emma34

If you used to be good mates, no harm in dropping her an email or inviting her out to a party or something. If shes still friends with your ex...well, in most situations, she is off limits - unless of course your ex approves. unfrotunately there really isn't much way around it. if your feeling kind of romantic, send her a flower or something to tell her you like her...that would be cute...and even if shes not interested she will appreciate the gesture.

I've been with my boyfriend for 8 months now. We were apart for the summer, and I barely got to see him, but SOMEHOW (was some tough times) we made it through. I've met him @ sort of a weird time in my life. I'm in my second year of university in a new city (i'm a small town girl). I've left nearly all of my friends behind, and even during the summer, I barely saw them - my "group" doesn't keep very good contact. A couple of months before I graduated (a year and a half ago), I went through a really bad depression with anxiety attacks that found me in the hospital a couple of times. It's been a battle ever since.. I still have occasional anxiety attacks and deal with depressioin every day, probably for the rest of my life. In high school I was popular, had a stable group of friends, and felt very confident socially...since high school I've moved into a residence building on campus and still haven't made any new friends. My boyfriend is FROM this city - he has lived his entire life here. His family is close and he lives with 2 of his friends, and his group of friends is very close. He's always going out and doing stuff. His friends (who are all about 6 years older than me) and I are pretty close, some of them even started calling me "sister" as a joke...since I spend a lot of time there. While I love my boyfriend - I'm finding this situation kind of hard. It's just that I don't really have any friends of my own, so he's all I have - but his life is so full of ppl. I'm often jealous of this, and it makes me really sad. Today is Sunday, and he is watching football with his buddies. Yesterday he had a soccer wind up with his buddies, and the day before they all went to the bar. I sit at home alone pretty much when hes out. It's not that he doesn't invite me out, or that I don't go out WITH him sometimes....it's just... i wihs i had my own friends to go out with, that i didn't have to depend on him all the time - and it's got to be so depressed that i don't even WANT to go out anymore.... I HATE waiting for him to call me so I can hang out with someone. Because I feel like I'm part of his life, and that I hardly even have a life for him to be a part of... sometimes his friends even bug me how "I never bring my friends out" ... i know they're kidding, but it makes me so sad, because the truth is i don't HAVE any friends. I've told him alll this... and he doésn't understand at ALL. He says I'm always invited to go out with them - which i believe is true...but its just not good enough. Somedays, I think that I'm making this seem like it's all my fault...that maybe its just taht i'm not his #1 priority...because i shouldn't feel so insecure... i just don't know. any insight is welcome!!

definitely sounds like a minor anxiety attack.. email him casually to see whats up and that your missin him. you'll see how he feels by his reply, if he does.

My brother once told me I talked like a boy...i curse and i mumble. He thought it was cute... feminity involves using your "nurturing nature", being sweet, and not doing anything vulgary.. wearing skirts, curling your hair, and smiling alot... to me anyway.

I relate to you in some aspect...specifically with the seeminly preferring a bit of misery and the consistently anticipating crisis. I've been diagnosed with depression as well as bipolar II...my dad refers to it as "paranoia" - cause i "lie to myself about how things are". I'm pretty content with my life from the outside, but on the inside, still nothing seems okay. Your feelings of being an imposter, sense that maybe you are experiencing some sort of dissassociative disorder. I would say a good portion of people who experience these sort of feelings, it blossoms from a traumatic event. My advice would be to seek a professional who can explain your feelings with more knowledge of your life. Although, I'm always here to talk as well.

do whatever you feel is right, but remember, that if he's not playing it at home, he might be playing it at his friends house. he's young, but not for long.

Let me first say that i'm in love with the greatest man. In my mind he is the best boyfriend I have ever had, and I think that he feels the same way about me. The problem is, In my past relationships I have been with men who are hopeless romantics and fall head over heels and are unrealistic (like being proposed to @ 17)...in the end it usually ends up putting me in a superior feeling position, i might cheat, and eventually break up with them. My current boyfriend (7 months) is everything they weren't in that aspect...he's sweet and loving, but only in private, he thinks i'm important but doesn't keep me as a close as he does his friends...if we get into an argument, he waits until i cave...which i've realize that i do eventually.. in a way, i find this sort of thing attractive.. he's secure with himself. i had been away for 3 days and was antsy to see him tonight.. we made plans. then he realized his plans had been moved up and had to cancel. i was disappointed, but not overly mad... but he got SUPER defensive. we ended the conversation on a bad note...but i called back ten minutes later to apologize for saying it was "typical"... (even though I still kinda feel like it is...i mean the only thing we ever fight about is his priorities... so it is kinda typical). but i apologized thinking i would actually BE sorry when he apologized back... he came up with a crappy 'sorry too'... and then went on to make me feel like it really WAS my fault. i didn't say anything and sorta made small chat, cause i REALLY wanted to avoid confrontation again. finally he says 'yanno, if you're going to apologize to someone, at least try to be in a good mood'. i thought that was way outa line and told him 'i didn't even need to apologize - u should have been apologizing to me!'.. he told me he couldn't deal with it and hung up on me. i texted him and told him it was over. 10 minutes later he calls and asks if i'm serious...i said i don't know and he said he would call back (still hasn't). I DONT want to break up with him, i love him, and I know I shouldn't have been so impulsive - but i really think that if I just say I'm sorry for saying that he'll say 'its okay'.. and things will go back to being normal. but its not normal for me... i really feel like this priority thing is a problem. i think why i said 'its over' is because i want him to hurt like i do - and he just doesn't get it. any ideas on what i should say??

Omg GO! I am that person way too often...but hey, look, there will be drinks there (liquid courage)...lol. don't stay home, you will regret it. When it comes to social situations its ALWAYS better to take risks...just be yourself and bring up stuff that you and these ppl have in common...and at least you will know that one girl - tell her that your nervous because you don't know anyone and she will for sure hook you up with someone to talk to. good luck!

I say get a friend/coworker to somehow to tell and ask her how she feels... of course this friend will go and tell you right after, but she doesn't need to know this - maybe your friend is just curious or something... anyway, so then u find out how she feels about you, and if its bad you won't have any akwardness...and if its good you will have more confidence to talk to her. Either way, talk to her..and making scripts are a good idea. Whats' you guys get going, I'm sure you willl find more things to talk about.

Agreed. Unless you intend on going to visit her more often or vice versa...theres really no point. maybe you can stay in contact and someday down the road you will meet up again??

I'm pretty dam sure that when I'm 40 i'll see my first love and fall back in love with him...this is totally normal. Your first love is everything really...your youth, the most untainted love you'll ever have, the most thrilling love you'll ever have... - why did u guys break up to begin with???...if you got back together would there be those problems again? good for you having respect for this other girl.. it sounds to me he is telling you that while he will always love you, you are not the one. sounds he has no intention of leaving this woman. to be honest in those quotes i see no hint of him wanting to get back together. sounds like he wants you in his life, wants to portray to his emotion, but that's all.

It's a long road...but I live by this quote when in bad times: "live through this, and you won't look back"

I was sort of the same situation about a year ago. I asked my friend and she told me 'give it a month, see how you feel then...'- thats the best advice anyone has ever given me. He moved on within about a week. On the other hand, if you love this guy, and he loves you, and everythings beautiful, why did you break up in the first place?? This could entirely depend on that - what has changed? Take a look at things, give it time...and stay friends with him if you want - but be rational. You guys aren't together anymore so theres nothing wrong with him talking to other girls...you need to find out where this jealousy is coming from.

It's totally normal to feel nervous about it. Sex is supposed to be fun so don't be so uptight about it...work together, and maybe you'll slip up the first couple times - but you'll laugh about it later. If shes that tight, theres a good chance she just isn't lubed up enough. Natural lubrication usually comes from clitoris and/or vaginal stimulation. Get her warmed up - make out for awhile or something. As for laying in bed, just get her to lay down normally and lift her pelvis jussst a little bit, you should be able to stradle her on top and easily fit it in. It's totally normal to be nervous like I said, and this is likely the reason for your loss in erection. Like I said, relax. Also, I seriously suggest a while of foreplay before..play with her, she'll play with you, and by that point, you'll be so turned on it'll come naturally. I hope everything works out for you, and remember, sex is supposed to be fun!

I can totally understand you are feeling anxious about facing ppl who you look up to after disappointing them. Right now you are feeling really down about it, but I doubt it is a big a deal to them as you think. If you really feel like you need to do something, I personally think a letter is the wrong way to go. Give something back to your school - you said yourself you won that spirit award, well...get back into school with a positive attitude. Theres no quick fix for this kind of thing. It's great that you have a better attitude towards this kind of thing, but you have to gain someones trust back in time. If you are that close with your coach, tell em how you feel - that you feel like you need to do something, maybe he can help you out in that area.

I definitely would say this kind of thing happens all the time. Maybe she was drunk or really lonely or something...I don't know. But I would just write it off if I were you - if it was actually important, she would call u back.

If it was me personally I would probably do LC, but in reality NC would probably be best...depending on how u feel about it. Also, I would say if u want to keep in touch with him, do so - why not?? It's not like you two need to phase eachother out. I'd say wait 4-5 days, then send him an e-mail or a quick phone call - but whatever u do, don't call him when ur upset/drunk..or anything like that. At the same time I wouldn't put all ur eggs in one basket - the idea of this break i'm sure was not to pine for one another, so get there, have fun.

I hear this situations so often - and everytime I just feel I have to reply b/c this whole HS breakup is sooo me a few years ago! Ok so heres the deal. No matter what happens between the two of you, give it time - time heals pain, but also, it clears your head. Don't do anything irrational like go back to him, if you already KNOW he's not the one for you...the truth is, if he's like this now, theres pretty much no chance he will just change, annoying habits like this usually increase with age unfortunetly. Also, remember you'll likely experiences doubts and fears and this is totally normal - you've been attached for a long time - of COURSE your gonna be a little lonely at first. I don't know how to put this lightly, but don't get into the mistake of being with someone else right away...I did that. Ok, and another thing is, if in these doubts you think, maybe I should go back to him, he said he was sorry, maybe hes changed...remember this: you are young and he is young and you both have ur whole lives to figure this whole relationship thing out...my rule of thumb is, give it a month, see how you feel then, if u want to still, get back together, if he doesn't want to, or you don't, take a big breath of relief! Just stay strong for awhile, and it will eventually go away. Think of everday as a success, because ur one day closer to being totally over him! Good luck to you!

Your right, that's not a real good reason to stay...those kinds of things are arrangable. Ya know, there are couples out there who got together in highschool and stuck it out to the end, but for me personally, I was never a fan of that idea. I had the same situation (longterm HS bf) but I broke it off after grad. If your experiencing these nagging feelings now, theres a good chance they will not go away, sorry to say. But @ the same time, hooking up with someone else right away seems risky...but who knows. I think it would be fair to you, and him (in the end) to take a break from your relationship. Assure him that this is what u need and there is nothing he can do to change that, and if he accepts you as a person, he will be able to accept your needs - to experiences relationships beyond HIM. Maybe in a few years or whatever you guys could get back together?? But in the meantime pining would not help. Ya, so basically, I have a sense you've been fighting this gut feeling for awhile, but its time to act and think clearly. Is this really what u want??? Only you can decide.

Breakups are rough - that is just the way it is. The point is, you'll make it through. Hoestly, truthfully, time will heal this pain. Think progress, every moment, every hour, every day you do not pine you are progressing. Keep your chin up. Everything happens for a reason, and this was out of your control. I've been through my share of tough breakups and I sympathize with you. My attitude is, I guess they weren't the one, finally, now they're not wasting my time, since they weren't the one....when you know what u want for the rest of your life, you want it ASAP (being that u want a committed relationship - don't we all) but sometimes it just takes time anyway - out of your control. Good luck to you, and don't go driving over any cliffs....its not worth it.

Although I'm younger I can sort of relate, being that I'm kind of in limbo. Moving to university, I've been forced to start a whole new base of friends - and I find many times I just plain don't want to, and am sad in being alone. But anyway, my sister is 26 and is single and we hang out a lot. It's easy to just accept the fact that you have no friends are all alone/become clingy towards the friends you have - but the truth is, it's time to start over a bit...as frightening as that may sound, move on, find new friends and aquaintances - and there is no formula for this, but essentially it often goes with joining clubs, church, classes are fun, stuff like that. Life long friends are a dear thing, but they are rare. keep your chin up and try to fill that void with something productive.

personally, i don't think this is such a problem. She is feeling liberated right now, and this kind of decision is totally normal...but likely not what will end up happening. You really can't control love - and going out with a guy, hanging out, having fun, with no strings or sex, is the perfect way to get into a relationship that is actual meaningful. Girls often get confused in thinking that playing with guys with no noticeable emotion is liberating - keeping ppl at a distance is a cold world to live in. Breaking hearts isn't a good way to gain confidence. I guess you'll have to see.

These are all valid questions, and I reply to your post, not because I in any way have a solid answer for you - but to offer a bit of wisdom from my tiny experience in the matter. I've known people who met in high school, got married, and have been together for many years and I often ask the same questions. I feel that for people nowadays, living in a world of independence there is a harder struggle. One wants to offer themselves in a relationship, but at the same time fights to be independent simultaneously. I truly believe that timing and time spent is often the key. Recently I was going through a breakup and was talking to my parents about it - I said, I really don't get relationships, I want to be independent, strong, free-willed, but it's nearly impossible once you fall in love...I can try, but missing them and needing them can become overwhelming. Heres what they said; that you will fall in love probably more than once in this journey because that truly is the easy part, and your gut will know that they may not be the own, but it will take time to get your head screwed back on after the afterglow of being in love. If it is truly going to work out, there has to be an unspoken agreement on how much each will give into the relationship. It seems to make so much more sense to just discuss that with your partner and come to an agreement but in the end, one will end up feeling they aren't getting enough, or being crowded. A romantic relationship is so much like being best friends with someone, and if you can't see yourself being friends with them - they are not the one. Once this happens, of course it will take compromise but then again, in life there are things worth compromising and things that aren't, and only you personally can decide that. If it doesn't feel right, it is doomed. So then once this happens you will begin to accept this unperfect relationship because deep down you will feel that it is worth more than you could ever sacrifice. Time will tell, and you can't expect it to just happen on its own - you get to know someone so well, every expression, every reaction, so without saying a word you are compromising. Relationships are not a chore, they are a blessing, and there is no expiry date on love Okay so that was really long, and who knows if that helps at all, but it kinda inspired me. Good luck to you.

wow...that would be quite the shock. Personally, if it was me, I would just let it lie. Since both your brother and grandfather have past, letting your family know about this just wouldn't do anything I feel...your grandfather cannot be punished and it would just leave your family with a bitter taste. Maybe you feel you can confide with your mom or dad about what you found because that's a big thing to have on your shoulders. What to do with his journal is entirely up to you. How do you think his children would react after reading that?? Would they feel better about their dad, or would it just devastate them? Good luck to you and I encourage you to continue with counselling.

My apologies in advance, because I can clearly see you've came here seeking confirmation about your stubborness but that is likely not what you will get. Everyone experiences jealousy but without an actual threat, what is the issue here? It'd be different if they went out togehter, but I really don't see IMing a threat. I bet your jealousy is really pushing her to stay in touch with this guy even more. Be the bigger person and tell her that you trust her, and that her being friends with this guy makes you uncomfortable, but if she wants to you cannot stop her. I'm sure your maturity will impress her. Keep your concerns to yourself because you cannot control who ppl will be friends with.