bravegirl04

this poem always helps me get thru it.... I cried over you Thought I would die over you Swore I wouldn’t live if you were ever with someone else But through you I see the real me What great things heartache can push me to be I rebelled against my self predicted future I got over you Spent many a night crying Spent many a day amazed That you could treat me this way After all the sacrifices we’ve made Once played the fool and was the leading role But you play it the best so do what you do I’m tired of all the pain So with it I say to hell with you God made me a woman so I deserve more Maybe it’s not your place to realize In God’s eyes, I’m a queen And anything less than that is what I dare not to be Be thankful that I could muster the ability to love you Because not just any woman would have the nerve Not every woman has my forgiving nature, my limitless limits, my love for love I laid down my self respect and walked over it to reach you I swam through the murky waters of self betrayal and drowned in its very depths of guilt But somewhere I grabbed my life line, they call it courage and pulled myself out I took all the emotions I had within and built a boat and rode high on the waves I got over you It didn’t happen overnight, that’s for sure It took many restless nights Nights of giving up on the possibility that you would ever call In those times of depression, I began to build I hammered while I listened to your lies I screwed while I caught you in the wrong time after time after time I put down my tools a time or two, thinking that maybe my work began to annoy you But I never kept them far So what do you think of that? Never thought I would have the strength to walk away You thought you had me wrapped around your finger, That I was so pathetic that you could convince me that I couldn’t live without you You had me there for a while, I admit at once this was the truth But all chapters to every story must end, otherwise no new beginnings could ever surface This charade can not continue, even you know that So I say no more But I must thank you Because without you there would be no “woman” No backbone to your entire existence No blessing to your miserable thing you call a life You will go on knowing that you lost the best thing you ever had And I will go on knowing that I’ve gained the best thing that could ever happen to anyone And that was myself As I close I say goodbye to my former being And say good day to a new I am woman of color, class and character With the capacity to do the impossible, the unattainable the unachievable And that was getting over you…

youre not my ex...we never were together, but i just want you to know that you really hurt me. you came here to visit me, and i told you straight up, im not interested in just having sex, i really want to get to know you better, and you agreed. less than 24 hrs after you leave here, ur now in a relationship??!! regarldless of if yall really did get together after you left, you knew that you were interested in her before you came here, yet you said absolutely nothing to me, leaving me completely blind to the situation. that is not fair!!! had you told me, i could of had a different outlook, but you deprived me of that. i see you wanted to have your cake and eat it too!! well i hope ur happy, im sure ur expecting me to be all sad and depressed about it, but im not. ima big girl, and ill be just fine!!

I love it!!

He calls about every other week or so. I dont have a house phone, I only have my cell phone. One night he called my phone 8 times trying to get ahold of me but i wouldnt answer. He's just crazy!! I dont know what to do.

Hey all...thank you for the awesome advice!! When I change my phone number, I will give the new number to friends at the college, but I tell them not to give it to my ex. I guess somehow he finds a away to get ahold of their phone and finds my new number. When he calls, i sound totally uninstered. As a matter fact, I could be having a great day and when he calls, i get a terrible migrane. He is just a reminder of my past that i wish I could get rid of. I do screen his phone calls, but he also does call from unknown numbers or will use one of my friends phones to call me. I have told him several times to not call me, he says he wont, but 3 weeks later the calling starts again. When he calls me, he says things like "you dont love your husband you know you love me", or "I was just messin with those females to get it out of my system, you knew i was gonna come back to you eventually", or "I dont know why you moved on, dont nobody love you", just making me feel like I am nothing!! There is no possible way to shake him, he is crazy!!! "One day he will wake up and realize he loves me, but that same day I'll wake up to the person who already knew!!"

Hello all...i was wondering if I could get some advice. I will try to make this as short as possible. Me and my ex boyfriend were together for 3 years. We first started dating when we were 16. During our freshmen year in college, things took a turn. He dediced he did not want to me with me anymore. I was crushed! In college I would find him with several women, I even walked in his dorm room one day and he was having sex with another female. Keep in mind our college is a small private school, so i know all and see all. it hurt so much to the point that i was suicidal. This pattern continued for over a year...him being with all these women, and me not being able to do anything about it because technically, we were not together. That next summer, i found out I was pregnant. he was there for me, but by that time I couldn't stand him. When I was about 10 weeks pregnant, i was diagnosed with cervical cancer, so my doctors told me it was best to terminate the pregnancy so i could be put on meds. the same day i had the abortion, i went upstairs to his dorm room to see why he hadnt came down to check on me. Guess who answers the door? His so-called girlfriend. This is the point where I said ive had enough. I no longer loved him, it was over. That was when i started doing me. I started seeing another guy who goes to the same college as us, and my ex starting flipping out. He started doing the same things I did, standing outside my room to see if anyone was in there, following me all around campus. When my ex started to see he was losing me, he tried everything he could to get me back. But i wasnt having it. I became pregnant again a couple of months later, and my ex was crushed. But i didnt care!! Since then, my ex has been calling me nonstop, telling me how much he loves me and wants me back. As of today, I am happily married and have a beautiful 5 month old son, but my ex does not care. He calls my house all times of the night, waking my family up. He tells me how stupid and young he was at that time and hes so sorry, and i just say to him "im sorry, i cant hear you, i am now deaf to your pleas as you once were to mine!!" This man has destroyed my life in every aspect. He physically, mentally, and emotionally abused me. Till this day because of him, I cannot trust anyone, even those I know would never hurt me. He said the craziest thing to me the other day. He said, "If you would have held on a little longer, we could have been together." Meaning, if i could have let him disrespect and abuse me a little longer, if I would have said nothing when he was having sex with females in front of my face just a little longer, we could have been together. I have never heard anything like that in my life. That made me so angry. I just dont know how to get rid of him. He calls me all the time. Ive changed my phone number several times but he always gets my new number. My husband has even answered my phone and has told him to stop calling. But he still calls. When i try to tell him he needs to move on with his life, he always cuts me off because he says he does not want to hear that. it is so crazy how the tables have turned. My question is, how do i get him out of my life? I understand that eventually he will find someone else and move on, but what about right now?? I have never been a cold-blodded person, i cant just say to him "Look...its over!! Get on with your life!!" Is there another way to deal with this situation?? Please help! "One day he will wake up and realize he loves me...but that same day I'll wake up to the person who already knew!!"

My best friend was killed in Iraq on Saturday...i never thought this day would come. This man did everything for me, he gave me money when i needed it, took me out to expensive restaurants, took me shopping, bought me a new cell phone just because i wanted one, when my son was born and i wasnt working, he gave me money to get him food and came and helped me with the baby. But most of all, he gave a me a shoulder to cry on when i was down. This guy had such a big heart, if you just met him, within 5 minutes he would have you laughing and having a good time. We had such a strong relationship..we had an intimate relationship but were not together, but we did not mind because we both knew that there was nobody out there that could do the things that we did for eachother. While he was in Iraq (he was only there for 2 months before he died), i would write him, send him care packages with candy and home baked cookies...i did everything i could to get him thru this tough time. He told me that no other female had did the things that I did for him. That is something i will hold dear for the rest of my life. Right now i am really angry with myself. We would chat online on the instant messenger almost everyday, and he would tell me how he almost got killed that day and he was scared. I said to him "promise me you will come home safely?" he said..."Jess dont worry im not anywhere near close to danger, im coming home i promise"..had i known that was the last time i would ever speak to him, i would of told him how much i loved him. Instead i just said "im going to bed ill talk to you later"...he kept buzzing me but i just ignored him. I am going to his funeral so say my goodbyes, but i still feel so empty. I wish i could of been on good terms with him before he died. Im so scared to sleep at night because i think hes going to come to me in my dream. How do i get thru this tough time? What keeps me going is knowing that God makes no mistakes, and it was a blessing that God called someone with a big heart home into his kindgdom...but still i feel so empty and i just want him to know how much i loved him and how good of a friend he was...

Hello all, i was wondering if i could get some advice. I am from a christian family, i have grown up in the church all my life. So its all i know. The love of my life, who i plan on marrying, is a Muslim. This is very difficult for me. We are very deep in our religions, so i do not know how it is going to work for us. My family is very stubborn, so i am almost sure they are not going to accept him. Which means my mom is not going to pay for our wedding, she more than likely won't come. I dont know what to do. How can we be on one accord when we dont even serve the same God? We can't pray together when times are hard. And thats what i want. I've always wanted a christian husband and family i can pray and go to church with. But i really do love him. Is there any way to get past this? Or should i just let him go? Because neither one of us are going to sacrifice our religion. Jessica

Hello all....I have some things going on so i was wondering if i could get some advice! In september, i was forced to terminate my pregnancy because i had pre-cancerous cells in my uterus...thank God everything is alright with that...but the fact remained that i did not have my child anymore....for anyone who has had an abortion it was the worst experience of my life....i cried everyday and i prayed to God to please give me another chance to have a child... God is so good! About 2 weeks i found out i was pregnant again....i kno im young and not married but im ready...theres just one problem.... I have only known the father for about 2 months...we really dont get along too well, we just have casual sex. I told him i was pregnant and he told me to kill it fast..i told him about the situation i just went thru and he didnt seem interested...He said he cant take care of it...so i told him i dont play games, if he wants to be ugly about this situation then i will get ugly too...then he straightened up but i still dont think he is going to cooperate... What should i do? I Dont want to seem selfish because i do care about his future, but at the same time i want this so bad.....

Hey all. Well, i finally talked to him. Well in an im at least. I am going to post the convo and can you all tell me if he is being sincere or not? Thanks! trackgirl042002 (9/21/2005 1:28:40 PM): can u come see me sometime this week...i got some stuff i need to ask u and talk to u about dasbigdawg (9/21/2005 1:29:19 PM): like what dasbigdawg (9/21/2005 1:29:24 PM): we can talk here trackgirl042002 (9/21/2005 1:29:38 PM): here where dasbigdawg (9/21/2005 1:29:49 PM): on the im trackgirl042002 (9/21/2005 1:30:08 PM): ugh dasbigdawg (9/21/2005 1:30:55 PM): so shoot trackgirl042002 (9/21/2005 1:33:49 PM): ugh trackgirl042002 (9/21/2005 1:33:52 PM): welll...... dasbigdawg (9/21/2005 1:34:05 PM): well what trackgirl042002 (9/21/2005 1:34:49 PM): i was talkin to my sister and a couple other people about what to do in this situation trackgirl042002 (9/21/2005 1:34:58 PM): they basically all said to get away as fast as i can dasbigdawg (9/21/2005 1:35:07 PM): damn trackgirl042002 (9/21/2005 1:35:16 PM): but u still havent told me why u did the things u did dasbigdawg (9/21/2005 1:35:31 PM): i was mad and being stupid at the time trackgirl042002 (9/21/2005 1:35:55 PM): ok... trackgirl042002 (9/21/2005 1:36:16 PM): but are you only interested in me again because the pregnancy is no longer a problem? dasbigdawg (9/21/2005 1:36:57 PM): no i felt bad for the way i treated u dasbigdawg (9/21/2005 1:37:08 PM): and many other ppl i was being mean to for no reason dasbigdawg (9/21/2005 1:37:44 PM): the recent things that have happen in my life has changed my out look on things and how i treat ppl trackgirl042002 (9/21/2005 1:39:36 PM): i dont know trackgirl042002 (9/21/2005 1:39:53 PM): im tryna be here for u but im really hurtin too dasbigdawg (9/21/2005 1:40:11 PM): we can be friends its okay i feel u trackgirl042002 (9/21/2005 1:42:45 PM): i know trackgirl042002 (9/21/2005 1:43:05 PM): its just that if that situation was to happen again i dont know how u would react trackgirl042002 (9/21/2005 1:43:14 PM): i dont know if thats ur true colors or what dasbigdawg (9/21/2005 1:43:34 PM): its okay if i was u i would feel the same way trackgirl042002 (9/21/2005 1:45:34 PM): what if that situation was to happen again trackgirl042002 (9/21/2005 1:45:45 PM): i understand u have kids and everything but why do i have to suffer dasbigdawg (9/21/2005 1:46:18 PM): i have only one son and thats it i just didnt want another child with out being married trackgirl042002 (9/21/2005 1:47:07 PM): well neither do i but i was ready to take on that responbility because i put myself in that situation dasbigdawg (9/21/2005 1:47:36 PM): true i feel u i was being selfish trackgirl042002 (9/21/2005 1:48:56 PM): yeah trackgirl042002 (9/21/2005 1:49:39 PM): i just cant understand why this is happening trackgirl042002 (9/21/2005 1:49:59 PM): i had to kill my own child just for some tests to see if i have cancer dasbigdawg (9/21/2005 1:50:13 PM): everything happens for a reason like u told me trackgirl042002 (9/21/2005 1:51:03 PM): i know dasbigdawg (9/21/2005 1:51:07 PM): holla at your boy trackgirl042002 (9/21/2005 1:51:24 PM): u leavin? dasbigdawg (9/21/2005 1:51:48 PM): dont know yet trackgirl042002 (9/21/2005 1:52:08 PM): oh.... trackgirl042002 (9/21/2005 1:52:41 PM): so what is it that u want trackgirl042002 (9/21/2005 1:52:48 PM): friendship, relationship, what dasbigdawg (9/21/2005 1:52:59 PM): we can be friends trackgirl042002 (9/21/2005 1:53:40 PM): is that what you want dasbigdawg (9/21/2005 1:55:11 PM): okay trackgirl042002 (9/21/2005 1:55:31 PM): huh? trackgirl042002 (9/21/2005 1:55:34 PM): i asked a question dasbigdawg (9/21/2005 1:56:54 PM): i dont know really know what i want trackgirl042002 (9/21/2005 1:57:19 PM): yeah me either

Wow, i guess i never thought of it like that. I guess i didnt realize that he is only talking to me afer the abortion. It may be then end of it for him, but for me its just the beginning with the cancer and all. I want to ask him why, why did he leave me why did he not care, but right now he is really hurting over the loss of his brother so i am trying my best to put my feelings aside. So i should really leave him? What if he really has changed?

Wow, i guess i never thought of it like that. I guess i didnt realize that he is only talking to me afer the abortion. It may be then end of it for him, but for me its just the beginning with the cancer and all. I want to ask him why, why did he leave me why did he not care, but right now he is really hurting over the loss of his brother so i am trying my best to put my feelings aside. So i should really leave him? What if he really has changed?

Hi all. I was wondering if i could get some advice. I was seeing a guy for about a month and a half. At the end of that month and a half, i found out i was pregnant. So i told him and it didnt seem to bother him. Only to find out it was because he thought i was going to get an abortion. So when i told him i wasnt, he flipped out. He said he wanted nothing to do with me or the baby and he wasnt going to be around to help. When i was around 9 weeks, i got the news that i might have cervical cancer. But in order for them to do all the cat scans and stuff, i couldnt be pregnant. So they said it was best if i terminate the pregnancy. I could not even describe how it felt to get an abortion. I really almost lost it when i heard that vacum sound because i knew it was all over. Even though it wasnt my fault and it was the best thing for my health, i can still hear God saying to me, "I gave you a child and you killed it". Me and the father still talked a little bit, but i had such strong anger at him. A couple days ago he told me that his older brother had been killed. Not only that, he was killed the same day i had the abortion. That was really creepy ro me. So he came over the other night and he apologized for everything he put me thru. All we could do was hold eachother because we are both going thru such hard times. So we talked and he said he really wants to marry me. What do i do? I care about him, but Its so hard to get over what he did to me. And i do not like his lifestyle. He is a major drunk, but hes in the army so what else is new! Help!!!

man i am feeling that...i am so depressed over my ex who is just one floor below my dorm in college. he talks to other females but says he still loves and cares about me. i would love nothing other than to just start over with him but he isnt ready for that so i have no choice but to wait. so i love your poem.

Man i totally feel you and it is such a hard situation. Since i totally know what you're going through you have gotta talk to her. Just because she has another boyfriend doesn't mean it's the end. Who knows, maybe she's going out with this other dude because she doesn't think you want her anymore. So what harm can talking to her do?