Honey Pumpkin

I don't know - I can understand your feelings, but this happened with me with a very good friend of mine. I think basically we got our timings wrong. He fancied me, and I didn't notice/wasn't ready; I fancied him, he'd moved on/found someone else. We stayed as very good friends, and I value his friendship SO much. But there is a niggle with me, even years later, that I missed the boat. I don't know - if he's telling you about someone else that he fancies, it's not a good sign. Okay, time for the old tried and tested Honey Pumpkin approach - go out, drink, turn the conversation to each other if you can do it ("we'd be PERFECT for each other etc") - or else launch yourself at him, and see if he snogs you back!! And then claim to not remember anything the next day if he knocks you back!! Tricky one - try to get an intimate night out, and treat it like a date. See if he responds or if he sees you as a great friend. Good luck!

I wonder if your friend is gay? This happened to me with a friend of mine, who was VERY similar. I asked him twice (which took a LOT of courage!), and he was sort of 'no', but not offended. Then a few years later when he was about thirty he came out to me. He's now REALLY happy with a chap, and has been with him for years. The thing with the strippers could just be a diversion, you know. Could you gently try asking him, making it absolutely clear that if he is gay, that's fine with you and you just care about him? (Harder if you're a bloke, I know). Just a thought - you sound like a really good friend. We all need great friends, who care about our happiness!

Maybe he sees 'girlfriend' as having too many connotations, like being an official person in his life? I know a lot of people veer away from that early on, because it's too much pressure. Too many expectations, like an announcement? Tough though.

Don't do it if you have a cold sore! (I tend to get them when I have a cold) - you will give him herpes that way:

I think the saying works, but you can't see it at the time. I can relate it most closely to when someone you love dies - that the pain is terrible, but you wouldn't give up the pain if you had to give up the memories as well. I'm sorry you're in pain right now - the reason he gave for breaking up sounds particularly heartless to me, and I can understand why you feel so awful right now. ((hugs))

That's sound really difficult. I think people are scared of things they don't understand - illness, death, upsetting life events. And they protect themselves by avoiding awkward issues. I don't know, if these are good friends how about an open and honest conversation with them, telling them that no matter what, you need them to be honest and open with you, and that you can deal? Give them the benefit of the doubt, and tell them how you're feeling. Good luck!

I know what you mean - I get confused by that too; that someone will call or text, but when I respond will back right off. I'm not sure what it's about, it feels like playing games, whether consciously or not. Horrible, though, isn't it?

Hi there, You sound like a typical teenager in many ways to me - you feel alienated, superior, and misunderstood not trying to downplay your pain here, but your circumstances and life are not as unique as you think. It's a different way to some teenagers, but it's definitely normal. I don't know, there were a few things that struck me when I read through your post. First of all, don't worry, chill out, relax, stop over-analysing was the first thought. The second thought was that you don't have to accept the way that you are without thought. For instance, you wrote: I mean, that's not a lovable trait, and also it's not as if you HAVE to be like that - you do have choices, and the reason that you don't have friends and fight with your family is directly linked to your superior attitude. It's not likeable, but equally you don't have to be like that, it's not genetic, it's your choice. Maybe try taking on board other things, try other ways of behaving. Someone who was truly intelligent (or machiavellian!) would realise that behaving like this was not an effective way to be, because it means that you DON'T get your own way! I think this paragraph made you seem very young to me, to be honest. Because being intelligent at school, having a high IQ - that's fine. But firstly you should realise that when you leave the small pond of high school behind, you won't be such a big deal any more. You will meet people smarter and stupider than you, it's not about your IQ and saying 'I'm highly intelligent', it's what you do with your potential. And you need to reach out to people, take advantage of where you are, and decide what you want to be in life, who you want to be. As I say, you have choices and it's up to you to decide. But my first point stands - you do sound like an incredibly normal teenager, down to the alienation, superior complex and the 'no one understands me' lines.... Good luck!

I don't know - it could be just that she was in a chatty, nostalgic mood and wanted to share a moment with you. Or a bit drunk, if it was one in the morning. I wouldn't read that much into it, to be honest. Are you hoping to get back together? I don't think it's that significant, although it might be. Maybe see if she contacts you again? Good luck!

Hi Kellbell, That place sounds dreadful! I've been very lucky, I guess, because it wasn't that bad, and I feel quite shocked, lol. A sheltered life. That's it exactly - it's weird to be the focus of someone else's undivided attention! But like I said, I had the best evening last night with a gorgeous, funny, attentive man, and just spent the whole time laughing and having a great time. I mean, why would anyone want to sit in a corner being a cow about someone else's life, rather than have a great life of their own. Thanks for sharing, you're all making it seem less weird by the post!!

I suppose I've been really lucky and not come accross it too often. I just wish people would realise that that the sour little expression on their face as they're slagging someone off - it doesn't draw people to you! Oh well, thanks everyone for letting me vent - see, over it already, lol!

Don't know about that - but I do know that I would never ever try to exclude someone. I would be so ashamed of myself if I behaved like that!! I just find it odd that people revel in behaving badly - I always assume everyone's like me, and trying to do the best they can. I'm not saying I get it right, I mess it up all the time!!, but I feel bad if I'm being a cow. I can't understand why you would sit there and be horrible with a pal, it's just so weird!

Well, like I said, I haven't come accross anyone doing that for YEARS, it was really disconcerting. If I had been feeling 'off' or less confident, or didn't have good friends there, I could have felt rubbish. Why are people like that??? Genuinely baffled, but there you go. I can't see why they'd be jealous though. Although it was quite good to see how sour they looked!! See, now I'm getting horrible in turn, and I *hate* gossiping about other people!! Cheers!

This isn't a serious rant - but it's a rant about rude people and cliques! I want to get it out of my system. I was at a weekend training all this weekend (including overnight stay) for some volunteer work that I do. So, I've been working full time all week, and then off to a hotel Saturday and Sunday to do this training, pretty exhausting stuff. I know the people quite well (about 50), because of the intense training I did at the start of the year. Hadn't seen them all together for about five months. Anyway, so I walked in, and said hello to everyone, and sat by a group of people that I knew quite well for the first session. This woman I sat next to said hello, and then just turned her back 180 degrees on me, really rude, so I had to sort of chat around her. And she and her friend (who I also thought I got on okay with) were just so cliquey and odd, making me the sort of subject of their gossip. And then for the rest of the two days, I got these vibes that she and her friend were talking about me, and generally making eye contact about me - you know how that happens? Well, it's not happened to me for twenty years! But still, I know I'm not imagining it. It was so weird - I'm 34, and they are in their forties and fifties. I mean, how weird is it to have schoolgirl cliques at the age??? It *really* threw me. And I couldn't work out why, because I haven't seen them for months, always been polite and pleasant to them, never gossiped about them, never behaved badly at these training weekends (I'm genuinely there for the volunteer training, and just chat away happily to everyone). I'm quite baffled, honestly. The one thing that did cheer me up was though was that my best friend on this course happens to be the best looking and nicest bloke there, and we had a fantastic time at dinner and all evening whilst the two sour pusses gave me dagger stares from the other side of the room. (I don't think that's the reason, though, because they were weird with me from the moment I walked in). So I just needed to get that off my chest - people who huddle together to gossip about someone they haven't seen for months: just weird. I do wish I had said to the woman who turned her back on me that she was being really rude, so I regret that a bit. I have NEVER got into little groups to gossip nastily about someone else, and it just seems so inappropriate that middle-aged women are doing that. Glad I'm not them, that's all I can say. Thank you for letting me share that!

Well, you could try what always stops me having sex - don't shave your legs, don't erm groom anywhere else, wear underwear that comes up to your armpits, basically make it so that you cannot get nekkid with him! Seriously, I don't think many people can deal with sex with the ex long-term. It just stops you moving on, you're neither with him nor not with him. Buy a rabbit vibrator, DIY for a month, and just don't let him back into you bed. Good luck!

Hi there, Why not start small? Set yourself small challenges, so tomorrow, you have to just smile at three people. Nice, non-scary smiles. Doesn't have to be young pretty girls, can be people serving you, bus drivers, sales assistants. It's all about practice - the more you realise that people are NOT going to be horrible to you if you're nice to them, the more confident you will be. Make yourself say one or two lines to people - if you're buying a sandwhich, comment on the weather, say 'I'll bet you'll be glad when your shift is over, eh?', just practice chatting. The beauty of it is that you just step outside your front door and there are thousands of people waiting for you to learn how to interact with them. The more you do it, the easier it becomes. no one EVER is horrible about someone who makes small talk. No one will ever say, "Oh, that Kevin T is such a beast, he said had I noticed the gorgeous sunset". I promise you. Once you realise that people are open to your chat, you will get more and more confident. It's all about the practice, honest. You seem like an articulate, aware man - you can do this!!!

I'm so sorry, I know how you feel. I think we've all been there in some shape or form, because it's SO painful when someone finishes with you, and it's like your evil twin takes over. Silky is right, you have to plan other things to do. Just sit down and write up a plan of what you're going to do all week, and then do it, no matter how awful you feel inside. Don't be hard on yourself, like I say, most people can understand where you're coming from. But you can change it, you can get through the next few days. Don't think about the long-term, just get through not contacting him day by day - if it's too hard, take it hour by hour, minute by minute if you have to. It will get easier the longer you leave it and the more you concentrate on you and what you want. Good luck -keep talking, it helps to post here when you think you want to ask him questions. Ask us instead!

I know it's rubbish, isn't it? But to be honest, you can drive yourself insane trying to work someone out, and there IS no reason for why they're like that. Or none you're ever going to understand. It's not nice, but you'll feel much better if you're the one making the choice to move on, rather than being left behind by his choices. Good luck.

I think you should delete him from your phone, and forget about him. He's texting you when he's a bit bored, with no intention AT ALL of following through. You're being played with, and it's not worth your time and effort. Just move on, because he's not treating you at all well. If someone keeps letting you down without even letting you know, it's just not worth it, is it?

So? I don't believe in changing your name when you get married. Some people do, some people don't, doesn't mean much at all. Don't want to be harsh here, Miss Dashwood, but it sounds like he knew that you (a student of his, right?) had a massive crush on him, hence the distance and the nervousness. I think he likes you, but not in a romantic way. At all. There isn't any signs of him fancying you, I'm sorry. People have to take responsibility for themselves - you can't extrapolate from one situation, and make up a whole scenario, when you don't know either party particularly well. I know nothing about this guy, and I could come up with a hundred different scenarios, which would be equally valid to yours. You just DON'T know, and he hasn't let you into his life, so it's all supposition. I know it's interesting to speculate, but really, that's all it is, speculation. I'm sorry you have such strong feelings for this guy - but he IS completely unattainable, you know, for you. Have fun with the men around you, date, go out, analyse how they treat you and what they wear, not someone you saw months ago. Forget about this guy - he's not for you, he's married, he's shown no sign of interest. My experience is that if a man fancies you and wants to do something about it, you'll usually get an idea, and won't have to fantasise. Good luck.

Nape of neck, neck, behind ears, ears - mmm, gets me going every time. Backs of knees too, and inside elbows.

I know what you mean, though - I used to do that. One thing that really helped me was to do treatments for my face instead of picking at imaginary spots. So I often do homemade face masks instead - honey, avocado, banana, that kind of thing. My skin looks excellent now, and it sort of channelled that picking mentality into doing something that was actively good for me! Also, keep your hands busy. (Maybe buy bubble wrap instead to pop?!). Kellbell is right, if you carry on you will scar your skin, and possibly cause cysts and things.

Is it me, or am I the only one who would have laughed about the vagina comment? It's just me isn't it.... Okay, bearing up bravely. Sometimes really random conversations like that make me laugh, because they are so inappropriate, and yet well-meaning. And it could be nerves, I guess.

I would just question whether you should have helped yourself to her laptop, to be honest. I personally would be furious if someone did that, because I keep my journal on my computer. To me that does seem like you were snooping, unless she gave you permission to use her laptop. If she gave you permission, fine, otherwise I think you were in the wrong. (I think this whenever someone posts about what they found on computers, phones etc). Secondly - fantasy life *is* fantasy life. Unless people choose to share it, it's private. Although I can understand being freaked out by what you found on there - but I think it's definitely a bit about not snooping, to be honest. Although that said, a lot of people HATE their partner looking at porn. You have to decide how important it is to you, and whether to speak to her about it or not.

Gotta say, at work we have whiled away many happy hours talking nonsense, ranging from 'what's your favourite fruit', 'if you HAD to sleep with someone here, who would it be', 'which co-worker would you like to have on a desert island with you and why (for building huts and stuff)' etc etc. I think it's just work chat, and they were asking your opinion. You can flirt back, but you would not believe the nonsense that gets chatted about at work.