emma34

so wow do i need to vent. Four and a half months I broke up with my bf because he was a pathological liar (after 2.5 years). It was has been devasating, but I followed the healing process religiously. He, on the other hand has unfortuently gone from being a happy, healthy person, to forming a nice little drug n' alcohol addiction. It is very hard to deal with. Lately I've been wishing we cuold stay friends - but after this weekend I now know it's impossible. Theres been a few incidents, but unfortunetly I've now pressed charges on my ex for harassment and uttering threats. Meanwhile he's still attempting to get me back, tells me he loves me, etc. then goes out, gets drugged up, and does something awful to me. Anyway - I am absoloutely distraught. The man whom I once had a beautiful relationship has completely changed, and I've tried so hard to put myself first...but this stress has just been too much. I feel as though I'm breaking down. I don't know what to do anymore - today, writnig my statement for the police I absoloutely lost it. I just can't take this anymore. He is this problem that just won't go away, and he's really dragging me down. I was so in love with him, and have contemplated taking him back many MANY times....but thankfully I've kept a somewhat level head on my shoulders. Any words of wisdom would be lovely.

Seek counselling. Obviously you have made this man more important that your husband. If you have any respect for your husband at all you will stop talking to this other man. Whether or not he has emotionally manipulated you, and you are 'addicted' - that does not make you a victim at all. You still have the power to do what is best - for all parties - focus all of this attention being a good WIFE.

I don't know what to do. See - it's always been the four of us. My best friend, her boyfriend, me, and my boyfriend. We were just always best friends - we did everything together. In November I broke it off with my boyfriend (2.5 years) and although everything changed, I found solace in knowing that my best friend and her boyfriend were always still there. It was tragic. Recently my best friend turned 18 and I've been concernd with the amount of partying shes been doing. We party a lot - but shes just been doing stupid things once she starts drinking. She cheated on her boyfriend this past Thursday, and then when she told her boyfriend and they decided to stay together, she figured she wanted to break up with him anyway - so she dumped him (after 1.5 years) She was really harsh and although I wanted to be there for him, I made the obvious choice, and I haven't spoken to him in over a week. I feel just awful for him though. All that he asked was that she not go out with this guy - at least not right away (the one she cheated with)...because he was so heartbroken. Although she complied, shes been seeing him constantly and they've been VERY close (over 5 days!) I warned her that jumping into a new relationship is risky - but shes sooo blind. This other guy lives far away and is known for using girls! It's hard to stand by and watch ur friend make stupid decisions over and over, especially when I've been in such similar situations - and i actually have learned the hard way. But meanwhile during all this, I am absoloutely heartbroken that I have lost one of my dear friends during all this, and it is her fault. Why couldn't she at least been civil about it? Well - anyway I was just wondering if anyone had ever been in such a situation -or have any words of wisdom. Thanks.

I've known since I was like 4...actually i can't remember not knowing.

oh absoloutely! more than a thousand words if u ask me

hmmm...well heres a few that i do: 1) look, and keep looking, and keep looking, until they make eye contact, then hesitate and look away. 2) keep looking their direction... (i'm not staring i promise lol) 3) constant touching (if we know eachother pretty well) like on the arm, or like a hand on the back, holding his hand if he's leading the way through the dance floor kind of thing 4) whispering to my friends while looking that direction sorry thats all i can think of right now...

It sounds like this is becoming a very stressful situation for you. My opinion is that I'm sure it is not her intent to take you for granted. Besides, once shes finished college, and you two get to spend some quality time together, everything could change. It seems you have already made up your mind that your not being treated the way you want to, so I would never tell you just to 'accept' what's going on. But I think you should give it a little bit of time - and maybe once this has passed and the two of you have time together, you can discuss how you have been feeling taken for granted, and any other issues. But don't make her feel threatened. Maybe by asking you to do things, she felt completely fine with it, because it made you feel wanted, and that you were being part of something that was very important to her. Unfortunetly I can understand how you may be feeling somewhat neglected with her life being to focus, and attending to her stress causes emotions, but not all people deal with stress so easily. I don't think this means she will crack under pressure in the future...everyone has their moments, especially women. What happens next and how you percieve this issue is compeltely up to you - but I would advise giving it time.

i agree - i think u can still hook up with him. but this also depends on how close of friends they are. and HE might find it weird, and if his friend wasn't intersted, he obviously had his reasons...and sometimes guys listen to what their friends say a little too much. Although I think it could happen, I wouldn't get your hopes up.

i would go with too nice. ya gotta make sure that you aren't trying to work things out, and get her to change, your just breaking up with her. other than that pretty good.

first of all - good for you that you are so focused on pleasing your girlfriend. shes a lucky girl. the thing with women and having an orgasm is, although fingering (which is basically the same stimulation as sex, so this also goes for sex) feels amazing, for most it is unlikely to have an orgasm without any clitoris action. thereforeeee that is likely why she doesn't orgasm when you finger her, but she will (i dunno about the first time, but eventually) with oral sex. anyway, there is no 'right' way to give oral sex, but here are a few tips. tongue goes mainly up and down, but in the beginning, go pretty slow, use your whole tongue, towards the middle/top of the clitoris area is where most of the action should be going. fingering while giving oral is good, ya gotta make sure ya really get into it and enjoy it, because then she will feel more relaxed and be able to tell you what she likes - thereforeeee easier for her to orgasm. basically ya gotta get her to tell you what she likes, because trial and error (although theres not ALOT of room for error in this category) will work better in all cases. lightly suck on it a little, use your whole mouth, and make sure it gets very wet. ummm... thats all i can think of for now. that felt kinda dirty just typing it haha - so anyway good luck and if u have any more questions i suppose i could be of service =)

All of the things you said are correct - I mean if a person is interested in your life, wanting to get to know you...it is also possible they are intersted in dating you. They will pay more attention to you than if they were just interested in you as a friend, and it will be more one on one apposed to in a group.

interesting questions...i think they will definitely differ with each person. 1) I don't think I would be friends with a guy that was dominant, but it sort of depends on what u mean by dominant. I wouldn't want any of my friends telling what to do, and also having it their decision or whatever. 2) I do like old fashioned friends - cause I am an old fashioned person 3) Of course I like being called sexy, but it's not something I would enjoy on a regular basis...cause it's a little tasteless, and definitely not from someone I was threatened by even a little bit. 4) Being called cute it always a good thing, and being called sexy is almost always okay, i mean if it's someone you know and are comfortable with most of the time. Bein called cute from a guy always makes me feel happy! But in any case, I would prefer beautiful, or gorgeous, etc...=)

So basically I broke up with my ex a lil over 4 months after two and a half years together. It was slightly messy, but I did the best that I could, and I think over the last month we've both really come a long way. We barely spoke to eachother, because it just got too emotional, but through it all we still kept the deal that we of course we still be friends, we just needed time. Last night he asked me if I would like to go for coffee to catch up since we hadn't seen eachother in a month (and we live in the same town!) I said sure, but that I had plans afterward, so it couldn't be too long, which was a lie, but I just wanted to make it clear I couldn't go home with him for vice versa to "talk" or whatever. I have suspicions that he is still in love with me - he's tried to get me back a few times. But anyway I called him this afternoon and he wasn't home, then I called his cell and he wasn't answering. He has no reaosn to have any hard feelings towards me - so I don't really know whats going on...I assume he just ditched me, or forgot and went out with friends. Last week he said he was gonna call me and never did, and then we just never talkd until last night. Now if we were stil going out, these are the kind of things I would not put up with, and he would hear about it! But since we are just friends, what can I possibly say? Of course he'll get the 'what the heck happened?' line, but I'm still mad. I really want to be his friend, but its like he either wants to be my boyfriend or nothing - and then SAYS he wants to be my friend. How do I deal with person, who treats me completely differently than he did when we were going out?? Just accept?

thats a good poem - especially for someone so young. I'm thinking you should use some metaphors with the water, or the sand, or the wind, or the waves..or something like that..i wish i could give u an example but im having a block lol. What does this line mean: "she submerges head"..?Titles? ummmm...'Peaceful torment'?? Gosh, im sorry that wasn't very good. Btu anyway, it was a good poem - keep up the good work!

i am a little confused about this - you say you may not be ready to call ti quits for good...so why did u call it quits to being with? Oh right - BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON YOU. Ya gotta hate it when the break up doesn't leave on good terms - ya gotta have an 'understanding' to really grieve properly. When one is still in denial and the other's moving on, it's a real pain, and it can definitely stunt the whole mending heart process. This is the perfect situation to initiate NC. Im with ya on that one - why boys cry...I CANNOT say no, but you have to. I really advise you don't talk to him anymore. He's prboably feeling guilty and sad, but just because he cheated on you doesn't make him a monster, he still has emotions...but that doesn't mean he's worth giving another chance! I don't mean to be harsh - or to bash your ex, but you have a great opportunity to move on with your life...you life so far away...don't mess it up now, after you've done so good for 2 months. Don't make any rash decisions in an emtional state.

its totally understandable that you'd be a LITTLE uncomfortable with it. I mean, she's not with you, thereforeeee guys would think she's single, thereforeeee guys will hit on her...i should stop haha. But you trust her! And that's all that matters ain't it? Tell her how you feel - I'm sure she will reassure you. =)

Sure I think it's possible you two could get back together. I would say that him saying he loved was likely just a flashback of emotions - and I'm sure he (and likely you too) are very confused about how you feel about eachother. I would be very careful in this situation - because sometimes when getting back together, it's never the same. The important thing to remember about getting back together is that it's not a continuation of your previous relationships, it's a new beginning. Take it slow. No 'I love you's' yet. You both gotta figure out what u really want. Because all this talk of 'going with the flow' CAN be another term for 'i'll keep you around until something better comes along'. Why did u break up in the first place?? Maybe you should recall why, and is he worth taking back?

this depends on how much she likes you - if she's an outgoing person or if she's shy - if she feels comfortable around you, and maybe other factors. But in most cases, I would have to say, she would rather have you come to her.

i am so sick of dating! For two and a half years I was in a beautiful loving relationship that I ended abruptly for good reasons. Since then, I have been 'single and looking'. I dated, and broke up with three different guys in one month, had one night stands - I've dated two guys at the same time. I dated one guy for two months and broke up with him tonight. Either they are too affectionate, not caring enough, too young, obnoxious, too shy, too forward, self-absored...I've had everything! Since my ex, this is my first time of being completely single - and yanno what? I feel equally unsatisifed that I have been all along! Maybe I have too high of expectations, or maybe no one compares to my ex, but this just ain't right. It seems I am the only single person I know, and I don't mind being single, but it sucks being alone in it all. I'm tired of dating...first dates are AWFUL, and I've tried dating friends, that really hasn't worked out for me. I really don't know what do...What am i doing wrong?

well this depends on his feelings on the whole counselling thing. i think if ur curious you should bring it up casually like 'do you want to talk about it?' but if he doesn't, of course you should back off. you will be more sure about wanting to know after you go.

hey - well it seems like ur in quite the funk. Of course everyone has these. I myself am in the same situation. For some reason hearing your story made me realize that yes - there is hope - and yes, although life sucks and it can be HARD work - there is always a pay off. Your right, you need a break. Take one! I'm sure you can get a day off work for one day, and instead of partying, just relax, spend some time with yourself. Or have a relaxing evening with friends. You have so much to look forward to: PROM! Graduating! Summer! Getting into the real world! Let your girlfriend be there for you, and if she is just bringing you down - you know what to do. Yeh it's gonna be a long road, but once you get there, it'll be quite the acomplishment! Good luck!

15 - he was 18. dude...id like to know details on THAT one

I know how your probably feeling right now - but I think that in this case, it is better to move on from that issue - especially since you are getting married right away. She could have slept with those ppl for various reasons, but she was probably feeling very lonely, and needed the attention from other guys, which I'm sure you can understand. Also, obviously you wouldn't know any of this unless she had been compltely honest with you. The thing is, she was completely honest with you, and has never cheated on you, that is what is important. You say you love this girl, so I'm sure you can put this issues aside. Tell her how you are feeling, don't let the anger bottle up, but don't do anything durastic. being it so close to your wedding, i'm sure both of you are very sensitive right now. good luck.

DISGUSTING?!? try having a mouth-full of cum, then you'll know disgusting. How rude.

so i heard this comment that men don't like to perform oral sex. I really thought that my ex did! So consider this a survey - do you men enjoy giving oral sex?