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avman

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Everything posted by avman

  1. avman
    We did NOT say we lust after other women. Only that an attractive woman makes us look. Not leer, not stare, not drool, not imagine all kinds of things. Only look. Do not put words in our mouths.
  2. avman
    As hubman said, we simply can't help ourselves. Its biological. The fact that he might find another woman attractive does not mean he finds you unattractive, or finds her more attractive than you. Also it does not mean he has any intention on acting on his impulse. As a friend of mine was fond of saying "I'm married, not blind".
  3. avman
    See, prayers do work. God be praised.
  4. avman
    I guess I don't understand how you would "get her pregnant before she was ready". I mean, she's your wife and I'm assuming you didn't force sex upon her (you didn't - right?). Did you cut a hole in a condom or diaphram? Other than that I can't really understand the argument. But with that said, does she want the baby? If not (or even if she does) do you? If you do, you need to be getting ready emotionally and legally. Is there any chance she would go to counseling with you - even if she does not move back with you? You could ask her if she's willing to work out parenting arrangements via a counselor. Then perhaps that could turn into marital counseling. PM me if I can help.
  5. avman
    I wouldn't read too much into it. Sounds like a pleasant birthday greeting from a friend - nothing more.
  6. avman
    My utmost thoughts and prayers are with you both.
  7. avman
    How about renting a bigger vehicle for a week around the holidays? They have 8 person SUVs you could snag. Heck you could even rent a 15 passenger van. Then everybody fits, nobody has to be unsafe, and nobody is left behind. For a couple of hundred dollars or so you could have a memorable holiday.
  8. avman
    I think you've answered your own question. So if the bad won out over the good, then you really don't want this person in your life. You said you are happier without him in your life so I think that should really be telling you something. If you really can't make the decision right now, then don't. Wait for awhile and see what happens. In the meantime, don't necessarily turn down dates with others. Let things play out naturally and see what happens.
  9. avman
    Hi, Well first of all I would hope this guy is paying you support. Whether he is part of his childs life or not, he still must provide for his daughter. With that said, I understand you are in a tough spot. Its hard to be a single parent - no matter what the situation. Maybe you can go back to school - apply for scholarships and aid packages if your income is low or nonexistant. Many schools have childcare available for students while they are in class. Then you can be more prepared to land a better job. You would also have a chance to meet people in school and make some friends. Check out your neighborhood and see if there is a babysitting club. If there isn't, maybe you can start one. This is where people trade babysitting nights with each other instead of having to use cash. So if you babysit someone's child for a night you earn a credit. Then you can use that credit and they will babysit your child. You could then go out and have some fun! The babysitting club would be another good way to meet some people and make some friends (of any age). Do you belong to a church? Or have you been wanting to join one? Many churches have all sorts of programs for single parents. They help with childcare, put you in touch with job programs, host singles nights for people to get together, etc. I hope this helps.
  10. avman
    Well I'm going to go one step further than SwingFox and say you should NOT take him back. Sorry, but 3 weeks does not a sober person make. I'm sure you still care about him - so its fine to be really happy for him that he's getting his life together. And yet, you said you are not in-love with him so its also fine for you to be moving on with your own life. Tell him you are happy for him, but that you don't want to be together with him anymore. Sure he's all sweet and nice now, but don't forget the last 3 years of hell.
  11. avman
    Well, it depends. In most places that have no fault divorce, the fact that one partner has a new boyfriend makes virtually no difference to the court. They don't care - its "no fault". Yes there are some laws making adultery illegal, but they are rarely ever enforced. Now if there are children involved, thats a different story. A family court would be VERY interested if there is another relationship. If the relationship is healthy and neither person has any problems with the law, social services, etc then it won't matter. But if the new person is a poor influence on the children, it definitely would have an effect on custody.
  12. avman
    Call your doctor right away and tell them your symptoms. Some medications have nasty side effects for some people and it looks like you may have uncovered one. They can switch you to a different medication or combine what you are taking with an anti-anxiety medication. You had what sounds like a nasty panic attack and you shouldn't let those go unchecked.
  13. avman
    Were you wrong for leaving - no I don't think so. As you said, you can't handle seeing her just yet so its best that you don't. Is your mind being your own worst enemy - well yes of course. After all, your ex isn't letting the breakup slow her down and probably isn't spending any sleepless nights thinking about it. So why should you? That's so easy to say, and so hard to live. Eventually you will get to the point where you can see her again. But that will be after you move on and no longer have those feelings for her. Be strong, you will be fine.
  14. avman
    It must be really tough for you to be in this situation. I'd sure hate to see you leave your partner over his daughter. But of course you cannot ask him to choose between you and his stepdaughter because you would lose. Ultimately I guess you have to do what will ultimately make you happy. I think we all have members of our family we can't stand. But this may be more than a mere annoyance. The stepdaughter might be deliberately trying to ruin your relationship to have her 'daddy' all to herself. And I don't think the sitting on the lap mostly naked is ok. Not at age 21. Have a serious heart to heart talk with your partner. Tell him what you can and what you cannot tolerate. Maybe there is a way you can compromise. But its ok to tell him if things stay the way they are you just don't see the relationship working out. Maybe that will jolt him into a realization about what is happening. I wish you the best with this tough situation.
  15. avman
    Take her and take lots of pictures. I always took the kids out when they were young. Just bundle her up good and go to a few houses that you know. Then eat the candy yourself! Yum!
  16. avman
    Well you can take out some loans and repay them over time. There is also tax write-off for continuing education but your income might be too high to qualify for that. What about negotiating with your employer to pay a part of your schooling? You could search for scholarships that might apply to you - some of them are not based on need.
  17. avman
    How about taking your friend out to a spa and get the whole treatment. Facial, massage, nails, the works. Pamper her a bit. It might make her feel really good. Maybe help her to find a good counselor to help her long term. Fix her a really nice meal, bring it over, and have dinner with her. Ultimately there isn't anything you can do to fix the situation - all you can do is support your friend and let her know life isn't over.
  18. avman

    The pill

    avman replied to smiley_turtle's topic in Pregnancy

    If you are 18 you can make a doctor's appointment and get the birth control pills and they cannot tell your parents. Your privacy is guaranteed since you are an adult now. HOWEVER, if you are using your parents insurance they will get a report from the insurance company for all doctors visits. And it may detail the services provided (they usually do a pregnancy test before they give you birth control pills). You could cover the story saying you needed a gyno visit due to a problem (yeast infection works great) and they wanted to rule out a pregnancy even though you told them it was impossible. Just be aware they might be alerted that you saw a doctor even though the doctor wasn't the one that told them.
  19. avman
    I agree with Gilgamesh, something is very fishy although divorce might be too drastic at this point. You mentioned being on active deployment and thats really tough on the spouse. That doesn't justify what she did, but I can see where having you gone for LONG periods would make her think. Its time for a serious talk and some serious counseling to determine if the relationship is worth saving. Do YOU want to save it? I didn't hear you say that you still loved her. One suggestion, get your own accounts and credit cards and close the joint ones. That will head off the "she took all the money and ran off with the other guy" problem. Getting that money back is nearly impossible and you have already seen signs of a potential problem there.
  20. avman
    I think there is a line between anger and violence. Unfortunately there are those who cannot distinguish between the two and say they are being "angry" when in fact they are being violent and out of control. Getting angry is totally normal and releasing angry feelings is necessary for a person to be healthy in my opinion. How you do that is another matter entirely. While screaming at someone, calling them every nasty name you can think of and then making up some more, plotting revenge on them, may make YOU feel better, it isn't constructive because the person you are mad at will just dismiss you as out of control. However, going to a person and telling them "I'm angry at you because of this and that" is much more constructive because they will probably listen (some won't, but most will). But you have to remain in control of yourself. Its fine to say everything thats on your mind, but once you start yelling at them you are wasting your time. I guess I'm saying, what are you trying to accomplish? If its making yourself feel better and releasing feelings then thats what we have friends for. Hitting heavy bags also helps. If you are trying to make the other person see the error of their ways, well then that calls for a bit more constructive effort.
  21. avman
    Sounds like its time to do a "friend purge". She makes you feel bad, ignores you, doesn't spend time with you, dumps her anger on you. Gee with friends like that who needs enemies? If she's not even willing to tell you whats going on, send her on her way. Go get a better friend who actually gives instead of just takes. Maybe she'll come to her senses and talk to you. And if not, you're way better off without her. Friends are supposed to be GOOD things!
  22. avman
    Woo hoo! Happy dance time!!
  23. avman

    pregnancy tests

    avman replied to musicguy's topic in Pregnancy

    Lots of pregnancy tests claim they are accurate the first day after a missed period. But two weeks is certainly enough time. It is probably accurate. I'm so sorry. She needs to tell the police this.
  24. avman
    *pops the champagne cork* Congrats! We are all so very happy for you. Hopefully she is not pregnant but that can be dealt with when the time comes.
  25. avman
    Hey there. I'm a little confused. Are you saying you don't want him seeing his best friend anymore? Or do they go weightlifting every night and leave you behind? I don't think there is anything wrong with him wanting to spend some time with his best friend. And maybe that doesn't include you. But he should agree to some sort of limitation on this - like once a week or something. I don't think its realistic for you to expect him to drop his best friend from his life. I am guessing at this, but I suspect he has known his friend longer than he has known you. He can still put you first in his life, and yet want a little time for himself and his best friend. You mention "all this baggage" but this one issue doesn't seem like a lot of baggage to me. Is there something else? You're going to have to trust him when he turns 21. I would be hard pressed to believe he's never been drinking before and if he's not cheated on you then, why would he do so now? You are sending out a lot of 'insecurity' vibes to me and I'm wondering if there isn't something else behind all this that is making you nervous...
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