mahlina

Honestly, from a girl's perspective, I truly don't think that your gf still wants to be with him. If she truly wanted to get back with him, then she would've left your relationship in a heart beat. When it comes to love, I don't think that women can stick around with someone who they have 'lukewarm' feelings for. In other words, I see that she's more in love with you than she is with him. Why? Because she's still with you, despite all of the numerous times her ex contacts her. If she truly wanted to be with him, then he'd easily sway her. Obviously, her feelings for him aren't strong enough. Maybe she 'lost' those feelings for him. I truly don't think that you don't have anything to worry about. Their sexual talk could just be an inside joke that they share. Of course, it's not acceptable. They both should realize it.

Hey RayKay! I'm so happy for you. Just wanted to add one thing, be careful with snooty men. Sure his profession is sound, and yes, his credentials may be attractive, but I dated some men who used their background as a way to attract the ladies. They were nothing but showoffs, who mostly did what they did to please others and to use it to their advantage. In the end, the more I got to know them, the more I saw their true colors. They were nothing but pretentious. Of course, not all successful men are going to be like this. Weed out the ones who are. Pay attention to the little things that they say about other people. Their little comments will be enough to show you who they truly are deep down inside. What really matters most is: who he is from within, if he has a good heart. In any case, know your boundaries, have fun and enjoy your experience Girl! Yeah!! Mahlina

Hi RayKay. I'm in the same boat! Boy, does it feel refreshing!! Halluluyaaah!!

-Hey you Bad idea. Do not pursue her at this point. She's not completely over her 'man' yet. Although she says that she's "over it" and "won't give him the time of day", I bet you anything, she might even return to this guy again. Why? Well, sometimes, even though people say, "I have come to my senses that my Ex was the worse..yada..yada..", they're only saying that as a way to 'cover up' for what they're truly feeling. Meaning, they're lying to themselves, and haven't entirely come to their senses. yet. They're just in the process of beginning to realize that the ex isn't 'the one.' Sometimes it takes people several times to make the same mistakes over and over, in order for them to realize that their ex is a total screw up! They won't realize things until they're caught up in a vicious cycle. The only time in which they truly do come to a realization and learn, is when they finally take action, by: 1.) Not calling the ex. 2.) Start dating new people. 3.) Enjoying life without having their ex's around. Sounds like this girl's still keeping in touch with her ex. At no point in time, at least for now, is she ready for a 'new relationship.' Try not to be her punching bag. I'm sure that you can be a shoulder to cry on, but once she's over her pain with her man, that's probably where you'll stay: just a friend. I'm sorry, but sometimes that's just the dirty truth. Sometimes, some women just like having someone of the oppossite sex to lean on when they're 'trying to get over their ex', or trying to cope with stress in general. Unfortunately, it's at the expense of a truly caring guy's emotions. I think there's another term for this tendency: relationship co-dependency. If anything, 'rebound relationships' are really hard to work at. They don't last as long. They might, but it's tough. Just be you. Be supportive, but don't be there for her all of the time. Don't get your hopes up too high. And, if she truly does like you, then things will work out on its own, when the time's right. For now, it's not. Be cheery and happy. Be yourself. Eventually, that might even be enough to attract her once she's truly over this playa! Hope this helps. -Mahlina

Hypothetically speaking, if she's the same girl that you think is on this site, and if she's gone out with you for lunch, then yes, she would make the connection. And no, I don't think that she would think any less of you. But, if she does know that it's you, then why doesn't she call you up and ask? I mean, you guys are friends, right? If that ever happened to me, and if it's a guy that I'm hanging out with, then I'd personally ask him about it. I don't really think it's a big deal. She won't be mad at you for it. Just shows that you care, and that you're genuine. No harm done. It could be that you're overanalyzing things? If she is the one that you truly think is the same person that you know in 'real life,' then she would definitely get the clue. Perhaps you can just ask her? Although, sometimes some people are just completely oblivious to things. I"ll tell you what, sometimes, when a guy's making a pass at me, my friends see it, but I don't. I don't even think that he's hitting on me, until he straight up says he has interest. I just interpret his 'niceness' as 'friendlyness,' a simple kind of gesture shared among friends or even strangers. Unless if he's a major perv, and does things that makes me feel uncomfortable, then I'd be completely aware of it. But in her case, I think that she's probably: a.) Not the same girl that you think is on this website. There are tons of other forums as well. Maybe this one's not the same one that she visited? b.) Completely clueless as to how you feel about her. In any case, try not to worry about it. If she's truly your friend, then she won't judge you. You sound like a very nice person. If she's your true friend, then this situation shouldn't change your friendship. Perhaps you can communicate about this with her. Say something like this the next time you do see her (I'll use the name Leah for example): "Hey Leah! How was your weekend? By any chance, I couldn't help it this weekend. I got glued to the internet, and stumbled accross some posts that sounded very similar to something that you would say. Is this person you, by any chance? I found much interest in reading what that person had to say. If it is you, then I hope that you're not offended. Just curious. Thanks." She won't be bothered by it. VeryShyGuy, it's very sweet of you to be so considerate. If anything, she'll appreciate you more for being so sweet. Mahlina P.S. Re-Edit- Your situation is so cute! I doubt that she could ever think so badly of you. Try not to be so hard on yourself k? Goodness!! This is so adorable....

Hello there VeryShyGuy, I don't think that the girl that she is on this forum is entirely different from the girl that she is in person. I personally believe that when people lend their thoughts/advice on this forum, they tend to reveal who they truly are at heart. There's no sugarcoating anything. She'll probably be the same person that you talk to, even when you hang out with her 'in person'. That's mainly because she sounds like a sincere person. Sincere people tend to be genuine about themselves, regardless of any situation. So, you're caught in between with telling her the truth, or living with guilt, right? Well, I commend you for venting. It's a hard thing to do. Your post was enjoyable. Lots of deep feelings/emotions. I think that she does deserve to know that truth. It is fear that prevents people from truly being happy. Try not to let your own personal fear of being shy consume you. If anything, if she knows your admiration for her, it will be a win-win situation. There's no loss. At least you can move on, and walk away with confidence. I must admit, there are times in which I regret not doing things that I should've done, but in some ways, I moved on from it. What you don't want to end up doing is 'closing' doors. Try not to leave any doors closed in your life. When people run away from their problems or run away from the 'truth,' they hinder themselves from attaining their fullest potential in gaining self-confidence. I'm sure that if you hint to her the next time you 'hang out,' you will feel more confident about yourself. Life is about 'learning.' We all have our own flaws, and it's up to us to correct it. That's how we become more personally well-rounded and satisfied as human beings. Otherwise, we'll constantly make up 'excuses' for ourselves, and feel sorry for ourselves. Hence, our lives will never get anywhere with the 'no can do' mentality. People need to build on their weaknesses and make it their strengths. That's what makes life worth living. I hope that all works out well for the both of you. *sigh* Such a sincere and well written thread! Good luck to you! Mahlina

7. Can you cook? (Ramen/eggs don't apply). If so, what's for dinner? 8. Favorite jokes? 9. Favorite 80s cartoon/TV sitcom? 10. What's your most bizarre incident with the oppossite sex? Most bizarre date? 11. Which part of oreo cookies do you like best? Chocolate or Cream? 12. Favorite car? 13. Truth? Double Dare or Triple Dare? If you lose, ya gotta sing Milli Vanilli's "Girl, You Know it's True..Ooh Ooh Oohh".. 14. If you won a million $ 's, what would you do? 15. Any fetishes? 16. If you had to describe yourself as a fruit, what kind of fruit would you be? 17. Which TV or movie character best respresents you? 18. What do you see yourself doing in 20 years?

Hi, I think that what you're going through right now is perfectly normal, especially for your age. It's almost as if there's a social pressure to get out there and do something for society. Meanwhile, you want to enjoy things for yourself, right? Where's the time to enjoy things anymore? Well, try to make time. Spoil yourself once in a while as a 'reward' for your hardwork. In the end, all of your energy spent on trying to get your life somewhere will be rewarding. Think about it, I always tell my friend this everytime we're in class, "It might feel like hell now, but it's payback later." Meaning, suffer now, and later on in the future, your rewards will payoff. My uncle always said this, "Focus on your school/future first. Then later on, you won't regret investing your time on studying." I see how there are so many young folks who finish high-school, and think, "I have my independence now, so I can do anything that I want." In reality, there's a balance in doing things that you want and getting your priorities straight. But to them, it's about leaving those responsibilities behind and living in this kind of "Bohemian" lifestyle, where they're so focused on the 'short-term' goals. That's not the best approach, because eventually, later on, they will have to pay for their own consequences. It's sad because some of them actually depend on the 'retail' world, and working minimum wage as their career. Not that it's bad, but it's not always something that they wished to do for a living. There's a give and take to everything. So try not to let this sadness get to you. It's normal that you feel that way because you're maturing and growing up. Congrads to you for realizing things for yourself. Not too many people stop and think, or take their time out to 'realize' what's important in their lives. They're too focused on living with this kind of Carpe Diam kind of lifestyle. Hang in there. Last but not least, try not to feel bad about being able to talk to your friends about your frustrations. That's what friends are for. If anything, they're probably going through the same thing that you're going through. Try to remind yourself: "Invest in the important things now, and your Long-term rewards will come later." It feels endless. I know. Try not to give up. Here's a pat on your back. =; Cheer up....k? Mahlina

Bake him a cake from scratch: icing, sponge cake, everything. I think it's a cute thing to do! Plus, baking him a cake is more meaningful, I think. It doesn't have to be from scratch if it's too difficult. You can always buy the pre-mixed version and then bake it. Buy icing, and dec it out with the best cream flavor. I suggest baking a Mercedez white cake. It looks simple, and tastes great! Dec it out with strawberries. He'll love it. Enjoy his B-day. Have fun!!

That's really good advice Bzborow1. It's true. Only she can fix her own problems. People may want to help her all that she wants, but it's up to her to finally wake up to her own problems and actually 'do' something about it. About rekindling what you guys had: I'd say for now, try to think about what you can do to be happy without her. This might not be the answer that you want to hear, but most often, there's no way of convincing someone to love you. My ex cheated also. It happened when he was into the 'party scene' in college. We were together for close to 4 years. In the beginning, I gave him my all. Just like your ex, I was bubbly & happy person. He messed up. After realizing what he did, I felt lost and jaded. I went into another relationship, in which I thought would bring me happiness/security. It didn't work out of course. But in the end, I realized that I didn't need my ex or anyone anymore. I grew stronger. It's been 2 close to 3 years since we officially broke up. He hasn't found another girlfriend yet. Even today, he still checks up on me once in a while to see how I'm doing. I know that he still cares. He says that he loves me. I trust him now, but a part of me knows that I can never have those feelings for him again. It's just because I have this mindset about him, "You had your chance. You screwed up. Tough luck." I forgive him, but those feelings of what he did to me in the past, will never make up for how I first began to fall in love him. In other words, once things are screwed up to that point, there's no turning back. The feelings of being 'in love' with that person is almost irreversible. Those feelings won't be the same. Mistrust builds on mistrust, and thereforeeee, it becomes this neverending vicious cycle of repeated hurt. Once that happens, it's hard to repair those feelings of passion and romantic love for your partner again. I know that my ex cares, but in a lot of ways, I wish he can move on. In fact, I encourage him to do so. I would hate for him to sit around and wait, thinking that he can convince me to fall in love with him again. Everytime I meet a new love interest, he insinuates on the fact that I will never find a guy who loves me the way that he loves me. I appreciate his efforts, but really wish that he can let go. I still care about him, mostly because we both remained true to each other in the end. But in all honesty, I want to tell him, "Let go. I care for you. But it's not meant to be..." I don't have the heart to do so. So I will just keep my distance. Try to realize things for yourself before it's too late, before you've invested too much. I know that love hurts. People aren't perfect and all, but there's a point in a relationship where both partners should realize that staying in an 'unhealthy' relationship isn't going to fix things. Not unless if both partners truly make an effort to 'work things out'. Her patterns/hehaviors show me that she's not willing to put forth effort. I can understand why. At this point, I honestly don't see her going back to feeling the way she used to feel. I don't actually see her trying to make an effort to 'rekindle' things with you. I see her finding these 'quick-fix' solutions as her way to escape from her emotions. She knows deep down that things won't be the same. So she finds solutions that don't lead her anywhere. This is just my honest opinion. I hope this helps. Mahlina

Yes, I agree with Muneca and the rest of the other posters. You see, eveyrthing may seem sweet and sugary at first, but that's the 'trap' girlfriend. I'd avoid getting involved with the whole 'married man' bit deal. There are lots of twisted things that happen in life You don't want to end up being caught in one of those Scott & Lacy Peterson stories, do you? (Or even those young ladies murdered and thrown in the trunk of their cars, just because they got mixed up with the 'wrong' men who claimed to be sincere.). Lots of people are 'sick' in life. When I say 'sick', I mean it! You will never know what to expect in people. I can only say this after witnessing a few traumatic experiences at a young age. Even a simple friendly gesture from a married man could be dangerous when it comes to him even trying to 'befriend' you. There was a married man who once tried doing the same thing to me. But you know what? I realized things ahead of time. I saw his tricks. I knew his games. So I avoided everything in general. What this man has already gotten out of you is 'sex.' What makes you think that he'll stick around to take care of you later on? Let alone, have thoughts of marrying you? What I see is, this guy's clearly a 'Player.' Sure, it's nice to buy into his sweet words at first, but it's all SWEET TALK. Do not buy into what he says. Once he's gotten his needs met from you, he can always point fingers, and in the end, blame things on you. He'll probably make it seem as though you're the 'evil mistress'/home-wrecker. Realize how 2-faced and pretentious people like him can be. If anything, how do you know if the relationship that you guys have isn't just a rebound? I understand where you're coming from, because one of my girlfriends went through the 'same' exact thing that you're going through. But the entire time, she was in 'self-denial' thinking that this man will love her back. Well you know what? In the end, what it all boils down to is 'sincerity.' If this guy's still living with his wife, calling you, sleeping with you, then do you think he's sincere? Think about it. Think of it in terms of if you were in his wife's shoes. Now that you've given it much thought, think of how 'sincere' he is. Think about his intentions. His actions just say a lot about his character. If you sum everything up, his actions just don't sound sincere, but rather 'selfish.' He's only thinking about himself, not thinking about you, his kid(s), or his wife. I don't see a person like this seriously loving anyone else but himself. Just remember, there are lots of twisted things that happen in this world. You should best make an effort to protect yourself if anything bad should ever happen to you. Just be careful. You don't want to end up with a heart broken. Or in the worst case scenario, you don't want to get involved into as being a victim of a homicide situation. I know that's way to the extreme. But sometimes, you just have to think of the 'extremes' of any situation in order to better prepare yourself before anything worse occurs. Try to keep your life simple, and not get involved in situations that might make your life worse. The fact that you've come to ask us shows that you somehow feel as though something's not right. We only give advice to you because we care. Not too many people will take their time out to give you their honest opinion. So truly, please listen to what doesn't feel right. Best of Luck to you...-Mahlina

1.) Quiet Confidence- humbleness. 2.) Sense of Humor- Someone who can laugh at the little things in life, and isn't always uptight about things. 3.) If he Respects his Elders- If a guy takes his time to respect elders, it shows that he has respect for people in general. He has a kind/sensitive heart. 4.) Intellect- Someone who I can find stimulating intellectual conversations with from 'relationships'-->'politics'. 5.) Well-Roundedness- A guy who has a well-rounded personality. Someone who has his moments of goofyness and seriousness. Also, someone whose well-rounded in his accomplishments in life & his personal hobbies. 6.) Sponteneity- Guys who are open to trying 'new' things, whether it may be trying different cultural foods. (I.E.-trying out Persian food without judgeing it.) I think that sponteneity correllates with being "open-minded". Of couse this doesn't mean that he should have to try things that are "out of the ordinary." (I.E. grasshoppers ). But in general, things that are different. 7.) Experience- Someone who has a lot of knowledge about life. He's been there, done that, and has survivied to be a 'nice' person (even through heart-aches of relationships. If he never gives into being a bad boy, & remains true to himself no matter how many times he's been heartbroken). 8.) Chivalry- Common courtessy. Knows how to treat a girl right, and doesn't play games. 9.) Responsibility- Someone takes pride in accomplishing goals. Whether it may be career, schooling, or taking care of family/elders/children. He doesn't blame others for his mishaps. Instead, he picks himself up and is determined to improve his life/other people's lives around him. 10.) Sincerity- It's easy to decode a person's sincerity through their actions. For instance, when no one's watching him, how does he treat others? If he's genuine about his kindness, then he'll respect people even when no one's watching. It's even cuter when you see him hand over a dollar to a homeless person, thinking that no one notices. It just shows his compassion towards others. Sensitivity is always sweet. O

Blush uncontrollably. When I'm around a guy that I like, I tend to blush and shy away. It's an unconscious, non-verbal reaction. If he starts talking to me, I'll reciprocate back. I'll usually smile a lot if I really like him. Can't help it.

Hi SweetHarmony, Long time no see. Welcome back. I can empathize with you. If I were in your shoes, I'd tell the girl upfront how you feel. I was in a position like yours before. My ex co-worker did the same thing. She was your gossip queen/trouble maker at work. You know what? People like that are just 2-faced. They don't like confrontation. So what do they do? They go around behind your back and talk smack. To me, that's more pathetic than anything. If I have an issue with someone, I'll directly tell them to their face that I don't appreciate it. I used to be the type who would keep quiet and not make waves, but you know what, there are times in which you do need to step up and let them know that disrespecting you isn't something that should be tolerated. You know what makes me feel even more sick? Have you ever heard of the line, "Keep your friends close, but keep your enemies closer"? I remember someone saying that in the past. And to tell you the truth, people like that disgust me. You'll see a lot of that in the work environment for whatever reason, even if it's a volunteer job. I don't get it. Why be 2-faced for? I don't see how people can live in vanity like that. If people have issues with someone, then they shouldn't act fake about it. If anything, speak your mind and have your peace. This girl sounds 'pretentious.' Stay away from people like that. Backstabbers will backstab. Keep your distance. It's not worth getting involved with people like her. When you do go to work, I'd keep things normal. Be polite. Mind your own business. Keep the atmosphere professional, but don't get close to her. Don't even bother with striking up friendly conversations or small talk. Tell her how you feel about how she's treating you. Speak up for yourself, and then let it be. Go off on your own way, and try to focus on something else that's positive. Focus on enjoying your volunteerwork. Try not to waste your energy on people like her. Hang in there. Office politics is almost unavoidable, but try not to get involved as much as you can. Good luck to you SweetHarmony.-Mahlina

Kalash, That was a deep poem. Thank you for sharing with us. I'm sorry to hear about your pain. Life just doesn't seem to get any better, does it? Well, in some ways, it can. Pain's a part of life. Sometimes, we just have to accept the past for what it is, and grow stronger from it. I don't know if this might help you, but this is how I've always coped with my pain. Even as a kid, it's what I always tell myself. So maybe these lines will help you as well: "If you smile to the world, the world smiles back at you." "If you put on a happy face, you convince yourself that you are happy." "Once you realize your own strengths, nothing can or will stand in your way." "It's only up to us to create and accomplish our own personal endeavors." You are defintely not alone on this. Hope this helps. Hang in there. Mahlina

She feels that way for you, because she feels as though you are sincere. When a woman who's a survivor of childhood rape and/or sexual abuse grows up, it's really hard for her to reveal that part about her life with anyone in general. If she's told you all of this, then she must feel that connection with you. She's able to let her guard down without feeling judged, hurt or scrutinized. It's hard for her to find someone who she feels as though she can trust. In fact, she may feel as though you are someone who she's met that's one-in a million, someone who she feels completely safe with. So try to be very sensitive to her emotions. Communicate out your problems whenever possible. I commend you for caring about her the way that you do. You're doing a good job so far. Much luck to your relationship.-Mahlina

"Love is given, and not asked for." It's a feeling of compassion. It does not seek to hurt, or deceive anybody. If a person loves someone, they give gracefully & unselfishly. Their love is true & unconditional. It's difficult to run into someone who's 100% sincere about their intentions. But when you do run into that person, things will work out with least expectations. You won't have to question their integrity. They show you love without you having to ask. It's hard to run into people who you can honestly trust. It's almost that simple/unexplainable twist of fate that leads you into meeting the 'right' one. True love doesn't happen everyday...

I think that it depends on the guy. I don't know about chicks digging musicians just because they're musicians. But if a guy can play a guitar, then to me, without a doubt, that's very attractive! I once dated a guy who was the lead singer of a small heavy medal band. Even though it wasn't my taste in music, I think that it was his personality and greasy hair that turned me off. LoL. Nothing's wrong with that. Everyone's got their own preference for things. Plus, I couldn't stand hearing all of the yelling & screaming in his songs. Kinda scared me off a little.

There could be a number of things happening here: First of all, perhaps your sex life needs a bit more excitement. Add a bit more spice to it. Change the pace a little. Go out somewhere. Maybe she needs a little bit of romancing. Kiss each other in public. Corner her somewhere, where no one's watching, then kiss her. It's the feeling of getting 'caught' that sends a tingling rush throughout the body. thereforeeee, adds excitement and flavor. Second, I'm not sure of it's a confidence thing, but perhaps more of 'Communication'? Some women try not to talk about problems in relationships too much. They try to avoid confrontations, assuming that their man will automatically "read their mind" and 'sense' that something's not right. They think that by keeping things to themselves their man will eventually open up and say, "Honey. What's going on? Let's talk about it." So they resort to hiding their feelings by pulling away. They unknowingly build tension. I think that a lot of it has to do with routineness. Perhaps she feels as though the communication in the relationship's lacking. A woman loves a man who she feels that she can confide in. When she's not getting pleasure from him emotionally, then it will effect her ability to enjoy physical pleasure with him as well. This also includes kissing. So my best advice: 1. Communicate with her. Be her bestfriend. 2. Woo her again. Take her out on dates. This is enough to add more 'spice' to the romance. 3. Candlelights help as well. Set up the mood. Keep it warm and cozy. Also, some women are very sensitive to room temperature. The atmosphere is what sets the mood. For me, my body gets cold real easily. Whenever my ex would try to kiss me when the environment was cold, I just wouldn't do it. The coldness in the air prevented me from enjoying what I usually loved: warm gentle kisses. I didn't want do anything halfassed. That's why I wasn't in the mood. Maybe you can buy a portable heater. That's what he did. Good luck to you!

Hi Drahcir, Don't worry about it. Some women actually find it sexy! One of my ex's used to have a receding hairline. It was barely receding. Whenever he'd look in the mirror, I could tell that he was always depressed about it. I always tried to reassure him by telling him he looked adorable. In fact, his baldness is what made him even more attractive. It's not only sexy, but to me, when a guy's kinda bald it reminds me of someone who's also intellegent! So try not to worry about it. You can still have a receding hairline, and women will still dig you. It's all about attitude. If a guy can carry on a charismatic attitude, even with a receding hairline, then nothing should get in his way. Most of the times, it's his personality that counts. It's by far, what ultimately attracts women! Mahlina

Stillgettingoverit, that's a sweet post. What you feel is normal. I honestly think that you'll run into someone who's similar to her again. Maybe not the exact same, and possibly someone who's twice as better. The 'right' person is out there. It just takes time to run into them. I know what you mean about comparing the bond that you had. However, in every 'new' relationship, there's always going to be something unique that makes the memories worth savoring. When you do run into that special someone, those feelings for your ex will slowly fade away. You'll enjoy your new partner even more. In the meantime, enjoy yourself. Casually date other people. Be selective. Do not rebound. If you run into someone who catches your interest, then enjoy it while it lasts. Let things go naturally. If a relationship with that person is meant to happen, then it will. The important thing is to not lose hope. Stay positive & happy. The times in which I did run into my best romances, was when I wasn't looking. When I enjoyed the singles scene, and was happy with myself. You sound like you're on the 'right' track so far. It just requires a lot of time & patience. So hang tight. You'll run into that special someone when you least expect it.-Mahlina

LoL! OceanEyes, that is too FUNNY!! Read her last sentence. That's right. She has a point there guys. Here's a link to how our other members felt about the issue as link removed for Chicks Take it as a tip guys. Enjoy.

Spirit, I feel for you. I remember scenes like that too. I've heard of that theory as well. I think that it's true to a certain degree. You see. In order for us to not be like our parents, I think that it's important to sever ties. Not completely, but it's good to just keep our distance. I imagine that if and when we do this, our bonds with our parents will be stronger. Not only that, but we'll also develop behaviors that are disimillar to our parents. We grow into our fulllest potentials by not being in the shadow of our parents. But rather, we develop our own unique personality. We take the good from the bad. We basically learn from our parents' mistakes, and thereforeeee, become 2x's stronger as individuals because we sought to improve ourselves. Often times, I see so many children of broken home families resorting to a life of gang banging, drugs, violence, crime, stealing, etc. They don't resolve their issues properly by first recognizing their problems. They make up excuses for themselves, and sell themselves off short by 'acting' like failures to society. They basically become delinquints, at their own lost cause...They have no one to blame, but themselves. Coming from my situation, I could've been like that too. Heck. Who knows? But I didn't. I think that religion is what helped me most. As long as you have some kind of spiritual guidance, then that's enough to pull you out through the toughest times in your life. I suggest reading books from the Dalai Lama, and Tibetan Buhdism books. They've helped me drastically, in so many ways. I know that it's against Catholicism. But I always had my own way of thinking, even if I had to sit through 10 years of Caticism! Honestly, those books are philosophical, and really simple to follow. It's helped me to understand life a lot more. It's common sense. Nothing bogus. Just pure, humane facts. I got to mix and match what I learned as a Catholic, with what I learned from those books. Our shortcomings from our past, should be our driving force for the future. As long as we have 'Goals', then that's all that matters. It just takes time to accomplish them. But no matter what, if we live life with convictions, and do what's best, not in the name of greed, then we will be in good hands. I forget, how the saying goes, but I think that it's Confucius saying. I always think of it like this: Keep your life simple. Live for the best. Do good. In the end, things will work out. (I hope it made sense. I have a hard time translating it, being that I learned it in my own language, I kinda mix up the 2 someitmes. Very frustrating).Thanks for sharing again Spirit. I'm sure that you are on the right track so far. You have a lot to be proud of. Good luck to all of us!! - Mahlina

Hi Brandell, That's a good question. I don't think that it's the ex that's the cause of the problem. I think what you need to ask yourself is, "Am I truly happy with myself?" All throughout your post, I read the 'external' things that make you happy. Happiness is what's felt from within. It's not the clothes that you wear, the car that you drive, or how much sex you have with women. No doubt, it might bring your happiness. But it's only short-term, 'temporary' happiness. Perhaps you feel as though you need your ex in your life, as a way to fill in a void? I see a lot of men/women do this. They think that they need to be with someone in order to be happy. What happens in the end? They find love in all of the wrong places. What they need to do is first of all, be true to what makes them happy. Once they're happy with themselves, that's the best time to establish any kind of healthy relationship. If people can't be happy with themselves, then they won't find that happiness in another person. That saddness just does not transform into happiness if they're with a partner, who they think might help to fill in that void. I hope this helps Brendell. Realize that you can find fulfillment again, but it's that happiness that you must dig deeper within yourself. That's why I always say this: Be true to yourself, no matter what. Make sure that you're doing what you love, each and everyday. Be honest & real to what you feel is 'right.' Hang in there. Take Care, Mahlina

Under_the_pressure, Congradulations! I am so happy for you. You are a strong girl, you know that? Based on what I've seen in your posts, you matured so much. You've always been mature, but you've matured even more. Remember that one post that you wrote a while ago, about your father never understanding his daughter, and how much she tries? Well you know what? You are that daughter that he's proud of. You do try. You have everything that any father would want in a daughter. You are compassionate, mature, sweet, kind, intellegent, respectful and devoted. I wish you the best of luck in your relationship with your father. Hold onto faith. Everything will work out okay for the both of you. Life's a struggle. But hey, nothing's perfect, right? We just have to make the 'best' of situation that we're in. Hang in there girl. I see so much potential in you. You're blossoming more into that young & beautiful lady, each and everyday! Take Care, Mahlina