mahlina

Thank you!! Hey- No problem. That's what we're here for. If we can make it, then so can you! And, you know what? It's always good to think positive. Develop that pizzaz for yourself. Life doesn't always have to feel so crippled, right? As long as you spice things up in your life, then you will feel sassy & happy! Life's too short to waste ourselves on people/things that hurt us. Hang in there. I see lots of potential in you! Mahlina

First of all, remember to always value yourself. Always remember your worth. Just because you don't feel as though you fit in with the group of people your age, doesn't make you a bad person. In fact, you may be quite mature for your age. That's why you feel as though you don't fit in. Look at it as something that you admire about yourself. Besides, it's always a good feeling to be true to who we are, and not try to fit in. Of all of the things that bug me most in the world, are people who try to fit in. People who can't think for themselves! People who don't know who they are, but only try to define who they are by identifying themselves with all of this superficial bullcrap. I don't see that in you, so hats off to you girl!! I remember how it was, especially for your age. But, it's tough, because you're still finding out who you are. But slowly, you're blossoming into that young beautiful lady that you are. Everything takes time. Think of this as a metamorphasis, a time of change, a time of growing. At times, you will feel as though you're against all odds, but the thought of knowing who you are, and where you come from, is enough for you to know that you can be happy. That's what will make you special from the rest: you're original & authentic! And remember, try to deal with your heartaches constructively. I know that I won't get into this drug issue, but always remember to remind yourself that you deserve the best things in life. Ask yourself if drugs is ever going to get you anywhere. Ask yourself if it's going to make things better or worse. I've seen some kids who get into using drugs. They end up getting pregnant, then they end up using more hard substances, because those drugs aren't strong enough to take away their pain. In the end, nothing will take away the pain. It's all mental. It's all about how they perceive things, and the small decisions that they make for themselves in order to accomplish their goals for a better life. Move forward. Make the best of yourself, and be proud of who you are...

Soufully, Completely agreed! Excellent analysis.

Hmm..I'd be very careful. Especially because: #1. She's a co-worker. 2. Your bud might like her as well. Sounds like they share a strong bond. The best way to approach this situation, is to ask your friend if he does truly have any feelings for her. If he does, then you have your answer. I'd also be careful about the casual friendship thingy. First of all, that's how romances start off: friendship. However, in some cases, people of the oppossite sexes can maintain platonic relationships. But, once those feelings develop, that bond is really hard to break. thereforeeee, ask him first. It's better that way. You'll have a more clear and definite answer. It will save a lot of heartaches in the end.

True. When I sense that someone's dishonest, and is playing games, I back away. I never sensed that in that person. It was only because he was shy, and so was I, thereforeeee, we never got anywhere. But, I'm definitely not the type to make the move, and I'm definitely not the type who will break a relationship apart, just to steal a man away. I guess everything's all a matter of time. When things are meant to happen, then it will. It's just tough, especially because I'm comfortable with being passive in terms of establishing relationships.

Authenticness- Someone who takes pride in being himself. Not a crowd pleaser. I can easily sense when a guy's trying to be who he's not. Someone who takes pride in whatever it is in his life. If he drives a beat up car, and he's proud of it, then that's great! Makes him look even cuter! Doesn't buy into this image of how people should dress. Not materialistic. He's his own person. Has his own style: uniqueness. (Not your typical Steve Urkel though). Good Heart - I'm tired of liars. One thing's for sure, when a guy has a good heart, I can easily sense that he does, simply by the little things that he says or does. He doesn't play games, isn't pretentious, just an all around honest gentleman. Sense of Humor (Big Plus +) - Life can throw a lot of its crap at you at times. So, it's best to be around people who can sit back, and laugh at the little things in life sometimes. It doesn't always have to be depressing. Someone who knows how to shrug things off, doesn't come off as uptight. Humbleness- If he puts others ahead of himself, and takes compliments lightly, by not getting things to his head too much. Nice guy, in general. I'm also tired of the whole spheal on how nice guys finish last. Not true at all. Trust me. Women like nice men. It just feels endless, because it's hard to know if we know if we can trust a person or not. Responsible- About his life, has his head on straight, has goals. Not a druggie, not a gang-banger, none of that.

I was going to say that the other day. That's how my mindset is like. Maybe it's not meant to be now, but maybe it will be, later. In reality, there's no use sitting around and waiting. It's best to move on, and if the relationship's meant to happen, then it will. If it doesn't, then oh well. We can't control it. I just hate the thought of always wondering..

Thank you RayKay for the feedback...Actually, I went through a lot in the past, especially during my childhood. I had to grow up a lot faster than I wished I had to. That's why I was always consistent in my taste in men. All of the guys that I dated were always older than me, because I just bond more with them for that reason. I had my fair share of lots of experiences in life, both good/bad. Although some people who know me in person, think that I'm naiive, they don't know that I am not. Deep down inside, I have a good way of covering things up. That's why, whenever I meet liars, they think that they can get away with taking advantage of me, but I don't let them. In my heart, I always knew who I was, and what I wanted. I wasn't ever attracted to bad boys. I could usually smell one when I see one. It's just the immaturity that I sense in them that turns me off. Gunblade also made a pretty good point as well. There are just no guarantees in life. What we think is right for us, may be wrong. It's just all a matter of gambling. I only think about that person once in a while, when I'm not in a relationship. But when I'm with someone, he's the last person that's on my mind. For that reason, a part of me feels like, maybe it was just all an infatuation, and he probably wasn't the one for me after all. Oh well.. it doesn't matter. All that matters now, is that we are both happy in our own lives. It doesn't matter if we could've been together or not. I was always one to believe that if someone truly loves you, then they will find you. Life's too complicated. But, that's what I see so far...Thanks again Double J, for letting me vent!

Aaww..Yeah, you will never know what life will throw at you. One minute, your loved one is alive, next minute, they're gone. Just gone. It's sad, but that's life...sadly. I try to let the people who I love in my life, know that I care. And, it's funny how whenever I go to Christmas masses, we end up meeting each other in the hallway, just to say hi, and catch up on things. Sometimes, I don't say anything, but just hi, and leave. Fallen, good point too. I guess it's just best the we move on and not look back. Time is ticking, and we can't waste it on regrets. It's just not realistic. Sometimes, I worry about the fact that if/when I finish my career, if I'll end up marrying the wrong person. In which I don't want that to happen, and if it means that I should have to stay single forever, then I would. I just don't want that to be my own damnation, my own hell. I think that as we get older, it just seems so endless. It's almost as if when we're so young, we most likely meet our soulmates, because that's when we're innocent and don't have a care in the world. We're ourselves, and are more open. We're not scared and jaded as we are, after running into too many heartaches. Don't know what to do, other than to move forward, and not ever look back...

I'm so speechless. Sorry that had to happen to you. Wow. What a hearthache. I can't believe it. That's why, I always question why and if we should say things before it's too late. Maybe if we made one move, then perhaps a twist of fate would help to bring us together, and prevent these tragic situations from happening? But if we don't, then that's where we live to only regret not saying what we should've said? There's only a few people who we can love in life. The guy who I thought was the one, had lots of flaws. But, that's what made me fall in love with him. The right person doesn't necessarily have to be perfect. It's the imperfections that draw us to love them even more. Anyway, thanks for sharing that story with us RayKay. It really makes me think about how mysterious fate is sometimes.

delete-personal reasons.

Chi, I know that life is hard. I've been through lots of crap in my life as well, but you know what, in the end, we can't escape from our pain. We can't. Cutting won't solve anything either. It will only leave scars that will remind you of your past. Those scars are not worth it. And, don't be so hard on yourself. Don't call yourself stupid. You have every right to be sad. Anyone who's going to bash you, ignore them. They just don't understand your pain. Whatever happened to you in your past, I truly hope that you can find ways to resolve those feelings. No matter what: life is a struggle. Some people just had it made, while others didn't. So, don't blame yourself, k? In the end, you are still alive and breathing, right? Life goes on. We can't put our lives on pause, and hope that our pain will go away. Because it won't. Not unless if we contructively confront it. I sincerily hope that you will find a way to talk it out to someone, at least a counselor, a professional, who can assist you in leading you to the first steps in the right direction. Afterwards, if you don't feel comfortable with talking to one, then perhaps you can stop by at the bookstore and find a self-help book, that relates to whatever happened to you int he past. Not everyyone is comfortable with counseling. Take time for yourself, and heal one step at a time. Last but not least, call your family and friends. Don't isolate yourself. Easier said than done, but that's just what has to be done. Otherwise, things will just feel endless. Hang in there.

Another great question. In fact, I was about to post up a topic like that they other day. If we feel that chemistry, then why isn't it our fate to be with them, right? I'm stuck in the same scenario, always looking back, and thinking, 'what if.' I'm stumped with that question actually. I think that there are different possible people who can be the 'right one,' but there is just this one special person who just compliments us in so many ways. Sometimes, I think that it has a lot to do with what we make of fate. That person who I thought was right for me, we were both shy around each other. Didn't know that he liked me, until after I was with my ex. Things happened, and we grew apart. Now, he's taken. I respect his relationship, and only wish the best for him. As long as he's happy, then I'm happy for him. If we were truly meant to be, then why didn't we end up together? You know what? I think that fate can be pretty screwy sometimes. Oh well.. But like Day_Walker says, we also choose the other person to be 'right' for us. This is so very true. Even though I didn't share that same chemistry with my ex, compared to the one that I shared with the other guy, I still found ways of loving my ex, and making him more important than that person who I thought was the one. I gave him my all. But, we didn't work out either. He messed around. I just couldn't trust him afterwards. Life sucks!

Good Question. When you meet the right person, you just know. But sometimes, when you think that you met the right person, you're fooled. It happened to me once. The only person who I ever felt as though was truly the right person for me, met all of the requirements: emotional, physical, mental, and spiritual attraction. In terms of values/background, we matched up pretty well. I used to be one to preach about how looks shouldn't matter, but it's the person's heart that counts. Well. That was deceiving too! The other person who came close to being the one, I was never attracted to him physically in the first place. Slowly, as I got to know him, my physical attraction for him grew stronger. But when he lied, cheated, and did other things that made me mistrust him, I lost all of my physical attraction for him. So, with the right person, we also should be able to feel that physical chemistry with them too. We all have our own preferences. We should at least find that person attractive in our own way. Otherwise, we are just lying to ourselves. But, physical attraction isn't everything. I also believe that the right person compliments us by sharing the same values/goals. They don't necessarily have to share the same personality. In fact, that's where I think that oppossites attract. When two people have oppossite personalities, it's as though they fit like hand in glove. They should at least share the same values/background. That's how they compliment each other. When two people share the same values, they grow together, not apart. And lastly, chemistry is either there or it's not. That bond is truly hard to find.

You know, I was in a similar situaiton like yours as a child, except, my father was good, and he wasn't the one who abused me. However, I don't go around making excuses for myself. I don't use my past as a way to punish others. I don't use it as an excuse for anything. There are several roads, several of possibilities that we choose for ourselves: that also means making the best choices, based on our past experiences. We don't have to fall victim and act out on our emotions. Instead, be a better person from it. I'm glad that you realized what you did, but now, it's time to face the truth. Get some counseling about the abuse. It doesn't hurt to try. And, don't worry about it being a bad stigma, because life's not perfect. It's not our faults that people hurt us when we were kids. As an adult, it's best to make good decisions for ourselves, and be responsible for our own behavior. Just because people hurt us in the past, it doesn't that it's right to hurt others in the end. What matters most is how you build character, by being a better person from all of that pain.

His excuse is just an excuse. It doesn't matter what race he is. Love goes beyond cultural differences. It never stops a Latino man from loving an American, or any other race. About his borderline personality disorder, perhaps it's more like narcissism? Be careful. If he's only thinking about himself, then he won't think about you. Instead of being so cold to you, he should've been more supportive, especially because of the miscarriage. But no. Instead, he only pushed you away, alone to cry off on your own. I've heard of that theory too. But, I think that's just a copout. If he truly loves you, then he would go against that stereotype, and prove to you that he's a better man, the man that's worth being in your life. And, about the whole "I see you as my soul-mate" thing, if that is the case, then soul-mates don't purposely hurt each other. When you run into someone who claims to be your soul-mate, then that person will show you their best, and will be there for you through thick & thin. Soul-mates love unconditionally. Sounds like his talk is cheap more than anything! You deserve better. I'm just so sad to hear about your story. Sorry that you're going through with the emotions that you're going through. I am especially fed up with people who lie, cheat, and always try to get game. You have to be careful from now on, k? It's your life, and it's precious. Hang in there. Here's a website that explains more on narcissistic personalities: link removed

Thank you for the encouragement. It's a lot easier said than done. I also wanted to add one more thing: be careful of prince charming. Sometimes, prince charming turns out to be our worst nightmare. When something sounds too good to be true, it probably is. Proceed with caution. We don't want to get burned twice or three times, right? Just trying to be wiser the second time around, that's all.. P.S.-StarryEyez, thanks for sharing your story with us. A lot of what your ex did, reminds me of what my ex did. Candle lights, sweet talk, romance..etc. It really woke me up to reality. I wish us all the best of luck. Take care.

Leave this guy. He is sick! No one deserves to be abused. No one. Be careful with people who try to put on a mask to make it seem as though you can trust them. Abusers have a really good way of putting on this, "Oh. I'm a nice guy image." Believe me, I've been through it. The feelings of recooperating from abuse/violence is pure misery. You're still young. You deserve happiness. A person who abuses you, isn't someone who's worth building happiness with, because it won't happen.

Hey...I'm surprised to read your post, especially where you phrased "I am not alive." Just wanted to let you know, you are not alone with this. Somedays, I'll ask the same exact question. I wonder why God or whatever that external force is, why is it that he/she/it keeps me alive. Why I have a pulse running through my veins. Why the hell do I want to live anymore? Why I just can't die young. But, then again, you have to think, life is really tough. Life is what we make of it. It's a struggle to survive. In the end, there's no way to escape from our pain. We just have to force ourselves to improve. Sometimes, we'll have a tendency to want to fall down, and just give up. I have that tendency to think this way too. Well..just hang in there. Like how that annoying cliche goes: it's not the end of the world. We will all have our good days, and our bad days.

I've been there too. Especially when I was a kid. I agree with OmegaMan, if we can survive, so can you. That's life for you. Sometimes, I'd die to have my life be different. Sometimes, I wish I could just free myself from my past. It hurts. But, that's life. Some people have it luckier than others. We just have to suck it up, and wish that certain things never happened. Hang in there. I know that life is tough. Believe me, I've been through more than you can ever imagine. For personal reasons, I don't feel comfortable with discussing what happened. But, just wanted to let you know: you will survive. Much Love, Mahlina P.S.- I don't want to preach about things, but I just wanted to let you know that resorting to substances/drug abuse isn't going to help you in the long run. I'm surprised that I haven't touched an ounce of drugs. I'm proud that I haven't. I realized at a young age, that that wasn't the life that I wanted to choose for myself. Try to wise up to your situation, and realize that being hooked on narcotics won't make the situation any better k? It's just a short route to escaping your depression. Hope this helps.

I'm glad that you realized things for yourself. But, you have to ask yourself if it's her who you truly love, or if it's just the thought of being in love with something that you can't have. Lots of people do this when it comes to ending relationships. When they see that their ex's have moved on, all of a sudden, they have this urge to want them back. By that time, their ex's have been so fed up, that they end up walking away, for good. Whatever it is, communicate this with her. Don't play games. If she feels as though she's been taken for granted of, she'll slowly lose her feelings. But, you will never know. Maybe she might want to hang in there and work things out with you too. Whatever you do, strive for improvement. I see that you are, so hats off to you. Consider getting some counseling, especially for the abusive behavior. Perhaps this is linked to something that happened to you as a child? If so, then she does't need to go through any kind of abuse. Relationships should be based on healthy behaviors, and happiness. Emotional abuse can be very painful on her as well. I sense that she's really hurt. Anyway, good luck.

Ballys and StarryEyes sorry to hear about your broken hearts. After reading this post, I kinda teared up. I feel both of your pain. See? That's why I can't trust people like I used to. Whatever happened to those moments where we can just be ourselves, and not be so scared of getting hurt again. I hate it when I meet liars. I just hate it. Look on the bright side: at least it's better to find out now than later, when it's too late, and things have gone too far. Trash this guy. Suck up the pain, and put on a happy smile. Realize that people like him are just really deceiving. Nice people get taken advantaged of, because there are just some truly cold hearted inviduals out there, who could care less about breaking other people's hearts! They don't ever live in remorse or feel regrets, because it's the other people's hearts that are hurting, not their's. We just have to be aware from now on. Me personally, from now on, I am really skeptical of people who I meet. I just don't get the feeling that things will get any better anymore. It hurts to know that we can't just be ourselves, and not worry about running into liars. It's annoying, isn't it? My last ex was like that. Our situation was a little similar. But, the other girl was straight up in denial. Thought he loved me. He did the double life thing towards the end of our relationship. Oh well...That's life for you. It's so hard to find people who we can trust. When we open up our hearts, we get hurt. That's the price that we pay for love? I'm tired of this. My heart is really tired..

I didn't get to know my father for that long. He passed away when I was young, but in some ways, I would like my sig. other to possess qualites like my dad's. I never knew my grandfather, so I can't pinpoint any qualities in him. Basically, any guy who helps me to be more of me, and helps me to realize that there are still some decent guys out there, then I would be happy too. I think I've been too jaded for soo long. I wish I could run into someone who is refreshing, someone who will help me to realize that this world isn't full of cold hearted people and liars. I thought I found what I wanted a long time ago, but it's just my fate. Oh well..When the right person comes, I will know. There are lots of nice guys out there, but only a few who I personally can bond with. So, I look for the bond. I really can't remember other things about my dad, other than the fact that he was really patient, quiet, had a big heart, and respected people in general.

My ex would put others down in our private conversations. In front of others, he was okay, moderately toloerable. He didn't straight up put others down in front of their face. Maybe quietly in front of them, but not so outspoken like he was with me. He grew up in a family environment where education was of high importance too. His family was just from a rich/classy background in general. So, he never really knew how it felt like for other people who had to struggle to survive, and actually still tried hard in education. To him, people had it made or they didn't. I couldn't blame him for being that way. It's just the world he knew, the way that his parents raised him. Something like this is a tough call though, beause it sounds like a conflict in values that you guys share. If he does't realize that he comes off a little to harsh sometimes, then hint it to him. Let him know how it feels to be in someone else's shoes before he judges that person. If he realizes his mistakes, then great. But if he doesn't, then let him be. Realize that that is just a part of who he is.

I felt that way before too. One of my ex's was a very bright guy, but whenever he put others down, and tried to make himself look superior than others, I felt completely turned off. First of all, I can't stand snobs. I dig humbleness in a person anyday. Pay attention to the little things that a person says. I take it when someone tries to be boastful, then they're actually covering up for some kind of weakness. Maybe he has his own insecurities. But, that doesn't mean that he should be going around acting like that. When dating someone, it's best to accept them for all that they are. A trait like that is just a part of who they are. It won't change. If that's something that will bother you in the long run, then perhaps it's good to re-evaluate if he's truly the one. If not, then, life goes on, right?