kiki

I think it's best if you get to know each other first.. who knows she may be a very mature girl for her age but you won't know that till you know her! Also, it is known that females mature faster than males (no offence!!) so in that respect age is nothing- look at Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes they're doing great!

Hello im in a bit of a dilemma, last week i went to a party and was dancing away with a guy, after dancing together for hours, he bought me a drink, and even gave me a peck on the lips goodbye. We exchanged numbers too. i met up with him today after he asked me out (today was our 1st date) and we were holding hands and hugging and kissing.. but although this iis very nice, i do not know if i can trust him. After my last relationship broke down almost several months ago i really dont want to be hurt again.. so i have found myself analysing everything he does and says for example, he has lots of travelling plans which might indicate he doesnt want anything long term? Or the fact he is 10 years older than me might indicate he just wants to play with me. Or the fact that today was only our first proper date and we are already kissing and hugging- does this mean he is only infatuated with me? i havent had the best luck with relationships so i really cant stand to be hurt again.. am i over analysing? Or are these cruicial signs that shouldn't be ignored?

Hi the_collector i won't say im in exactly the same situation but i have got to the point where i think.. whats the point.. i hardly have any friends despite countless efforts of trying and i have been used by people so many times that sometimes i wish i could disappear from it all, but i know my family would be so hurt if i were to do anything drastic so im here doing my best to make things better for me because no matter what anyone else says, ultimatly.. it's me who has to make the changes, and i know that light at the end of the tunnel will appear soon enough. but then again, thats me.. im sorry that you are still feeling like this. What do you think can make this all better? You say that you find comfort in knowing that you're going to die, how do you feel about death? Other people might find it hard to talk about suicide which is probably why they appear to suggest you won't do it, but if you want to talk to someone about it seriously, it might help to talk to someone like a counsellor or a telephone help line. take care, it's horrible to feel like this but talking about it can help y'know x

(Apologies i have decided to move this post)

Gone again- take a deep breath in and breathe out! I agree with ta_ree_saw you have a good conscience you know and feel that yelling at your brother is not nice, but you are under a lot of stress at the moment so don't beat yourself up over it.. Have you spoken to your brother about how stressed you are? Try and talk to him- apologise for yelling at him by discussing that you are under a lot of pressure and that makes you stressed and angry but you don't mean it.. that way, he will understand why you yell at him. i know its easier said than done but do try and find the time to relax. From the sounds of it, it is hard to relax because you have a lot on your plate at the moment but if it helps write a list of what you would want to sort out first then follow that list so you can cross off all the things you have accomplished. You are lucky to have supportive people who let you stay with them- make it worth it! Stay with them but make sure you show them that you are trying hard to find a place of your own and they honestly wont mind as i did the same for a friend that was homeless and i was only too happy to help. its not as if you're living off these people- from the sounds of it you are trying really hard to get back on your feet and good for you- thats fantastic keep at it and it will all be worth it. You can always show your gratitude to these people by making dinner for them maybe? or when you have found a place of your own- offer them your support and help- be as good as help as they have good luck to you.. hang on in there

Just wanted to say i feel like this too i've completed uni and my uni friends seem to just disappear from me. Its always me that calls them- it would be nice if they called me once in a while to see how i am. Plus, when i organise days out.. they always say they come but at the last minute say they cant! ive tried trying new activities to meet new friends but now im finding that, they are not turning up for some reason.. omg! is it me? maybe im destined to be alone .. its like.. no matter how much i try, nothing comes out of it OMG im sooo sorry im writing about my own problem in your thread >_

Hi speed demon You sound pretty strong headed, you seem insistant that you don't want help/ therapy but you know, it's ok to feel 'weak' and it's definitely ok to get things wrong and by admitting that, that is whats makes us strong. You say you like a challenge so why not turn your weaknesses into challenges? Make new friends or make the effort to catch up with the friends you havent heard from for a long time ^^ Have a think about your qualities, you insist that there is nothing wrong with you, that maybe so but then why are you writing here then? Therapy may not be your thing so how about other forms of help- i.e: (if youre from the UK) call the samaritains (they have that in the US too right??) you also say you dont like repeating yourself.. but isnt that how we learn? im sure when you walked for the first time, you were not running! i went through a different stage ( a quaterlife crisis i guess!) im 21 and hell, my life was a downward spiral no matter how positive i tried to remain so i decided to take up a completely new sport and combat my shyness by getting rid of my inhibitions and just going for it! i.e: just saying Hi to class members or just random chit chat!- i.e: nice day bla bla!) only you can decide what happens to you now, i wish you well and hope *hugs*

Thanks for the replies everyone i do hope it's normal!.. i want to feel like a person again.. im so lost. i have tried taking up new activities such as netball as mentioned but the void is still there.. its like, im doing a lot of thing i enjoy yet im still not satisfied because that void is so persistent... it really hurts and i just keep crying because i don't know how to fill it.. im really angry too because i know a lot of people who have been through what i have - or even ten times as bad yet they get on with life just fine... why can't i be like that too?? i feel so unlucky.. a out cast

Theres something wrong and despite my efforts to remain positive and keeping a clear head.. i keep finding myself falling.. Im not sure how to describe it.. theres definitely something missing within my heart and i have tried desperatly to find it.. being quite shy i don't have many friends but i have tried to do something about this i.e: volunteering but i still feel like a out cast.. omg.. during one training session i started to daydream and suddenly i said out "lould im so sorry!" everyone just turned and stared at me im such a weirdo.. i take up net ball too but this void is still here.. i just cant get away from it.. i mean. sure when im with my friend or when im at net ball its fine but back home its like .. ouch! my heart.. ... i cant play netball forever.. im thinking there maybe a few possibilities for this void: 1, ive just graduated (a few months ago) and my friends i used to hang out with have moved back to China i havent heard from them since.. maybe i am missing them? or missing uni even though im glad its over! (for now!) 2, my ex bf split with me suddenly (he was my first) and although i took it well.. man it hurt like hell but he used to call me to see how i was... now the calls have become less and less.. i never called him, and to be honest, i dont think i want to (not in a bad way, i just dont want to).. i know i dont want to be back with him but still.. sometimes, i do get twangs of pain but i know im strong.. i think! 3, im job hunting and am confused with the direction i want to go.. it seems my degree is not good enough and after talks with professionals.. it looks like i might have to do a post grad degree but right now, i really dont want to! could these be why i cant shift this void? sorry for the long post (thanks for reading!) i just want to feel.. feel like someone again.. because right now.. i feel like a out cast.. something is missing and it hurts because i dont know what it is.. maaaannn! emotional pain is definitely more painful than physical pain!

Dear C Although we agreed to be friends, the reason why i have been avoiding you is because it still hurts when i see or hear from you. the reason why you contact me is not because you want to be friends it's because you still feel guilty for what you did to me. one day that guilt will fade and you will forget about me. But as for me, heartache lasts longer than guilt.

theres a saying that goes something along the lines of: 'Loving someone means knowing when to let go' it hurts but from her actions, shes telling you she does not love you any more, no contact, no replies to letters- A relationship takes two.. its no good having only one person doing all the loving, it needs to be reciprocated which in this case is definitely not happening. You would want someone who loves you just as much as you love them and you deserve to find someone like that. If you love her that much, you need to see that she wants to move on and let her go. Shes moved on in life and you deserve to too...

i really like double Js post above, i guess its easy to forget how pointless it is to love someone who doesn't love you back..or to miss the signs that signify that things are not going well.. it hurts.. and you will have good days and bad days but hang in there *hugs*

im having a really bad day today and feel like i have to get this off my chest- its pathetic cos its been 3 months which is about how long our relationship lasted! Why the hell am i still feeling like this? i was doing so well.. moving on and so on but ive found out that this set back happens when i see him, which isn't often as luckily we live far away from each other. But i bumped into him a couple of days ago when i met up with some friends and spoke very briefly (the generic how are you, bla bla bla) then walked off. i don't know why it hurts so bad when i see him and i hate the fact that it still does.. i had this dream last night that i kept forcing him away but in the end i gave in and was back with him and i got to admit it felt so nice- albeit being just a dream! I know i have to be strong but it's just so hard when you're alone with no one to talk to... why do i have to have such a big heart? i wish i didn't care.

Summerday don't give up.. it's tough i felt the same and i was only with my ex for 3 months which makes it pathetic why sometimes i still miss him a lot. No no no NO!!! no more what ifs, or i should haves etc.. you're putting yourself down. Whats happened has happened, if we questioned everything we did then we could never move on for example.. ok so what if he did take you back but then decided it was the wrong decision and split with you.. again.. wouldnt that be even more painful?.. your ex has moved on and that must hurt.. you say he is bad news.. so you deserve someone who will treat you better.. you need to accept this and move on too.. you must remember that there are lots of potential men out there don't hold your hopes on this one man. for me, keeping busy has helped a lot.. ive been doing some voluntary work which was a huge reality check for me and even went on a date with another guy who, ended up using me that * * * *! but despite making me feel crap.. it also made me realise whats the point of being in a relationship if he doesnt love me? the future would be pretty bleak. So keep your head high and when you think about him.. counter that thought with something you hated about him i.e: for me, it was the fact that it was always me who travelled 2 hours to see my ex, he never bothered to come see me. *Hugs* keep going, be strong i know you can move on

Sorry if this is posted in the wrong forum, but hopefully you can see how i felt it fits in here.. I've been invited to a birthday dinner and drinks by a friend who i don't know very well. She seems very nice so i really feel i want to go and besides, i havent been out since my 'breakup' two months ago,`so i feel i should take this opportunity to go out. However, i don't have anyone to go with >_ so shall i stay at home rather than risk a social disaster? I will be grateful for any tips you can share with me ^^