mahlina

Hey, Don't ever put yourself down okay? Just because your (re-edit) little sis thinks this or that about you, doesn't mean that she's right. Don't believe her when she calls you gullable and naiive, k? Veryshyguy, I am so intrigued by your posts. You write so eloquently. Your writing is so well versed! I wish you didn't have to beat yourself up so much. Sounds like you have a tendency to internalize everyone else's problems, and make it your own (i.e. your parents.) Whatever it is, just know that you have a heck of a lot of potential. Pursue whatever it is that makes you happy. Only you can stop yourself from attaining your goals, and what you truly want in life. I'd say, for now, talk to her a bit more. While you're hanging out in the group, don't walk behind her. Walk beside her. When she see's that you're able to step up to the plate, by eliminating that shyness, then maybe her impression of you will change. Maybe she might take interest in the relationship route. I'll tell you one thing's for sure. Even if women are career-oriented, that doesn't stop them from finding interest in men. So, who knows. You might luck out, and your dreams may come true. Maybe she'll see you more than a friend? I don't know. I'm just basing this on my intuition, and things that you mentioned so far. You have a good heart. I am sure that with your intellegence, you can do anything with your life, as long as you believe in yourself, and not let fear consume you. Hang in there! -Mahlina

I understand what you're saying. I'm not trying to say that nice men are leftovers. It's just that, everytime I personally meet someone who I think is 'nice', turns out, it's just the oppossite. That's what makes the shy nice guys seems more respectable. But, I have bad luck. Me being shy, I'm usually approached by the so-called nice guys who are more extraverted, who just had a really good way of masking their intentions. So, my point is, don't take any offense to what I said. I know that you guys have feelings too. And, I did not reject the nice guys in the past, just because they were nice. In fact, it's just the fact that the 'nice' people who appeared to be nice, somewhat made me feel as though I could not completely trust them. How am I supposed to know if they're nice or not, especially if I sense that they're not taking me seriously, and are just playing games with my heart? I mean, I have to watch my back, and not get hurt too! When I sense that someone's playing games, I do the same. I run away, and try to avoid getting to know that person any further. I don't want to end up with a broken heart either. I already encountered enough heartache while growing up. I don't need that torment again, not especially in my adult life, when I'm actually trying to repatch my 'trust' issues for the oppossite sex, when in fact, the oppossite sex was the same person, who repeatedly slapped it in my face as a kid, and truly wounded my ability to trust. For personal reasons, I don't want to get into details. But, overall, my process of elimination mostly deals with not wanting to feel that hurt again. It's just my protective barrier. At least, I'm still trying to work at being able to trust again.

Hmm..maybe she does! She sounds like a shy girl. Try to strike up a conversation with her. If you feel that 'vibe', and kinda sense that she does like you, then continue on talking to her. If she doesn't have interest, then you'll feel that negative vibe as well. You'll never know unless if you try, right? I have a good feeling that she likes you. I bet you that your instincts are pretty keen about this. Go for it! If all else fails, then at least you know that you can walk away feeling proud for trying. Oh, and when you do talk to her, say something polite. Keep things innocent, especially for your first initiation. You want to make a good first impression. Say, "Hi!" Then, leave it at that. It's short, simple, and sweet! That gesture subtly conveys, "I have an innocent crush on you" without scaring her off too much. I'm sure that she'll get the clue. Proceed with caution..Good luck to you!

See? Look at all of the compliments that you're attracting so far! You don't give yourself enough credit now, do you? I love Kit's comments too! Cousin It? LoL. I have a feeling that the waitress actually digs your hairstyle. If I were in her shoes, I wouldn't pay a complement to anyone, even if it's for a tip. I don't say things that I don't mean. Keep the hair.

Nah, don't cut it off...bangs on a guy actually looks cute. Think of Matt Damon in the movie Goodwill Hunting. Or, Jared Leto in My So Called Life. If the waitress says that you have pretty eyes, that means she's paying you a fat compliment. She must think that you're cute. Of all of the posts that I've seen you written, I hope that you take her compliments to heart, and seriously take a good look at yourself. Do not ever put yourself down. About the haircut, do it if you feel as though it might help, but don't cut it off if you actually feel comfortable with it.

Pyralis...deep post. I'm sorry to hear about the pain that you're going through. You sound like a nice guy. A lot of what you said is true. A girlfriend and happy pills won't correct the problem. They may alleviate your saddness, but ultimately, in the end, it all boils down to what you truly feel inside, your actual tought process. You sound like you're on the right track so far. You're not giving into your depression, which is good. At least you're trying to fight it. My best advice is to engage in activities that motivate you in life. Find things that you're passionate in. If you love sports or nature, or anything that sends an adrenaline rush, then engage in those activities. Perhaps life feels a bit repititious so you feel sad? I don't know, but whatever it is, take good care of yourself. I hope this helps.

Well said Muneca, I agree.

Me personally, I don't buy into the notion of respecting a guy who gives conditionally. When I sense that a guy's trying to play some kind of cat and mouse game, by not being himself, and limiting himself from being who he truly is, or even trying to be someone who he's not, then I immediately lose interest. I think that the key thing here is: generosity. If a guy is sincere, then I will sense it, and appreciate him more. But if a person's not sincere, and does things as though he's trying to get game, then I lose interest fast. Basically, I think that it's best to be yourself, always. If women can't like you for who you are, then it's no one's loss. Perhaps it's just incompatability. Now, in terms of some partners being doormats, that could be a turnoff as well... but I think it's more tied into the fact that the other partner just did not exactly share the same strong feelings for their significant other in the first place. They just 'settle' with that person, as a way to fill in a void. That's why, their partners become somewhat of a doormat. It's sad! That's not what love's about. Love is about two partners feeling that mutual attraction for each other. That's when you know that you have truly found your 'soul-mate.' I think that as women gain experiences from their relationships, they learn to recognize a pattern of guys who are genuine vs. those who aren't. They grow an immunity to those who mistreat them, and start to appreciate the nice guys more. Of course, not all women will learn their lessons. Some women aimlessly continue on with their lives, and never learn. Sometimes, they don't develop common sense, and always chase after the bad guys who don't treat them right (i.e. getting involved with the married man scenario). It's as if they have this driving desire to want what they can't have. It's sad, but I honestly think that the majority of women are not like this. I also find that it's hard for two nice people to run into each other, because they're either too shy, and things don't go anywhere. Or they have fears, and self-doubt, which prevents them from truly letting go, and enjoying relationships for what it is. I don't know, but it intrigues me how relationships/marriages seem to fall apart so quickly these days. Seems like no one loves for love anymore. They're too busy worrying about loving selfishly, instead of selflessly. Perhaps it's just the attitude of our generation of people, who mistakingly lose respect for chivalry, and don't appreciate it for what it is? Who knows. I know for a fact that I do appreciate it. I also notice a correllation for couples who are older, who do practice common respect, that their marriages seem to last longer. So, I also think that this has a lot to do with 'values' and the 'attitude' that a person has. Anyway, just my opinion. I think that you nice men should honestly hold onto faith. Don't ever allow yourselves to feel jaded. There are nice women who respect nice men. Don't lose hope. Hang in there.

Hi Wlfpack81, I'm sure that you'll run into that special lady, and when you do, it will last a long time. I think that your first relationship tends to be one of the most memorable. That's when you're first starting out fresh, and if you move along slow, that's where the romance truly unfolds. Although I don't count my first one as 'true love,' (because I was too young), we kinda lasted long. Our relationship was like one of those 'teen' romances. It was so cute. I didn't even allow him to kiss me until a long time, not until my 14th B-day. Talk about puppy love, but, it was well worth it! So, no rush, no hurries. When you run into that special someone, you will know. The memories are truly worth savoring. So don't give up. She's out there somwhere...just count on your lucky stars. You guys will find each other someday...Good LucK!

It's indescribable. For me, this phenomena don't occur too often. All I can say is, it's a warm feeling, and I get butterflies in my stomach whenever it does happen. I love it!

What is a bad boy? Everyone has their own preference. But for me, a bad boy is a guy who I will never bring home to meet my mom, and will never let him meet my baby cousins! My last ex was a bad boy. Sure, he was sexy at times, but his potty mouth was disgusting. After a while, his attitude was silly. It was nothing but pathetic. Instead of looking 'manly,' to me, he looked like a little 'prick.' A Real Man to me, is someone who's not afraid to stand up for what he believes in. He's compassionate, intellegent, open-minded, has a good heart, and is brave. If he believes in fighting to keep chivalry alive, then he's a keeper, somone who I will bring home to my mama. Nothing's more sexy than a guy who has a good heart, and doesn't give up the fight, by not buying into the BB image.

13. Met him at the roller skating rink. Our first date was at the church carnival! I shared my first french kiss with him. He was my first love, but wouldn't I say 'the best.' It was more of an infatuation, puppy love.... {memories...*sigh* }

Hi Rosa, Welcome back. I know how you feel. If I were in your shoes, I'd first of all, question whether or not, I'm 'ready' for a relationship. I was in a situation like yours before, and I can honestly say that relationships on the rebound are really hard to work at. If things aren't settled between the ex, then it's a good idea not to be with anyone at all. It's tough to be with someone who we have lukewarm feelings for, especially if feelings for the ex aren't resolved yet. About the ex, I'd be very careful as well. My advice is just from personal experience. Something just sounds wrong with the picture here. First of all, question why the break-up had to occur in the first place. Are the excuses legit? If not, then I'd proceed with caution. Question his ulterior motives. Some ex's are really good at calling back, sweet talking, etc. They'll tell you whatever it is that you want to hear, in order to get one thing: booty. Of course, not all ex's are going to be like this. Just be careful with the ex who you know, didn't have the best intentions in the first place. Truly ask yourself if this guy was genuine to you. My ex did all of the, "Oh my life is horrible right now. I miss you. I haven't met a girl that I bonded as much as I have with you." He did all of the crying, sweet talking, tried selling me the 'Dream Life.' Called me his 'Chinita', and said, "We're going to get married one day. I just know it." Huh! Yah right! What a Rico Suave. He was just full of baloney. If he truly wanted to marry me, then why break my heart in the first place? I interpret his nonsense as a pathetic attempt for a booty call. So, be careful. Whenever something sounds to good to be true, proceed with caution. In this case: Do not decide with your heart. About your new man, that's kinda tough. If the relationship is still in it's stages of infancy, then perhaps you can sit down, and really think it over. I know that he's a nice guy, but, you must also ask yourself if you picture yourself being with this guy for a long time. If not, then perhaps it's best to cut things loose now, no? I believe in karma, so try not to create bad karma. I hope that things will work out for the best for you. Take Care... -Mahlina

Hi Karibo, I read a few of your earlier responses, and you sound like a really nice person who deserves a decent guy. The first thing that you can do is to gain some dignity for yourself. Weed out the guys who hurt you. Do not let the these guys trample all over you. Do not go out looking for love. If it's meant to happen, then it will. But when you expose your weakness like that to them, the bad guys will use it to their advantage and toy around with your emotions. It's good to come to our senses and realize that there are nice guys out there too, but we must also be careful with our own actions. If your actions scream out: "I need a relationship to make me happy," then the only attention that you will win is attention from bad guys who will use it to their advantage to step on your vulnerability. I can tell that you have a lot of buried pain/emotions inside of you. If anything, invest on healing your own heart first, before you jump into another relationship. Sounds like you know what you want, but you just need a little push and shove, some kind of reassurance to let you know that you are coming to the right conclusion. I also do know what you say about feeling numb. It's okay. Just think of this period of time in your life as a period of 'learning.' Life isn't perfect. Things just aren't handed down to us. That also means love. We begin to appreciate the true meaning of love, when we are hurt. So just think of the pain that you're going through as part of a process of you running into 'Mr. Right.' He's out there, but you just have to be patient. Focus on building your life as a happy young lady for now. Don't lose hope okay? Hang in there girl!-Mahlina

Hi Bob. Glad to hear that! I must agree with you. When a relationship gets routine, that's where things get a little...drab. That's why, I think that it's important that couples stay spontaneous, consistently flirt, tease, go out on dates, and stay young/joyous towards one another. Kinda like two kids falling in love all over again! It's good to rekindle the sparks every so often. That's what builds passion onto the relationship! It's refreshing.... You're doing a great job so far! I also agree about the chemistry among age-gap relationships. She brings out that youth inside of you, while you help her to mature along her path in life. Excellent combo. Good luck to your romance. All of the best to the both of you! Mahlina

Very compatible. As long as he's shy, spunky, and mature all at the same time, then his age shouldn't matter. If a guy can be young at heart, and not be uptight about things, then I definitely see potential in him!

Wow Tea, that is tough! Sorry to hear about your situation. I didn't realize how tough it is to be a girlfriend of someone in the millitary! Okay, well, if film isn't what you desire to do, then find something that you're passionate about. Do not allow your parents to dictate your life. It's good to keep some of their words of wisdom in mind though, but don't allow them to control your life entirely. It doesn't sound like they can. So good job on your part! About your man, that's really tough. How sad. Now that I understand more about your story, I sincerily wouldn't know what to do in your situation. I feel for you. Especially where they don't allow him to send you small packages. *sigh* For the first time, I am really stumped. Whatever happens, in the end, I hope that things will work out for the both of you. I like Phil's comment on being a famous actress. Who knows, but like GrayBlueEyes says, maybe it's your parents' trap? I don't know, but just be careful. Good luck to you. Hang in there!

I completely agree with OceanEyes. I love a guy who can be silly/spontaneous all at the same time. Maturity matters, but having a sense of humor matters too. And, too much immaturity is not something that I can tolerate with either. A balance in between both is good!

Hi CarterJones, The youngest guy that I ever dated was about 2 years older than me. The guys that I did have a long-term relationship with, were about at least 5 years older than me. Not everyone fits the mentality of their age group. That's why I bond more with older people. Again, not all older people are mature for their age either. So my preference is for anyone who is mature, in general. I usually go for guys who are about at least 3 years older than me, and usually limit it to about 8 years older than me, which is about 30-31. I cannot ever imagine going out with someone who can be as old as my father or grandpa. That's just sick.

Seriously. I agree with all of the above posters! Why stay with this guy? He is only taking you for granted. If anything, he sounds like he's more in love with himself than he is with you. This is what I learned about love: Love is given and not asked for.. You do not have to ask him to treat you right. If his actions aren't showing you that he loves you, then dump him. Do not settle for less! You deserve better. Think about how he would be like as a 'long-term' partner. If he's not treating you right in the beginning, or in any other stages of the relationship, then he probably won't change. Trash this guy! He is NOT worth it. Anyone who is going to disrespect you, by taking you for granted, is not worth your time at all. Keep on telling yourself this: "He is not worth it!" I can't stand people who mistreat others. I especially cannot stand people who take others for granted. It just shows how much of a complete snob they really are! Don't give him the time of day. Get to know other people, and call it a break for now. Until he makes an effort to prove to you that he is worthy of your love, then welcome him back. But if he doesn't, then give him the hand =; , and let it be. Kick him off to the side of the curb! 8) Sometimes, we just have to walk away from relationships empty handed. We just have to bite our lips, and accept the truth for what it is. I am sure that you will find someone 10x's better! Have faith in yourself. I know you will. Hang in there girl. - Mahlina

LoL. I'm assuming that the house is clean as well. I do agree, if a house reeks the smell of dogs and cats, then I couldn't tolerate that as well. My friend's house is like that. It's hard for me to breath whenever I'm at her house. I get really claustrophobic.

No doubt. It's always good to listen to yourself when it comes to fulfilling your own dreams, not your parents'. Just because people give up their careers/goals/aspirations to be with their partners, it does not mean that things will work for the best either. Believe me. I was in a similar situation. Things didn't work out. At least, I learned. In the end, there are no guarantee that things will work out the way that we intend for it to be, even if our intentions are for the best. That's why, it's good to be careful and make wise decisions.

Yes Scout, I would definitely take Avman's advice. That was a really good response that he made. If a guy can't accept you for who you are, then a relationship with him isn't worth it. I can't seriously love a guy, if he can't love my dog. If he criticizes my dog, then he's out the door! It is not a turn-on when someone criticizes your pet. In fact, whenever a guy sincerily loves and plays with my dog, it makes my heart melt. I actually start to fall for him as well. It's so cute when guys can love your pet. It just shows how sincere they are as a person!

Hi Tea, Here's my take on this, do not sacrafice your career over a relationship. Do not deny yourself from pursuing your dreams, just because of a guy. I made the mistake of doing that once, when one of my ex's and I decided to go to college together. Instead of attending my dream school, I decided to go to school with him. He insisted. We were both adament about working on our relationship. But did it work out in the end? No. So try to think thoroughly about this. I know that it's a tough decision for you. I can truly understand, but, sacrafising your dreams won't make the relationship any better. If you do decide to pursue your goals, then realize that there are other ways of keeping in touch as well. I had an LDR before. My ex made efforts to call, e-mail, do webcam, and flew back once a month to visit me. It was expensive, but at least his efforts showed me that he was 'serious.' So if your boyfriend is serious about you, then he should also support you in your dreams. He will make the effort to work things out with you, that is, if he is sincere about your commitment. Also, think of this as a true 'test' for your relationship. I know that it might sound impossible, but if a relationship is truly meant to be, and both partners truly bond/trust each other, then I think that nothing should stand in its way (even if you guys are literally an ocean apart). Hope this helps.

Junior, I can sympathize with you. My ex did the same thing. All except, he asked in a different way, and my step-dad rejected him. It was nothing but heartache for him. And, we also did the whole 'hiding the relationship away from the family' thing. It did not help at all. It was really straining on our relationship! Towards the end of close to the 4th year, I grew apart from him, mainly due to some of the decisions that he made (that also contributed to the distrust that my mom and step-dad had for him). Anyway, even if her dad does object to your proposal, it doesn't matter. Ultimately, what matters most is if she wants to marry you. I didn't want to marry my ex, so make sure that your girlfriend may also want to marry you. I only stuck through the relationship, because I'm just the type of person who doesn't give up. But after a while, it was time for me to realize that I just didn't have feelings for him anymore. Make sure that your proposal isn't a way of trying to repatch problems in your relationship. Marriage is a huge issue. So, make sure that you do have a strong bond/foundation before you do decide to propose. Sounds like you guys do. Best of luck to your romance!