mahlina

I think that you are completely traumatized by the whole divorce. I must say, you are stronger than you think. I have a couple of friends who do just the opposite, they suppress their saddness by doing dumb things: like excessive use of drugs, partying, drinking, the whole Carpe Diem attitude. It's really sad. They don't ever talk about their pain, they just drink it away. They basically waste their lives. What you are feeling is completely normal. At least, you're confronting your emotions. My advice is to do things that you love. Be true to yourself. Get to know yourself. When you realize who you are and what you want, then you will see that this world is not as hostile. Plus, whatever you do, don't resort to distancing yourself from others. Eventually as time goes by, and as you get a little older, you'll be more comfortable with meeting new people. Neznam, I hope that his helps. I'm really sorry for the pain that you must be going through.

Age ain't nuthin but a number. Trust me on this. I've dated a guy who was about 9 years older... It's really their personality that matters. I'm not saying that you should be like an 'Anna Nichole Smith' and date 90 year olds! If you guys connect, then that's all that matters!

I've been in that situation before. What I can tell you is that this guy sounds completely self-centered. If he truly cared for you, then he'd give you your space; otherwise, he's too immature to realize it. You don't want a guy like that. You want someone who's mature and knows what he wants, not a guy who dangles you around only to play with your heart.

Doesn't anyone ever feel like life is just getting more and more boring as you get older? I feel like such an 'old Maid'. I do nothing but work and go to school. Just recently, I broke up with my ex. I don't do anything but work, school, and on my free time, sit and moap about the breakup. Besides that, I go to the beach, gym, Ikea, and surf the net. Most of the time, I'm doing things by myself. I feel so old for my age. Once in a while I'll go to parties. It's not my scene though. I especially hate it because I always meet the wrong types of guys there. Everytime I let a guy into my heart, he always ends up breaking it. I seem to attract the wrong attention. I meet players. I guess for my age, all they want is a piece of ass....but that's where I draw the line. I could pretty much smell a dog when I see one. Nothing else goes from there, other than superficial conversations on the phone. I've been burned twice by 2 past lovers. It's tough! That's why I avoid clubbing, parties, and meeting new guys in general. Plus, I'm the shy type, I work, hard, study a lot, and just have different values that are typical of the modern day girl. I feel like such a Quaker! O I feel like the type who wants to be a hip mom and settle down. At the same time, I like being an ambitious, career oriented, modern-woman. That's probably why I always get hurt. They probably get bored of me b/c I'm different... I meet guys here and there, but I intentionally put on a protective barrier b/c I don't want to get hurt. I just weed them out... It's like I'm living in the wrong generation... I'm suppose to do what most 21 year olds do: smoke, drink, do drugs, and enjoy permiscuous sex, but I'm not like that. I feel so out of place... Is something wrong with me? Am I depressed?

Trust me, life will get worse... I've been in situations like moving while having midterms on tough classes like Chem/Microbio all together, along with other general ed classes. I didn't even have a computer, let alone study area, not even a matress to sleep on for 2 monthes. To top that off, my relationship broke off, and my dad's brother, whom I grew close with suddenly passed away. My mom got fired, and my dad almost got laid off, thank god he didn't though. Trust me, life will throw it's obstacles at you, but in the end you're still alive and breathing, and everything will settle down. It's okay, you'll survive. Maybe you just need a break, and some postive thinking which will hopefully ease the situation.

You know what, I've hung out w/my ex b/f's ex before. It wasn't his ex-wife, but close. I think that it's a great idea. You get to listen on all of the juicy gossips about him, and then it gives you a better perspective on the guy that you're dating. At least, by hanging out with the boyfriend's/husband's ex, you don't deal w/the facad, 'mask' that your partner presents to you. An ex's ex will almost always let you in on the truth. You want facts, you got it. What's even better, you can tell that person what your partner says about them, and find out that your partner tweeks his/her side of the story to add to the pretend, 'angel' facade. I think that it's a great idea...it's not that you don't trust the person, you're just wanting to know more about them....Good luck!

Been in that situation before...but I must ask you...is it you that's changed your feelings for him, or is it him? Sometimes if the person on the recieving end is not responding to the way that we wish they did, we unknowingly convince ourselves that we are not in love w/them when in reality we are, but are just lying to ourselves; otherwise, you probably would've never kissed and made love with him right? The word 'made love' still shows that the relationship does have relavence. You probably are still in love, but maybe for him, you probably sense that it isn't and that's causing you frustration. I've been in 2 situations like this before: Once with a guy whom I dated for 4 years. Although I wanted my feelings to be there, I couldn't. However, even though I tried, it did not go to the extent of me kissing/making love with him. I just fell out of love (based on numerous accounts of fights/distrust), and thereforeeee, physcially turned off. With guy #2, I tried convincing myself that I was not in love with him anymore. In actuality, he kept secrets behind my back while he dated me. After our break up, he'd still call and try to hang out, yet, he dated another girl. You see, he had plan B, her, but tried to convince himself that he didn't have any feelings for me. Well, it turns out, Plan B worked out (the f'd), and I guess he got bored. Anyway to cut a long story short. I tried convincing myself that the sexual chem w/him was still there, not the feelings, but in actuality, the feelings were still there, but my lover on the recieving end tried to mask it, then the whole vibe just died out. Today, he's still calling me, and doing the other girl. I simply, don't respond. To answer your question: maybe your gut is sensing something and is putting you on alert. Hope this reply helps!

I reccomend enrolling in a community college, and then sign up for a career planning class. You can get approval by the dean of your school and submit it to the college. If I were you, I'd start college early while I'm in high school. It's better than doing all of those AP classes. To elaborate more on the career planning classes: it takes a whole aptitude of your whole personality through personality tests, values and skills tests, and strengths. You really get an in depth detail, a roadmap of yourself, and then you narrow all of your interests into one or two choices. It's better than taking those inventory tests in high school, which was okay but not as detailed. It's beneficial to plan now than later, some people change their majors so many times and then decide to take one of these classes to help them find out what they truly want to do in life; by then, they've all ready wasted 2 years worth of units.

I've been in the same situation before. I went out with this guy for 4 years as well. It was the exact same, we completely bonded, but during the years, things fell apart. I know exactly how you feel. For some reason we just grew apart. I guess it's that you are finally maturing, you are changing, and so is he. Unfortunately, you guys are not growing together, but rather growing apart. It's tough to really find that special someone early in life. Sometimes, you're lucky to meet your soulmate when young/have them grow together with you all throughout life.

There's this guy, I've liked him since high school. Now we are almost done with college. We used to have a crush on each other. I've always hesitated, but have since been wondering how it would've been like if he and I got together. Where we live, the racial tensions are there, but not obvious. It's always scared me, b/c I wouldn't know if I could handle bigotry from his friends and family. Oh well, I hope to meet someone just like him someday. Besides, I think that children of mixed races tend to be the cutest. Who knows what the future holds right?

From my experience, I had a friend who dated this girl, he said I love you to her for a whole year. Now, both of them were my friends, but anyway, I knew how she felt. No matter how long he stuck out for her, she did not say 'i love you'. Another 6 monthes go by, and she cheats on him while he's away for college. Another situation, another friend of mine, she's been exclusive with this guy for 3 yrs., yes 3 years, and she has not said i love you to him either. He's been nothing but sweet to her family. He says i love you, and they have not had sex. She tells me that she's curious about other guys, and I tell her 'for what?' Both of these guys deserved more than just to be treated like doormats. In the end, the other guy got dumped, and I'm predicting that so will this guy. My friend tells me that she loves him, but is not in love with him. To answer your question: you might want to give it some time, but it will be a gamble, and in the end, you might lose, but hey, love is worth trying right? However, from my experience, women will either love a guy, or she doesn't. In other words, the chemistry is either there or it's not, and you can't try to create it, b/c it doesn't work that way. You shouldn't go through torment to find false happiness. Be true to what you deserve. I hope this helps !

Let's put it this way, just like my friend says, if he were an axe murderer, would you still care? This guy is low, just think of him as someone sick, and not deserving of you. Seriously, if you found out that this guy is mentally disturbing, then would you care? No! I'm sorry, I feel your pain, but at least you found out now right. My teacher told me that sometimes it takes women 7 times to learn from their mistakes in their relationships (this is about sexual assault victims by the way). As a human being, you deserve so much more. I'm really sorry for your pain, and do hope that you'll find someone better and more deserving of your love. (You don't want this relationship to become like a 'Jerry Springer' episode right?) You deserve so much more....

My ex was 9 years older than me. He dated me when I was 20, but was always insecure as to whether or not, I would cheat on him. He told me that since he already finished med-school that he needed to settle down. I was into the club scene, but was mature enough. We mentally/emotionally/physically connected, but I guess I wasn't ready yet. Your situation is different though, this girl was seeing someone else. That's different. It's almost as if she's confused of what she wants, but decides to put you on hold for her own convenience. That doesn't sound fair now does it? My ex made the right decision for letting me go. I didn't cheat on him, and didn't go on a 'rebound' rondevou with a new guy. It was just too serious for me, his parents wanted to meet my parents, and he was already looking for a house. I know that I would like to marry a person like him. To answer your post, I think that age seriously does NOT matter, as long as both people are mature enough for each other. To add to that, age sometimes matters only if the girl has not had that much experience (b/c she might have 2nd thoughts & be curious).

I've had experience with something very similar. Being that I am a petite lady, it was really tough when I was intimate w/my ex. Especially in the beginning, it always hurt, but after a while, my body just got used to it, and then it was somewhat okay. Go with Gilgamesh's tip, eventually, her you know what, will adapt to your size.

For all of you guys out there who have dated interacially, did you enjoy it? I'm just curious as to how interacial couples deal with their relationships. Interacial dating has always been of interest for me, but I've always been kind of scared to the prejudices and stereotypes. You guys have any advice/experiences to share?

She probably likes you, especially if she's flirting with you. Some girls are naturally more flitratious, but if you two hang out, then she probably does like you.

It's really hard to say...Love develops over time. Sometimes though, love at first sight does happen, but they almost all start out as infactuation which then, develops into love. Infactuation is more like a deep liking of someone, you might care about them, but not really love them for who they are. Often, some people might think that they're in love with someone, but in actuality it's just the physical side that they like, they like to look at someone attractive, and think that they're in love. Loving someone includes attachment, over time when you love someone, you tend to get attached. There are many levels of intimacy, love, but it doesn't mean that infactuation will not develop into love.

Your habits such as drinking is a sign that maybe your relationship is completely taking control of your life. It seems a bit unhealthy to resort to substances in order to nourish your saddness. Perhaps, the timing is just off. I suppose that you guys are both really young. If so, then you shouldn't beat yourself for it. If you have doubts, then talk to him. Communicate how you feel, and perhaps you'll get a clearer picture. If he wants to work things out, then his actions will show it. Good luck, I hope this helps.

Relationships should be mutual. If you feel as though she is not reciprocating, then maybe you should listen to that voice inside of you. But, if you feel that time is what's important, then maybe you should give it a few monthes. Sometimes, it's better that she doesn't say I love You if she doesn't mean it right? At least she's not lying... It really depends on how you feel though, and what the situation is.