lila666

I know it's hard, and that you feel terrible, but NC IS the best way to go. It is difficult now, but you will heal in time, and start to better yourself, become stronger and think less and less of him. When you get the urge to call him, do something to distract yourself. Call one of your friends to talk about how youre feeling, or come to this site. I know how horrible you feel, and nothing can heal heartache, really but time. hang in there sweetie!

I think she's probably upset about breaking up with her boyfriend and probably isnt interested in dating anyone else right away. Why dont you give her a week or two to get over everything and try again?

thank you so much for your concern and advice. The night I made that post, I ended up talking to my ex for about two hours, which I confessed that this was tearing me apart emotionally, and he said he still needs more time. The way he's been dealing with our breakup is by turning to alchohol and drugs, which frustrated me because it makes me feel like he's not taking this seriously, and he's just going to make himself numb. He got a little frustrated with me for judging him, and says that its "his way of dealing with everything" and he needs to get it out of his system? In any case, we talked a lot about what our problems were and ways to solve them. I've realized that I let him become the main focal point in my life, and essentially ignored everything else. I realized how much I miss being an individual and having my own life and hobbies, etc. As we were saying goodbye I asked him not to contact me for a few days, and he agreed, so we're going to talk sometime later this week. I'm really looking forward to regaining my independance and individualism in the time to come! And even if he and I dont get back together, I know I'll be fine. Last night I went out to a pub, and at times I wished he was there with me, and I had times where I felt lonely but in all I had a great time with my friends, and realized how much I missed going out and experiencing life without my boyfriend by my side. I know that I do love him, and he loves me but I need to learn again not to be lonely (being lonely was something I never really felt before until now, wether I was with anybody or not) and be more independent like I used to be. I'm excited for this time by myself now, and it feels great!

I've been posting alot on here recently, but there is just so much on my mind, I need to clear it all out. my boyfriend and I are "taking a break". It's been a week since we broke up. When we broke up, we said we still loved each other, but we needed time to think things out, etc etc. We've still been talking via IM pretty much every day (I just cant seem to find the inner strength to go NC!!! ](*,)) and he's called me once and told me how sad he was, and how much he missed me, etc etc. I miss him very much as well, and I love him with all my heart. sometimes I think I'm doing okay, and I'm happy, and then the next moment I can feel my heart breaking again and I'm miserable. Today I was thinking about us and I came up with this: My boyfriend recently moved out into a house with two other roommates, its his first time being on his own and it was stressing him out. He didnt find that he had enough time to himself, because he always had to go to work, or do chores, band practise, spending time with me, etc. I was feeling very frustrated because I could tell that I was getting low on his list of priorities, and he was usually distracted when we were together. This made me feel rejected, and one night I confronted him, we decided to break up, and he asked if we could just take a break for awhile instead. So thats what we're doing. Only now, I'm looking back, and feeling a little resentful and bitter about the hard emotions I've been put through. I have been taking so much time to dwell, and think about us, and how we can fix this, only I dont know if he's doing the same. I feel like enough time has passed for us both to be able to sit down to discuss this and at least take another step towards closure/resolve. Do you think I'm right with that? He told me when he called me "I dont think I should say this, and I dont know how you feel, but I think theres a strong possibility of us getting back together" At the time, I said I felt there was too but we both had some more thinking to do, and this comment filled me with joy and hope. Right NOW I feel like it was an arrogant thing for him to say, like he was assuming that I'd always be there for him to call back. I feel like talking to him through IM gives him his daily dose of me, and doesnt let him experience what it would be like for him if I werent around. I feel like its unfair to me, because he always initiates the conversation and its always everyday conversation; we dont really talk about what we're feeling or thinking about our relationship on IM. I really think that he needs to learn how to balance the responsibilities of his new life and the responsibilities of having a girlfriend adequately, and he needs to realize that. I think he wants a taste of the single life right now, but I feel almost used or pushed aside while he's off experiencing this. for the past week I've barely slept, barely eaten, I've lost wieght and the depression I feel makes it almost unable for me to go out. Nothing takes my mind off of how I feel, and I'm starting to feel resentful towards him because I feel this way, and I see him as the cause. I'm worried that I'm either going to: a) Wait around and feel crappy while he goes off and experiences being "free", however long THAT takes. or b)Decided that he doesnt want a girlfriend, or me and I'll have to go through all of this again. His birthday is in five days, and I have a feeling that if theres any chance of us reuiniting, even if its to talk, it wont happen until after he's done all his birthday partying, which offends me even more. This isnt to say that I'm an innocent in all this. I've realized that I depended on him too much, put too much pressure on the relationship (something we both did), we spent too much time together, and we were attached at the hip basically. He only has two days off of work a week and at the time I was working two jobs so I made my schedule so that we would both have those days off. I've since quit one of these jobs, but those two days were still the days we expected to spend time together. I think eventually that made it quite redundant, as we still expected to see each other those days, and would not make plans on purpose. In any case, most of my day was really good, I thought about ALL of this today, AND wrote it all down in my journal, which I promptly lost. to make things worse I'm pretty sure I lost it at work. If anyone finds and reads it (I searched my ENTIRE house, top to bottom. I also went back to my workplace to try and find it) I will DIE of embarrassment. its my DIARY! It just made all the good feelings I had today disappear, and I feel like I'm crashing again. I had written all that I was feeling in that thing, it held all my secrets and thoughts, and it was the ONE thing that would help me get everything out, clear my head and now its gone. Anyhow, I'm sorry for this long post. My questions are: should I confront these issues I have with my ex, or is it too soon? Should I just let him take the time he needs? The way I'm thinking now is that this isnt a "break" for us, we're broken up, and I need to move on. Otherwise, I dont see myself getting out of this funk and feeling any better. I am too heavy hearted and tired of feeling like this. Is this wrong? Is it fair of me to be so resentful? I dont want to push him, I know that and I honestly dont think I would want us to get back together at this point, cos theres so much to get sorted out. I'm just confused, etc. anyone have advice?

I think LC keeps us more connected, and possibly on task of trying to resolve our relationship...I kind of look at it as a day by day thing, really. I'm so used to talking to him mulitple times a day that a whole day of not speaking to him or hearing from him is a kind of shock. I think very limited contact might be the way to go, but I'm going to go a few days of no contact first.

Thank you for your advice. I am getting out there, spending more time socializing, and working, etc. I'm specifically avoiding doing any drinking right now to avoid calling him in such a state, to keep my head clear, and to avoid feeling any worse than I already do, so thats not a problem. I've decided I am certainly going to initiate NC for a few days. God knows I love him, I'm not putting all my eggs in one basket- I'm remaining quite cautious, and preparing myself in case it doesnt work out. All in all, I'm confident, and I feel really strong today. Who's to say how I'll feel tomorrow or the next day, but I'm glad for the day I had today.

Of course, I know how you feel, and have beein going through it myself for the past few days. The nights can be the worst time, and most painful. I know how you feel, it will get better. He's probably feeling just as bad as you are. In the meantime, TRY to have fun, distract yourself, and work on yourself. You will be fine, have faith in that.

So, in case some of you dont know my story, my boyfriend and I decided to take a break from our relationship to think about where things were heading for us, etc. There was a distance growing between us, and after thinking, I've thought that we put too many expectations on our relationship and each other and kind of jumped headfirst into a serious thing, which combusted now. Anyways, for the past four days I've been absolutely depressed, unable to eat and sleep and crying all the time. We broke up on very friendly terms, saying that we were hoping to get back together after a proper amount of thinking/time, and said we still loved each other very much, and even though this was not something we wanted to do, we knew we had to. This afternoon he called me, about 20 mins after I sent him a quick email saying that I was wondering how he was doing, and that I missed him very much. In the call, he told me that he was having a very hard time, he missed me, and I confessed the same. He told me he's been drinking heavily every night since we broke up, but that now is his "cleansing" time and that he's going to take the next little while to actually think about whats going on. He says theres a strong possibility that we can get back together, etc. This phone call lifted my spirits quite considerably, it was so great to hear his voice, and even better to know he's feeling as crummy as I am. I'm thinking about initiating NC, or LC while he's doing his thinking. I have alot more thinking to do as well, and I feel like us speaking on a regular basis might blur some things. I think him and I are meant to be together, I have a lot of faith in our relationship, and its versatility. I think that if we get back together, we need to not be so reliant on each other, and to take things alot slower. Of course, there are those fears that he will eventually decide that he doesnt want to work things out, and we'd both be better off not together, etc. (I AM a worrywart Anyhoo, I'm certainly hoping for the best, and this is my first good day since we've broken up. I dont feel really HAPPY, but a lot less miserable. I hope he thinks about the right things, and what we/he/I need to do. I'm impatient to know what the end result will be, but I think it might take a little while. Should I go for NC? How long should I wait before making contact again?

I feel like it's too soon, and maybe even needy of me to send an email so quickly? This is only our third day of not being together, and our first day of not talking, so. I know that our drifting apart does have to do with his job, but also me growing a little bored, our relationship growing a tad stale, his moving out, finding independance, etc. He also just joined a band with his new roommate, so it was taking up even more of his time. He felt like every waking moment he had, there was something he had to do, and he values his alone time very much. While I try hard to respect those feelings, I dont quite fully understand what he's going through, because I am in a completely different situation (still living at home, virtually no responsibilities etc) Even though he told me many times that he loved me, and loved me with all his heart, I think I'm afraid that we were falling out of love, or he was with me. I find it easier to distract myself during the day, but I suffer from insomnia, so these late nights are the hardest for me, when I'm wondering if he's home or not, and who he's with, etc. (he works until midnight, so its not unusual for him to go out after work) while I'm trying my hardest to sleep and distract myself, but my mind wanders too much and keeps me from doing so. *le sigh* I find its getting easier for me, with only a few laspes of despair, and late nights bothering me, and I'm wondering how easy this is for him, and I know its mean, but I hope he's miserable too I have no insecurities about the love between us, just the chances of our being able to reconnect and get back what we used to have.

well thank you very much. it IS and WAS a great relationship, I just think we are drifting apart and both at a loss as to how to reconnect. I'm just feeling very frustrated, and I'm very scared that he's going to come back and tell me that he doesnt think it's a good idea that we get back together. That means that I'd have to go though all of this all over again, which I'm not sure I could do. I am trying my hardest to be optimistic, but I'm the type of person who always assumes the worst is going to happen, I suppose. I wish that whatever happens between us would happen NOW so I dont have to sit here wondering and being impatient such is life, I suppose. Tomorrow starts day two of NC, how long should I go for?

hhmmmm. Is this your first serious relationship? Maybe you feel like your boyfriend doesnt show he cares about you enough, and youre trying to force him into showing some jealousy or protection. You could just be trying to get a rise out of him, and push him to show some possession over you.

This is the first day of NC for me, he's online right now and its really hard for me to NOT talk to him. I know its for the best, I know absense makes the heart grow fonder, but I am SO impatient to either get closure on this relationship and know that its over and deal with it, or to sort things out and be back together. A decision either way. I am so broken hearted and distressed. I've been trying to keep myself busy but anything I do doesnt lift my spirits, and I'm still thinking about him ALL the time. My biggest fears are that if and when we get back together, the problems we have will still be there, or that he'll just decide that he doesnt want me back... I guess this is understandable, and if that happens, there wont be too much I'll be able to do about it...I just dont think the timing is right for us right now, unfortunately. Or maybe we're both just growing and changing and finding it harder and harder to include each other in that...I dont want to grow apart from him, but I dont know how to stop it. I feel melodramatic saying this, but I really feel like he's the love of my life, and "the one" for me... I guess I'm just venting, but thanks for the comments. any advice, similar stories, etc are ALWAYS helpful, and spending time on this site makes me feel a lot better.

I understand how you feel about NC. I recently broke up with my boyfriend, and its the HARDEST thing to do and I've already slipped twice, and definitely had those moments where I would give anything just to talk to him, or give him a hug or ANYTHING. It is weird how you feel like youre trying to kick some addiction, lol. But having no contact feel MUCH better, I promise you. I understand how you feel, it is your house so you shouldnt have to leave whenever she's coming over, but it doesnt really sound like there are too many other options...I think it sucks that her and your sister, even your mother are against you on this. I understand how seeing her all the time would keep the pain fresh for you. Also, having no contact, and purposely not being home whenever she is over will give her the idea that you really have moved on, and are out doing bigger and better things with your time.

It sounds to me like you need to make an effort to have no contact. Maybe talk to your sister and ask her to go out more often instead of having this girl over, and when you know she's going to be at your house, go out so you dont have to see her. I think seeing her so often is a cause for all the emotions youre having, and its keeping you from moving on. If you say she's not mentally sound, then you know that a relationship with her would probably do more harm than good for the both of you. Take time to focus on yourself, and controlling your emotions-using your intelligence and common sense to keep you away from doing anything regretable. It will be hard, but you'll get so much more out of it.

thank you very much. I have spoken to him since using IM (each time was initiated by him) but I've decided that a few days of no contact would be the best route to go. Its too hard to talk to him right now, really, and I dont feel like we're really getting the space we need from each other, if we're still talking every day like we have. The conversation is also almost overly polite, and a bit awkward, which doesnt make me feel better. is that normal? He says he thinks its good because "it makes him think outside of the box, and it makes us change our relationship as people." it also "gives him something to think about" I was too afraid to ask if that was a good or bad thing, and I'm lost as to what he was trying to convey with that... he said he missed me, and that he was having a hard time. I am too, I spent almost the entire day yesterday crying on and off, but I feel a little bit better today. Anyways, will having NC be a better thing to go? is awkward conversation normal? I've always been totally comfortable with him, so this is strange for me...