emma34

i'm not sure i understand. does this having something to do with infidelity or...i'm confused.

wo wo wo... so a person cheats and then they never deserve to be happy ever again? What I did was wrong, and in no way am I trying to justify my actions. What I'm trying to do is prevent it from ever happening again.

of course I would not be okay with him cheating

I know how you feel. I'm not at all sure if this applies - but I used to be very suspicious of past relationships because I did not trust myself, thereforeeee I felt I could not trust them. It's hard to love somebody without risk...There is no set way to get over trust issues, since it's sooo common, but I mean, it can be valid. You can drive a person away doing this - remember that. Let your partner reassure you, and communicate your insecurities...If anyone can help you really get through your trust issues, it's them.

Well of course there is a chance of you being pregnant... unprotected sex = you might be pregnant! Since you seem to be concerned with this, your best bet would be to take a pregnancy test since you have missed your period. Since your period is quite irregular it would be best to just go to the hospital and find out if your pregnant. Whether or not you are - recall the formula above...then use protection next time.

After cheating on my boyfriend, I came clean, had a long process of tears, breaking up, regret, etc. we have got back together. I am so glad that he can forgive me, and I think so very highly of him. I know what I did was a mistake - and I am NOT EVER willing to make that kind of mistake again...to him, or to anyone. While we were apart I made this list...its like my advice to myself. Cheating is so hurtful, and it's ALWAYS a big deal. The fact is some people just cheat because they are bad people, but I began to realize that the reasons why I cheated was because I was unsatisfied with myself, and with my relationship. Maybe this doesn't apply to everyone, but for me, I know it will help. 1) You need to communicate your problems...acting out doesn't solve anything. 2) You have to seriously ask yourself 'is this worth losing?' 3) Even if you never get caught - your STILL losing something 4) There is no such thing as 'just this once' because one time ruins it all 5) Their forgiveness may astound you, but nothing can compare to their plain old love 6) You have morals and values! And cheating is WRONG! 7) If in doubt, ask God for strength - it's good for the soul 8) If your thinking about cheating, don't, and the communicate with your partner. It will make you feel better to tell them and although you may both feel it was wrong to even THINK it, they will appreciate that you are honest with them - and it will help you realize that it is not worth it. 9) If your feeling bored in the relationship, do something exciting with your partner - doing it with someone else is still exciting, but it's a waste of your time. 10) COMMIT! 11) As my own personal advice, don't drink too much, especially when theres no one around to make sure you don't do anything stupid. 12) If your feeling lonely and they can't be there, tell him, write it down, do something constructive with it. 13) Remember that every time you cheat - your losing respect for yourself, and so are they. They are taking something from you that does not belong to them. 14) A lot of times, they are just using you...how does that feel? 15) Sometimes, even if you think they are awesome and you can see yourself with them...hold on, can you see yourself with someone that would be with an attached person? They are stabbing your partner in the back! 16) You'll have to live with it for the rest of your life. Believe me, you want a clean slate...guilt is heavy just like loneliness. 17) Your job is to make your spouse happy, not some other person. They can smooth talk you and seduce you, and if you know you don't want to cheat with them, you'll disappoint them...but that's the right thing! 18) If your feeling like your not getting the attention you deserve...talk about it. And if you talk about it and still nothing, talk about how the lack of attention leads you to thinking you may cheat...then they will listen. 19) If your spouse is taking you for granted, lay down the law. 20) Don't be scared to be really really close with someone. Intimacy can be scary to the kind of person that cheats...but it's all worth it.

I feel your pain. I grew up in a very critical home. I moved out about 4 months ago and to an extent I'm glad I did. The financial support is needed, as I am a student too, but I had to do it. Since I've been gone I still disagree with some of the ways my parents handled things, especially my father. But as well, I had developed an appreciation for them. The fact is, sometimes we don't get along, and I can't stand being around them for long periods of time, but if I ever REALLY needed them, they would be there...

I wish all my relationships did this. In some cases, sex can seriously impair a couples bond. Chemistry is important but sexual connection should come second. Once you two do have sex, it will be worth the wait I'm sure!

As a general sort of question...why do you think people cheat?

It appears that this child was not a mistake and you intended on having this baby no matter WHAT the father says. He cannot tell you to abort the baby and expect you to follow since you are happy about having this baby, but the fact is, I don't think you can expect a real father out of this man. Having a child is a wonderful thing, and I personally can't wait to have one either...but I'd wait forever for my child to have a good family. You are pregnant, thereforeeee the things that have happened cannot be undone - but please think about the life your baby will have. Try to form a real relationship with this man, but if you cannot and he refuses to be a father...then you are forced to move on for your childs sake. As a mother it is your right and your priveledge to protect your child above all else. I cannot tell you what to do - but I truly hope you do not abort and that this man takes responsibility for his own.

Me and my boyfriend has been dating for 5 months and we always talked about how magical our relationship had been. Everything just seemed to work out for us, and when we have had problems in the past, it almost seemed out of our control than to stay together. It took effort but our love had always seemed to be so easy. Our situation became bad about a month ago. I cheated on him. The thing is, he is a soldier and is away a lot. He was gone for a month, and although we hadn't been together for that long, I thought for sure I could take it and support him in what he had to do. I missed him so much, and fell even more in love with him...or so I thought. I was going through a really stressful time and felt really alone and I made the mistake of asking a guy friend of mine (also an ex..but long ago) to spend the night. He wanted to be physical, but I told him I was not interested in that. I wanted him to hold me...essentially, I wanted to be taken care of while my boyfriend was gone. It is totally selfish and I feel so guilty. I know it was wrong. It happened a few drunken nights, and while I tried to avoid it, I knew it would be the demise of our relationship. I reassured and reassured my boyfriend that I was in love, but eventually I just shut down. When he returned home, it was magical again. I had one final encounter with my guy friend and truly never plan on doing it again. In fact, I secretly resent him for taking advantage of the situation. I started to think about breaking up with him when I got the shock of my life. He is going overseas in February. He made it clear whatever decision I make to do with us he would understand, but was still surprised when I told him I wanted to end it. After many many tears and regret, I decided to come clean with him. I think to myself that I cannot live with a man that will accept my cheating ways and when I told him at first he wanted nothing to do with me. I understood. He told me that he could forigve me and does not hate me, although did not know if we could ever be together. In a state of emotional exhaustion I told him (we were on the phone) that I could not go on and asked him if we could get together to talk on Saturday and he said yes. I'm starting to think maybe all my insecurities about myself and the relationship where the real factor in my cheating and I really want to give it another try. If we got back together, it would be all or nothing because he is going overseas. I know I COULD love him forever, but am scared to death that I will make a mistake while he is gone that would ruin us together and us separately. Personally, I think that he will take me back if I try...but I don't want to hurt him. So on Saturday, what do I do?

I agree with pretty much everyone on this one too! Love is a magical feeling but without a certain amount of effort it quickly becomes unimportant and realistically, love is easily taken advantage of! You shouldn't have to be the loser, but because nothing is ever perfect, love takes effort.

I'd keep singing if it was a friend. A family member, I would probably stop, but only to see what they wanted. Slightly embaressing either way, but nothing worth concerning myself with.

i think i may have been slightly misleading with me 'chance' line. I had already decided to stay with current boyfriend, chose him over other friend. That's not an issue, just making things a little more complicated.

It's been a long time since I was here, healing from a devastating relationship, then dealing with my devastated ex. But here I am, feeling that all those issues are continously resurfacing. I've engaged in a few short-lived relationships, but not until recently have I truly felt something for someone. He's been my "boyfriend" now for more than 3 weeks - and although that seems like such a short time...I've already started seriously contemplating running for the hills à la ALL of my relationships in the last 6 months. I've become poster girl for commitment phobia. He's so perfect, but I'm just can't seem to decipher whether my uneasy feelings are coming from him, or my own issues! I want to stay with him, I do. Last night as I lay in his arms, the i love you words were dangling in my mind, which made me happy, because it reminded me of what happened with me ex...finally, something familiar. Not only is my own relationship issues scaring me, but the fact that as this just began, one of my dear friends whom I have secretly liked for years confessed his love for me. I feel screwed! I've decided I couldn't let this chance go, for someone I know will be around (altho that may sound bad). But to get to my point, I think I might break up with current beau. Because I like him so much, I've never felt such an uncomfortable feeling about what to say, and I've discovered he has SAME relationship issues, which makes things so much harder. We're both so nonchalant about stuff that is truly important and so guarded. what do you think?? Stick it out and wait till I get dumped by HIM the commitment phobe? Or dump him myself and avoid the pain??? I have no idea what his intentions with me are, but I'm not willing to get burned AGAIN (like ex did)!

when it comes to the size of your curves - its' pretty much just genetic, so you might as well just accept it, yanno? I don't think ppl are a shallow as you are suggesting - like a man leaving a woman for someone with more 'curves'. I'm in the same boat, I wish I had a bigger butt, but I'd rather be this way, than the opposing choice (wishing to have a smaller butt). It's ridiculous to compare yourself to girls in music videos, huge boobs and big butts, and tiny little waists...excuse me while i giggle at invisioning myself wearing one of those outfits. No women should not feel inferior!

okay, so i've tried to put myself into her shoes for a second...this is an extremely difficult situation. I would not take the step to say that she if just that selfish - although I don't know her - but my guess woudl be she actually IS concerned, but is putting herself first, in realizing that tending to you could take the break up that much more difficult. Although you may need her support, and it is very unfortunate for that this accident has come at such an difficult time, it is also an opportunity to put her out of your mind, and rely on friends and family - because obviously she can't be there for you forever. Say she did act concerned, called you daily to see how you were doing, etc. Eventually how would that stop - yanno? I hope I'm not coming off wrong - because I do agree that she should have called you when she said that she was going to. Maybe through this situation you'll be able to see that with her not there for you, your beter off without her hopefully. Good luck - and I hope you recover quickly.

as i think most will agree - the first broken heart is the hardest to heal. I can completely relate that time seems to endless, but time does heal. You just have to have faith that you will move on to bigger and better things, but most importantly, be happy. I also think it would help to talk to someone older, who has been through a hard break up or two - it really put things into perspective. Don't put yourself into a victims shoes - go out, hang with your friends, do everything you would normally to try and get back into the 'dating field'. good luck.

I've never heard of such a thing - but I would say ask a doctor.

i've never heard that phrase in that context before....sex?

Sometimes you just have to deal with people, and be nice, ya know...but if you have choice - and this 'friend' isn't treating you like you would like to be...forget about him, and don't worry about it. You say you don't really like him, but it bothers you that you don't hang out anymore? Maybe you don't like the negative energy...you don't have to hate eachother, or even really dislike eachother, but you don't have to be best buds either. Thay may have been confusing - but basically what I'm trying to say is, don't try to patch up the relationship, just be polite...this will probably pass anyway.

This is a difficult situation and I'd like to applaud you for not cheating. If you are unhappy in your current relationship, maybe it's time to take a break? Is it possible you are manifesting these faults in your current relatipnship because it lacks something this new man can offer you? If his marriage ended only two months ago, it is likely that he is vulnerable. Don't lead him on, giving him hopes that there is something more than what there really is...i'm sure that's what he assumes by now. Put this new man out of your mind for a moment and take a look at your current relationship. Yes - it is possible to be in love with two people, I've felt this myself. But don't let your current boyfriend be an innocent bystander to this downfall. Try and work things out with him, but if these feelings for this new man become too intense, I think yuo know what you need to do, and that is to end the relationship you have now, take some time, and think about whether you want to pursue it. Good luck. I'm sure this has become a very confusing situation for you, but I'm sure it will eventualyl all come together.

I agree with the reminder. Even a quick phone call, reminding her, and catching up a bit. Don't agree to meet for dinner or anything, but I mean, you are getting money from this girl, at least talk to her. Well, that's my opinoin anyway.

well i posted earlier about my ex giving me threatening phone calls and the stresses of having to file a police report. I said that it was all too much to handle. The other day in class, my friends and i were talking. They all have boyfriends - and I am datingthis jerk whom I rarely speak to, but can't seem to let go of. They were talking and I said 'it's nice not having anyone...ya don't get phone calls late at night' - and then it hit. I had a minor anxiety attacks, which precipitated many more, that afternoon, which eventually left me screaming, crying, suicidal, moaning, etc. on my bedroom floor. I said to my mom calmly (they rarely take any notice of me...but in this situation had no choice) 'can you please take me somewhere'. They took me to a hospital - which was useless, other than the fact that they gave me some serious seditaves and i got a damn good sleep. today i woke feeling equally depressed, ashamed in these actions i feel i cannot control, and once again...extremely anxious. they brought me home, since the psych hospital didn't have enough beds, and so i just lay in my own bed, wallowing i suppose, and sleeping..it seems i cannot get enough of sleeping. i felt this comng on. now - i feel somehow i need to regain my sanity. unfortuently i have found solace in food, must quit that. my parents refuse to leave me alone, and for no reason, i have become completely furious with them, which leads me into a another 'stress attack'...i don't know what to refer to them as. the physical effects of this have led me down more...my body aches, especially my chest. i just wish i could erase what has happened, and dealt with my stress better. well anyway - theres my update. i needed to tel someone.

its different for everyone and i don't think that once a day is abnormal, especially for a guy your age. I'm a girl, and even I do it at least 5 times a week. I don't think you need to do it less - but make sure you let your girlfriend know that doing it with her is a million times better than doing it yourself - its' common to feel threatened by this kind of thing...that you aren't 'needed' kind of thing.