mahlina

Thank You for all of your response. I think the best thing that I can do for now is to file a restraining order if he persists on calling at work. I'll see what happens. Ultimately, I hope that he'll get the message and stop calling.

I'm so sick and tired of my ex calling me. First of all, he's the one who initially walked out. Then we got back together, then I walked out. I've disconnected my number, and have blocked his number from my main home #. My family has all ready told him not to call. He's found other alternatives to call me such as work. He won't stop calling my work#. My boss is getting pissed, b/c he's bugging her and other employees. Secondly, I've never given him my # at work. It makes me frantic to pick up the phone even at work. I've blocked out all of the possible numbers that he could call me from, like his friends' numbers and such. Why won't he get it? I feel like he's harassing me. I can't even focus on school peacefully b/c of the thought of him lingering onto the presensce won't allow me to move on. I'm so scared, especially b/c he might one day, show up at my work. I'm really scared. I'm trying to get over the relationship, but he keeps on tring to contact me. I've made it clear to him that I don't want him in my life anymore. I've ignored all of his calls since then. I'm so confused. A part of me still misses him, but being rational, I know that things won't work out. However, him trying to hang on is completely putting a strain on me. I'm constantly paranoid of him contacting me. I don't need this stress right now. Anyone have any advice? Anyone in the same situation? Is he calling b/c he feels guilty, or is it that he wants to use me? Am I in denial, or should I face my fears and talk to him? I really don't understand the rationality behind this.

I don't want to rip your ideas apart, but it sounds like you are a completely devoted Christian who believes in his/her religion. Good for you! Coming from a Catholic background, I know that not a lot of them think like you. Sometimes, it seems like people go to church to parade things that they don't have. I know a lot of families and teens who do things that object to the church's values, but continue to go, and act as if they are so innocent. They have a lot of skeletons in their closets, yet they act so self-righteous. On the other hand, there are secular people who believe in the basic values of humanity, to treat others the way that you want to be treated, and act accordingly. Some people are more science oriented, and don't believe in God. It doesn't mean that they are bad people, it just means that they are braniacs who have found empirical means of finding answers to life in this physcial world. Some of them are so kind that they are so protective of endangered species and mother earth. Secular people are no different than Christians. Take 2 people who are raised in different backgrounds, but have the same values. It doesn't mean that just b/c the other person is not familiar with Jesus, that he/she will burn in hell, and will live a life of pity. People just have different forms of religion, different beliefs. My belief is, as long as they do not inflict harm on others, then they are worthy of respect regardless if they believe in Jesus or not. And to add to the whole penance and the Chrsitmas ordeal, it seems like Christmas has lost it's meaning in our capitalist society, it's just another marketing ploy. People are so frantic when it comes to Christmas. They are so worried about what they're going to get, and what they're going to give. thereforeeee, that's what I mean by you are a very rare, nice, genuine Christian. Too bad more Christians aren't as devoted as you. I know lots who do a lot of charity work. I think that the world has lost a lot of valueble people like them. (One more thing, it's kinda off subject, but I really don't like those confession rooms, sometimes I leave it feeling completely uncomfortable with the priests. One of them was a pedofile at my church, and the church just recently dismissed him)

It's a tough situation. First of all, she's in a commited relationship with somone who isn't really there. I don't know if she would just break off a commitment just to be with you. It's not really fare to just dump someone just to be with someone else, but it does happen. Her hanging out with you is perhaps, innocent fun. She just enjoys being friends with you. Believe me, if a girl really likes you a lot, then she would dump her b/f for you. It sounds harsh, but often times, it happens. Do something like surprise her with something and see her reaction. Do someting that suggests a 'more than just friends' gesture, like take her to a nice restaurant and offer to pay. If she responds in a positive way, chances are, she knows that you like her, and she likes you too. If she shrugs it off, and starts to act a little distant, then there's your clue. She's not interested. Good luck with your situation. Just test the waters befoe you jump in! 8)

Her contacting you to tell you that everything's going well for her is called 'sugarcoating'. Why would she need to call you to tell you that her life is going great. If it was truly going so well, then she wouldn't stop to really think, "Gee, my life is spectacular, I need to tell so and so!" What is there to prove right? I think that she's probably hurting as much as you are. She probably called because she wants to keep things with you at a peaceful level. She doesn't want any resentment between the two of you. You need to again, make it clear to her that you don't want her to call you. Meanwhile, I know it sucks to have your heart broken, but try doing more positive things. It will hurt for a while, but the pain will fade, especially if the ex is not around.

I'm pretty sure that you are sincere in buying that book for her father. Just because you felt close to her family, it doesn't mean that you are obligated to still give gifts. It shows a lot though. I was really close with my ex's family. We went on trips together and such. After the breakup, I still felt like talking to his mom. Even though we broke up, his parents still respect my family by occasionally keeping in touch. My point is, in her parents' point of view, it doesn't mean that you look bad as a person once the relationship is done (if that's what you are alluding to). I think that her parents still like you. If you insist, if you truly want her dad to have the book, then give it to him personally, but don't contact her. Contacting her, subconsciously says that you are still madly in love, and may seem a little needy; especially, if she's told you that she does not want anything to do with you, then she might get turned off. I don't mean to offend you, but she's basically sending negative signals. It's obvious that she's being cold. You don't need to be her doormat, you know what I mean? Give it more time before you contact her. However, sending her father the book, or giving it to him personally shows that you are being mature about the whole breakup and have no hard feelings. It's just a friendly gesture.

I think that men do those things in their 20s b/c they want to experience with playing the field before they settle down. They would rather party and have fun rather than being tied down. Some of them, however, are truly monogamous, and devote themselves entirely to a relationship. Women go through this too. I used to enjoy clubbing for the mere fun of dancing, and just hanging out with girlfriends. I didn't want to be an old hag. It was like being young, and enjoying your youth. It was fun. Guys however, even though they want as much fun, they don't get as attached, especially when it comes to sex. That's why my suggestion to you is that the guy that you are with, even though he's breaking your heart, it doesn't mean that you are/or are not the one for him. He's just not ready. In the meantime, you should enjoy your youth. Have fun. Get to know yourself. You don't need influence of peers. Do the things that you love doing, like hobbies or exercising. Don't sleep around, don't drink (especially b/c you feel like drinking will suppress your feelings), and concentrate on your future. You need not to worry about what he wants. It's what you want. If he's putting himself above you, then you must put yourself above him. Focus on your future. It will not only make you more confident and mature, but also happier for the fact that you're not settling for less than what you want.

In all honesty, once you break up, it's extremely difficult to repair that trust. From her point of view, she could be having doubts because you chose to break up with her. On your part, you love her, and can't let go. it sounds like you guys are both confused of what you truly want. If you think about it, getting back together will not be the same like it did in the past. I'm not saying that it won't work out, but I'm just saying that the 2nd time around, the situation is different. Basically, it sounds like neither of you are ready yet, but both are still in love. Perhaps, you guys need even more time apart to grow up. Maintaining contact will only prolong your ability to move on. You have a lot to learn from this experience, so that you can carry it onto future relationships. It's not the end of the world, but this is your time to move on. Keep in touch once in a while. Maybe when you guys are more mature and have been through more trials in life, and truly know you want, you both will reunite the 2nd time around. By then, hopefully, attraction is still there, and the relationship will be even stronger than the first time around.

I don't agree with the quote. I think that all types of people, at one point in time, will love someone, whether or not he/she is insecure. Confident people are just good at keeping their emotions in I guess. They're probably more in control of their emotions. Whereas, less confident people are proned to carry more baggage, and thereforeeee, their impulsive nature will often cause them cling more. Confident people just have a different way of expressing their emotions. Sometimes they're not good with words, but more with actions. Whatever the argument is, I think that everyone will love at least one person in their lives (I.E.-God/Self/Parents/Siblings/Pets).

Dear MissJBug: I'm sorry to hear about your father's situation. I know a few people who have it, and they've had it for quite some time. The symptoms vary for each person. I notice that the people who have it, and still appear to be happy are among the ones who are optimistic. Unfortunately, I don't know much about it. Any website that ends with a gov, edu., and sometimes org, will provide credible information. In the meanwhile, it sounds like you are strong, don't give up hope. Maybe a miracle might happen!

It could be, or maybe, she's excited about something else, and you happened to talk to her at the same time. If her pupils were constricted and then when you talk to her, then it dialates, chances are, she's probably interested.

First of all, have you gotten over your drug addiction? I assume, if you are not, then maybe the feelings of recovering will make it even more intense. I'm not sure on this though, b/c I never tried pot. However, some of my guy friends who are still recovering from some past issues, who drink a lot, and occasionally smoke pot, do suffer even more when they withdraw. Whatever it is, I think that you must first stop the addiction. I'm not saying that you still are, but it helps to stop. Secondly, since she did mention that she doesn't have any romantic feelings for you anymore, then chances are it's not there, and it will never be. I've been in her situation before. One of my exes thought we were soulmates blah bhah blah. Okay, so he was my first love. He was stuck in a rut like you, had some issues with life. Me trying to be the Johavah's witness and trying to rescue him, I always felt the need and urgency to influence him in a positive. I guess you could say as you've described how your ex was sincerely there for you, my love for him was completely true. I gave 110% of my heart to him, made sure that he did well in school, and always looked over him. Whatever the reason is, in the beginning, he reciprocated, and then for some reason, he went off, going to raves and doing ecstasy. He broke it off with me, b/c he tried to convince me to smoke pot and do drugs with him. He dumped me b/c he said that he couldn't enjoy his habits with someone he loves. He tried convincing me that if both partners do drugs, then our romance would grow stronger. We don't share the same values. Well, he broke my heart. I cried for over 4 monthes. After 5 monthes, he came back. Things were different. I gave him a 2nd chance, but the second time around, I just didn't love him like I used to. He betrayed me. Then I broke his heart big time. To cut a long story short. After breaking my heart, he changed his life for me, he stopped doing drugs, but no matter what, my heart was not the same. Let me get to the point here. Okay, things didn't work out. You needed to workout your issues. Now she's suddenly with this new person (I doubt that this will last by the way, it's called rebound relationship), what you need to realize is that, life works in really messed up ways, but in the end, things will work out for the better. Even if you wanted to get back with her, she might end up hearting you. In either way, the trust is no longer there. Once it's gone, it's difficult to regain. Only time will mend your heart. I hope that my story helps...Good Luck!

Correct me if I'm wrong, but I think that squats work best for your gluteus maximus (butt). I think that the secondary muscles that squats also tighten are quadraceps and gastrocnemeus. I do squats only for my gluteal muscles. You did mention that it's hard to do. It sounds like you're actually doing your squats right! No pain, no gain right? If you want bigger calf muscles, then I think that one of the best exercises is bike riding, you'll build a lot of definition and edurance in your lower leg; especially if you ride on steep hills.

I think that men like anal b/c it's smaller, they're bored with regular, routine-sex, and it's just out of curiosity. I haven't tried it, I think that it's gross. I don't understand the fascination behind it. It's like shoving your privates up a pile of feces! I know it sounds crude, but it's true...

I've had my share of racist experiences...lots, especially where I live, there's not as many minorities. I know exactly how you feel, I went through that phase. There are all sorts of stereotypes. You can name off so many, but it's the people who are ignorant who stereotype others. Think about it, isn't it sad that people are dumb enough to be so ignorant? Think about how their lives are. All they know is what they've been exposed to. If they try to acquaint to different cultures, they get all scared and close up. Don't you think that's so little of them? It's so sad that they're so narrow-minded. A life like that is incomprehendable to me. That's who they are, just feel sorry for them! You know that deep down inside you are not like that! Most of the time, when you work with people like that, you can prove them wrong. Be your best. They'll open up, because they realize that those stupid stereotypes aren't true. Based on personal experience, it used to bother me. It was a shock since I moved from a very diverse urban area to the rich suburbs. Dealing with racism is part of life. Life will throw all sorts of things at you, but to me, stereotypes are the small things. Invest your time on people who are not like that, you'll find that your world is so much more happier when you realize that even the majority can be as open-minded as you. Don't give up! Try making friends who are not Mexican-Americans. I'm Asian-American, but most of my bestfriends are Caucasian and Indian. I find that I connect with them better... Once you realize that there are good people out there, then you will find comfort in knowing that this cruel world is not always so cruel after all.

I think that you should take a chance. If you don't, then you will always question what if. Life's not about 'what if.' However, if you decide to stay friends, don't you think that this feeling that you have for her will always be lingering? In either case, you really have nothing to lose.

I love giving out this kind of advice... One romantic thing that I've gotten from a b/f was when he hand made out pendent, he bought gold and actually molded it into a heart pendent, one for him and one for me. That's was really special. Anything that you make will always be special. It shows that you've put more effort in making it. You can spend a lot of money on her with gifts that you buy, but it's just not the same. Other things.... Plan a picnic, ask her what her favorite sandwhich is, and then surprise her with a picnic. Take a guitar class so that you could play her music to put her to sleep. Maybe, you could suggest that she takes a singing class, so that both of you could get involved. She sings, and you play the guitar! =) Buy her roses, and hide it in the car. For example, if you take her out to a restaurant and after you guys are done eating, tell her to stand in the front of the restaurant so that you'll pull up with the car, and when you pull up, go out to open her door, pull out the roses and surprise her... Plan a secret hang-out spot... Plan a little spot on where you guys go to spend your most cherished and private time, a little hang out place. It's even more special if you guys hang out there even when you fight. At least, you'll treasure the good and bad times there, it makes the memories more meaningful. Suggest a cookout session. Challenge her to an 'Iron Chef' competition. She could do the easy stuff like salads or something, while you do something bigger like bake the desert. Take her out on trips, like a drive along the coast, driving around at night to your favorite love songs.. Make plans to watch the sunset together, or go to (Well we have Griffith park, an observatory where you could look at the stars), something similar to that like driving out to the desert, you'll see more stars there. Plus, you can go camping, that's fun but also very adventurous! Take her to church on Sundays... Goof around with her, do little kiddy things like thumb fights, tag, or double dare. Take outragous pictures: one with mine in particular was when my ex and I took pictures and out of nowhere, we see these tourists taking pictures next to this fountain of a fish, it looked like she was taking a piss because the fish's mouth was about right where her butt was, so we took a picture of that, it was funny! Whatever you do, the romantic gestures should come out from your heart. It make it more special and unique! I could list a whole bunch of things for you, but it's not original it might not feel natural...you know what I mean? Actually, romantic things are all of the little things that you do. It's not the big things, but the little things that count! Good luck with it. I think that the most romantic things come from your heart, the kid that's inside of you. If you do the traditional romantic things, sometimes it gets stale. When you do things that come from your heart, it's more genuine and unique!

In my opnion, I think that she wants to be young and live out her college years. In other words, she's not looking to be tied down. It could be that she thinks that you are the right one, but just isn't ready yet, or it could be the opposite. College years are frustrating. I think they're constantly finding their own niche, what they want out of their life, so it's hard to distinguish when they are truly ready to settle and love just one person for life. The best thing that you could do right now is to communicate exactly what you tell us at enotalone! It seems like you truly care about her. If you are willing to go all out, then spill out everything that you need to say, and she could either take it or leave it. In any case, things will only work out for the best, don't lose hope! 8)

It sounds like she could still have feelings for you since she did mention that she wanted to hang out on your b-day, or she probably just see's you as a friend. It's hard to distinguish, but most often, if she wants to hang out with you, then chances are, she still has feelings for you. Talk to her. I mean call her, and see what happens. I wish you the best of luck!

It sounds like you will never truly get over with the condom inciddent. How can you ever trust him right?

Hmm...this story sounds similar...actually, the line itself sounds similar..."mabye, my brother took it"... It sounds very suspicious. If you're gut is telling you that somethings wrong, chances are, it is right. I've been in your situation before, my ex did the same thing, all except not all of the the comdom was missing. He threw away everything except for the edge of the wrapper. I confronted him, and he had the nerve to say that his brother probably brought his wife into his room to have...you know, well, it turns out, his brother's wife is too big to even fit through his door (the door to his room is pretty small), let alone, his brother hardly ever goes to his room. I'm really sorry to hear about your situation, but really look deep into your heart and ask yourself if you really need to be wtih this person, and if this person is meant for you, then why should you have to question his love for you right? If this relationship is causing you more grief, then maybe you are better off being single. There are plenty of guys out there, not just him, you just have to find the nice ones. I hope that this helps.

I really don't think that you are pregnant. Sometimes my breasts get really tender, especially before my period, and they blow up too! Unless if you are throwing up, if you are, then I would worry, but your symptoms seems to be common before a period (and yes, including the milky discharge)... If you're anxious, try e.p.t.

I know how you feel. I just had a recent death in the family, and a move. You never know what life is going to hit you with, but always try to prepare yourself for the next bigger stept. It's especially challenging during college, because you're trying to grow up and discover yourself! All I can say to you is to limit your time on AIM. Maybe, you shouldn't even turn on your computer until at least half of your homework is ready. To be honest, studying takes a lot of self-motivation and dedication. I usually admire the foreign exchange students. Theere's this one girl in my class, she has a heavy accent and is from China, English is her 2nd language, she can't even speak it, but she's the top student in our Bio class. Ouch! I don't even know how she does it, but people like her really amaze me! With studying for exams, I know this is a bad habit, but most college students usually cram the night before. I works for me. It's different from when you are in high school. You are forced to actually go to class all the time, and the teacher babysits you, makes sure that all work is done and complete. In high school, teachers basically hold your hand, and in college, you either sink or swim...so don't give up. Everyone has their own study skills, so do what works best for you. Good Luck!

My response to Blue Eyes: No, I don't wear tight revealing clothes. It's just that my clothes fit me well. It's form fitting. To also add to that, I don't even send the wrong messages to them, I'm usually very quiet, and polite. I'll say hi when they say hi. I'm curteous when they're curteous. Often times, they make me feel sick, especially when I get these weird looks from older men, it's disgusting. It makes me just want to run away and hide. That's another reason why I avoid social scenes like bars in general. (Maybe, I have some kind of social anxiety disorder or something.) To everyone in this forum Thank you so much for your posts. I guess you guys are right. I didn't realize it, but a lot of people my age don't really know exactly what they want. They run off doing pointless things like burn their money on: materialistic crap that doesn't even matter, alchohol, and cigarette's. I guess I really do know what I want, it's just peer pressure and mass media that forces young people to buy into this dellusional kind of lifestyle. Maybe, I should get rid of my cable t.v. and mtv all together! I don't ever watch it anyway. You guys really made my day...Thank You so much, ! It's really refreshing to hear that I'm not the only one who feels this way! In the meantime, I'll just sit back and croche a sweater...j/k, I'm not that boring!

To some extent, what your niece says is true. I always reflect on the guys who treated me the best. All though things didn't work out, even if I got dumped, I always take the good with the bad. The guys that stood out most, were always the ones that treated me right. Guys who I would cry and moap for b/c they played on me (and I'd go through phases like oh, he must be my soulmate), basically, guys who treated me like sh*t, I don't even think twice. If you feel like there's someone who you loved, and they hurt you, and you're thinking that they might still think about you, then you're right... It really depends on the person, but most often, people regret things, especially when bad karma gets them back...