mahlina

Dpressedone89, you've just scored lots of browny points here! Derek, I read a few your responses in the past, and think that you give really good advice. I agree with what you're saying. I think that what men are looking for, is what women are looking for as well. It's just the basic necessities for survival: Women are looking for the same thing as well. I think that for both sexes, we both want someone who we feel that bond with, someone who will add that spark to our lives. It's hard to find someone who we we feel complete chemistry with, someone who fits that balance of: emotional, mental, and physical chemistry. When we do, it takes two people to maintain that chemistry. And what RayKay wrote, yes, I think that the 'high maintenance' type of people are the harder ones to please. It's not that both sexes are impossible to understand. It's finding that true 'chemistry' that makes it difficult. Chemistry's either there or it's not. When two people have it, and don't put in forth effort through 'communication', that's where things crumble. That's where things appear to be complicated. Good points though. Nice topic!

I guess it's good to be optimistic sometimes. I do have a pessimistic point of view of things sometimes too. I think it's necessary to have a combo of both a realistic/optimistic p.o.v.'s. Too much of one or the other isn't good. Let me tell you, the biggest thing that I looked forward to was the $90 million California lottery jackpot. If I had all of the money in the world, even if I fnished my bachelors (still working on it ), I'd still go to school and learn new things. I know it's depressing to think about how tight our economy is. What's even more sad is, my step-dad used to hire people for the company that he works for, as well as working as software engineerer, and now he's scared that they might lay him off, after working for the company for more than 20 years. He tells me that they're tight on hiring 'new' people. What's makes it even more sad is, the company that he works for is pretty well established, but the head haunchos are still wanting to downsize. I swear. I can't imagine myself working in the corporate world, but eventually, that's where my future's headed at as well. Sadly. At least you're not the only one who's feeling this way, right? Hang in there.

Completely agreed Nomore. Sorry to hear about your situation though. I know some college graduates, who attend highly competitive universities, who majored in computer engineering, and don't even have a job now. It's a sad scenario, and unfortunately, it doesn't seem as though the job market is getting any better. But no matter what, try not to lose hope. I know. Easier said than done. Find things that motivate you. Maybe school's not the best choice for now, but try to indulge in some kind of hobby that will interest you. I always think that learning never stops. That's what keeps us young and happy, even through our toughest times.

Hi Nomore, Try not to be so hard on yourself k? The economy's really slow. Don't blame it entirely on your level of competance. Besides, when some companies hire you, don't they train? thereforeeee, I don't think that it's you. I think it's more because the trend is 'budgeting and downsizing.' Anyway, keep up with a healthy diet. Exercise. Enjoy doing things that keep you positive and happy. Don't buy into that negative thinking. It will only consume you. Instead, find things that will help you to improve your life. Instead of focusing on the negative, focus on the positive. Now you have time to learn new things that you can, to build up on your future & career. Maybe you can take some supplementary courses that will make you stand out a bit, in the IT industry. Whatever it is, keep busy. Realize that it's not you. I'm quite frustrated with the economy right now. Things are going down the hole, I hope not for long, but pick up on new hobbies or classes while you're waiting for your 'future' employers. Make yourself desirable. Hope this Helps. Don't give up hope. Mahlina

Well, okay. My body's not really tolerant with beans, but beans provide a good source of proteins as well. Adding to the list, eggs provide a good source of protein. That's good that you're health conscience. Instead of using the whole egg, if you often eat two eggs for breakfast, and don't want to elminate the egg yolk (I can't help it, it's probably the best part of the egg, at least it is for me it is), then use only egg whites for one, and the whole egg (including the yolk) for the other one. There are also different products that you can also use to subsitute for protein, such as soy. Soy milk is pretty tasty too, if you find the 'right' one. I often buy mine, not at the general supermarket. There's also beans products prepared differently in different cultures. For instance, you can try hummus. It's made from garbonzo beans, and isn't as strong (for me it isn't) compared to your regular refried beans. There's also a desert in which the Japanese use called: red beans, which is often used in a red bean slush desert, where the beans are mashed and sometimes prepared with coconut milk. I know it might sound weird over the net, and you probably don't know exactly what I'm talking about. But once you try it, you'll see what I'm talking about. Very tasty. Just keep it in mind. There are several of ways to enjoy eating healthy. Healthy foods don't have to be bland. It's the little spices that add a lot flavor to our meals. Play with different types of spices, and you'll enjoy healthy foods. It's not the fat content that counts. It's the flavors and aromas that attract our taste buds. Enjoy your healthy eating and exercise!

Yeah. I wouldn't push it either. Sounds like she's a busy chick. About the other guys, I'm sure that she might have interest in a few. But for some people, school's more of a priority, thereforeeee getting with guys isn't. I think that she senses that you do like her, especially because you've already asked her if she likes anyone. Her response in saying 'no,' tells me that it's her subtle way that she perhaps see's you more as a 'friend.' This is the motto that I always follow: "Actions speak louder than words." Even if she's not the first person to 'make the move,' it does not mean that she's being shy. Her actions tell me that she's not being as receptive to you. If two people truly bond, then naturally, things like calling or communicating often with each other, should not be a major concern. If she liked you enough, and was receptive to your liking her, then she'd be a little bit more available. I'm trying to be not as blunt about it, but it doesn't seem like she's really investing the same interest in you as you do in her. But much props to you for your efforts! Get to know other girls, especially at your high school. Try not to focus too much attention on her. I'm sure that you'll eventually stumble into someone who will have as much interest in you, as you do in her. Mutual chemistry is the basic ingredient for any potentially strong relationships to occur. Take Care. & Don't give up hope in the love department. Enjoy your time in high school! Mahlina

One of the best ways to get rid of stress, in your case, I think is to vent it out. Vent it out to a trusted friend. Call up your brother. If you need to cry, then let it all out. Supressing your emotions only does more harm than good. Trust me on this. You truly need to just let things out sometimes. And I know what you mean about not ranting about your problems to your friends too much. But you know what, sometimes it's better that they know what you're going through. Even if you don't feel as close to them, in reality, your friends are your friends. They will be there for you no matter what. No matter how many guys come and go out of our lives, are true friends will always be there. Lean on them when you need to, and allow them to lean on you, vice versa. About your parents, I know what you mean about not talking to your parents are much. Try to talk to them. Let them vent as well. Everyone's got their own stress in their lives. When we share each other's stresses, we realize that we're not the only ones who are stressed out, or burned out with life. After you vent out your emotions, find things that you love to do, and things that help to keep you feeling young. Find some kind of activity that will allow you to replenish your energy. I think that no matter what, life isn't stagnant. There will always be something that doesn't go the way we plan them to be. Life will always be in constant change. People often don't like change. But, it's mostly their attitude that helps them to cope with stress. Remember: Motivation and Determination are important to test your attitude and outlook in life. I know that sometimes we lose hope in things, but no matter what, it's good to keep in touch with what we want, what our goals are, so that we don't feel lost in the end. About the LDR, take every challenge as it comes. If anything, allow him to do the driving. Once in a while, you can trade off. Hang in there.-Mahlina

I think that with family, you're allowd to let your guard down and completely be yourself. Verses with strangers, you kind of have to be more cautious. Even with friends or acqaintances, it's harder to truly let yourself go. It doesn't mean that you need to seek counselling. Perhaps, it's more like you're a little bit more reserved or inhibited than other people are. It's not a bad thing. Everyone's unique in their own way.

I think that it depends on how long you know that girl, and how well you guys bond. In some instances, being direct shows confidence. But, when a guy is too direct with a girl too soon, when he barely knows her, and/or if the bond is lukewarm, then it could backlash. I had a guy who was direct with me before. He scared the crap out of me. We barely knew each other and spoke on the phone for a week. He was really forward about his approach towards the end of the week. I didn't feel that strong chemistry for him. So at least he got his answer. In that instance, I think that he could've kept his forwardness to himself. Hats off to him though. But, if two people hit it off really well, and if the chemistry's there, then I think that forwardness is beneficial. Just depends on if both people feel that mutual attraction for each other or not. I personally liked it when my other 2 ex's didn't beat around the bush, and got to the point by being forward. In that sense, I enjoyed the fact that they made the first moves. I don't mind being the passenger in a relationship, once in a while.

Aawww, Onix, things will be okay. She'll only be gone for a semester. I know it's tough. You guys can keep in touch through e-mail (they probably have cyber-pubs over there), and once in a while, perhaps you guys can call each other with phone cards. Think of it this way, at least you have time to study and concentrate on school. If you love her that much, then make it an incentive for you to earn good grades, so that you can build up a future for yourself, and eventually take care of her, financially. Every little step that you take is a stepping stone. Let this situation be a 'test' for your relationship. It's tough. I know. I wonder wives of millitary men feel. It must be so hard for them to have their husbands go overseas for who knows how long. Try your best to keep things positive. Hang in there Onix.-Mahlina

I personally wouldn't see it as a turnoff if a guy's still living under his parents' roof, has finished school, and makes a decent salary. But if he hasn't done anything with his life, still partying, getting older, and still living with mommy and daddy, then yes, I would find it kinda unattractive. When I finish school, I plan on living with my parents for another 2 years, to save up cash to buy my own house. I think that it's a smart investment to live with parents after college, just for a while, not too long, to save up money. But, the big issue here is: independence. As long as you're living under your parent's roof, they have more say. I hate that feeling more than anything, but I also think it's a blessing in a sense that being with family is important. At least I know that my mom and step dad are safe, healthy, and okay. Sooner or later, your two cousins' parents are going to have to live under their roofs, when they come to the age of retirement. That's when the tables will turn, but your cousins won't necessarily be making all of the rules, because their parents won't be hanging out late at night. Their parents will still have some kind of authority, but not as much, because their parents need to respect the fact that they're old enough to take care of themselves, and may possibly (I know this sounds a little harsh) chose their own retirement home. I think that for some parents, their fear at that point, when living under their kid's roof, could be that they might not have a choice but to end up in a retirement home. It's sad. That's just a different view of what may possibly happen in the long-run. No matter what, our parents will always be our parents. They may want to have control over our lives, but in reality, they really can't. We must always respect them, and realize that their intentions are often for the best. I know how it feels to be under pressure. My mom still has a lot of say in what I do with my life, even though I try not to show it. It's even more excrutiating when she keeps on pressuring me to dump a guy that she doesn't like. Anyway, hang in there. This who feeling of being 'controlled' will lessen when we move out. What you're feeling is part of a normal phase in life. Sooner or later, when we get older, we're probably going to be the ones who are on the other end, and our kids are going to be the ones who will go on enotalone and complain about not having as much freedom. LoL. Hang in there. Study. Get your degree, and move out! That's my plan. Can't wait to get outta here. That's when I can truly say that I've become my own person. Can't wait! (I really sometimes feel as though I'm in shackles, living under their roof and not beign able to do my own things ..but that's the price that I pay for making my own personal investment. I appreciate them though.). Think long term. Don't lose hope. Good luck to ya.-Mahlina P.S.- Make this your own incentive to earn enough money so that you can financially take care of them in the future. I'm stressed about being able to take care of my parents later. So take this as some kind of symbiotic relationship, where you invest and stay with them now, so that you'll save up enough money later, to pay them back, as a way to show your appreciation. I'm sure that they love you. Some parents are very overbearing, when it comes to their adult children living under their roof. They only do so, because they care.

Hi Maasikus, Congradulations on your upcoming wedding event! What a bummer. I know how you feel, especially when you're on red alert, when you feel that tenderness in your breast. Honestly, I would not try to take any kind of medication that messes with my hormones, especially if it's going to be OTC. The best thing that I can think of for now, is to be prepared. Wear a tampon just in case it does happen on the wedding day. Ouch. And that wedding gown?! Geez. What bad timing. So tampon plus a pad. I'm pretty sure that you'll definitely know when you're leaking. But if it does happen to start the night before the wedding, then wear a tampon, and Kotex does sell padded underwear. And for the evening gown, Always sells the thong shaped pads, just in case if you're wearing a thong. I'd wear a pad as well, plus the tampon, just in case. I don't personally like to use tampons myself, but if that's what it takes to prevent things from ruining your night, then why not, right? Have fun on your wedding day!

Hi American Dream, Your post caught my attention. I read it a few days ago. I'm glad that there are guys like you around. I think that there are also girls who want the same thing as you too. In fact, I'd love to settle down and be a cool hip mom/wife, have a full blown career, live in a comfortable house, and come home to two kids and one dog. However, the only thing that's hindering me, is the fact that I need to finish school. It's not that there aren't as many girls who desire to have the same things as you do. It's several of other factors that limit their ability to do so. For me, it's not so much because of my age, it's more financial than anything. I'd love to be financially stable by myself, before I settle down. I'd love to own my own house as a single person, before I meet 'the right person'. My reasons are not because "I'm young, I want to party, and don't want to be tied down." It's more like I'd rather be single for a while, and learn how to deal with things on my own before I find that special person to be with for the rest of my life. Some people just want to enjoy their independence for a little while, minus the partying and getting drunk part. Some people like to live life in solitude, for just a while. I know what you mean about the seemingly endless party scenes, and friends who don't grow out of it. I still have friends who are into that partying, clubbing, going out to bars, and getting drunk. But I don't hang out with them as often, because I realize that there are more important things in life. Not that I don't enjoy going out to dance every now and again. I just limit to once in a while. Besides, I like that sponteneity sometimes. Anyway, I'm sure that there are lots of girls who have the same values as you do. Hang in there. Don't loose hope. Do what you gotta do, and sooner or later, you'll meet that right person when you least expect it. Mahlina

It depends on the circumstance. In terms of relationship break-ups, heartache is the worst killer of all. So I'd say that that's hurt me the most. In terms of everyday life situations, I think that guys for the most part, have been pretty nice. I don't run into many jerks as often as I do compared to catty girls. I don't associate with those types of people, thereforeeee, neither of them truly hurt me. People grow up, and start to care less about what others say.

To me, cheating is something that a person does behind their partner's back, when they wouldn't do it in front of their face. If they know and are well aware of the fact that their partner might not like what he/she is doing in front of their face, but goes ahead and does it anyway behind their back, then that's cheating, because they consciously made the effort to do it.

You're welcome. I think that you can mention about it, but if she truly wanted to do it back then, then she probably would have. Some people might feel discouraged to talk about these things publicly. thereforeeee, they don't want to share it in front of people, espeically in front of a crowd of people in court. thereforeeee, I'm pretty sure that she's thought about it before, and maybe felt uncomfortable about it. It's really up to how she feels and how she wants to handle it.

That's great that she has a good friend like you. Be supportive, and do things from your heart. As much of a sweet/happy person she might come off as, she probably has a lot of emotions that she hides inside. Her telling you about her problems, shows that she trusts you. Tell her things that you mean from your heart. Don't hesitate to ask her some questions, but also remember to be extra sensitive about it. The last thing that she needs is for someone to make some kind of comment that will make her feel judged or uncomfortable. If you feel that the questions might be inappropriate, then let her know. Say this, "If my question bothers you a little, then feel free not to tell me. I understand." Sometimes, when people force other people to let out their emotions, they take it as something negative, and will push people away, especially if they don't know if they can trust the other person as much, yet. Whatever it is, let her let out her emotions naturally. With her situation, I'm guessing that she's matured a whole lot from what she encountered. Often times, depending on how severe her abuse was, some victims often develop what's called: PTSD, post-traumatic, stress disorder, where they feel a whole lot of anxiety inside. It's like their own defense mechanism. Some of the symptoms include flashbacks, fear, and depression. It's also a part of what she might experience if she doesn't let things out and vent. When people keep things inside for too long, it can be personally destructive. Here's a website that will help you to understand PTSD a little better. link removed, by Eve B. Carlson, Ph.D. and Josef Ruzek, Ph.D

Wow! I'm speechless. Vivid poem. I hope that this isn't something that you went through. If it is, just wanted to let you know that things will be okay. Some people have it better than others. But no matter what, things happen for a reason, unfortunately, sometimes it's at the expense of other people's innocence. I hope this experience doesn't deter you from attaining personal success/happiness. Make it your driving force for your future. If my assumptions are wrong, then I apologize. -Mahlina

I just find it rather odd how she seems to have a bit of anger against you. Why would she say that she hates you? My interpretation of that is, whenever someone shows you that much hate and passion, it's probably because they haven't forgiven you for whatever reason. She's probably still holding onto some kind of grudge. If she truly forgave you, let go, healed and move on, then she probably would've been less hostile about it. That's just how I see it. It makes sense that if someone stopped caring, then they wouldn't be as mad as well. I think that what she's doing is, either: 1. She still cares, thereforeeee she's upset. 2. She's intentionally 'acting' mad, as a way to push you away. She's probably really serious about her studying. If she says 6 months, then give her 6 months. Sometimes, people actually mean what they say. Some people are take things hardcore, when it comes to studying. They don't want any kind of distractions. That also means distractions from boyfriend/girlfriend relationships. They'd rather study without the distractions. However, words also been around that she's got someone 'new'. thereforeeee, I think that it's probably case #2. (I'm not Miss Cleo. Sorry. Take my advice with a grain of salt. ) Whatever the case is, take this time to focus on yourself for now. If she's not wanting the attention, then do not allow yourself to be her doormat. Carry on with your life. Do things that you like to do. Who knows. Maybe things will work out in the end. I would also use NC as a way to 'heal' rather than a way to seduce her to come back. Don't bother with playing mind games. That's mind boggling, and will distract you from gaining perspective of the situation. The main point is: focus on what makes you happy. Be yourself, and don't let anyone make you feel less of yourself. Enjoy the simple things in life. Feel better k? Have fun. -Mahlina

Seriously. If he can't accept you for who you are, then give him the hand, and let him be. Do not allow yourself to fall submissive or bend over backwards for someone who can't respect or accept your for all that you are. Girl, if he does find another women, let it be. Don't allow yourself to fall into a group of 'shallow' people. Avoid them at all costs. Life's about being true to yourself. He's not the last guy on this planet. I'm sure that you are an attractive girl who can and will find someone who will cherish you. When you do meet up with him, make sure that your close friend or family knows about it. (Just in case). Be yourself. Let your personality shine through. If things don't work out, then maybe it's not meant to be. Be like, "Oh well.." Shrug it off. You'll eventually meet more and new different people. But, if things do work out, then enjoy the friendship for what it is. Try not to stress about it. No matter what: enjoy yourself, have fun, be careful, know your boundaries, and be happy. Take care. Mahlina

Yup! Yup! I completely agree with Muneca. In all of our cases, I see that abusers often want 'control'. It's as if when they don't have control, they try to find alternative means to gain it. One of the most effective ways is 'mind control.' It's funny because in the beginning, you can't really tell who's the abusive type or not, until they reveal who they truly are, when they get what they want. At first, it's sweet talk, sweet words that's used to seduce you. Acting in a gentlemanly manner, being the best that he can be to try and prove some kind of front. Then when you let go and start to trust them enough to reveal about your weaknesses, that's when they reel you in and use mind control. Abusers feed you words that you want to hear. When they're not getting what they want, they literally try to break you down. They'll use your pain and frustrations against you. I don't understand how people can be so sick sometimes. Of course being that you trust them, it hurts like hell to know how some people can be so apathetic. It doesn't surprise me how prevalent abuse goes hand in hand with those who survived childhood abuse (i.e. sexual and/or physical). Actually, it's really sad. Especially because survivors of childhood sexual/domestic abuse often run into abusers all over again in their adult relationships, when in fact, that's the ultimate scenario that they want to avoid! It's like some kind of curse that doesn't seem to go away. I can't believe the crap that human beings put others through. All of that torment and torture? And to run into it again, when all they want is safety and security? And what do these abusers do? They carelessly take advantage of these victims. They destroy it! Well you know what? In the end, it's time to just say "No." Remember the "Just Say No" campaign that Mrs. Reagan promoted? Well this is how I see it: use that slogan and slap it in their face. "Just Say No" the next time they come back into your life and try to destroy your well-being again. Kick them out of your life. Drop them like a bad habit!! It's as if when you do gain a sense of happiness and stablitiy in your life, all they want is to rock your boat, and turn your world upside down. Don't fall as a victim to their 'mind-control' anymore. Ask yourself if they are truly what you want in your life? Do you really want to settle for them? Do they really have any kind of promising future going for themselves? (I doubt it. I doubt that abusers will stop abusing. Not unless if they realize how awful they were, and truly take actions to 'correct' their behavior.) Do you really want to forfit your life, your future, your emotions, and your happiness for someone who doesn't have much going for themselves? Just the miserable people, the same people who will get you nowhere in life? This advice goes for anyone who's been a survivor of abuse, especially childhood abuse. Remember that you're not the same child who's scared anyone. You're an adult now. Your life is in your hands, and no one can take it away from you. Not even the abusers. Find strength and willpower among yourself. I guarantee you, there are lots of other things to be happy about in life, rather than just settling for someone who's going to put you through torment. And keep in mind, there are people who are out there for themselves. So make sure that you're strong and well prepared. Don't allow yourself to fall as a victim. Be strong, and take every experience that you have with you as a way to reinforce your character. Learn from every pain and misery that you've gone through. In some ways, it's kind of like a gift. A life lived without pain is not a life lived at all. Take these experiences and learn from it. We wouldn't know what the meaning of true happiness is, if we don't experience pain. It's an inevitable part of being a human being. Sometimes it takes a great deal of pain to realize what makes us happy. I wish you guys all the best. Be strong and have faith in yourselves. Please be cautious and take care.-Mahlina

Hi JustPlainSad, I think that movies are sometimes a great source for motivation as well. Although sometimes it could be an exxageration of reality, sometimes it's nice to enjoy the meaning behind it. Some of my favorite movies that motivate me are: 1.) Dangerous Minds- It's about how teachers can truly make a difference, and make a positive change in student's lives. It's a heart warming movie. I love it! 2.) The Joy Luck Club- Reminds me of what my mom went through while growing up, and why sometimes, even though I don't realize my own mother's good intentions, her ways of showing tough love is only to push me to become a stronger person. It helps me to reflect on her life, and how difficult she had it. I love the part where one of the movies says a quote similar to this, "Daughters are like their mothers. Always following the same footsteps, one after another, never breaking the cycle. They always fall as victims to their own mother's failures." Something like that. I especially love the part where the father pulls out the feather, and says that her mother had all of her good intentions of raising a daugther and offering her the best future. Unfortunately, the feather was all that she had to carry onto her daugther as a gift. The feather was symbolic. Even though it seemed to have no value, the intentiosn behind it is what truly gave it meaning. I choke up everytime I watch this part of the moive. Can't help it. Sob story. I love chick flicks! Yeah! 3.) Forrest Gump- What else can you say about it? Another awesome production by Steven Spielberg. "Life's like a box of chocolates. You never know what you're gonna get." 4.) Sleepless in Seattle- I love this movie. Another chick flick, but the story behind it is so cute. Might be an exxageration of fate and reality, but it's worth the watch! 5.) Saving Private Ryan- Helps me to envision how tough it was to fight in combat, back then in Europe. Reminds me of what my grandfather must've gone through when he fought back in France. The cinametography is so captivating. Another stunning piece of artwork by Steven Spielburg. 6.) Riding In Cars with Boys- An all around good movie, which is based on a true story, and depicts the lives of two young teenage mothers. It's moving in a sense that it shows that we don't always have complete control of our lives. Even though things don't always turn out the way that we plant them to be, we just have to make the best out of our what we got. Life's not perfect. 7.) Sweet November- I love Charliz's character in that movie. I swear, her hippyish kind of personality is how I sometimes feel at heart. 8.) Soul Food- I love how the movie emphasizes on family togetherness, faith, and family traditions. In some ways, I can relate to it, espeically during family reunions and family gatherings. Nice topic JustPlainSad! Mahlina

Well said Kungfumaster!! =D> I coudln't have said it any better. My parents are against it, and I agree. We're not bashing anyone here, but that's just what I see as well. It's kind of like a cop out, I think, when couples move in together too early and end up breaking up. I completely understand what you're talking about where the you mentioned about the notion of taking the 'traditional' values of marriage for granted. It's as if those who do cohabitate before marriage, can easily break up, nonchalantly walk away when things aren't exciting enough. Because #1, that's the mindset that they internalized while living together, prior to commiting to marriage. It's as if they say, "Okay, well we just won't work out. Onto the next person." I never believed in moving in with a boyfriend. Not that it's entirely wrong. Just not my cup of tea, because I'm traditional like that. I think that marriage is a huge issue to consider. It's not about putting on a fancy wedding show, buying the most expensive gown, acting fake, and putting up a front! The meaning of marriage is deeper than that. Yet, I see so many people get sidetracked. Sadly, divorce rates are too high these days. 8 out of 10 of my friend's parents are divorced! Explain that. I don't exactly understand why this is so. I think it's just the attitude that people have these days, where everything is about 'instant gratification': "Me, me, me. Okay, well if you can't give me this, then screw you. I'm #1!! Grrr..." (That's a very typical mentality of a lot of the people from where I live. Can't wait to get the heck out of here!) It makes me sick to see how marriages fall apart, and how children of the marriages have to pay for the consequences. I'm sure that they're not the only ones who are emotionally distraught. Instead of mass media showing all of these 'reality shows' based on the mentality of survival of the fittest (Paradise Island, Survivor, etc.), I think that the people who control mass media should consider other forms of what I think should be 'beneficial' to society as a whole. Instead of focusing on the 'me, me, me' fake mentality, focus on shows that will bring values back into our society. For instance, we should have primetime shows that focus on how to strengthen relationships, how to promote healthier lifestyles, ways to prevent depression, how to cure diseases, or ways to invent new technological innovations that help to reduce toxic pollution on this planet! Things that are worth watching and learning about, things that actually make a positive change. Focus on human incentives. Create shows that help us to idolize 'role models' that are worth idolizing: Princess Diana or Mother Theresa, instead of the typical teeny boppers. We should promote shows which pay more respect to elders, so that we can bring back that chivalry, romance, and common respect back into our culture and onto our society. Maybe it's just me. Because where I live, people don't do this too often. There's this kind of pretentious, selfish, and snobby mentality that I can't stand. It's really suffocating. I truly hope that people won't be breeding that kind of mentality anymore! Instead, we should truly focus on ways to build more positive, happy, and healthier lives. It all starts within the family. So why don't we focus on that for once? (especially those who are the rich elites who control mass media. Why can't they change their mindet? After all, unfortunately, mass media does have an impact on how people perceive their own reality.) thereforeeee, I think that society as a whole, should put in a mass effort to find ways to strengthen marriages, so that we can instill good values for the future generations to come. Afterall, kids are often a mirror image of their parent's values. So let's focus on the things that matter instead of the things that bring instant, short-term happiness, that seem to have value, but don't. It just cracks me up when I think about it. People in my community tend to be really rich. Yet, they're one of the most miserable people that I know. Driving around in their S.U.V.'s, high beaming people, road raging, not caring about anyone but themselves. I realize why divorce rates are so high. Then I wonder how divorce rates are like for those who aren't as rich. I see that some of the lower income people, tend to be one of the happiest individuals. As long as they come home to their family and spouses, that's all that matters. That's what makes them happy. Yet, our society often focuses on egotism, greed, the here and the now, but we don't stop to think about the important things in life. (Maybe some people just internalized a different set of values while growing up. I don't know.) Perhaps this push for an individualistic lifestyle is what's really hurting us in the long run. Anyway, good points Kungfumaster, I completely agree. I thought about this for a while. Thanks for letting me vent. Nice topic! Mahlina

There are different and fun ways to show the people who we care most how much we love them. One of the cutest things to do is to exchange baby pictures. I also like to sew a pair of matching pillow, so that we both have identical pillows. Sewing matching pj's is cute too. Another thing that I like to do is to bake cookies, or cook up some lunch/dinner for my partner. It's always better when both partners can cook together. I also like Liseria's idea. Victoria's Secret is something that also makes a great present, especially when it's saved for that one special someone. I think that it's the small things that we do that really count.

I think that it has a lot to do with a guy's level of maturity. I haven't dated a younger guy, because I'm naturally more attracted to someone who's older than me. But if I do come accross a mature guy, who is younger than me, then I wouldn't see why not. I think that it also makes a big difference if he's somewhere past 25. There's a general rule of thumb, where girls mature 3 years faster than guys do. I think that it's mostly true during adolescents. Then gradually, as both men and women reach the age of mid-twenties, when they're ready to settle, then they eventually level out on maturity. However, some guys are really mature for their age, and some aren't, vice versa. thereforeeee, they might be just as mature before early adulthood, and some might be even more immature in their late adulthood. Acceptable age?...this will vary for each individual. Legally, in the U.S., anyone under 18 is forbidden to be with anyone who's over 18, in terms of sex. I understand why. But for your age, being with someone who is 20 isn't as bad, but legally, having sex with them is not okay. So, I think that for your age if you were to date someone younger, then 2 years is probably good. But I can't be the judge of that. I just don't understand where people marry those who are over the age gap of 30. I don't understand why some people honestly think that Anna Nichole was able to fall in love with someone who's old enough to be her grandfather. In that case, that age gap is waaay too much, I think. I'm just grossed out just thinking about it.