SomeDumbGuy

...but I really can't believe that your parents are considering making you wait, unless you're a hypochondriac (you'd know better than I would, it's the only reason I can think that they would responsibly make you wait). Other than that, this is something that is making people die every day. Not your particiular disease, if you have one, but people WAITING TO GET IT CHECKED OUT. Did you know that most forms of Cancer are curable if caught early? Same thing with most diseases if you treat it in the early stages. Someone on the board mentioned that you might be putting your ability to have children in the future at risk...much more than this is at risk. You're potentially putting yourself in a SERIOUS WHOPPING RECOVERY SITUTATION. The treatment might be 300% worse if you wait a long time. How would your parents feel about paying THOSE bills? Pennywise poundfoolish... If your parents are still insisting that it's money that is the reason for making you wait, take your life into your own hands and go to a free clinic. Yes, you might have to wait a few hours to be seen, and the company might be a little on the rough side in the waiting room, but take care of yourself. It doesn't look like anyone else will...take everyone's advice here and take care of yourself.

Some of you guys are replying as if you haven't read the entire thread ... THE TRUTH IS OUT, and I'm dealing with the repercussions. Things are pointing in the direction of happy ending, though not without the expected healthy dose of mistrust. I of course have to work very hard to prove that I'm not just trying to wiggle out of the guilt, and there are times when we get into spats about what happened ... this is no fairy tale, this is real life after all, and my wife treats it like that. We've agreed not to try and FORGET this, but rather to put it behind us and learn about each other from it. Also, after this situation, I'm conscious on a new level (and with a new sensitivity) about infidelity, and it's prevalence. For example, I went with my wife to see a movie that we thought was going to be a feelgood movie. When the inevitable infidelity showed up, however, and she started getting choked up in the theatre, I just felt like CRAP all over again. But that made me think....my god, just about EVERY movie that you SEE has this kindof thing in it; how many people go on lying and lying and lying? If the theatre (and the news) are any indication, the righteous are heading toward a serous minority, if they aren't there already. In the end, we're happier with each other than without each other, even after what happened. It's like the subject of so many lyin' cheatin' songs that you hear...you can't believe that they stayed together after all that they are singing about until you're in a situtation like that yourself. Thanks for all your comments, they really have helped. I'm not sure that I would have actually gone through with telling all without having read the opinions on the board ... when you're wrapped up in so much deceit, it's easy to lie even to yourself about what the right thing to do is.

Thanks for letting me get my thoughts and feelings out here, guys and gals. Your advice has been comforting when I felt I didn't deserve any comfort at all. The latest is ... after calling it off with the "other" woman, and giving everything I have to my wife, things were going GREAT. I WAS dragging my feet on telling my wife about my infidelity, and it was to the point that I thought about not telling her at all; the hurt might be too much to get over, not sure how our relationship would be after I told, etc...everything that was already mentioned in the forum. And true to one post, the longer I waited, the easier it was to keep waiting and NOT tell. Bad move, really. So things were running smoothly, all was happy, everything was great, and then my wife threw me a surprise birthday party. All of my friends were there, all of my family, her family, cousins, EVERYONE. As I walked into the party and was greeted by cheers, the guilt of what I had been doing washed over me like so much lava down a mountain. My shock was taken for surprise at the party, so nobody really blinked that I was having an ALMOST breakdown on the spot. But I was. It was terrible. What should have been the most happy moment in MONTHS was nothing but guilt. So I went through the motions of the part, numb, and several days later left my wife. I told her that I needed to take some time off to clear my head, and that I felt too guilty after the party. Exact words were "I can't let you do things like that wonderful party for me when I'm NOT SURE if I want to be married. It's just not fair". If she only knew the REAL truth. So I stayed with a close friend for a few days, and tried to screw my head back on straight. My wife was very upset, and I called her a few times to check on her. Before Word got back to this other woman that I had "taken off", however, I let her know how it really was. She has a whole network of spies that checked in on my life regularly, and I wanted her to hear it from me. She was happy, if you can believe it. I saw her and told her what happened and why. I told her that I felt too guilty over the party after what had happened, and that I was figuring out my life. I also told her in NO uncertain terms, "I did this for me, NOT for you, so don't misunderstand my actions." She did, though. And a week later when I went back home with my head supposedly on straight, she called me...and called me...and called me. She called SCREAMING at me telling me "How could I go back after being away for just a few days? I'm calling her and telling her EVERYTHING." And she tried to do just that. I was at home, and the phone started ringing from her number. Then my wifes cell phone. Then my cell phone. Over and over, more than 15 times in a row on each number. Panicked, I took my wife out and told her EVERYTHING. And suddenly it was all clear to her. Why I was reluctant to get married in the 1st place, an explanation for the distance, for the late nights at work, for having to take time off after the most beautiful surprise party. I was really, truly sorry for everything that had happened, and I told her EVERYTHING. I told her she can ask me anything she wanted about it, and she did, painfully, but I answered. It was terrible, but it was out, and I felt like it was the right thing to be doing. In the days and weeks that followed, my wife and I not only grew close again, but we actually started up a completely new relationship. I really couldn't wait to see her, every day, but different than it was when we first met. When we held each other it was just perfect. Of course there were emotional outbursts that followed, and prying questions, and mistrust, but I expected that, and told her that I will do everything to fix it. And so far, we are. And so far, we're happier, I think, that we were before this was a problem. And what's more, we're actually COMMUNICATING the things that bother us about each other when they bother us, and not saving them up. So it may not be a happy ending, but it's certainly a new beginning. I hope that it stays this way. I'm going to give everything i can to make it stay this way. So, just wanted to post an update. with it's ups and downs, life can throw some crazy things at you. Thanks.

So I've broken it off officially with this other girl. I haven't told my wife yet, but I'm working up to it. Lately we've been rediscovering each other, and she's really happy about it. Glowing, actually. I hadn't realized how much she was affected by my...indifference, I guess. She actually got very emotional the other day and said that she's so happy that things are better between us. They're not perfect, but I am consciously trying to spend time with her, and less time at work, and we're sharing stories again the way that we used to, before our engagement. During this emotional episode, she said that she feels like I love her again, and kindof collapsed into my arms. IT was really truly incredible. Of course, inevitably, this sparked such a horrendous rain of GUILT inside of me, but that's my problem, and I'm dealing with it. I now feel worse than ever for what I've done, and have made a promise to myself that I'm going to make up for what has happened, but more than that, what HASN'T been happening (in our marriage). Now that she's so happy, and things are on track, I still desperately want to confide in her about what a JERK I was and how much the whole situation has made me realize that she means to me....I hope it doesn't destroy everything that's coming back now. About the other girl: maybe it's just pride (probably it is) but she's taking kindof an apathetic stance on the whole issue. I told her it's never going to work out, given the way that it started and the way that things have become, and she gave me an "Oh well." Makes me feel stupid that I commited this at all. Anyway, thats my story so far. Thanks for listening. Advice is apprecaited.

Thanks for the insights guys/gals. I hadn't considered some of the things that were brought up. Like the fact that she never respected me nor my fiancee/wife. That really hit me hard. It made me reconsider a lot of things. So, even though there is a lot of OOOMF in being with thie other gal, and there are a lot of things in common, I really love my wife. Also, in the past few weeks, what I had lost her to when we got engaged (see original post) is coming back. That really makes me feel awful. So I've decided to take some action. I am going to suck up and deal with the hurt that comes from it, and it will take a while for that hurt to go away, but I'm going to get myself out of this affair. Completely. And I think the only right thing to do is to come clean to my wife, and take whatever comes my way. It's not right for her not to know, and if we can get over this together, we can probably take each other through anything that life has to offer. If we don't get through it, my god, that would be such a tragedy, but not an undeserved one. Some people I've talked to about this, though, think that telling her is selfish, and that if I want to keep things going I should end the affair and not tell the wife. My problem, my error, my secret. While I agree with some of that, if she ever found out from someone that was NOT me, I think it would just be unfair. So I think I have to come clean in person, myself, and take what I'm due. Anyone have any opinion as to whether this is a good idea? I can't take this anymore. Either way, the affair is over. It's not fair to anyone. Thanks guys. Just to write that out feels better.

Long story, not quite sure what to do, and I need some advice, opinions, even some beratement. Anything. I haven't opened to anyone so... Got engaged to a great gal, then lost her to the wedding fiasco. For the entire engagement, our relationship was non-existent. For 1 whole year, the wedding was all that happened. Nothing that I said, thought, or did mattered during this planning period. I lost the woman I loved because I gave her exactly what she wanted...the ring. 4 or 5 months into this fiasco, I confided in a friend that was having a similiar issue. SHE (yes, she) was engaged and didn't want to be. Her fiancee was GROOMZILLA, and she didn't know how to break it off. Of course the shared problem led to shared interests and mutual attraction. Being engaged, this was not easy to deal with, but I kept my hands off.... Until we both started having big problems in the relationships. We got together and kissed, and I felt SO GUILTY...it was terrible. Great kiss, but so terrible. This led to more than a casual relationship, and the wedding plans went on. I backed as far away from the wedding as I could. My job is very busy, so this was not difficult. I just immersed myself in my work. Escapism at it's best, I know. I thought that it would just end, but it didn't. Neither of them. As terrible as things got, she (my fiancee) did not want to postpone, call off, nothing. So I kept seeing this woman, and the day crept closer and closer. We grew very close, and grew to love each other so much. We shared things from our past that were so similiar that nobody ever understood before. It was great. We were open and honest with each other. She broke it off with her guy. She wanted me to do the same with my gal. But it was too close to the wedding. There was now too much in place, and my fiancee was too into it to stop. All of the signs were there, I was dragging my feet, I wasn't participating in ANY part of the planning. I don't know what stopping it at that time would have done to her. I sought advice, and what I got was get married, and hopefully it will work itself out. It didn't. The other girl didn't take going through with it well, but she stayed on. She STAYED! I still can't believe it. And we're still seeing each other. And it's terrible. She knows everything, knows about my wife, there are none of these twofold secrets. She just wants me to leave her and be done with it so that we can give things a try without the BS. And sometimes I want to so badly. But on the days that I don't want to, I feel so badly for the woman that is my wife. Such guilt. What will it do to her, to know that I'm leaving for someone else? Sh's a GREAT WOMAN, my wife, and doesn't deserve this. The other woman (not my wife) is a great person, really loves me for ME, knows all my secrets, shortcomings, etc...but I'm just so scared. What if my wife doesn't recover? What if she can't take it? What if I can't get over the guilt and it ends up ruining the second relationship? She's not unstable (my wife), but what would this do to her? Should I leave citing IRRECONCIBABLE DIFFERENCES, or should I come clean and face the music? I'm not afraid of her knowing, or of what would happen to ME, I'm afraid of that person thinking "MY GOD, I was left for someone else, what did I do wrong?". She didn't do anything WRONG, my boy-girl lego just CLICKED with this other girl and now I'm faced with....this dread. Would it be better for her to know, or would it be better if she never knew? Or should I just stay and end things with this other girl? Face the fact that I made a decision to be married, and stay married? I really love my wife, really, believe it or not (hard to, considering, I know), but we could have a happy life. It's now 6 months into it, and we have no children nor plans for any. I couldn't do that to any child. It happened to me. So come at me with your worst. I'm deserving of all of it, but all I need is some good advice. I'll take the rants, the lectures, the SHAME ON YOU, but in the end, what's best here? I love both of these women, and the better relationship is definitely going to be with the woman that is not my wife, but staying with my wife would not be terrible. She's a good person, very loving, just not the WOW, the OOMF, the .... well, the IT. Maybe I should just leave them both and count myself a cursed bastard? I feel like I've earned that. Thnaks for listening, even if you ostracize me.