mahlina

Anywhere where it's ticklish is nice. Gentle kisses on: the ears, neck region, back... Also, I have this thing about warm atmospheres. If the temperature is cold, then I will automatically not be in the mood. Mainly because my body gets cold real easily. Oh, and last but not least, dim lighting-candlelights. (This applies to boyfriends only. If it's not a boyfriend, then I won't kiss him. That's just how I am.)

Hi Lillady898, I used to be that way to one of my ex's too. In that case, if you feel somewhat awkward about feeling mushy and all, the next time you share a problem with him (i.e. something that's bothering you), and he helps you out by cheering you up, perhaps you can say something without feeling like it's forced. Say something genuine like: "See? Thanks! I knew that I can rely on you! You're the head and I'm the heart in the relationship." It's kind of a nice way of saying, "You're the man! And I am grateful to have someone like you in my life" without sounding too corny. At least it doesn't sound generic, right? Remember to say it once in a while, so that he'll cherish what you say more. So, you still can be romantic, by indirectly saying things that are nice. Also, other things that you can do to show your appreciation is to look at him in his eyes, smile, gently caress his arms, and peck him on his lips whenever he does do something nice. That's also a nice suble expression of love.

Nexty07, I agree with Chai. Take his advice. I also wanted to add one more thing. I know that this might be tough, but sometimes, it's important to forgive, but don't forget. It's so hard for me to explain, but what I'm getting at is, if you walk around living life with a grudge, it will literally weigh you down. I know. It's really tough to face your perpetrator, and say, "I forgive you." You don't have to say that to his face, but keep it to yourself. It's really tough, and it takes a heck of a lot to forgive, but that's one of the ways to move on. I'm sorry that this had to happen to you. It's worse when it's a family member, but realize that what you went through is not your fault at all. Make it your driving force to become stronger. I have to be honest with you, it is really common these days, unfortunately. But at least you still have today to live, right? So that it's important to put the past where it belngs, so that you can carry and live a happy life. You still can. Just know that. The past doesn't have to be the death of you. It only makes you stronger. I had a life changing experience. I met these orphans, and this is what I learned. Other people have it bad, if not, worse. Some of the orphans that I met were crippled, and still got raped. So, whenever the pain does feel endless, tell yourself that some people have it worse. Perhaps you can also make it an incentive to fight back, be strong, so that one day, you can help out victims like them too. I feel your pain. Remember: Be strong. I hope this helps. Hang in there...

Hi ShatteredHalo, I just wanted to say, whatever you do, trust your instincts. If something is clearly telling you that something's wrong, then listen to yourself. I used to be like you, always wanting to find ways to justify that my feelings that something that was wrong, was all about me being overly analytical/worrying too much. Well you know what? If you sense that something's a lie, then it probably is. Of course you can't outright say that the other person's lying, right? Instead, you have to truly just TRUST yourself. I was in a similar situation. I swore to death that I thought that one of my ex's lied to me. (He kept on denying it). Turns out, towards the end of the relationship, I found out that I was right. He straight face lied to me. Now that I have evidence, he feels like a coward. But no matter what, he always stood his ground, saying that he was falsely accused. And, you know what liars also do (this is a tip that he told me once before): When you lie, always make sure that whenever the other person accuses you, make sure to tell them that they're wrong. Gosh that is SICK! But yes, that's what people will do when it comes to lies. That's why, I'd rather be politely blunt about things, rather than lying. I don't know how some people can live with themselves! Anyway, so take it from me, learn to trust your hunch about this. If the lie isn't a big deal, then tell her, "It's not a big deal, but I just want you to be honest with me." Besides, she is your girlfriend. If she cared for you, then she should be able to confide in you, and should be able to support you by being honest to you too.

Hi Ayekasong, That's a tough situation. First of all, it could be that the ex just see's Aaron as a brother. That's how I see one of my ex's. However, I would not impose on him by asking to move in with him, if he did have a girlfriend. I can understand for Barbara, but, her moving in, just sounds like trouble. If I were Barbara, I would at least try to understand your sister's point of view, and not even move in. I would try to put myself in her shoes, and at least try to sympathize with her. This is a matter of respecting boundaries, so I would hope that Barbara would understand. On the other hand, I agree. I think that Barbara probably has enough friends to the point where Aaron shouldn't have to be her last resort. I don't know. Something just doesn't sound right. I hope that Aaron understands your sister's position too. If I were Aaron, I'd put my girlfriend first, before 'the ex'. Your sister should be #1, and his ex should be #2. So, his decisions should also include how she feels. I hope this helps.-Mahlina

WOW! I am so sorry to hear that. See? That's why I am so skeptical about online romances. People can easily lie through their teeth! I feel so bad for you. To invest in all of that emotions, only to find that he was dishonest? That's gotta be real painful on your emotions. That's why I always have this saying, "Actions speak louder than words." He may tell you 101 things that you want to hear, seduce you, romance you, but in the end, talk is cheap. It's a person's actions that matter the most. I agree with Maggie. I couldn't have said it any better. In all honestly, make this a learning lesson. Next time, whether you may run into someone in real life or on the net, judge a person based on their actions. If their actions back up with what they say, and they seem serious about you, then slowly allow them into your heart. Otherwise, treat like you would treat your friend: try not to give into your emotions too much, without allowing the time for the other person to prove their honesty to you. I know this might sound pessimistic, but this is how I see things, "Guilty until proven innocent." No doubt, it's good to trust people, but before you trust them completely, also realize that you're getting to know a stranger. Approach the situation as a 'I have to see it to believe it' kind of approach. Let the trust build over time. There are so many things that you don't see that they might potentially have in the past that's not obvious. For instance, they can talk and be nice to you, but what are the intentions behind their actions? You will never know with people. Even if they make a friendly gesture, it's good to be cautious. What if they have a criminal record that you don't know about, right? Or a history of unreported rape or molestation? Anyone can sugarcoat anything, whether it may be in real life or in person. That's why it's best to always keep in mind that "Trust is earned." Anyone who demands it from get go, I'd be sketchy about them too! If someone wants to challenge me on this, then fine. I've heard all of the excuses, and I'm not going to buy it. My advice is based on my past experiences. (Btw, my best romance came from a relationship in which my partner also agreed that "trust is earned." My other ex who said, "You either trust a person or you don't" was full of crap. To me, when someone says this, they're probably just covering up something bad that they did. In other words, it sounds like a defensive tactic, if you kinda get where I'm getting at. He was a manipulative cheater, btw.) Hope this helps. Hang in there, and remember: Pain is a part of life. It's temporary, but teaches you your most valuable lessons! Take care...

Hmm...Very interesting topic! I didn't get to know my father for that long. He passed away when I was young, but the little memories of him still exist. As I can recall, yes, in some ways, some, I am attracted to someone who has similar qualities of my father: giving, humble, and quiet. I was always the person who'd preach to my father. Like this one time, he didn't put down his cigarrette. So, I made a statement by dressing up like my mom. I wore her purse, dress & pumps, and then picked up a pencil in my hand and slowly took a puff out of it, right in front of his face! My father got mad, but in a gentle way. He punished me, but never hit me. At least he tried to quit smoking afterwards. So yes, I look for qualities of someone like him: someone who's gentle, and someone who's there to listen to me. I miss you daddy! I also remember how much he used to spoil me. Call me a brat, but I love receiving the little presents that he would always bring home. We didn't spend much time with each other, mainly because he was always working. But when we did, he always showed his best to me, even when his job was tiresome. So, I will look for a guy who will always show his best to me too! Besides that, he was truly madly deeply in love with my mom. So, I'll also make sure that the guy that I'm with also loves me the way that my dad loved my mom. Someone who is also the loving type, who is really dedicated to the ones that he loves.

Smile at her. Make eye contact. Keep it brief and simple, say "Hello" when you're passing her through the hallway. If you know her friend, tell her friend that you think that she's cute. Eventually, she'll get the news. If she feels the same way about you, she will reciprocate back, either by smiling, and giving you a good response. When you do notice her walking in the hallway, walk her to class. When you do, open her door. Girls love a guy who's a gentleman (at least I do. I can't understand why some women get offended if a guy opens her door. If she does, then she needs to relax). Then afterwards, say "See ya," and smile. That is the most subtle way of flirting. Just to give you a tip on high school flirting 101! It's subtle enough, where it doesn't look desperate, but mature and courteous! Good lucK to you!

1) If you're picked on at school, are you reluctant to tell a school official or parent about it, and why? I wouldn't, mostly because I feel as though the school system itself, didn't always follow it's "Zero Tolerance Policy." Honestly, a lot of that campaign, at my old high school, was mostly a FRONT. Seems as though the teachers were the ones who favored the bullies themselves. 2) Do you feel schools do enough to prevent bullying? What specifically does your school do to prevent bullying? They had the zero tolerance policy, but that didn't do much. They didn't seem to follow it. They only followed it whenever we had a school senior prank (i.e. spilling manure on the lawn and nails in the parking lot). Now that I'm in college, the bullies are the ones who we frown upon. 3) What is the best way to deal with a bully? Be upfront and tell them that they're not doing the right thing, without throwing a fist. 4) Is bullying affecting your grades, your social life, your self-esteem? I can't remember a bully actually affecting my grades. I remember back then in high school, there was a crowd called the "so-called" "gangsters" who tried to bully me. I didn't do anything but mind my own business. It was because this one time, a guy from their group, the school's popular guy, tried talking to me at the lunch line. Me, I shyed away from him, and I had a b/f at that time, so I kept my distance. They kept on talking trash, saying how I thought I was too good, this and that. This one girl threatened to kick my butt. Then she confronts me, then I tell her right to her face: "I'm here to learn. I'm not here to hook-up with guys. I'm the quiet type who's serious about my schooling. I'm not here to act fake and befriend people who I don't know." Then she kept her mouth shut, and actually started to warm up to me. I agree with you Scout, I really think that bullying has a lot to do with Respect, but I also think that it's what kids are learning at home. Half of the times, I wish that the school system could teach the parents about not bullying. A lot of what kids learn, is a reflection of how their parents act like. I'd also correct the behavior of the parents. Some parents never grow up, do they? I also had an incident in which I used to work as a Rec. Leader at the local elementary schools. The kids used to bully this child, so he threatened to commit suicide by running into the parking lot. I felt really bad for him, but my partner didn't. He kept on saying how the kid is weird, and so on. I tried to coach the kid. I felt bad for him, because it looked as though his father was abusive (just by the comments that he would make to his son), and he used to come to school with ripped cloths, ripped shoes, and really messy hair. It looked as though he grew up along the lines of poverty. Instead of hiring people like my ex-coworker, I think that the school-system should really start hiring teachers and supervisors in general, who are more compassionate. That way, they can serve as an example as to how people should treat others. This world needs A LOT more compassionate & kind individuals! That's what we're really lacking...

Yes it will. In her eyes, she will gain trust/respect for you. It will show that you are a man of your words, a man of dignity and honor. It will open her eyes, knowing that you didn't give up the fight. That's what truly makes you a hero, someone who fights for what he believes in. She will probably make the effort to see you too. My point is be there for her, but when she's frustrated, tell her "Ay, settle down. Let's talk." It's important to let her talk about what's bothering her. Communication is key. Every relationship has its ups and downs. There are times in which it will be very rocky, but embracing the problems and not walking away is worth the effort. That's what love's all about. It's about showing effort, and being there for each other out through thick and thin. It's a compromise that both partners should realize. On her part, not taking you for granted. On your part, consistantly reinforcing the fact that you are doing the right thing. If all else fails, then realize that maybe it's just an incompatability. Make sure that the relationship doesn't go off into something that's borderline abusive (i.e. too much fighting). Talk it out with her. If she's going to act irrational, then let her be. The relationship will be more self-destructive for you. This whole process should be a gentle approach. If she's gentle to you, then that's a good sign. But if she's a little harsh, then find a way to heal your heart, and apply the no contact rule. You deserve to be happy and in love with someone who cares about you the same. RNorth, you are doing the 'right' thing so far. Good lucK to your relationship. If it doesn't work out, then realize that you deserve better!

No. There is a difference. You can still be there for her. If you are always there for her, but stand your ground, then she would change. But, if you are there for her, and do not speak your mind, then she will just take advantage of the situation, and not change. It's all about showing both self-respect and love at the same time. Walking away, and leaving her alone will do no good. It will only communicate: "I'm just another heartless jerk who hurt you in the past." And will make her feel even more depressed. She will run away from the relationship, and resort to thinking negatively about life in general. It's hard for people to understand the emotions that these survivors go through. They just make assumptions that leaving is just an easy/quick solution, when it isn't. Being there for her shows that you care. It will be a turn on for her, knowing that you are a brave man. That way, she will make the effort to invest in you as well.

Cute. 8) You can send her a little card through the mail, just to lighten up the mood. I always love receiving packages through the mail box. You can buy her a cute or funny card. Send her a little plush toy along with it. It's adorable, and will remind her that you're someone who's there for her, just in case if she needs a little tight squeeze or hug. When she looks at that teddy bear, she'll smile, and hopefully, remind herself to soften up a bit!

I agree with Sayer. If she's emotional or shows frustration, it's mostly because she's scared and/or fears abandonment. But, there is a limit to this as well. If she is 'serious' about you, and see's potential in building a long-term relationship with you, then she should take action, and try to resolve her emotions as well. Relationships are about a give and take, an equal balance of attraction. So, if she feels that mutual attraction for you, then she will make an effort to improve herself, without having to feel the need to bear too much of her emotions on you. A lot of the times, I think that it's important for survivors to learn to cope with things effectivley, by not being so co-dependent, because in the end, co-dependency is just a temporary way to pacify their emotions. It's unhealthy. In order to establish a healthy relationship, they also must realize that they should stop playing the role of the victim, and stop making excuses for themselves. They should realize that life is full of potential. And, it can be just as beautiful, if they have someone to share it with. They still can start over and build a happy life for themselves. But in order to do this, they must somehow, let go of the past, and enjoy the future for what it is. That also means respecting their partners. To answer your question: I think that she does feel guilty. That's why, if she does, then she should really make an effort to improve on herself as well. Your approach is good, but remember to communicate things with her. That's the most effective approach. When people don't communicate, it leaves room for assumptions, and can thereforeeee, destroy a potentially beautiful relationship from happening.

Rnorth, that is true. Please take the time for yourself as well. You don't need to put up with being emotionally abused. There is so much that you can handle, and she has to realize it too. She shouldn't use her past as an excuse to mistreat you either. So, you're doing the right thing so far. Come clean to her, and tell her that you care, but she needs to be calm down, if she's throwing tantrums, yelling and screaming at you. That's not fair for you either. You're only human, and deserve to be loved too. Give it a bit more time. Sounds like she's a little indecisive about her feelings for you. She has a lot of things going on in her life right now, so it's understandable that she's stressed out, but it's not understandable is she blows up on you like that. Everyone has their sorrows, but it doesn't mean that they should be able to take down their partners, and stomp on their heart, just because other people mistreated them. On the side note: I don't agree with women who hurt others, just because they've been hurt all throughout their whole lives. Often times, I find that those who do do this, often resort to a life of drugs, or try to find different alternatives to coping with their pain. It's their escape route, but that doesn't mean that they should use someone who loves them as a scapegoat to lash out on their frustrations. So, know your limits. Stand your ground. Tell her in a mature manner that you're there for her, but she needs to settle down on her temper. If not, then it's best for her to take some time off for herself. She should be able to respect you too, if she feels the same for you.

In response to Dirtbubble, that is not true. Just because they were sexually/physically abused, doesn't mean that they should be automatically labeled as someone who needs 'long-term' therapy. Some of the survivors actually tried to fight their saddness all throughout those years. They dealt with their pain in the most effective way, by thinking positively. So, it's really unfair to brand them by saying that a lot of them do not think in a healthy manner. It really depends on each person. Now, in terms of being there for her, sure, it's good. Nothing's wrong with that. If she feels the same about you, then she would treat you with respect, and eventually be able to let go, and be closer to you. However, if the lady just doesn't feel the same about a guy, then yeah, she will consistantly show him disinterest. So to him, she's battering him, when in fact, all she's communicating is: back off! If a woman of sexual abuse truly likes a guy back, then she will show the same interest, as long as she knows that the guy is sincere about her. She won't get as moody. So, do not label her as someone who's dysfunctional. She's just a victim, and it's not her fault for that. She doesn't need to be continually reminded of her pain! That's the last thing that she needs, when all she's ever known in her life is a world of sick people. She would hope that someone is brave enough to prove her wrong, by loving her the right way that she deserves to be loved.

No, at least for me, I don't. With my friends, we don't always get into the little details about these things. I only tell my girl friends about a guy that I like, when I'm for sure that this guy is someone who I consider is serious about me, and if I am serious about him. For me, I don't like to waste my time talking about a guy who's busy playing games. If he's playing games, then he can play games with himself. In general, for both Guys and Girls, if they like playing games, then to me, that just shows someone who's either slightly immature or lack experience in the dating department. I have a lot to deal with in my life. Trying to get a life together. So, game playing is really the last priority on my list. Also, I like someone who has a bit of experience, in terms of dating. That way, I know that there is a balance in the relationship. At least, we both understand each other enough, where we know that playing games is useless. P.S.- Re-Edit- I agree with one of the previous posters on not wanting to get hurt. Although it may appear to be that she's playing games, she really isn't. To me, when a person plays games, they intentionally do it as a way to seduce their partners. But with others, they take their time in getting to know the other person. So it's misinterpreted as playing games, when they're just only wanting to be able to trust the other partner, by not jumpoing into things too quickly. It really depends on each person. But when someone's playing games, it's a bit more obvious.

Very true. It's almost a common trait for women of sexual/domestic abuse to go through those stages of push and pull. It mostly has to do with trust issues. Sounds like you're on the right track so far. That's what she needs: someone with patience, and that's what you've got. So good job on your part. A lot of the times, these women have a hard time finding comfort in a relationship. It's as if they expect their partners to turn out like their abusers, so they will often close off. What's key here is: Communication. Always make sure to communicate problems in your relationship, and do not leave any issues unattended. The more she see's your sincere efforts, the more she will let go, and begin to trust you. I'm sure that deep down inside, she's a sweet and happy person like you mentioned. Her anger mostly deals with getting scared of getting hurt, over and over, like she did in her past. It's her way of dealing with things, unfortunately, because that's the life that she's been accustomed to for a long time. Another thing: try to get her to go to counseling. If she has an outlet through a counselor, then it might help her out, but afterwards, she still has to work on her problems too. It's not easy, but eventually, she will heal. It's all a matter of her not repressing her emotions too much. Let her know that you're there for her, if she needs to talk. She'll appreciate your efforts, and will be able to allow you into her heart. Think of her as being someone delicate. I like to use the anaology of a dove. Think of her as a dove who's been tortured in her cage all throughout her life. When someone does care enough to reach in there to help her out, she backs away and huddles into the corner of the cage. The more you show gentleness, the more she will learn to let go, and be able to come closer to you. I know. This might not be the best analogy, but that's how I think of it. You guys can still share a deep and intimate relationship. It's just all a matter of time. Good LucK to You, Mahlina

Hi Ated, Boy is this guy messed up. Whew! He is certainly a handful isn't he? Reminds me of an ex from waay back. Doesn't this situation remind you of a dog chasing it's tail? C'mon now. You already asked him to stop bothering you, right? Well, well. This guy just likes his game. Sounds like the more you're pushing him away, the more he comes back. Why? Perhaps he has this innate sense of wanting what he can't have. If anything, my guess is, this boy has a 'pretend' girlfriend. If he honestly did have a girlfriend, then why would he still call? That just tells me that: 1. He doesn't have a girlfriend like he says he does. -OR- 2. He's trying to act like a little player. For some reason, it sounds as though everytime he makes up a b.s. excuse to bother you, he gets a kick out of it. I don't know why. Ated, continue on doing what you're doing. You're on the 'right' track so far. He should be mature enough to know that what he's doing is wrong. If anything, if he truly loved and valued the relationship that you guys shared, then he wouldn't ever let the romance fall apart. One of my guy friends told me this, "If a guy truly loves you, then he would do anything to make your relationship work out, no matter what the circumstances are." It's true. So, whatever he's doing right now, he's up to no good. One more thing, since I do see a lot of my one of ex's qualities in this guy, what I can tell you is, if he has the nerve to do this to you, then most likely he's probably chasing other girls around too. Tell him to go chase a rabbit with his teeth! He obviously has nothing else better to do. And, lastly, make yourself the golden treasure. Try not to give into your emotions, even when he does call. Don't let it phase you. You can be polite to him, but let him know over and over, that you don't appreciate him calling. Realize that you will find someone 10x's better than him. Let him clown on himself. You are waay better than that. Hang in there girl! Mahlina P.S. Thank you for your PM!

Ugghh..I know. I really dislike that too! Isn't it suffocating? It's almost as if every move you make, the whole side of his family knows. My mom still slaps it in my face every once in a while. She'll say, "You could've been married to a nice guy! You would've been settled by now. He was such a nice guy." Huh! Yah right, mom. You didn't know him like I did. Sure, it's nice to date someone who was successful and came from a nice background, but I wouldn't marry anyone who's a snob. He did everything to make me happy, I must admit, but the quality that he lacked was: a good heart! I just cannot stand people who are so cold to others. Sure, he was a gentleman. He certainly raised the bar, but a part of me just couldn't ever accept the fact that he was too snooty. He'd look down on others, and didn't share the same views that I did about poor people. So, I'm glad that we broke up! That's something that I look for in a partner as well, someone who understands the hardships of different people, and someone who can truly sympathize with others. Otherwise, that person's just not worth my time.

I know, I have so many songs that I love too! Collective Soul- The World I Know. Love this song! (I love the beat and rhythm. Reminds me of someone who I'd fall in love with.) Guys Next Door- I've Been Waiting For You. (A very sweet song!) Surface- The First Time Tommy Page- Paintings In My Mind. (I'd love to play this at my wedding!) Brian Adams- Have You Ever Really Loved a Women Jim Brickman- The Gift NuFlavor- Heaven Kai- Say You'll Stay There's just too many to list out, but these are my top 8 for now!

To answer the second part of your question: I treat everyone equally, from the garbage collector, the janitor, to the chairman of my school. I don't care who it is. I will treat people with respect, as long as they show the same amount of respect to me. But, I must say, I do have more of a soft spot for the poorer people. In fact, I wish I could work more with the urban community folks. They deserve a lot of respect. Do you know how hard they have it? With all of their backbreaking labor that they go through? All of those overworked hours? And no one gives them respect? Talk about severe osteoperosis! They don't even have the proper medical care. So yes, I would respect even the poor people. You know what gets me the most, when I see elders working at Wal-Mart. I know its their job, but I wish they were more well off. That's what hurts. Sometimes, I'll see these rich people in my area make fun of them. I hate it when people mistreat and sneer down upon others! I grew up on the oppossite end of the rich spectrum, but now I'm in the middleclass background. That's why I can relate to the poorer folks. I also find that they have a lot of compassion. Unlike what the media often portrays them to be. That's why, everytime I go back to the ghetto areas to visit relatives and such, I smile to anyone who's polite, especially to the poorer people who are struggling. I see a lot of my dad's hardships and what he went through in them. So I can truly sympathize and relate with them.

Good Question Jarupa, Have you ever heard of Coto de Caza snobs? I know EXACTLY by what you mean about the Laguna Girls. I live near Nellie Gail, kind of near Laguna Beach, so I do know what you're talking about. My best advice is to try to shrug it off. Ever since I moved down here, that's what I had to do: Ignore it! That kind of snobby mentality is something that I cannot tolerate with. It goes hand in hand with the image that some people try to carry around, especially when they have money. Sadly. Well, to answer your question about class/richness. I would go out with someone who isn't within the same economic bracket that I am in. In fact, my last ex grew up in East L.A. He was straight up from the ghettos, but didn't act like it. So, yes, I would go out with someone who didn't have it as fortunate as I am, financially. But that doesn't mean that I'm willing to be a sugarmama. I would still treat him like an equal, and if he used my social background as a way to put me down, then I would dump him. I find that dating someone within your same economic level is a bit easier, because at least you guys understand each other on a different level. On the other hand, I would feel intimidated to date someone who had a lot more money than I do. My other ex didn't come from the same economic background. In a lot of ways, he sneered down upon me, because I didn't measure up to his friends. Come on now! How the heck could I measure up to them anyway? I was still young, and they were well off into their medical careers. So, I wouldn't date anyone who is a snob in general. Someone who has a similar background to me, is more of someone who I most likely feel comfortable around with. At leaast we can relate to each other more. So, same economic level or less is fine with me.

Hi Didyoumissme, This is what I learned about true friends so far: 1.) You will run into your true friends when you least expect it. 2.) A true friend is someone who watches your back without you having to ask. They are there for you because they care. A true friend is someone who will be concerned about you, just as much as you are concerned for them. 3.) Despite everything that happens, you guys will always share those moments of laughter, joy, and saddness together. 4.) No matter how many heartaches you guys run into, no matter how many boyfriends you break up wth, in the end, guys come and go, but your friends will always be there. 5.) No matter the distance, no matter the years spent apart, you guys will always share that same bond. That person who you once knew before, is the same person that you still know today. 6.) Your true friend is someone who understands you inside out. They know your little quirks, the little things that get to you, and the little things that cheer you up. The memories that you have will never be erased. 7.) Your true friends will always be there for your important events (Graduation, baby showers, weddings, etc.) 8.) Your friends are there through thick and thin. I am be proud to say what's mentioned above is true, because my friends and I have known each other since Jr. high. We used call ourselves L.T.D. Now that we're all in college, we still periodically keep in touch. Although we all went our own ways, in a lot of ways, our bond is still the same. Everytime we have a get together, we still share those moments of laughter. It's as though we never left each other. We always seem to pick up from where we last left off. We never grew apart. One of the things that touched my heart was when my friend said this, "Ever since I joined my serority, I miss you guys even more! No matter what, no matter who I meet, I always look back and remember the bond that we shared. No one compares to you guys." I kinda choked up when she said this. I'm not big on the serority thing, but I always thought that we'd grow apart, ever since she pledged. After everything that we've gone through, I can truly say that your true friends are like your soul-companions, people who you're destined to meet, and grow up with. You face life's challenges, happiness, and sorrows together. Despite everything, deep down inside, we are still the same people, who we first met, when we were 14....

When I talk on the phone with a guy that I like, I treat him like one of my girlfriends. We don't talk about shopping & stuff. So you don't have to worry about the topics of 'the latest trend in fashion.' In fact, I don't think that most women are into conversations like that anyway. Sorry. My friends and I aren't like one of those Access Hollywood folks. We can't stand superficial chat! For the first conversation, keeps things light hearted. You want to keep the mood cheery. It's always better for people to know who you truly are at heart: someone worth getting to know. I'm sure that deep down, you'll have something interesting to say. Here's a link that might help to get you started on ideas: [link removed Good Questions Also, you can start off with the basics as an ice-breaker. Ask each other questions about where you grew up. Make a joke about it. (I guess for me, I grew up in the ghetto parts of HB/Orange County, so there's always something funny to talk about). I find that conversations in which people are more merry with each other, seem to have a longer lasting impression. You can also talk about other things that relate to music, like how much you might not like pop-stars, how annoying they can be, or anything random. Randomness is good, sometimes. At least you'll have an umbrella of info to talk about. You can branch off onto numerous ideas from there. Whatever you do, go with the flow and enjoy the conversation for what it is. If you guys truly bond, then you guys will talk on and on for hours...Have fun & enjoy yourself! Mahlina

Thank you Ayekasong. I couldn't have said it any better. See, Lonelynshy, I wasn't attracted to bad boys in the past. In fact, I always disliked the typical 'jock mentality.' They're not my cup of tea. My attraction was always for nice guys. But when I did meet a nice guy, he would end up showing me his true colors. That's when I get hurt. At least I learned my lesson, and am careful with those who I meet. You also have to understand that with nice women, we're not asking to get hurt. No. That's not the case at all. Some nice women know what they want. When they think that they found what they want, they're fooled. Some guys just have a really good way of masking their intentions. And, it's not the woman's fault if she was hurt. It's not their fault that these men were the ones who walked into their lives, and decided to corrupt them. I want to let you understand a woman's perspective about this as well. It's frustrating for us. We don't ask for pain. We don't look for the wrong types of guys. Some of us are just unlucky to run into them. They're the ones who find us. We don't find them. It's annoying when these patterns of hurt seem to never end. So, welcome to heartbreak hotel. This is our world. We don't choose it. We try to avoid it. (At least some of us do). The last thing that we need is punishment for our heartaches. But, I do understand where you are coming from though. Just don't lose hope. The more people think negatively, the more thay will just buy into this kind of delusional life of "Men/Women. You can't live with them, and you can't live without them." It's all about understanding the oppossite sex, and hopefully being able to meet each other somewhere in between, on middle ground.