avman

I'm with Turboz on this one. Yes I know you swear he would never show the pics or video to someone else. Well what happens if you two break up? Don't say it can never happen, because it can. Those pictures or videos could surface anywhere, at any time. Lots of people have lived to regret doing something like that years later. Let him enjoy you in person. Pics and videos are no substitute for the real thing.

Well it doesn't sound like you can stop the divorce. I mean, if thats what she wants and refuses to discuss things with you then thats what is going to happen. Now as far as custody goes and being a father to your son, that is within your control. Joint physical custody means that you basically split the time equally (or fairly equally) that your son spends with you. He could stay with you for two weeks a month and with them two weeks a month. Or three nights a week with you and four with them. Or whatever the two of you can agree to. You CAN be the father you want to. You CAN specify that she cannot move more than a certain distance away in the divorce/custody agreement. And if she tries to move and uproot your son from everything he knows then maybe you should fight for sole custody. In any case get that custody agreement in writing. And then live up to it. Spend every moment that the agreement lets you with your child. And spend more if you can. Tell her that you want the "right of first refusal" if she cannot care for your son. That means she's gotta call you instead of a sitter. The boyfriend will NOT be your son's father. YOU ARE. Heck the boyfriend might be gone tomorrow. But you are always his father. Be there for him. You can still do everything with your son that you want to do. If you don't have a good family law attorney, go get one right now. You are going to need it. Make sure its one who will fight for your rights and who is a good custody negotiator. If the lawyer says you are screwed, go find another lawyer. ANd hang in there.

Oh nobody is saying its easy, or that you can do it at the drop of a hat. That couldn't be further from the truth. We are just saying it because its really the only option within your control. And other options (like obsessing over her, stalking her, begging her to come back, etc) are just unhealthy for you. Counseling is a great idea. It will help you cope with things and eventually realize that your life isn't over. I know it seems like it now, as things are laying in ashes around you and your dreams are destroyed. However you will heal. We are all here to help, as are your friends that you are going out with. A piece of you might always love her. And thats perfectly ok. It just won't consume your every thought like it does right now. Eventually other things will fill in the holes in your heart. But as Mar said, it will take time. Thats the hard part. That time can't pass quick enough. Just take it a day at a time. Tell yourself you just need to make it through to tomorrow. And eventually, the time will pass.

Well no, I think obviously she wants to be loved by somebody else and not you. Or else, like you said, she would come back. Sorry to be blunt, but that seems to be what is happening. She is no longer your responsibility. Nor should you be worrying about what she is doing. You can't "make her see" anything. She isn't going to listen. She will have to find out things for herself. The more you try to hang on the easier she will slip away. Let go, for your own sake.

Its pretty normal for people to head in a different direction once they get to college. They know more, they've learned some things about themselves, and they are allowed to make decisions now where before college their choices were more limited. If he's putting you down and making you feel bad about yourself, then its time to get out of the relationship. Its fine to admit that you still love him. But you also have to see that its just not going the right way anymore. Wish him well, and send him on his way.

Music Stuff for our cars Practical stuff that we will never buy for ourselves - like wallets, key chains, calendars, etc. Flowers - I had a girl send me a single red rose once. Its the only time anyone ever sent me flowers and I still remember it. Sounds sappy but I loved it.

I sent you a PM. Do not let her win this way. You are going to show her she made the right choice by dumping you. And you know she made a mistake. When I stood over the grave of my sister-in-law 4 years ago it was an absolutely beautiful fall day. She too decided it wasn't worth it and committed suicide leaving behind 3 young children and a devastated husband. I didn't feel pity for her - I was angry. I stared down into that hole and said "How could anyone choose this stupid hole over this glorious day that God created for us". I don't even know what to say now. Read the PM. Please call for help. And I will pray for you because I don't know what else to do.

You have to wean off this drug SLOWLY and with your doctors help. Your body has become used to this drug and you will suffer horribly from withdrawal if you just stop taking it. Talk to your doctor. He/she will give you a schedule for slowly decreasing your dosage over time. I've had to do this with Celexa and I'm down to 1/2 a pill every other day now (It was 3 pills per day). I haven't suffered any ill effects from this and hopefully within another month or so I'll be off the drug for good. And don't worry about it stopping you from becoming a police officer. I'm willing to bet it won't make a difference as long as you are stable while on the drug. Now if you stop taking it and become unstable as a result - well thats a totally different story.

You seem like an extremely intelligent and mature young man. I think you've laid it all on the line pretty eloquently. I wish I could tell you how to resolve everything without heartbreak. Unfortunately I just don't see a way. Its possible that both of you may find someone new at nearly the same time and that you will both naturally just drift apart. The problem comes when one person finds someone and the other doesn't. The one left out is the one who gets really hurt. You are both really young and you may really be missing out on a lot by forcing yourselves not to date anyone else. Like you've said, once you've had a taste of what it is like to be with someone instead of 1000 miles away there just is no substitute. If you both were older and could make the decision to go and be with each other it would be a different story. Right now though, you are just in an impossible situation. I would advise you to see other people. I know things may turn out badly in your long distance relationship but its probably best for both of you. And who knows, years down the line if neither of you have found anyone that is right maybe you could try the relationship again. The timing is just wrong right now and its nobody's fault. Good luck to you.

I understand. When my father died my whole world collapsed. He was my hero and the one I would go to for advice and help. I felt completely numb for months and really didn't care much about anything. Yes it does get better - but not for awhile. Your friends may not understand, but they are trying to help in the only way they know how. Most of them probably have never faced anything like this and it scares them. Is there a counselor you can talk to at school? One you trust? They may be able to recommend someone else if you'd rather not see a school counselor. Its totally fine to want to talk to someone. Obviously your family isn't someplace you can turn, but there are others who will listen. This board has some wonderful people on it that can help also. It took me a year before I felt a lot better and didn't think of my dad every day. Lots of lousy days with crying, anger, frustration, fear, etc. But I got through it with the help of my friends, a good counselor, and faith. And so can you. PM me if you need to talk. Hang in there. Its going to be rough for awhile.

I agree with Dream. Money cannot buy happiness (comfort maybe, but not happiness). There are plenty of good men out there. You deserve better. You think you will be lonely if you leave - but in reality you'll be lonely if you stay because he's out there cheating on you and you know it.

Well, you can't MAKE him stop if he doesn't want to. However you can certainly tell him that it bothers you. If it upsets you, I think you should talk to him about it. It sounds like you care about him a lot and thats what people do when they care about each other. He may stop. He might not. You'll have to decide what that means to you once he makes that decision. But by not talking about it it will just make you resentful and angry.

Hey now. Please calm down. You know your fiancee is still shook up after what happened. You may have overreacted a bit to her new guy friend. After all, she was all set to move down to be with you - right? If thats still the plan then you have nothing to worry about. You owe her an apology - big time. You still love her a lot and I'll bet she loves you too. How about a dozen red roses sent to her (or whatever is affordable) together with a card that says "Please forgive me for being an idiot. I love you and can't wait to spend our lives together." Be strong for her. Don't flip out right now, she needs you to be her rock. Admit you overreacted and she will come back - I just know it. PM me if i can help.

I agree with ShyGuy. You have been used my friend. You filled the classic 'rebound' position and made her feel great about herself, loved her, and gave her strength. Now that she has all those things, she doesn't need you anymore. So sorry this has happened to you. But time to tell this woman 'up yours'. She has moved on to guy #2 and won't give you any attention or meet your needs. You have become a doormat to her and you deserve better.

I understand this must be very difficult for you. However, in a way, you have an advantage in that there are professionals investigating the situation for you. You just have to sit back and wait for the results. All is probably not as it seems on the surface. My brother was once charged with battery. As it turns out, the battery was actually committed by the other person against him. The police couldn't sort it all out at the scene so they charged them both and let the court decide. It was really tough on him and he was completely innocent. Hang in there.

Hi there, These feelings are all completely normal. Anytime there is a major change in your life (job change, moving, divorce, breakup, new relationship, etc) it can cause enough stress for your mind to begin working overtime. You start peppering yourself with questions and none of them are easy to answer. Fortunately, none of these questions need immediate answers so you can take your time and explore them as you want to. Enjoy your success - you've earned it. I know you feel there are still many things in your life that are lacking, but they don't have to get fixed tomorrow. Get settled in your new job first. Learn the routine. Figure out what they expect. Don't try to tackle all the other stuff that is worrying you. You will just get overwhelmed (as you are already experiencing). Once you've been at the job for awhile, if you still have some things you'd like to work on then deal with it then. For now, I think the new job is more than enough on your plate. And CONGRATS on the new position!

You should not call this person or this witness. You can only hurt the case and cannot help it. While I don't think it is outright illegal to call - what if they claim you threatened them? How would you prove you didn't? They would trace the phone records and find out you did indeed contact them. Then you could also be charged with a crime and/or a civil suit. You have no legitimate reason to contact them. STAY OUT OF THE CASE for sure. Whether to believe the report or not - well thats difficult. Its likely that the truth lies somewhere between what she is saying and what your husband is saying. Let things get sorted out in court. Once things are investigated you may find out more information and then you can decide if your husband is telling the truth or not.

I know you don't want to hurt him, but you are going to have to be firm and tell him he cannot talk to you anymore. As long as you show him even a glimmer of hope that you might come back to him, he'll probably keep it up. This is an interesting post since there are several here from people in the position of your ex. They want to know if they should be persistent in trying to get their ex to come back. Many people tell them yes. So its interesting to see it from your point of view. You seem like a nice person and you don't want to tell him to get lost - but you just want to move on. He's going to get hurt, no matter what you do. Make it as quick as possible, rather than drawing out the pain. Then he can get on with his healing process and hopefully find happiness.

I agree with Sphinx - see a therapist. If you get more comfortable with yourself and are not so insecure then it won't bother you as much when your boyfriend talks to somebody else. You'll know he is yours and you are great.

I don't know what you would really sue her for. Perjury is a criminal offense, not a civil one. You would have to get the district attorney to prosecute and they almost never do for perjury. Its too difficult to prove the case. I hate to say it, but people lie in court ALL THE TIME. If everyone told the truth our justice system would work great. Every case would be decided on its true merits. Instead everyone lies. The parties lie, the lawyers lie, the witnesses lie. It becomes a case of trying to figure out who is telling the truth. So bad things happen to good people all the time because they go up against someone who is a good lier. Don't contact this woman again. Ever. If she tries to contact you then give her your lawyers number. Then start your healing process - without her around. Otherwise, as you've already seen, if you go up against her you are going to get screwed. She is an evil lier. Keep telling yourself that over and over.

I think you've already answered your own questions. You found a girl that seems interesting. You want to move on with your life. I know you don't want to hurt your ex but you've already broken up. Its perfectly ok to be moving on.

Have you been childish? - well, yes Have you done the right thing for you? - yes It was really good for you to get out of a bad situation like that. However you could have at least told her what you were going to do. That would have given her time to buy her own stuff and be prepared. And you should probably answer the phone calls. Yes its a pain and she'll want to yell at you but tell her you aren't listening to that and just want to talk about winding things up. After that, then there is no need to talk to her again since everything is settled. And you can be wonderfully happy and free!

Well they usually recommend using an alternate form of birth control the first month or so just to be safe. The chances are the pill is working just fine though. If you really want to be sure then take a pregnancy test from the drugstore. You can take it now, it should be accurate since you said its been a month since you first had unprotected sex. Thats the way to find out for sure so you can relax.

Well it sounds like the two of you are doing very well considering the circumstances. You seem to be doing all the right things and trying to make things better for her. She is lucky to have you.

Hi there. I remember your previous posts. Realize that after what she has been through she is very traumatized (sp?). If she told you this is what she wants and this is what you want too you might need to really help her with things. Can she take the graduation test down there? Maybe she doesn't have to wait 7 months. Maybe she needs you to do some checking for her to help out. Ask her how you can help. She feels unsafe (understandable under the circumstances) and may need you to shield her from things for a little while. I know you don't want to control her and that is very admirable. But you may need to take the lead on some things temporarily - I wouldn't call that 'controlling'. Hopefully I didn't confuse things even more.