mahlina

I don't think that ex of his is psycho at all. Actually, I think that she's telling you the truth! When my ex broke up w/me, he started seeing a girl right afterwards. I suppose he cheated on me. Anyway, while he was seeing this girl, he would continually call me. He wouldn't stop. He even drove all the way to my house. However, unlike her, I didn't hang out w/him. I cut it off cold. Now, he's exclusive with her, but continues to still call me despite the fact that I blocked his number and disconnected my cell. He knows that I don't want to talk to him, yet, he still calls. Of ourse, he's going to tell you that his ex is jealous. Of coarse, he's going to make her the enemy. I completely agree w/SisterLynch. Listen to your heart with this. If you want to get intimate, then do so, but just be careful b/c your heart is at stake.

I think that it depends on if you're a guy or a girl. Most women fall in love quicker than men do. They think with they're hearts, and pour all of their emotions into a relationship more than men do. On the other hand, men are more rational, I think that it takes more time for them to develop strong feelings for women. I remember when I broke up with my ex, in the beginning of our relationship, he acted as if he was completely in love. Well it was a mask. I slowly warmed up and gave it my all. Often, I think that women fall completely in love when they give up you know what (physical intimacy). When women get intimate, that's when they start bearing all of their feelings. Anyway, when we broke up, he told me that 'a guy either loves you or he doesn't!' and then he goes off preaching to me about how to spot players and such, and he told me 'a guy cannot just tell you that he loves you within a month of dating or even 3 monthes, b/c that's b.s. It takes a guy at least a year to fall in love with someone!" To my surprise, he was a hypocrite. I thought he was in love since the beginning, but I guess he really fell for me after a year. That's just him though. I don't know what the typical duration is for men. However, for women, once again, it's often when they get physically intimate (otherwise known as lust, which develops into stronger feelings of love).

Of course we do! It's not like we're different. However, we do pick and choose very carefully. We don't just sleep with just anyone. When we do, it's often rare. It takes us quite a while to warm up and talk to a guy, let alone, hold hands with one! I think that a lot of wild and loud women do fall more into the 'easy' stereotype, and the shy ones don't.

Maybe it's just the women that you encounter. Most of the women that I know do not cheat. Question #1- Why do women cheat? Main reasons, one they are selfish. Or two, they've been in an unhealthy relationship for so long that they can't take it anymore. Question #2- Why do women lie? Some women lie to sport their game. Like men, some women lie so that they can get away with doing things behind their man's back. Other reasons why they might lie are b/c they don't want to hurt your feelings to a brutally honest answer. In all honesty, I think that there are a lot of nice women out there. Maybe some of the women that you encounter are the types that use people. A lot of those types of women lie to get their way all of the time. They lie b/c they know that you'll do whatever it is that they ask of you. In otherwords, some women just like to use men, so they lie. Just like men, vice versa.

Show him a kickass attitude! First of all, I'm sorry to hear about your situation, but this feeling of being down in the dumps will linger for a while. However, you must not maintain contact with him. Show him what he's lost. Be an independent woman. For me, it really took some time to even crawl out of bed, so you're not the only one. One thing that helps me is to get my life back on focus. Do things to improve yourself. Gain the confidence that you need. Go to work, apply for a job, indulge in a new hobby. Try doing some shopping. Go to the salon. Pamper yourself. Buy a nice new pair of shoes. Get a diva attitude, and watch uplifting movies! Rearrange your room. Try new things. Do exercises, like pilates, dancing. Oh, and try running somewhere scenic. Basically, get busy. Be active! The good news is that this pain is only temporary.

Okay, your situation sounds really similar, so don't make the mistake that I did. I remember I used to have the biggest crush on this guy in high school, but never had the nerve to talk to him, and when he spoke to me, I would just shy away. In otherwords, don't shy away. Time spent in high school does fly fast, so don't do things that you'll regret later, things that you wished you would've done but didn't. Anyway, use your whit and charm. Smile at him, say, "hey, what's up? Can I borrow a pen?" Say something superficial, sometimes you need to in order to strike up converstation, sush as "gosh, I'm hungry, but I don't know what to eat, cuz cafeteria food smells is so disgusting"... Give a little, pull back, and then let him do the talking.

Ouch! Sticky situation. First of all, since you are exclusive with your boyfriend, that means that he should not be hanging around with someone whom he knows is trying to get fresh with him. I'm pretty sure that he knows that she's hitting on him. This girl may be the flirtatious type. However, she should respect your relationship regardless of her nature. Talk about this issue with your boyfriend. Consult with him first. He is your partner, and deserves to know how you feel despite your insecurities. That's a part of being in a relationship, disclosing even the worst of your flaws. If he sees that it's bothering you and attempts to stop, and actually tries to work it out with you, then I would suggest that you have your answer. He should not shrug the problem off, and say that 'you're insecure, so you need to stop'. A relationship takes 2 people to make a commitment to make it work. This is just a hurdle that the 2 of you must overcome. If the problem persists, attempt to talk to him again. Otherwise, you have enotalone for advice. Good luck with the situation!

That comfort zone that you are referring to is called 'trust'. Basically, she broke your bond of trust. Naturally, people will lose their faith in others once people hurt them. I must compliment you on your healing process. Like you said, people do have a tendency to hit home run too fast nowadays. However, I think that it's important to not go too far with anyone for now, b/c once you start getting all intimate with others too soon without the commitment, love, and all of the emotions, you will lose meaning behind what sex should be. It's all too often that one person will jump right into another relationship with someone else once they break up with another partner to fill in a void. I think that the healthy alternative is to let yourself grieve for a while and then move on. Otherwise, you're just clinging to the illusion of someone who you think that you're madly in love with, when you're not. You are still young though. There are plenty of nice young ladies out there. Don't loose hope, especially with opening up with others. You will find that special bond someday, and your comfort zone will always be there with you, you just have to be careful with whom you would like to share share your most personal feelings with. Meanwhile, focus on yourself. Stay away from the ex. She'll regret what she did to you sooner or later.

Be bold with him. Surprise him! Show him that you're not his doormat! He needs to stop mistreating you. Only time will allow you to move on. You need to take the big step before he does. You'll feel a lot better once you get things off your chest.

Oh, and one more thing, if you really want to know what my example of what a suffocating mother is, check out Auntie Lyndo on the "Joy Luck Club", she's a golden example of a tradtional and extremely overwhelming mother! However, in the end, she does change, and becomes open-minded. (There's still hope for the 2 of you)....Just wanted to add this to the previous post!

I once brought home a Latino man, and my mother refused to meet him, b/c of who he is as a person! I think she intuitively knew that he was not a nice guy. In that aspect, I know what you're ex is going through. It was really tough for me to convince my mother that he was a nice guy. Well, it turns out, she was right. He wasn't! Anyway, what I can tell you is that after the break up, of course, you will feel distraction. It's tough for me to even concentrate! I'm especially distracted, taking all of these hard science classes isn't really convincing me that I can truly let go of the past and move on! The only thing that makes my day is to think about how the relationship really brought about a new kind of life for me. It's really made my experience more colorful. I fell in love with him and his culture. So, I realize that this pain is temporary. My advice to hang out with friends. Do things that make you happy. Focus on your life. In other words, try to be a little positive. To me, this was a learning experience. Do I miss him? Yes, but I don't like him as a person. Realize that there is light at the end of the tunnel. This pain is temporary! 20 yrs. from now, I probably won't even remember his name. 20 yrs. from now, all this pain will be nothing. Catch my drift? I think that you are genuinely sincere about her. I think that it was her mama's loss! Her mother shouldn't have taken complete control of her life. Once she realizes this, that's when she'll take the bigger step and disregard what her mother thinks! After all, that's one thing about coming from a tradtional family. You don't have to be traditional. Asian Americans have the choice to either keep that tradition, or become more Americanized, and do what pleases them. Personally, I think that if she truly loves you, then her mother should not be an issue. I think that she has not let go of the fact that her mother cannot control her life, despite her age! Some Asian mothers, traditional ones, are especially suffocating. They watch every move that their children make, even as they finish their education and have established a career. The only thing that you could do right now is to go about finishing your goals in life. Once the both of your lives settle in, there could still be potential. It sounds like timing is also restrictive, so, even if her mother approved, having a relationship while trying to start up a career sounds pretty tough. When the times right, everything will fall in place! Maybe you'll reunite, or maybe you'll find someone similar to her, but even better! What your feeling right now is natural. Only time will take away the pain. Maybe you should take a kick boxing class or something. Do something physical so that you could take your anger out on it. Best of luck on moving on...

Oh and by the way... You are not obsessed! You are just heartbroken. Hang in there though. Good luck on the exams! Try running at the beach. It really helps you get things off your chess. It's a tough time, the pain may seem eternal, but don't give up hope, (especially in potential relationships).

Coming from an Asian background, I can tell you that Education is a high priority. It's a strongly held value. Family is also another strongly held value. I see that your ex truly does love you. When she says that she would like to marry you, you should keep her word for it. I'm pretty sure that she's going through a lot of pressure. From my understanding, if she's from a traditional background, then her parents probably would want her to marry an Asian man. However, she chose not to date an asian guy. She chose you. It took a lot of courage to go against her parent's will! Take her word for it. She really does love you. I really respect the fact that you have chosen not to contact her. I think that giving her space to concentrate on school is the best thing to do. I love hearing stories about interacial couples. Latino/Asian chemistry are among the rare ones that I've seen. Good Luck! In all hopes, I sincerely wish that you two will get back together someday (and then you guys will have beautiful, mixed-race children! J/K)

Really? Cocaine, acid, ecxtacy, DMT are nothing compared to marijuana? Okay, well, that's a first timer! Wow, I did not know that. Thanks for the insight. Okay, first of all, I did not post her to personally attack you Reyvinn! So don't start approaching my comments as a personal attack. Further, don't even start telling me what I can say or what I cannot! It's a free country. I see that you are strong supporter for cannibus! Did I mention anything against cannibus in my comments? No! Whatever you decide to do is great for you! Heads up. I don't care if you choose to smoke weed. I'm only giving insight of what I see based on experiences. Oh, and I don't appreciate it when you tell quote said that I was 'scared' to try it! I've been approached many times about it thank you! I choose not to do it b/c I've seen more real life incidents that prove why drugs are not my way of life. I've witnessed a lot of crap in life like my childhood friends getting shot, being held at gun point at my own home (the robberer was using cocaine by the way), people selling drugs in mailboxes, ice cream truck drivers selling drugs to neighborhood teens. I grew up in a neighborhood, in which I witnessed horendous acts! These are just some of the experiences I've seen. I saw what drugs can potentially do to others. thereforeeee, I choose not to! I'm not 'scared' to do drugs. I just have different values. Some people think that marijuana is like smoking. Good for them. Some of my friends do it. But does that mean that I respect them less? No! They're still my friends. So, don't start attacking me for my insight! I'll respect your opinion, so long as you respect mine! Thanks for your comments!

OMG! How romantic. The ring truly is symbolic of your love for her. I wound't even change it if I were you. Keep it the way that it is. Although, your father couldn't afford a bigger diamond, it's so precious that he gave it with all of his heart. Now you'll do the same, and give it with all of your heart. It's especially meaningful b/c you quoted that your family thinks that your mother would've loved Robin! She will fall in love with it! How sweet. Good luck on the proposal!

P.S. about my ex, I told his family about the incident. They monitered him like crazy. Eventually, I influenced him to stop using it. He started reading books on philosophy and finding interest in other activities besides drugs. Now he's clean, but he's still really slow. His thought process is really bad. I suppose that the withdrawel effects made him even more depressed.

If you really want to know about drugs, then I suggest watching real life documentaries on channels like the Discovery Channel. I've been at a shelter who I encountered, was a mother hooked on cocaine. She would smoke pot, sleep all day, hallucinate, and even talk to herself. I mean, the potential damages are so bizarre. Check out the documentaries though, it really gives you a feeling of how bad a druggy's lifestyle could be. No offense to people who engage in drug use, but I think that altering your mind with substances is like wasting a life full of potentials. I dated a guy who started using extacy. He was clean in the beginning, but when he started using drugs, his behavior started to change drastically. He became more aggressive, and slow in the head. He became really slow. You could tell especially when talking to him. His thought process changed. Another thing that you could do is to drive downtown somewhere (preferably, not at night!). Look at all of the bums and prostitutes. I'm not referring to every homeless person as a druggy. But I mean, look at the homeless people who are always high, strolling around with their carts, asking for money to support their habits. They're hooked for life! It's sad. So, if you really want to know what drugs are all about, check out the real life scenario. Then, you'll really appreciate what you have now, and then think twice about your decisions.

She might like you, since she's showing enough interest to text message you. At least, that's how I am. I'm pretty quiet and serious, especially when it comes to work and school, and some people who I'm not close to. Since she's quiet, I think that's just because she's a little shy. Sometimes, I think that shy girls know what they want more in a guy. I wouldn't waste my time text messaging a guy if I didn't like him. Flirty girls who text girls are usually doing it b/c they're just social in general, but when a shy girl does it, it usually means that she might have a crush on you. That's good news for you!

Actually, when I was in high school, I did not like the jocks. I mean, they were cool and all, but I just didn't find them as attractive. Some of the guys that I liked were among the nerds I guess, guys in the 'band camp' group. So, if you're wondering, girls do find nerds attractive. You probably have a few crushes.

She probably only sees you as a friend, especially because she was hesitant to tell you. It was her way of lightly saying that she knows that you like her, and it was her way of letting you down gently, but honestly.

It could be that she's really comfortable with you, and see's you like a best guyriend. Some girls like guyfriends who are of the opposite sex, like gay men, there's just a different bond than what they get from their girlfriends. If she's telling you stuff like songs that she likes and secrets, then it sounds like she has a little crush on you. I must agree with you, be bold about asking her out. Not to lunch or anything, b/c friends of the opposite sex can go out to lunch without being attracted to each other. Try something like asking her out to a romantic dinner. That's a big hint. Ask her if she wants to have dinner at some fancy restaurant, and then catch a movie, or hang out at the beach or something. She will really get the hint. Depending on her answer, you'll find out sooner or later, if she does feel for you or not. Good Luck!

Correction, Response Re-Edited! Actually, she has a time frame from about 3-5 days after she's done with her period that she ovulates again. In other words, it's pretty safe even if her partner does ejaculate inside her during that time, because her ovaries have not had time to release an egg in the ovum! I'm not saying that she should have unprotected sex and use that as an excause, but typically, that's the cycle of the average menstrual cycle. I wouldn't worry about her being pregnant for the time being unless if she's showing obvious signs, #1, vommiting, and #2 morning sickness. Vommitting is the most obvious inidicator. However, women's bodies differ, so their cycles and harmones will fluctuate. I'm no expert, but, this is just based on what I've learned about pregancy. P.S.-Pregnancy tests are more accurate when you wait 1 month.

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Hint it to him...ask him about ex partners, who he used to like. Let him rant and rave about his past relationships, and then say something like, "I'm sure that you'll find that person someday, maybe, it's just not the right time right now!" It's kind of a nice way of saying that 'I don't think that I'm the right person for you' by letting him down in a passive, but friendly and concerned way.

I'm sorry to hear about your situation. You are currently going through the grieving process. It's normal that you feel this way. For some people, greiving could take years, or monthes. It really depends on the person, but yes, the pain will go away. It takes time... Death is a part of life. Unfortunately, someday, we will all have to witness our loved ones dying someday. It's inevitable. What keeps me moving on in life is remembering the words of wisdom that the person once said, and treasuring all of the memories that were spent together. Your grandfather will live with you in spirit, as long as you treasure those memories. He will live on in your heart forever. Never forget those memories so that you can carry on through life and possibly share it with your potential children. I hope that this helps. Take care!