I began going to college two years ago, however I recently had a strange epiphany and was wondering if it was okay to feel this way. I have had a difficult time making friends because I feel nobody can relate to me. I feel surrounded by people who have more money than I have, who have families who care about them,who have normal relationships, and who in general have not struggled the way I have. I don't feel like (or feel like I can't ) have these things. I feel extremely uncomfortable. I no longer know if I want to be successful, because being with these people makes me feel very lonely. I realize I am lucky to be able to have an education, and I also realize that my life could be much worse, that life is worse for others, that my life has been worse, but I wonder, when will it be my turn to be happy? This feeling has been haunting me, and I am afraid it will ruin me. I am starting classes on Monday, I want to hide away. I want to see none of my "friends". I don't want anyone to ask me any personal questions, nothing about my major, my work, my love life, nothing. Because I have nothing good to tell. I have not been in a relationship for over five years. This is another one of my problems. I think that I will never meet anybody. My last boyfriend left the state, promised he would come back for me, and never did. I have some abandonment "issues". I feel sometimes like there is no point in getting clsoe to someone because they'll leave me. I tried dating the last two years but I have never had a second date with anyone. I wrote on this forum because I feel like my personal growth isn't where it should be for my age. I appreciate any feedback.

yeah I think I agree with you all. thanks

I recently sent a letter to this friend of mine. we have known each other for about a year and a half. He is very shy and has never had a relationship before. I told him that I liked him, he didn't respond for a over a week. I was really anxious because I didn't know what was going on. He told me that he didn't know what to say. So I was upset, but the thing is, he says he's not ignoring me, but he never told me he wasn't interested (or was) either. I have no idea how i'm supposed to take this. I'm starting to think maybe he doesn't want to turn me down because he doesn't want to hurt my feelings, but I wish he would just say something either way. I don't know. How much of a time limit should I put on this before I should just forget the whole thing? I really need help with this one if anyone has any advice please get back to me.