AmikeA

I just don't get it. I always give off that "friend vibe". Its probably not something anyone here can even help me with, becuase its my personality, adn it would be impossible to pick it out. I treat girls with respect, I dont use corny lines on them, im honest, I compliment them, I am funny, and charming, and all around a great guy. Somehow this lands me in the friend zone every single time. I see the way alot of guys treat girls...it disgusts me... and girls fall all over them for it. It makes NO sense to me. Someone help me here, I have even considered changing myself... but I know thats a mistake. If I feel treating girls a certian way is wrong.. forcing myself to so it will only make me miserable. Perhapse I am just destined to have droves of best friends, but never find love.

I am just looking for understanding at this point. I know what I want for myself... but this just keeps nagging at me. I hate not being able to understand situations...call it a personal flaw. It eats away at me. She was also surprised that I was more into the relationship than her, even though she led me to believe she had stronger feelings than she did (or the complete opposite of that..argh). Again it just bothers me, as we were good friends for a couple years before this, and I certainly didn't expect this from her. I would like to regain the friendship eventually.. but i need to understand ...for myself.

OK where to begin... Gf dumped me 3 weeks ago now, saying she just didnt have stong enough feelings to continue. A few days later I received an email explaining how it wasn't that she didn't have strong enough feelings, but the complete opposite, and she wasn't ready for it right now etc etc. The next day she comes over after work and convinces me to take her back.. saying shes sorry she was just scared. A little over a week later she dumps me AGAIN, saying again that her feelings are not strong enough. I gave it a few days and contacted her, asking her to be truthful about everything. She told me she isnt in a position where she wants a boyfriend..shes very busy and is overwhelmed. And frankly that her feelings for me are gone. Does this make sense to anyone?

WOW I am in nearly the same situation man....its crazy. What I have decided to do, is to keep her at a distance for a while. I can't let go of her friendship.....well I dont want to. But I cant keep it while feeling like I do, or wondering how she does. She said alot of the same things to me as this girl did to you...it hurt when she began acting liek she never had feelings for me. It hurt alot. But I finally confronted her about it and she was finally honest, it made things easier. She doesn't want anyhting more than friendship with me now... and even that is up in the air in my opinion.... because she hurt me and should have more respect for my feelings if she values my friendship. I am dead tired, but will respond more in depth tomorrow. Goodluck.

only problem is we work together... every weekend. But aside from that...

hahaha, quite the discussion has taken place. Well we tlaked tonight, and I got alot off my chest. Basically she now understands that I need time. We also decided that when I am ready to be friends, that we sit down and talk about what we want from the friendship. We were friends for 2 years prior to dateing, being able to keep her in my life is important to me.

ok... I need advice. My GF dumped me yesterday..at work on sunday she seemed very distant, and would barely talk to me. Monday we met for lunch and she wouldn't even look at me. I asked her "ok, whats wrong" and she began to explain how she has so much on her plate right now, and she cant balance it all anymore. (which is very true) So basically we have broken up because she deosnt have time for our relationship... a fair reason. The part that gets me... that I cant understand is that she does not want to try this again. I told her we can pull back and just be friends until she gets things sorted out, that I would eb there etc, and she would ahve none of it. She said she couldnt even ahve that right now, that she needs to be completely alone. BUT... She wants/needs to stay friends with me. I tod ehr im not sure, that I cant just put my feelings aside and be friends, if i know there will never be a chance for us again. Because we never really had a relationship problem.. just a timing problem I would always be wondering what could have been. To be honest,I connected with this girl in a way that I havent been able to with anyone else, and although we were only together for a few months, I have very strong feelings for her, she made me (and told me that I made her) happier than I have ever been in my life. I dont understand why sh wouldnt want that again.

I am going to start this by saying I am crazy about this girl. None else has ever made me feel like this, or made me want to work so hard to make it...work. However, she makes me crazy. She cannot make up her damn mind. I have known her for a couple years, and always thought she was special, but it was never the right time. During the summer we began to hang out more frequently and exclusivly. Things developed and soon we had feelings for each other. But she was not ready. We agreed to keep hanging out as friends and see what happened. We goto the same college so distance during school wouldnt be a problem, however course loads, conflicting scheduals etc could have been. However things seemed to work out well, and we grew closer and closer, until we began seeing each other. As things developed we had in depth conversations along the way, so we knew where we both stood, and how we felt etc. We have develped a connection that I have with nobody else. I can talk to this girl about anything, any problems i have, any problems she has, and problems we have as a couple are easily resolved before they become anyhting to worry about. I have been understanding and patient and have let her basically go at her own pace. Knowing that she is the one who wasn't ready, I thought letter her make relationship decisions was the best move. But she is SO unsure of what she wants. With any other girl I would ahve given up loooong ago, but somthing keeps telling me to hold on, to be there, to basically put up with her But I am at my wits end with all of this. All I want is to be with her, but she is still reluctant to go into this. I wait because what we have, when we have it, I wouldnt trade for anyhting else, and it seems worth it. But I think I might just lose my mind here lol. I am not sure what kind of advice im looking for here exacttly, perhapse just a good vent is all I needed... can anyone relate to this?

*update* its been nearly 2 weeks since i posted the original thread. I decide to let things happen on their own, not to force anything. Anyhow after hangingh out a few more times thigs got closer and closer, until last night. We were watching a movie, and got pretty close, so i kissed her. We kissed a few times, and held each other for a while, then started to talk about what exactly is going on between us etc etc. However her ride arrived and she had to leave, so we are to resume the conversation today. It seems as if things might work out for the better here, but im not throwing all my dice in just yet.

I have been hanging out closely with this girl for about a month now. We have known each otehr for a couple years, but were never really close like we are now. Anyhow, once we began hanging out more closely she began sending me signs, signs that would lead anyone to believe there was more behind this. One day I asked her what was going on between us, and she told me she simply enjoyed hanging out with me, I was fun to be around etc, she was only looking for a friendship. Fair enough I think, except these signs do not stop, they actually become much stronger. She reciently was on vacation, the last thing she did before leaving was text message me saying goodbye, while on vacation she emailed me every day asking how things weer and telling me how much fun she was having, on her way home she text messaged me telling me she would be back in so many hours, and asking if we could hang out today. Just before she left we were at a party and there was some intence flirting, we almost...almost kissed.. but it was interrupted. However we were both pretty drunk so I cant look too much into this. Eitehr way, how am I supposed to look at this situation.

Sorry, let me rephrase that LOL Im not talking about brushing past people on the street/ in a bar, in a more intimate (for lack of a better word) setting. Looking at a book for example, if I were reading a book and showed a girl a certian page, and she leaned in to lookm, but in doing pushed her breasts into my shoulder, leg, arm, whatever, is it likely this was done on purpose? Haha, perhapse this is an impossible question to answer, its probably entirely contextual.

Her being in a group isnt nessisarily a bad thing, ideally someone you know would be part of the group, and you could easily be introduced to her. It would be an easy ice breaker. Another thng alot of guys do not seem to realise is girls notice how you interact with others. Your genuine personality shines though when you are not trying so hard to impress someone.

Perhapse this is a silly question, but its somethig I have always wondered and kinda a strange thing to bring up, even around my female friends. Ladies, how aware are you of your breasts? Meaning when you lean into someone, or push against them? Is it all about the situation? Could it go either way? If it seems to be in a flirtatious manner is it probably intended that way? etc etc...

I could honestly go either way with this. To me right now its nothing more than a friendship, if she wanted something more I would consider giving it a go, after talking some things over of course. However if shes just looking for a friendship I have no problem with that either. I just dont like being left in the dark wondering whats going on. I certainly dont jump at ever oppertunity to be with her, she invited me clubbing on the weekend and I said no, basically because I didn't know what to expect from it and didn't want to give/go in with the wrong idea. I also do not want to jeopardize a friendship by bringing the whole "mixed signals" topic up again. Especially so early. Part of me thinks that she does indeed want something more, but is afraid because she ended the relationship a couple of years ago. She may be embarrassed or just very hesitant about her feelings.... I dunno thats the best theory I have

I simply cannot figure this situation out. A few months ago my ex began working with me. Everything was going swell, it wasn't weird, and we were interacting like nothing ever happened between us. Then a few weeks ago I invited her to a party I was having... and things seemed to change. She became very flirty at work, and invited herself to go shopping with me for the party. She even asked if she could show up a few hours early, because she wasn't coming with anyone. Nothing happened at the party, well nothing serious, but from what im told we were with each otehr the entire night. She kept making excused to hang out with me, just to come over and watch tv, or even to come with me for a haircut. It got to the point where people at work noticed we were acting different around one another and I had several people ask me what was going on. I became cautious and straight up asked her what her intentions were. She said she just had fun hanging out with me, and said she was sorry if I had gotten the wrong idea or if she was sending the wrong signs. No biggie, we are both on the same page now I think, I have no problem being friends. However her signals did not stop, and if anyhtig became more apparent. She began calling me on her breaks, and text messaging me multiple times a day. My shift got changed at work and with it my social likfe became muddled, when Itold her of my boreing week she suggested we hang out. I suggested a movie, because I have been trying to see clerks 2 for a couple weeks now to no avail. However she had not seen the first and asked if she could come over and watch it a couple days beforehand. Keeing in mind she said she just wanted a friend to ahng out with, I had no intention of "making a move" on her. During the movie I sat on the opposite end of the loveseat, she turned herself sideways so her legs would make contact with my side. I ignored it, not wanting to take it the wrong way. Afterwards we played some videogames and she began flirting by hitting me when I was winning etc... Again I ignored it, not wanting to take it the wrong way. The night ended normally, but 10 mins after leaving my house she sent me a text message telling me how much fun she had and sayting she couldt wait to hang out thursady (today) Now I am left wondering what exactly is going on here, she is obviously sending me signs, wither intentionally or not, but she strongly denied she was looking for anythign more than friendship. I am going out with her in a couple hours and am left very, very confused. I have no problems just being friends with this girl, but it would be nice to know what exactly she is doing. Any takes on this?