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Honey Pumpkin

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Everything posted by Honey Pumpkin

  1. Honey Pumpkin
    Is it me, or am I missing the point about why you guys split up? Eh? You didn't do anything, unless there was groping or something. I'm baffled about that whole deal with cheating - I don't quite understand what the deal is. Sorry - I think you should speak to him and have a bash at sorting this all out. Seems silly to split up when nothing happened.
  2. Honey Pumpkin
    Well, I'm 34 and I've just spent a good half day thinking about my goals and resolutions for 2007!! Seriously, do you think there will come a time when you sit back, pat your stomach and sigh in contentment that you are 'done'? Life is a learning curve, we all have choices to make and our own path to walk. It sounds like you're doing an amazing job by analysing yourself and what you want from life. My only tip would be to make your goals specific and achievable, as well as longer-term ones. You want to travel? Well, what can you do in the first six months of 2007 that you can afford and want to do? Be specific and plan how you're going to do it. Vague dreams are lovely, but if they're too vague they will stay just dreams. I have always firmly believed that if you want something badly enough, you can achieve it. You just have to break it down into small, manageable chunks so that you can work out how you are actually going to do it. Goodl uck!
  3. Honey Pumpkin
    Okay, well you sent it - that's fine. You've got your feelings out there, and that's your closure. But that has to be it. I know it's painful and hard and horrible, but you have to dig deep and find in yourself the strength to move on now. There are loads of good tips on this forum about what to do when you've been dumped and it hurts so badly that you can't begin to think of a time when it will end. My remedy is to take it day by day, hour by hour, or when it's really bad, minute by minute. Try to live in the present for now - not the past or thinking of the future without him. Keep yourself busy and refuse to allow yourself to brood (easier said than done). It does get easier, honest. It takes time, but each day it will ease a little bit. Keep posting, vent your feelings here! And DON'T CONTACT HIM!!!! Good luck.
  4. Honey Pumpkin
    Sounds like you've had a terrific year! I like the yearly stocktakes, they help me to focus and think of the things that I want to do next. You sound awfully down on yourself, when logically you know that you have had an amazing year. Don't be so hard on yourself - you would be horrified if you treated a friend they way you treat yourself. Maybe that should be something for you to think about, being kinder and more positive about all the great things you've done? If you can achieve so much in 12 short months, you can do anything you want. The trick is to work out what it is. You sound depressed to me - sorry that I don't know more about your background, but clearly you've had a rough ride and made it through the year with an awful lot to show for it. Do you feel like this most of the time (tired and fed up) or is this a blip? I'm sorry, I'm not being much help here. I just wanted to say that I think you're doing really well, and try to be a little kinder about yourself - less harsh and judgemental. We all think you've done great!
  5. Honey Pumpkin
    I would go and see a doctor to get it checked out. Bites always take forever to heal on me too, and marks. Vitamin E works - either buy the fancy bottle, or pierce a Vit E capsule and rub that in. Vitamin C too. Exfoliate and moisturise. But it could be poor circulation too if you're overweight - seriously, get it checked out just to be on the safe side.
  6. Honey Pumpkin
    Two weeks is not a long time to get over someone. You're feeling perfectly normal feelings, of rage, anger, wanting to get back at him. And somehow this time of year magnifies it all, makes it worse. But as the other posters say, he chose to carry on seeing a married woman. He is in for a world of pain there. Be kind to yourself. Plan things to do - no matter how small, so that you are out and about. Go out with friends, go to a movie, pamper yourself, go for walks, to an art gallery etc. Draw up a list of things to do, and make yourself do them. Keep busy. Call on friends to support you. This WILL pass. It feels lousy now, but it will ease. He is so not worth your time or pain.
  7. Honey Pumpkin
    Yep, he fancies the pants off you (unless he was drunk - was he drunk???)
  8. Honey Pumpkin
    Hi there, Erm, I'm not sure about this one. I've been in clubs with a hysterically sobbing girl, and it does do my head in a bit, because clubs are about having a good time and dancing. If it's not for you, maybe just don't go? What are your infamous moods? I like dancing, and I can see that your boyfriend should have thought about you. But if you're dancing and someone doesn't want to - doesn't seem like the end of the world to me to assume you're okay not dancing for a while. Certainly not enough to trigger a bit of a breakdown and sobbing in the loos and over complete strangers. Sorry, that's a bit harsh of me, but I can see why his friends weren't that bothered, especially if this is something you do a lot. Maybe talk to him about it when you're both at home and sober, and you can explain to him how you felt, so he can understand. The drinking thing - well, I'm from the UK and I understand that attitude. I don't LIKE it, but it's certainly a cultural thing, isn't it? Maybe you need to work on developing your own friends, so you feel less reliant on his?
  9. Honey Pumpkin
    Did you break up with him because he was unfaithful? I'm not sure, and that would affect the response I would give.
  10. Honey Pumpkin
    I didn't like it exactly - and it doesn't always work. BUT - I don't know, it's quite good for telling you not to be a sap, wise up and move on. I thought it was a bit one-dimensional, because everyone is different. But I liked the basic message of not being a doormat
  11. Honey Pumpkin
    Just to say that it's harsh if she's not responded - BUT I have received texts that were sent to me a week late over the last couple of weeks; I went north and my texts were all over the place. Sometimes I sent a message, and just the blank text were sent about three days later. So I would try giving her a ring, just because of my own experience with messages not getting through. Although it might not be that. Oh, and I've also deleted text messages accidentally without opening them - not even knowing who sent them...my phone is much faster than I am!
  12. Honey Pumpkin
    Best revenge is living your life well - I know that sounds a bit trite, but honestly, you can't rely on other people to apologise or acknowledge what they've done wrong; and if you focus on it too much, you end up being bitter and living in the past. I'm sorry you're hurting right now - take a deep breath, get through the holiday season, then think: 2007 - new year, new start. Forget about her, she has to live with not being a very nice person.
  13. Honey Pumpkin
    I think it's a nice email, and I think you should cut and paste it in your journal, because it's well written and sums up how you feel about the ending of the relationship. But I don't think you should send it. Because I think there is a tiny, tiny little bit of you that is expecting a response to this email - and if he doesn't answer, or says 'gee thanks, sara, that was nice, have a nice life, bye!', you will feel terrible. Because you have put a little bit of your heart and soul out there again, and I don't think you want it to be ignored or just have a pat little email back and then nothing. The advice I always give (and have been thanked MANY times for!) is to not send that email tonight or tomorrow. Put it in your draft box, and leave it. If you still feel strongly on, say January 10th or end of January, that you really want to send it and it's important to you to say this one last time, then maybe reconsider. But don't send it now, you will end up being hurt by it. Take care.
  14. Honey Pumpkin
    I have veeeeeeeeeeery sensitive skin, so no stubble or I get scratched to pieces, and end up deeply unhappy!
  15. Honey Pumpkin
    Hi there, Need a little bit more information to be able to comment - is this an online fling? Have you met the guy/girl? Have you had a row? Just a bit more context, please!
  16. Honey Pumpkin
    Hi Juliana, I don't quite understand what you're saying here fully - but I think you're saying that when someone says you did something you haven't (lying, stealing, being selfish), rather than defend yourself or argue the point, you switch off completely from the person, which makes it seem as though you have done whatever it is they're saying, because you're not engaging with them? Forgive me if I haven't got that right. Well, would a pre-prepared speech help in those circumstances? Something brief, like "I find this difficult to talk about right now because of my condition. But can I get back to you when I've had a chance to refocus?". Just something to give you a bit of breathing space? Also maybe have good friends/family you always call in those circumstances? Sorry, it's not an area I know much about - I can see how it would be very threatening for you to feel that you might be falsely accused of something and unable to refute the allegations.
  17. Honey Pumpkin
    Hey Jaffa, You're in the UK, right? If not, let me know. There are people out there who can help you, and help you right now. I'm in Scotland, but you might want to try out the following in the first instance: Doctor - always worth a shot, they are good at referring on; and given that you're 17, should be confidential Social work department Samaritans: In the UK dial 08457 90 90 90, for the cost of a local call. In the Republic of Ireland dial 1850 60 90 90, for the cost of a local call. They are fantastic when you feel alone: "If you phone, email or visit us we will will not judge you or tell you what to do. We might ask you how you are feeling and invite you to talk about your feelings. We give you the time and space that you need to talk if you want to" Childline: "ChildLine is the free helpline for children and young people in the UK. Children and young people can call us on 0800 1111 to talk about any problem – our counsellors are always here to help you sort it out." The NSPCC say that a child/young person is being abused if they are: frequently dirty, hungry or inadequately dressed left in unsafe situations or without medical attention constantly "put down", insulted, sworn at or humiliated seems afraid of parents or carers severely bruised or injured displays sexual behaviour which doesn't seem appropriate for their age growing up in a home where there is domestic violence living with parents or carers involved in serious drug or alcohol abuse I think you should call Childline in the first instance, because they WILL be able to advise you in an expert and competent fashion. There are loads of other agencies that can also help. Keep posting - PM me if you want; I'm away tomorrow until Wednesday, but I will do my best to check in tomorrow am before I go. Take care
  18. Honey Pumpkin
    Just read this through - sorry, my advice would be to move on. You are so invested in someone that you haven't even met, and you're very young. If you can be friends, then fine, carry on as you are. But what if you spend years longing for him, yearning for him etc, and then when you're 22 you finally meet up only to find that there is no spark at all between you? I'm sorry, I really am - I just think it's too complicated.
  19. Honey Pumpkin
    Hey, there, sorry I thought you meant you had applied for LOADS of jobs!! Five applications is just not a lot, you would be very lucky to have got a job from that, to be honest. You need to do one rubbish job to get you started, you know...because it's a horrible fact that employers like to employ someone who has worked before. I've done a fair amount of recruitment, and one of the things we look for: Reliability - will this person TURN UP? Are they punctual, reliable, dependable Team player - good, easy-going personality - will they fit in to a team? Will they work well with the public? Do they have any 'side'? Hard working - speaks for itself Flexible - more than a jobsworth Capable etc etc If you're really stuck, volunteer work answers these questions, and gets you references that will get a foot in the doorway for you. Good luck! Remember, looking for a job is almost a job in itself.
  20. Honey Pumpkin
    Agree with the above posters, say firmly 'I want you to be comfortable, I think the couch is the best seat in here.' And then just steer them firmly to where they should sit. I know what you mean, but I think you have to be thoughtful and clear - you're the hostess, you can put them where they will be the most comfortable, doing it lightly and delicately.
  21. Honey Pumpkin
    Maybe it's for her, rather than for men?
  22. Honey Pumpkin
    Teasing is a way (to me) of showing affection; I grew up with an older brother, who teased me mercilessly when I was growing up. And although I was the focus of the jokes, they WERE funny. So I learned to laugh at myself, which is no bad thing if you ask me. I don't know, I find teasing (gently) funny. It's something to do with affection and knowing someone likes you.
  23. Honey Pumpkin
    Sorry, Laura, if he *does* respond to you hitting on him, then he does it every year to his female students. If he *doesn't* respond (more likely) you'll just feel hideously embarrassed and upset. Just leave it - a couple of my friends are lecturers here in the UK, and their students hit on them all the time. They never do anything about it (I think it's the sleazier ones that do), and just accept it as a hazard of the job. You won't be the first girl to hit on him, nor will you be the last.
  24. Honey Pumpkin
    Well, it's not a good sign, is it? But maybe thoughtless rather than anything else. Hmmm. Or maybe trying to share interests? Sorry, I would be a bit miffed, but I suppose we do buy presents for others that we would love ourselves - I'm forever buying VERY expensive candles for people, who are baffled at why I would spend £30 on a candle, lol
  25. Honey Pumpkin
    I can't see what contact over Christmas achieves - it's a way of contacting someone, sure, but there is so much nostalgia over the holiday period that I woudn't trust any texts/cards/phone calls, from either side. So many posts have been here about this issue - I think it's a time that brings these emotions to the surface. Better to carry on with No Contact, and see how you feel in January.
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