evepm

I have not put my foot down but, I will. Part of the problem is that I really did not want to end the relationship but, for my own good I did. We were very close and had alot of fun together but, the bad times were real bad and too often. Bottom line is that I miss the good part and I'm having a problem keeping no contact.

I broke up with someone that my company does business with. I'm having a hard time with no contact outside of business and I don't know how to handle him when we have to do business together. I try to keep our conversations professional but, I broke it off so he still wants the relationship.

I have no authority over him. He runs our shop and I run the office. As far as it only bothering me, it is a ripple affect. Thier relationship disrupts the dynamics of a very small office and has been noticed by outside vendors who are asking me what's going on between the two of them. My reply is a brief "I have no idea." What they do in thier personal life is none of my business until it effects my office. I have decided that the only way to handle her performance is to show my brother the work that she has been doing and ask him if it is what he wants. I believe that he will be unhappy with it and hopefully will take action.

I posted about my assistant a few weeks ago. Long story short. We have a policy, that she is aware of, no inter office dating. My assitant and the guy who runs our shop have become "close" friends. They spend lunch together and everyay after work she goes out to the shop to hang with him. His is married and having some problems in his marriage. I'm not sticking up for him but, I believe that because of the problems that he is having with his wife, my assistant's attention towards him is like a welcome relief. No of my business right? Well it's a small family owned company and thier actions are affecting the environment in the company. My brother owns the company and I have brought this to his attention but, he seems unwillinging to do much about it. My brother is not in the office much so it does not affect him directly versus myself who spends about 10 hours a day there. Over the past 2 weeks her work has gotten sloppy. I have spoken to her about this but, nothing has changed. I do not have the authority to fire her without my brother's consent. Because of the dynamics in the company and the many strong personalities, there is always some drama going on and my brother has to mediate all of this. I know that he grows tired of the petty things that go on and I have to tread lightly with this situation. My other fear is having the married guy's wife show up and cause some drama. One the one hand perhaps the wife showing up would not be such a bad thing, at least it might stop the B.S. between the 2 of them. I have no idea what to do.

Scout: Again, Thank you for taking the time to help with this. Legally, she's still in the 90 day probation period and he's been with the comapny for 3 years. I know that it will be difficult to have a talk with her but, it has to be done for several reasons. First, it is disruptive to my office and sencond if this guy's wife catches wind of the situations, I do not need a pissed off wife in my office. By the way, I did talk to my brother yesterday, laid it on the line and told him the next time he chooses to be disrepectfull, I'm walking. He was very apoligectic and said he didn't realize that the "jokes" we upsetting me that much. So for now, all is well with that situation. Eve

It's natural to feel hurt, angry and sad over a break-up. It's worse when the person leaves you. Plus, he went back to his ex. So, you've been hit with a real whammy. You can't put your feelings on a timeline. 3 months is not that long and you'll feel better whenever. Don't put mental pressure on yourself to be "over" him by a certain amount of time. Quite frankly, he sounds like as * * *! What a total jerk move to send you a link to his mysapce account we he damn well knew you'd look. He did it on purpose to show you how much he's over you and into his current. I always recomend that when you feel most vulenrable about this person, go hang with your family or friends. Do anything that will distract your mind from dweeling over the situation and whatever you do implement the no contact rule. Hope you feel better about things soon, Eve

You guys are right about my brother and what I should do. I have let family loyalty distort what I know is the right thing to do. I guess I just needed to hear it from my wonderful, unbiased friends here. As always thank you for your support and thank God for this forum!

Scout: I told her that the company has a policy against fratenerzation. When she was first hired. It's a small office, so it does not take much to throw the balance off kilter. There's alot of strong personalities, including mine. But, I keep things under control by creating a laid back environment and making myself very approachable. The industry is extremely fast paced and hectic, so to compensate for the stress, I try to keep a very laid back environment in the office. For example, I do not deal directly with the public, so unless I have a meeting, most days I go into the office in jeans and a baseball cap. I hope this gives you a better undersanding of the structure.

I explained that I have a no fly zone policy in my office. It's a small office and it does not take much to through it off. What would you suggest I say to her?

i work for my family and i have two serious problems. first, my brother owns the company and i went to work for him at his request 5 months ago. when i first started, i could do no wrong. proably because my brother was desperate to get someone to run his office. now, he treats with disrespect in front of employees. i have talked to him about this and his reply is always the same "can't you take a joke". it's crap. i work my butt off for him. my borther gave me a raise (an amount that we had agreed upon prior to me going back to the company) now he expects blood. it's ridiculous. i'm still underpaid for the job that i do. my next problem. i hired an assistant about a 2 months ago. she's fine but does not like to do certain aspects of the job that she was hired to do. the real problem is that she and another employee are doing alot of flirting. the other employee is married. he comes into the office throughout the day and spends time talking to her, they take lunch together and last week she started staying after work and hanging out with this guy. he works in a different area and has longer hours than my assistant. personally, i don't care what they decide to do on thier own time but, this situation is disruptive. i have brought this to my brother's attention and he does not care. unfortunately, when she slacks off, it falls on my head.

We make no sense together. I did not invite you in. I did not want you. Why did I allow you in? You opened a door that I want to shut. Its over between us so why do you still call? Do I dare tell you that I miss you? Do I dare tell you that you made feel like I could breath again? You are so wrong. Everything about you does not fit. So why do I answer when you call? Why do I miss you? Why do I care about you at all? Do you ever miss me?

I can readily admit that I am not that great with relationships. I had stopped dating all together for about a 18 months and was focusing upon my career and family. I went out on a date this weekend, which I posted about. The guy was a jerk and things did not go well. I have always said that the handwriting is on the wall in black and white from the very beginning. I have reached a point in my life where I know what is good for me but, I keep repeating the same patterns with men. Always seeming to choose ones that are not right for me. I want to stop this pattern even if it means that I just don't date! If anyone has any insight to help me figure out what I can do to identify why this pattern occurs and how to change it, I am very open to what you have to say. I do not want this for myself anymore and it's time to make change. In regard to the guy, everyone here said do not accept his phone calls and I did anyway. Even knowing that it wasn't good for me. HELP!

Thank you everyone for your support and advice. I'm old enough to know everything that all of you said. But, sometimes you just need to hear it from someone else. I feel so much better about the situation and it's because I was able to turn to this site for caring and unbiased support.

I met this man and we talked for about 3 weeks on the phone. I was very honest with him and told him that I was hesitant to date anyone because of things that have happen in the past. He told all the "right" things and said believe in me, I won't hurt you. He said that he was crazy about me and he had even stopped by my office a few times to bring me coffee. So, this weekend i took a chance and it was a disater. Friday night he cooked me dinner and one thing lead to another. I ended up spending the night. Everything seemed great until Saturday. He picked me up, we went back to his house to spend the day toghether and it was like he had totally changed. Almost like he figured that he had me and that he didn't need to put much effort into spending time with me. I sat around while he did stuff around his house. I spent the night again, nothing happened we just slept. When we woke up this morning I tried to have a conversation with him and he just wasn't interested. I want to know are all men full of crap. Do they just tell you what they think you want to hear nad then when they think that they have you do they just become complacent? This guy kept telling me to believe in him and that he wouldn't hurt me. But, it does hurt to be treated like a piece of furniture and I feel stupid for sleeping with him. When he dropped me off this morning he leaned over to give me kiss and said that he had a great time but that was not how he was acting when I was with him. I'm hurt and disappionted that i took a chance. I really started to like this man and I feel like a fool. I do not have it in me to go a another roller coaster again. HELP!

It sounds so easy to just tell Joe. Right now he is upstairs nursing a hangover and I know that Micheal, they guy I'm seeing, probably would not understand. Joe is going be upset when I not able to let him crash here anymore. This just STINKS! I guess it's not much different then a close girlfriend and having to tell her that I will have less time. It just seems so complicated.